Cash4Kids.com

Toothpaste For Dinner has discovered a spinoff of the Cash4Gold empire, Cash4Kids.com. “Fill the envelope with your stubborn or unwanted kid…THEN CASH YOUR CHECK!!!” [Toothpaste For Dinner]

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  1. dddoistutter says:

    How could this possibly be a ripoff? Do they send you 2 kids?

  2. Nitrokart knows CPR and took that guy's wallet says:

    “Can’t put a price on your kids? Well, we can!”

  3. Benny Gesserit says:

    Unintentionally funny website name – prompting levity such as
    “wad’lle ya give me for this one. Low milage and fuel efficient”
    “$15.95 as is”

  4. Verucalise (Est.February2008) says:

    1) Do the kids have to be my OWN? I could use the money.
    2) How many kids to an envelope?
    3) Are there breather holes in the envelope?

    ….. And many more stupid questions that come to mind, while trying to beat my children into sleeping submission.

  5. MyPetFly says:

    When I first read this, I thought “Okay, kids. I’ll go find some goats and cash them in.” So I went out and actually managed to find a couple (The San Diego Zoo is great!).

    I got them home and realized I was kind of stupid, because the kids would NEVER fit in any reasonably sized envelope. And even if I could do it, they’d probably eat the stupid envelope anyway.

    So then I thought to myself that maybe I’d misread the post and they actually meant “Keds,” so I went out on a hunt for sneakers. I did find some strung up on telephone and power lines around town. I managed to get some down (the burns are healing well).

    Then it finally hit me that they were looking for CHILDREN. I thought “Okay, cool, there are plenty of those around.” So I went to the local park and asked various parents how much they wanted for their children.

    I guess they misunderstood what I meant. When I woke up, I was in handcuffs on my way to jail. Thankfully my lawyer took dictation for me and was able to post this.

  6. Plates says:

    No doubt if it did exist, it would be based in Florida.

  7. bohemian says:

    Where do I get an envelope?

  8. Derek Cashman says:

    Shame on consumerist.com for letting this slide through. http://www.cash4kids.com just goes to a parked domain with nothing more than a linkfarm!

  9. Joeb5 says:

    Marge: Oh, no, no, not exactly. It’s just that I haven’t told Homer yet, and with his new job, I don’t know how we’re going to be
    able to afford this.
    Hibbert: Well, you know a healthy baby can bring upwards of $60,000.

  10. plutonyum says:

    “I had no idea my neighbor’s child-e-ren were worth so much money!”

  11. se7a7n7 says:

    I’d like to see a Cash4Cats service.

    I don’t know if it would work for me though. My 1st cat is more than 15yo, fat, lazy and has diabetes, so he’s probably not worth anything. My 2nd cat is still young and cute so I wouldn’t sell her, for less than $50.

  12. pax says:

    All I did was go through my drawer full of old children I never play with!

    ***

    On a side note, TfD is pure, unadulaterated brilliance. I’ve been reading it, and its sibling (spouse?) sites, nataliedee.com and marriedtothesea.com, for years.

  13. planetdaddy says:

    the link is parked. nice job checking your articles before you post.

    • ken2148 says:

      @planetdaddy: It’s not an actual website (yet), it was a cartoon parody of a website. You needed to click on the “Toothpaste for Dinner” link above to get to the cartoon (smaller version is the picture above). Complaining about not checking your sources on this one is like complaining the grocery store isn’t carrying Colon Blow or Quarry Cereal after seeing the commercials during SNL.

      I got a good laugh out of the cartoon myself. I sent it to several friends with kids that may soon be getting cashed in.

  14. catastrophegirl chooses not to fly says:

    funny comic! didn’t know about that one, thanks muchly.

  15. Twinrevanoe says:

    If a kid has problems, do I get less for them? I mean, if you had a kid with a history of ADD, they would probably give you $10 and put a stamp saying, “As Is”.

    On second thought, are babies worth even more? They’re cute, they’re space-efficient, but they tend to poo a lot.

  16. weakdome says:

    This is obviously a spinoff on the now-unfortunately-defunct “black-market-babies.com”.
    Which is really a shame. I still have their T-shirt. “babies = $$”
    awesome!

  17. nrfx01 says:

    Toothpaste for dinner is one of my all times favorite dailys.. Anyone interested should also check out one of drews other projects, superpoop.. same sense of humor, but with pictures instead of those silly stick looking people!

  18. Yossarian says:

    “I sent in my kid from my first marriage and got money the very next day.”

  19. Bryan Price says:

    Can they be over 18 is my question!

  20. karmaghost says:

    This sounds like the opposite of “Babiesovernight.com”

  21. cuchanu says:

    Shouldn’t it be “cash for your scrap kids”?

  22. Brian Westermann says:

    At last! A place to deposit all unwanted demon spawn!
    HUZZAH!