Seriously, what’s up with them? Their new ad features an oven that begs a Quiznos employee to “put it in me, Scott,” as the camera pans over what it calls a Toasty Torpedo. There’s also a subliminal flash of a periscope jutting up from the flames at one point, as our eagle-eyed reader Bbender pointed out.
We know commercials have to be edgy and all to get noticed these days, but this one just sort of falls off the edge into Makes No Sense land—unless some consultant figured out that equating toasted sandwiches with Scott bangin’ the oven somehow increases sales.
Update: Here’s the Schick Quattro commercial for ladyparts that someone mentions in the comments below, courtesy of Mark.
Update 2: Laura pointed us to this blog, where a guy estimates that the $4 toasty torpedo is approximately 75% smaller than the $5 Subway sandwich it’s intended to compete against. We hope Quizno’s next ad for the toasty torpedo argues that size doesn’t matter—it’s how good it tastes.
More From Consumerist
-
Enraged At Wrong Sauce, Customers Attacked Dip-Hurling Pretzel Stand Worker
-
Samsung Asks Rhetorical Question, Gets The Wrong Answer
-
Best Buy's System Insists I Don't Know My Own Address, Ships TV To Wrong House
-
Flight Somehow Booked For The Wrong Day? Call To Fix It Right Now
-
Best Buy Can’t Actually Find Your Reward Zone Certificates For You
Yeah, the thing is called a “toasty torpedo”. Not sure what their target market is on this one, but wang hungry ovens are probably lining up at the door.
@dresden: They should put them in blue wrappers and do a tie-in with the Watchmen movie. Yes, I am a marketing genius.
@Chris Walters:
Ok, thanks for making me almost guffaw loudly in my deathly quiet office!
I thought this commercial was creepy.
@HogwartsAlum: “Not doing that again; I got burned” (glances directly downward)
“We both enjoyed that.”
I first thought it was merely saying he burned his finger, implying the oven has a bit of an S&M kink, but then I watched it more carefully and saw the glance downward. Frankly, I don’t want to think about the possibility of people serving me food putting their genitals anywhere near the food prep devices, and now Quiznos has that image stuck in my head. I was thinking I’d try one of their subs one day, but not anymore.
@dresden: If one wanted to, one could convince a Christian family watchdog group that this is about sex and have the commercial pulled from the air.
I mean, its pretty obvious that the sandwich is a phallic symbol and the oven represents the lady parts. The whole “Put it in me, Scott” line only reinforces my theory.
After all, someone must protect the children from these evil admen seeking to push their liberal, free love, hippie ideas about casual sex. Apparently that someone has to be me.
@Keavy_Rain: But it’s the perfect teaching tool for that sect… You put your “thing” in the oven, and it burns. We all know they’re not going to condone the use of “oven mits”.
@Keavy_Rain: Actually you could go even further & throw in homosexuality since that oven has a man’s voice.
To be perfectly honest, if I liked Quizno’s this would make me want to go get a sub. Just because they had the balls and/or lack of sense to make this commercial.
“but it hurts” awesome.
@Lo-Pan: It seems to me like they mixed up porn dialog with a desire to make the oven sound like HAL-9000. Problems: the idiot writers named the employee “Scott” instead of “Dave”, and….the dialog STILL sounds like a porn movie.
@Lo-Pan: I’ve only eaten once at Quiznos, and it was after their Spongemonkey commercials. Their food may be crap, but their ad guys are freakin’ hilarious.
@Lo-Pan: Didn’t Quiznos also have an ad a few years back with some chick saying something along the lines of “More meat! That’s what women love!” ?
I think the ad is funny/ballsy, but not exactly sure if it’s appropriate. As humorous as I find the implied sexual relationship between a man and a sandwich oven, I’m not sure that’s it’s actually necessary,
@Benguin: Bah, it’s necessary enough. And it’s not inappropriate because the only way you can understand the humour is if your mind is already at least a little bit in the gutter.
Though making the sandwiches phallic and having the oven personified as a male makes me wonder exactly how large a demographic they were shooting for. (PUN!)
