Slap chop to the face! Vince Shlomi, aka the ShamWow Guy, aka You’re Gonna Love My Nuts, was “arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room,” reports the Smoking Gun.
Shlomi says the prostitute bit his tongue while kissing him, so he had to punch her to get her to let go. We guess that’s one of those things you learn in the real world, like how to survive a bear attack or how to fend off a shark. The police, however, say both of them were drunk, which sounds even more believable. The website reports that prosecutors decided not to file formal charges against either party this month.
“ShamWow Guy In Slap, Chop Bust” [The Smoking Gun] (Thanks to Maya!)
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Looks like he stopped having boring tuna.
@Honus:
He should go back to having boring tuna.
@Honus:
You, sir, have won the internet today. Congratulations. You’ve won a ShamWow.
@Honus:
LMAO!!
+1 to you.
oh that’s some fine comedy right there. It’s like when the “Dude, you’re getting a Dell” guy got busted for pot….but better.
@trashbaby: Except this guy went from, “last week on TV I looked 22″, to, “in this mug shot I look drunk and 65, and possibly on heroine”, in what seems as only a short period of time.
@trashbaby: You know what’s funny is that Steve the Dell guy is a waiter now (no jobs after the pot) and he’s sick of people calling him Steve.
I’d find the sauce but I’m lazy now.
The Snuggie Guy would never do something like this
@EdithHeadsChignon: And Billy Mays would never let us down either.
On another note — the reply button works!
@PittsburghJen:
I still want a “reply all” button. To reply to everyone who has commentated on an article.
@EdithHeadsChignon: Who do you think sent the prostitute? The Cult knows all!
@EdithHeadsChignon: Yea, those cultists would have sacrificed her to some random dark god.
@EdithHeadsChignon: Correct; he’d be far too busy eating babies.
@EdithHeadsChignon: Best comment ever.
@EdithHeadsChignon:
FWIW I saw Billy Mays getting the SSSS search at TSA in Orlando, and then proceed to YELL at his wife for slowing them down even though it was his fault.
@RedwoodFlyer: Use your inside voice.
I DON’T HAVE AN INSIDE VOICE!
Reget: the only thing Shamwow can’t soak up.
@fordpickup: You are the win.
She didden’t , Love his nuts ?
@Blb3303: Lol that’s exactly what came to mind when I read this story. A co-worker of mine read this earlier today and I passed it on to the consumerist (thanks for posting!). What surprised me most from the article was that he is 44. The camera does wonders. :O)
So wait, did she love his nuts, or just slap chop them?
@Antonio Rodriguez:
…but he’s out the grand (!) he claims he gave her, and she said something about suing him.
A month ago? I thought we were gonna do this in Real Time! (que APPLAUSE sign on the set of the Jimmy Fallon show…)
@Tony Sina: No.
I always thought this guy looked like he was into sketchy shit. Yay me!
@DrGirlfriend: It’s the pointy hairdo.
@brandymb:Oh, salesmen, is there any depravity you won’t indulge?
“Shlomi says the prostitute bit his tongue while kissing him, so he had to punch her to get her to let go.”
More like Chop Slap, amirite?!?!
@DrGirlfriend: Should not have read that while drinking. My nose can’t take sudden floods of tea.
Wow did he go on a meth binging spree in the last couple of months?
couldnt he just hit her the shamwow instead?!
this way it would of soaked up the blood in real time!
LOL….TRUE comedy right there…this couldnt be scripted!!!
How good is the ShamWow at mopping up blood?
Hilarious that they both have hospital gowns on for the mugshots.
@krispykrink: For some reason, TSG’s mugshots of her are from previous arrests, one in 2005 and the other in 2008.
@krispykrink: Was I the only on that notice that in the first mug shot, she has hers on BACKWARDS? Tag in the back, folks…
Why does this not surprise me?
Actually he paid her and started kissing her, that’s when she bit his tongue and wouldn’t let go. Then he started punching her in the face.
It says Vince is 44 years old and the mug shot doesnt look like the ShamWow guy at all. Is this really accurate? Vince is 44 years old??
@IvoryAethalides: The police report is attached to that article and everything, looks pretty legit.
@IvoryAethalides: According to this article, he was 34 in 1998 [www.ew.com]
@3RandomBagsOfCr@p_GitEmSteveDave: Wait…the EW article says his last name is “Offer” while TSG article says its Shlomi.
Which is it?
@Keavy_Rain: It’s not at all unusual for people in show business, especially those with very “ethnic” names, to take on stage names which are a little more generic.
@Keavy_Rain: “Offer” is actually his real, first name. (He’s Israeli)
@IvoryAethalides: He should thank whoever did his makeup for the commercials.
