Gray Lady To Wall Street Failures: Why Not Become A Clown?!

Hey, Wall Street failures, have you considered an exciting new career as a document shredder? How about working as a butler? Ok, ok. Would you work as a clown? Seriously! According to the Times, it’s a perfectly valid “career option” for washed up investment bankers. “Even sad clowns are a hoot at a birthday party.” And the Times is full of other helpful suggestions…

Lead walking tours amid the ruins of your past life. Who better to show people around the financial district than someone who has worked – who has bled – on the very spot?

Maybe, said Seth Kamil, founder of Big Onion Walking Tours. But Big Onion tour guides must have advanced degrees in history.

“We’ve actually gotten a couple of résumés from no-longer-employed Wall Streeters,” Mr. Kamil said. “I’ve been kind of graciously trying to say, ‘Working on the street just doesn’t do it.’ “

The Times is pretty good at this stuff. Maybe the ailing paper can publish an equally useful list of alternative media careers when they announce the next round of layoffs?

Career Options for Ex-Wall Street Workers [The New York Times]
(Photo: Mel B.)

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. B says:

    I don’t get the difference. They both give me nightmares.

  2. Kimaroo - 100% Pure Natural Kitteh says:

    Omg.. If there is a huge influx of new clowns, sad or otherwise, I may never go to a birthday party again.

    I’m deathly afraid of clowns!

    • Canino says:

      @Kimaroo: I’ve never been afraid of clowns, but I’ve always thought they were just stupid. Unless they were bonafide circus clowns doing stuff in a circus ring during a circus show, which can be funny I guess. Otherwise it’s just a person in stupid clothes and makeup – especially if they talk. Talking clowns suck the worst.

    • Ghede says:

      @Kimaroo: New clowns does not indicate new clown popularity.

  3. tinyrobot says:

    Man, that’s a much more sober idea than this NYT piece

  4. metsarethe... says:

    I guess it is easy to be mean spirited to “wall streeters”. A few people I know have been laid off and they weren’t making 500k, never mind millions of dollars.

  5. Hoss says:

    Nat everyone on Wall Street was a Madoff. Calling laid off people failures is both insensitive and inaccurate. Carey is too good for that kind of trash journalism

    • metsarethe... says:

      @Hoss: Cheers +1

    • mannyv says:

      @Hoss: The NYT is just practicing its own brand of schadenfreude, with a dose of envy thrown in for good measure.

      There’s nothing more left-wing than enjoying the plight of people that used to make more money than you. It reminds me of the horror that the Boston Globe staff writers experienced when they found out that hair stylists in Boston made about three to five times more than more than the average BG beat reporter.

      Anyway, there aren’t really a lot of career options for out-of-work reporters. How about writing fake yelp reviews?

      • JollyJumjuck says:

        @mannyv: And there is nothing more right-wing than saying, “Hey, buddy, no one said life is fair, suck it up!” when things are going well for you, but as soon as the chips are down, crying, “Oh take pity on me!”

        • metsarethe... says:

          @JollyJumjuck: and how many people actually said “Hey, buddy, no one said life is fair, suck it up!”.

          I guess people make things to justify this lack of class

      • pecan 3.14159265 says:

        @mannyv: @JollyJumjuck: Can’t we just say that it’s a really jerky thing to do regardless of political view? People on both sides are losing their jobs. It makes it much harder to tell these people you don’t care when you know that you might be next on the chopping block.

      • Trai_Dep says:

        @mannyv: “There’s nothing more left-wing than enjoying the plight of people that used to make more money than you.”
        Err, unless it’s those “vastly overpaid” union workers, huh?

      • redkamel says:

        @mannyv: how much do hair stylists in boston make?

    • Elcheecho says:

      @Hoss: he he, it’s like saying, “Hey Jackass!” in public and seeing who turns around.

  6. pecan 3.14159265 says:

    I think the tour guy was kind of implying that having an advanced degree doesn’t make you qualified to be a tour guide, or an administrative assistant. I did start looking at jobs that were “below” my degree level, I thought – namely assistant type jobs. Sure, most of these jobs said the minimum requirement was a high school diploma, but in reading the qualifications needed, I found that a lot of experienced administrative assistants do things that I’ve never done before, and have had no training to do – maintaining databases, putting together portfolios, managing travel schedules. Just because I have a bachelor’s degree doesn’t mean I can do everything that doesn’t require a bachelor’s degree.

  7. weave says:

    >

  8. TrueBlue63 says:

    Many Wall Streeters were highly educated, highly skilled people that provided valuable services. However, their compensation was far in excess of any service that they performed. Like it or not, that is the way capitalism works.

    The problem for financiers, isn’t simply from capitol hill. The real problem is that their perceived value has taken a tremendous beating. How many of these bankers will be able to convince their employers/owners to pay them 2-3M per year? I suspect few. On top of that the consolidation in the industry is eliminating many top jobs.

    • Trai_Dep says:

      @TrueBlue63: I donno if they have NO use to Americans – if we ship them to al Queda camps, the grievous wounds they’ll inflict on world terrorism could be pretty substantial.

  9. Meathamper says:

    Clowns scare me. Wall Street bankers scare me even more. But laid-off bankers who turn into clowns? We have a recipe for even more failure.

  10. FuryOfFirestorm says:

    Wall Street failures to Gray Lady: Why not go fuck yourself?

  11. Ssscorpion says:

    Maybe after the next round of lay-offs at the Old Gray Lady, the former journalists can become clowns.

    Kind of ironic since the next round of lay-offs at the Old Gray Lady will be caused by the public already perceiving journalists as clowns.

  12. Saboth says:

    What gets me is the fact NY’s mayor (I think that is who wanted this), wanted like 50 million dollars to retrain these bozos for new lines of work. Umm…so who is paying to retrain the other millions of people that got laid off and are looking for work? What makes these guys better than everyone else, that they don’t have to pay for their own schooling. With the outrageous salaries they make, they should be the ones paying for everyone else’s training.

    Also the fact half of these guys were part of the reason we are in this mess in the first place.

    • craptastico says:

      @Saboth: don’t forget, through taxes, their outrageous salaries WERE paying for the majority of the things you enjoy courtesy of government. you’re right though, they are part of the reason for the mess, but so are the people who bought more house than they could afford. there’s not enough fingers top point at everyone that’s part of the problem.

      I’m not trying to defend them, and lord knows i don’t think NYC should spend one dime retraining them. their training exceeds their intelligence as it is.

  13. Anthony Rinaldi says:

    The times should keep this list in the breakroom. It will be very helpful when it announces its own inevitable shut down.

  14. umbriago says:

    Clowns. Why would anybody be a clown when:

    - they scare kids
    - adults hate them

  15. AgentTuttle says:

    Clowns are only good for one thing,… punching.