Yeah, I saw that one. I didn’t get offended and faint or anything, but it did kind of push the boundaries. I did like how after the oven says, “I want you to do something for me, Scott,” the guy says, “Uh-uh. Not doing that again. That burned!” as he looks down at his crotch.
It wouldn’t surprise me if some group demands this commercial be pulled from the air soon.
@redskull: The toaster oven’s rebuttal is just as good, in the context of this sick, twisted advert:
“We both enjoyed that.”
@ludwigk: They changed it! I just started seeing the commercial again on TV, and instead of “Uh-uh. Not doing that again. That burned!” crotch reference, the guy says, “Uh-uh. I’m not wiping you with my shammy again.”
And then, instead of the “say it sexy” the toaster says “say it with passion.” I guess they decided to preemptively pull the naughtiness.
@LastVigilante: Yeah, I saw the ads passively on TV (roommate was watching while I was doing homework), and seeing the youtube vid, I’m surprised I didn’t notice that much innuendo the first time. The new dialogue explains that. A direct reference to the crotch makes it a lot creepier, especially because of the perennial story about apathetic employees putting their pubic hair in a customer’s food.
@LastVigilante: I noticed the change as well. But then I heard the original again since then, and thought about when the commercials aired. It looks like they are actively airing the two different versions, using the “cleaner” of the two during the day, and the “naughtier” version at night. At least that’s how it appears to me… they may also be accounting for broadcast vs cable as well (my own sampling is not broad enough to be statistically significant in making such conclusions).
@ReverendLoki: I just saw the ad after midnight on a cable station and both times the ad played it was the cleaned up version. Makes me think the homoerotic version is not being played much (or at all) any longer.
@redskull: It’s not about offense for me, just being grossed out at the idea of eating from a restaurant where there might be employee spooge all over the oven. Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.
Call me crazy, but I like my food unfucked.
I got a coupon for a free one and just tossed it. Not a huge fan of theirs – They’ve always been over priced and only brought down their $8.50+ footlong subs when Subway made theirs $5. Now Quiznos charges $5 for like an 8 inch. Pretty sad.
@citking: This is one market where I support the local shops. No franchise makes a good grinder, IMO. I have a place nearby that I get 2 rediculously huge grinders for $15. Over a foot long and with about 1.5-2 inches of fresh sliced meat. Beats the crap out of any chain.
Quiznos grinders are like a finger sandwich, and Subway sandwiches are all bread.
I’m guessing the gay bread-fetish oven demographic is eating this promotion up.
It’s pretty much the same type of commercial we see all the time, only a little more gay. BTW if I was gay I’d totally do that guy while I was eating a Tasty Torpedo. But I’m not so this advertisement has no effect on me.
Why does the dude look at his crotch when he says “That burned”? What did he do that burned? Did the burn come a few days later when he went to urinate?
@eightfifteen:
“Just like the time I lost my job at the pickle fired at the pickle factory for stickin’ my penis in the pickle slicer. ‘Course, she got fired too…”
@diasdiem: Darwin Awards ate it’s finest (#5)
[www.tmk.com]
Let me guess – another reason for the Quizno’s franchisees to complain about corporate. Here, it is justified.
Gross.
didn’t see the periscope..
@Brandon Zeman: at the 6 second mark
@Brandon Zeman: Ya, I just saw it for the first time, snagged a screen-grab of it… freakin weird. It’s at the 0:06 mark
@Brandon Zeman:
@Brandon Zeman: I was able to pause the screen and catch the periscope. It happens so quickly that I wouldn’t call it a successful attempt to send any kind of subliminal message. I never knew it was there until I read about it here. Besides, what does it mean? Maybe it’s some cultural reference I haven’t picked up on.
I thought this myself. Also when the oven mentions getting rubbed down. I’d probably actually like the commercial if the oven had a female voice however.
I don’t have a problem with the commercial, but fudge packing imagery while holding a sub tube doesn’t really make my mouth water.
Wow…weird.
