Craigslist: Fall Guy For Your Hedge Fund (Financial District)

If you need a scapegoat for your financial ponzi scheme, there’s a guy on Craigslist who’s looking for a job:

Is your hedge fund in dire financial straits? Are you totally screwed and now realizing that someone has to take the fall? Has your ponzi scheme enveloped numerous celebrity-endorsed charities benefiting Laotian children with AIDS and been discovered by the SEC?

I’m your man…

I will take the reins of your hedge fund for as long as necessary to establish credibility, then present a dramatic “mea culpa” to the press declaring that my poor decisions have saddled your company with mounds and mounds of “toxic assets” and “ponzi schemery.” I will personally apologize to anyone and everyone I [you] have wronged and swear I had only the best intentions for your clients and shareholders. Death threats do not phase me. If necessary, I will go to jail. I will look Bernie Madoff in the eye and say “Hey bro, I feel you” on national television. You and the rest of your company can shake your heads and say “for shame” and then continue on your merry way losing money and what have you.

Minimum compensation one million dollars. Serious offers only.

Fall guy for your hedge fund (Financial District) [Craigslist] (Thanks to c-side!) (Photo: SOCIALisBETTER)

Comments

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  1. BuddyHinton says:

    Finally. I see a way out of this mess…..

  2. blazinrebel says:

    Now there’s a thought.

  3. Dreadfish says:

    Is the job market REALLY that bad? D:

  4. Rugbyjersey says:

    I’ll do the same job for $500k.

  5. chuck0008 says:

    Find a need and fill it.

  6. frodolives35 says:

    To awesome however if they get serious and start sending white collar guys to pound you in the ass penn it might not be worth it.

  7. Blueskylaw says:

    He is not asking enough. A million bucks for someone who stole billions is like me buying you a cup of coffee.
    Here is my fee schedule:

    Jail time:
    1 year: $1,000,000
    2 years:$5,000,000
    3 years:$10,000,000
    4 years:$20,000,000
    5 years:$50,000,000

    More than 5 years and the fee is negotiable. I take bearer bonds, appreciated stock, châteaus in France,
    precious bullion and of course cash.

    Sorry, I do NOT accept The Sharper Image or Circuit City gift cards.

    • noone1569 says:

      @Blueskylaw: Your fee schedule seems a little off from what I would do.

      1 year – $5 million
      2 years – $ 7.5
      3 – $9
      4 – $11
      5 – $15
      anything above five will cause an increase at the rate of $2.5 million per year for the first additional 4 years, after which it jumps to $5 million a year for the next 4, after that we are talking about private islands and 747’s . . .

  8. racermd says:

    DAMN IT! Someone beat me to it. See? It’s the perfect job in a down economy: Professional Scapegoat – when an amateur just won’t do.

    I was planning this MONTHS ago with my co-workers. For a certain amount of money, I’d take the blame for just about anything.

    It’s the result of the free-market economy trying to right itself. Who COULDN’T see this coming, really?

  9. Corporate-Shill says:

    I take all the blame and I don’t get paid extra.

    Damn, must be doing something wrong.

  10. Johnny Cache says:

    What’s the need for a fall-guy?

    Just issue a press release stating that: The (amount of $)
    spent/stolen, had to be in keeping with what the market requires to retain the kind of idiot
    , we require at this level of financial debauchery.

    * Bailouts sold separately

  11. Trai_Dep says:

    I hope he has a titanium colon, because there’s a l-o-o-o-n-g train of really angry people needing to vent a lot of revenge-[boink] rage!

  12. MooseOfReason says:

    Why would a hedge fund hire someone as a scapegoat?

    It’s not like the fall guy gets anything more than negative coverage for a week until the media is obsessed with another celebrity “scandal” that they “have to report on.”

  13. PixiePerson says:

    This is how the SEC is finding these things now?

  14. Borax-Johnson says:

    Yeah. After the Madoff and Stanford messes appeared in the press the SEC decided it probably stop using Oija Boards and divining rods and turn to internet technology.