Sham-Wow? More like Sham-OW!
/only took me a minute to be that clever
@tankertodd: More like Bam-Ow!
(see what I did there?)
Well I still support his fight against scientology.
Billy Mays has to kill a child to beat this.
@christoj879: Nope, just beat up a *male* hooker.
@ceriphim: Give him a Big City Slider right in the jaw.
@christoj879: Bam! That’ll Oxy-Clean his clock…
[rimshot]
“Are you following me camera guy?” Jackass. Billy Mays, you’re next to enter “the hall of shame.” I can’t stand this annoying infomercials clowns. And, it’s a huge list.
She probably knew he was the shamwow guy and bit his lip so she could sue him for all he’s got, bitch. I still love you Vice Offer! Fight that Scientology!!
I just gotta know….
Was she hot?
@Corporate-Shill:
[www.thesmokinggun.com]
No
[RTFA
]
@Justin Larson: I’m sure she looked a lot hotter with beer goggles on.
@Hyman Decent: Definitely, but without them she looks like someone you would buy meth or heroin from.
@Justin Larson:
My question is, why is she wearing the hospital gown backwards in one picture and frontwards in the other picture? Did she suddenly figure it out? Or did the cop taking the picture say, “Hey blondie . . . ” and help her out with it?
I don’t think NASA missed out on anything with this one.
Nice.
“You’re Gonna Love My Nuts”
That’s probably what he said before the event.
That’s what you get for kissing a hooker. Or trying to.
Nice career while it lasted, dude.
The jokes write themselves with this one.
“prosecutors decided not to file formal charges against either party this month.”
Isn’t prostitution illegal? Are we not arresting people for that anymore? And what’s with “this month”, are they going to wait until April 1st and say “April Fools! We actually ARE going to charge you after all! TeeHee!”
@LastVigilante: I guess to convict someone of prostitution (be it the hooker or the john), it takes more than a statement given to police. As for the assault and battery, maybe the prosecutors felt it was mutual combat.
And I guess they mean this month as opposed to last month, when the incident and arrests took place.
“Does this ShamWow smell like chloroform to you?”
I guess she didn’t like his nuts.
It happened in Florida? Man, what happened to that state?
/99.44% sarcasm.
@rpm773: Reminds me of a little game called “Germany or Florida.”
The real question here is whether he used a shamWow to clean up…
From day one I though he looked like a coke-head.
@ChuckBlack: How do you think he had a stroke so young?
yeah.
The Church of Scientology set him up!
@HooFoot: Let’s see who she gets for a lawyer…
Is that an empire I hear collapsing?
More like SLAP CHOMP
I bet shamwow can clean up prostitute related mess, too!
@dragonpup: *rimshot* Well done.
Vince shorted her $70.
Awesome.
Worst part of the article is that neither the article nor the police report mention if there is any visible damage or marks on his tongue. That would have atleast protected him in a lawsuit. Hopefully the Fire-EMTs or hospital records noted that.
New from the makers of ShamWow and Slap Chop, the Billy Mays Bobble Head doll. (Just pay processing and handling)
Why am I not shocked by this?
He should have hired a German prostitute.
Not only are they into the kinky sex, you know the Germans always make great stuff.
ShamOw. That guy looks like he was whacked in the face by the Ugly Stick. Hopefully he still has those nuts that he loves so much. I have heard that Bubba, his cellmate, loves his nuts too.
Let me know when he does a jail house infomercial featuring ShamWow cleaning up various crimes scenes.
The hooker was only $250, but there was a $750 handling charge.
This just confirms that I would rather party with Vince than with Billy Mays.
Hmmm. The hooker actually looks good. Did he get a chance to stick his sham in her wow before getting his tongue bitten off?
@UnemployedPuke: So how did she manage to switch that t-short around back-to-front between pictures? Smile noted in the 2nd picture. Hmmm
@usa_gatekeeper: uh… given she had 3 years to do it… i’m sure it wasn’t too difficult.
didn’t you notice she grew a significant amount of hair as well?
Many people complain about typos or poor writing or everything in the articles on this site, so I have to say that Mr. Walters’ article made me laugh my ass off, especially the second paragraph. Excellent humorous and informative writing, sir!
@stpauliegirl: Chris Walters is my favorite.
Sure it wasn’t a set up by Billy Mays?
@cupcake_ninja:
That’s what I’m saying!
“Hi, I’m meth! Looks like we’ve met…”
Vince can’t be blamed for this one. He just thought he was taking Heath Ledger’s sloppy seconds back to his hotel room.
Must have been a German hooker. You know how well they are made there!