If you want to criticize a commercial for not making sense, maybe you should start with the skittles commercials? At least those are entertaining, though. This just reminds me why I don’t like quiznos.
I saw that the other day and wondered how it made it to air. Not offensive, just weird.
@Bradley Ankrom: I thought the same thing.
Almost as obvious as the lady-razor ad with all the freshly trimmed bushes in it (and I mean that the ad in question LITERALLY had a bunch of freshly trimmed hedges in it).
@truthie: Yeah, I had to rewind that one on my Tivo to make sure I was seeing what I thought I was seeing.
@truthie: Oh, I LOVED that commercial! I was dying laughing! It made me want to either A) shave my crotch or B) do some gardening!
I couldn’t decide, so I did neither and watched the rest of my show.
@truthie: Link please?
@truthie: I was just thinking the same thing. WTF were these ppl smoking when they wrote it?
@truthie: My first thought on that one is that the razor is contagious.
I do not like to associate airborne contagion and genital areas. Meep.
@truthie:
That was one of the best commercials, ever.
Literal bush trimming is hilarious in that context.
Spongemonkeys
@chrisjames: yeah, what the fuck was that. I can’t believe people are surprised by this commercial after those things.
@chrisjames:
No, it’s not SPONGEmonkeys; it was SPONGmonkeys.
Although I never found out what a spong was.
Can we get a re-shoot with a breathless, orgasmic, female-voiced toaster oven? That way, I could be aroused in addition to being confused.
@ludwigk: No thanks, I’m good.
@ludwigk: Who cares what gender the voice is? I think it would be weird either way – and not every commercial has to cow-tow to the heterosexist norm.
This is the central scrutinizer… you have just destroyed one model xqj-37 nuclear powered pan-sexual roto-plooker and you’re gonna have to pay for it!
@OneTrickPony: I can’t pay! I can’t pay! I gave all my money to some kind of goofy religious guy two blogs ago.
@Chris Walters: You know, sadly, it took me like 5 minutes for that to sink in… It’s Friday, I’m tired, and I guess it’s not a bad thing that the last thing on my mind is Dr. Manhattan’s penis.
Am I the only one that sees a reference to 2001: A Space Odyssey?
@Dave Rubin: Yeah, that’s what I got too.
@Dave Rubin: With you on that, too.
@Dave Rubin: Problem is they named the guy “Scott” instead of “Dave”, which would have made the reference clearer. Ultimately, I think they originally intended to go with a female voice, realized it sounded like the latest jenna jameson production, and then switched it to ‘let’s make it sound like the computer from that movie’
@Dave Rubin:
No, you weren’t the only one…which was why it creeped me out.
@Dave Rubin: The Hal 9000 has gotten fabulous.
No I saw the 2001: A Space Odyssey? as well. Probably one of the stranger interpretations of it though.
@jaypiddy
@Dave Rubin:
sex sells. or did you forget.
I guess I am the opposite, because I thought this was a hilarious commercial and made me want to break my quiznos hiatus. Then again I am a young person with disposable income, questionable food taste and a newfound love of borderline sexually-harassing ovens, so maybe I am who they are going for?
@thisisnotkathy: I loved it too.
@thisisnotkathy: lol i love this commercial too. kinky toaster sex an warm sandwiches…anyone?
@Sean Gamble: I thought it was hilarious as well. I’m not even young. I guess I can see why other people are weirded out by it, but I thought it was fun.
@thisisnotkathy: Agreed on hilarity. Though their sandwiches are crap, IMO.
This is way better than those commercials with those mutant hamster things a few years back:
@diasdiem: I like Quizno’s commercials, a lot. Especially the hamsters, I actually went to Quiznos after the hamsters ad ran. It was ok, better than Subway, but maybe not as good as Jimmy Johns or Potbelly.
@diasdiem: @diasdiem: Ha! I totally forgot about those singing things!
@diasdiem:
But they’ve GOT A PEPPER BAR!
There’s another version of that commercial that seems to ply during daytime TV. Instead of saying “I’m not doing that again,” he say’s “I’m not wiping you with that chamois again.” They leave out the “Put it in me” as well. I guess the execs really knew what the commercial meant and had a back-up.
