Comcast To Give $5 To Every Accidental Penis Viewer?

How much would someone have to pay you to have your kids watch a penis? Comcast answers that question by giving a $5 one-time discount to every subscriber in Tucson, AZ who had their cerebellum gelatinized by seeing the porno movie that accidentally cut into the Super Bowl last night, according to a rumor a reporter we know overheard in their newsroom.

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  1. Mooshie says:

    At hotels, you pay them when you want to see a porn on a tv.

  2. Obijuan says:

    5 bucks? your breaking my balls comcast.

  3. Ash78 ain't got time to bleed says:

    The clip from internet blog “Consumerist” shows Comcast CEO Brian Roberts sitting on a couch and struggling to pull out $5 from his pocket. The other executives laugh at the difficulty. Mr. Roberts then jumps up and pulls his wallet out and shakes his head from side to side, slapping his hand against his forehead, and then the game comes back on.

  4. rpm773 says:

    Comcast: “Psst, hey buddy. I’ll give you $5 if I can show you my penis.”

  5. mariospants says:

    Yeah, well is Comcast going to get fined for this little fracass? $5 per customer might be nothing compared to this.

    Ironic that they introduced all of these network time delays (Obama’s inauguration on CNN was something like 7 seconds off the actual timing) only to be thwarted by the local boozers.

    Seriously though, if my kids caught sight of that little snippet, they probably would have laughed their heads off and I would have pretended it was somebody playing a practical joke on the TV station, and not part of an actual genre.

    • Corporate_guy says:

      @mariospants: Fined by who? The FCC has no jurisdiction over cable. On cable tv, networks can show anything they want. Cable tv is like satellite radio.

    • milk says:

      @mariospants: One time when I was in 8th/9th grade, our local Fox affiliate showed a few seconds of a blow job during The Simpsons. It’s true, we laughed our asses off.

  6. sean98125 says:

    “The Accidental Penis” is one of my favorite Anne Tyler books.

  7. ethereal_pete says:

    In old country you pay to see penis on tv; in America penis pays to see you…what a country!

  8. headhot says:

    I saw it online via my comcast cable modem, can I get $5 too?

  9. Trai_Dep says:

    But what about the poor guy who exposed himself? I think Comcast should cut (or uncut, as the case may be) him a check as well.

  10. Fuzzy_duffel_bag says:

    5

    5 dollar

    5 dollar footloooooong

  11. savdavid says:

    People will be so thrilled at getting $5.00 off their already monopolized high cable bill they will forget all about that penis and not sue! Brilliant!

  12. Nighthawke says:

    5 bucks won’t get you any decent diddly squat these days.

    Except a *uckin* over by comcast.

  13. moore850 says:

    Where are the huge fines? They broadcast indecent material, come on FCC!

  14. backbroken says:

    See you guys later. If you need me, I’m heading to the park in my trenchcoat with a pocket full of fivers.

  15. TerpBE says:

    How are customers supposed to know which cable company they have? They think they subscribe to Comcast, but they turn on TV and get Cox.

  16. AnonymousFinger says:

    I’m sure the fine print says if you accept the $5, you waive any right to sue.

  17. IT-Chick says:

    This makes me want to switch to Comcast.

  18. ceez says:

    oh please people….we’re so sensitive here….lets all relax.

  19. headhot says:

    Oh yea, and some insight on how this could happen.

    The porn was shown on an analog broadcast of the superbowl. Comcast doesn’t have an analog porn, its all digital. So to get the digital porn onto an analog channel, someone at the head end would have had to decrypt it (probably convert it to analog, hook it up to the analog only matrix switcher, and flip the feed.

  20. photodesign says:

    TUCSON, not Tuscon. Spell it right!

  21. lucidpsyche says:

    Yeah, it looks like whoever was watching the monitors wasn’t paying attention and hit the wrong feed. According to the guy who grabs our sat feeds, the way the image froze before the porn played is indicative of someone switching the feeds.

    On a somewhat-random note, this incident prompted our managing editor to announce that we are not allowed to watch porn while at work. Why we would, I don’t know — it’s a newsroom, so everyone knows everything.

  22. PlaneDriver says:

    Gives new meaning to $5 footlong.

  23. Jimmy M says:

    As said before – for the love of god it’s Tucson. Not Tuscon.

  24. ludwigk says:

    Sooo, can I sign up to have Comcast interrupt my service with random outbursts of porn, and receive a $5 rebate per incident? That would be great! Maybe a certain adult content channel could provide sponsorship. I smell an emerging business model here.

    It would also make for great conversation, “Can anyone tell me what happened in ‘Heroes’ last night? I got interrupted by porn again.”

  25. toadthetoad says:

    Damn, I knew there was a reason I should have watched the Superbowl!

  26. AgentTuttle says:

    Paid to watch porn? Yes sir. I’ve watched it about 10 times so far, so that’s $50. Woohoo!

  27. comcastcares says:

    We are appalled by last evening’s Super Bowl interruption. The Super Bowl is a family-viewing event, and we are mortified by what occurred.

    We can’t undo what happened, but we remain deeply sorry for the impact this situation has had on our customers. To that end, we will be issuing a $10 credit to any Comcast video customer in Tucson who was impacted. While this credit won’t change what happened, we hope that it will demonstrate to our customers, and to the Tucson community, how seriously we are taking this situation. To get this credit, impacted customers should call 888-315-8219.

    We are continuing with our investigation into what we believe may have been an isolated, malicious act, and will aggressively pursue all leads until we come to resolution.

    • djtheorem says:

      @comcastcares: Honestly, I think the only way you can correct this kind of screw up is to just give away this month’s cable for free to all Tucson customers. I’m sure you guys are getting pounded (pun intended) by your customers in that area.

  28. KhaiJB says:

    so..how are they going to charge the perverts but refund the moralists?

  29. Chris Abbott says:

    hahaha that was great

  30. working class Zer0 says:

    I thought this was a commercial for the new FOX reality show “Flogging Molly”

  31. Sean Gamble says:

    Cum on comcast thats just reDICKulous….$5. if I’m getting paid to watch porn i should atleast get Minimum wage…and some lube

  32. scoosdad says:

    “Impacted customers should call…”? How will they measure the validity of a claim of “impaction”?

    Comcast might just as well give every account in the affected Tucson area a $10 credit and be done with it. Save their customer service reps the extra time and effort.