That made me feel icky. And not in the usual icky way I feel after eating a Quiznos sub.
Because nothing lines people up like implying your sandwich will be cooked in an oven that Scott burned his wang in.
Not a bad commercial, though. I’m surprised it made it past the suits.
I have watched this commercial many, many, many times. I laugh every time.
This just makes me feel…superfluous.
They have already changed the commercial, well at least the ones I see down here in Florida. I do have to say though that it was funny and I miss the original.
@Sean Wells: There have always been two version of the commercial. The one about the rubdown is “clean” and is shown during times/stations when the other one would be considered inappropriate.
Here is the periscope if you can spot it.
[img256.imageshack.us]
My guess?
They made a bizarre commercial so that people would talk about it a lot on popular blog sites.
And every time they did, their name would be mentioned!
Oops, is that too obvious?
@dresden: @dresden: I just spit a little Diet Dew at this comment. Funny stuff.
I thought this commercial was hilarious, and have actually played it for my friends. It is just meant to be funny.
Anybody remember that super weird hamster commercial that Quizno’s had? That was weird. And scary.
I saw this during the [adult swim] block on Cartoon Network. I guess it speaks to either my frame of mind or the content of [as], but I loved the commercial.
I assumed they would restrict it to certain channels/time frames for the biggest 18-24 advertising punch, but I guess they’re going all out with it.
I approve of the new wang-burning, phallic-sandwich producing mascot.
I thought the homosexual imagery was obvious. I couldn’t care less, but I’m surprised the fundies haven’t swarmed on it yet. Maybe their mouths are full of yummy sandwich.
@clickable:
or intern’s torpedos, while hiding in the closet.
Is the voice of the oven done by Kelsey Grammer, better know as Frasier? It sounds like him.
The commercial is very creepy.
wow…
[IMG][i32.photobucket.com]]
I think the commercial is quite funny. Largely because of all the blog posts about this commercial, I went to Quiznos and put a Toasty Torpedo in me today. It was toasty, torpedo-y, and tasty, btw.
Toasty Torpedo? I will never be able to eat another Quiznos sub again. I’m surprised I haven’t seen any mayo jokes in the comment thread.
Skeevy commercial. I wish they’d bring back the hamster things.
The version of the commercial on the toastytorpedo.com website is slightly different and less…suggestive.
Ok, the whole sex with an over undertone is weird, but seriously, wtf is up with the periscope?! I get the torpedo -> submarine -> periscope logic, but if they are going to put it in the commercial why only show it for half a second?
Well, this is the company that had singing rat-like puppets in their ads way back when.
Funny – not as funny as the sponge monkeys a few years ago but still funny. There is a touch of 2001′s HAL.
I’m also glad the oven’s a man’s voice – must assume Quiznos supports gay marriage. The company with their politics right gets my $$$ plus that $5 footlong song from Subway is as anoying as all hell.
Quiznos is winning!
All this rampant sexuality has to stop!
+ Watch video
I laughed at this commercial, but I stopped laughing when my teen son decided to describe what it meant through the eyes of a teen boy. Thanks to him, I will mever look at a sub the same way. LOL
Now it joins the ranks of wierd commercials, like that freaky Burger King guy (WTH was up with that one) and the nasal spray bee before they softened his creepy looks.
i am gonna feel gay ordering/eating one of these sometime next week during lunch at work.
i wonder if i have to order wth the sexy voice “can I please have a 4 dollar torpedo please”??!
“put it in me, Scott,”
that’s what she said
“a guy estimates that the $4 toasty torpedo is approximately 75% smaller than the $5 Subway sandwich it’s intended to compete against.”
This was the first thing I said when I saw it at Quizno’s the other day. Same length, but waaaay thinner.
@synergy: So you’re saying that size really does matter?
I wouldn’t call it offensive, I would call it trying too hard and sad. Is homo/bromance humor the new hip hop for advertisers?
Bizarre, yet amusing…..