Oh, thank God. My fetus is eating me alive (srsly. I'm 5 lbs. lighter than when I got pregnant and I'll be 22 weeks tomorrow, and I'm eating ridiculous quantities of calories), and it's primarily focusing on eating my ass. First of all, I like some junk in my trunk. Secondly, why can't you eat my flabby upper arms first, baby? That would be HELPFUL. Third, the few pre-pregnancy pants that still fit DON'T fit because there is not enough junk in the trunk anymore to avoid a wardrobe malfunction.

But now I can safely treat my assless condition!

uhhh...ummm...yeaahhh

So then that episode of King of the Hill wasn't making this up?

I really like that I can finally have the gold-leafed ass I've always wanted.

@Rectilinear Propagation: LOL....I love that episode.

I've got enough junk in my trunk already, thanks.

Does anyone else think these butt cheeks look... clenched? I'm not sure that's the look I want to go for.

Good to see some color diversity. It's a veritable Natal Cleft Palette.

I think of this every time I see Frank Sinatra

@Rectilinear Propagation: Finally a cure for my Diminished Gluteal Syndrome!

Without a citation, this looks like an Onion article.

I can has reference?

kthxbai

@Eyebrows McGee: Just be patient for a few more weeks. Rest assured the junk will come and show no mercy. Promise.

@LindsayC: doctoral hilarity ensues: I think the larger varieties typically sport that "permanently clenched" look.

They've been selling these in the Frederick's of Hollywood catalog for years in the double-digits. I always meant to ask if they needed donors.

@apronk: LOL

@Rectilinear Propagation: omg i was thinking the exact same thing! hahaha that is my favorite episode!

That's strange this post came up because I was thinking about David Sedaris' story about wearing a false booty earlier this morning. I guess they're great for your self-confidence, if you need that kind of boost.

@Eyebrows McGee: Lucky you. My fetus is doing all it can to ensure that my ass resembles chewed bubble-gum!

I was also thinking of this particular episode.

File this under things that I'll NEVER EVER EVER need. :(

My ass goes on for days.

@Eyebrows McGee: At first, I was being eaten alive by the morning sickness (went on for 7.5 months...guess because it was twins I had twice the puking joy?), and then...

I ASPLODED.

Seriously, I think the majority of the weight I gained came all the the last month. It was nuts.

haha. that pic is from century 21. i love/hate that place...

@sarabadara: Heh. Havoc is being wrought elsewhere. Everyone thinks I'm at least 6 months pregnant and I'm only 4 1/2! (If one more person asks me if I have gestational diabetes after finding out I'm only 4 1/2 months along, I may punch them in the face.)

I'm 5'2", and my husband is 6'4" and has the metabolism of a rabid squirrel, so, first, there's nowhere for this baby to GO but out, and second, it's huge and pretty clearly has HIS metabolism. I'm just looking forward to not needing to eat quite so often, because I'm actually starting to get a little grossed out by food (when I'm not actively shoveling it down my gullet), since I'm eating so damn much of it and I'm hungry all the freaking time.

@Cafezinha FINALLY HAS HER STAR--OMGYAYTHXHORTENSE!: Oh you poor thing. I had rotten morning sickness until just a couple weeks ago (now it's just the mornings I'm throwing up instead of all day, which I sadly consider a win), but I hardly threw up any actual food and I was hungry all the time, even though I was still vomiting.

Morning sickness is a cruel, cruel, cruel joke.

@sarabadara: His story made me wonder about the ethics of giving away false body parts. I mean, he did sweat in them...

The ass-challenged! LOL!

@Eyebrows McGee: Ugh. I don't blame you. Some people should be punched for the crap they feel compelled to spew at pregnant women. I understand to some point, that many people seem to be drawn to the belly, but is it really anyone's business if you have gestational diabetes?

@LuluStarPony: that crossed my mind, too. They're probably machine washable, right?

@sarabadara: I try to be cool b/c I know they're just being interested and concerned, but that one is starting to piss me off. The other ones that drove me crazy were, "Have you tried ginger for your morning sickness?" as I puked my way into month four. (No, being a moron, I have no idea how the internet works and never thought to check with my doctor for common morning sickness cures) and "Do you want a boy or a girl?" which I think is the rudest question on the planet. Even if I did want one or the other, I wouldn't be dumb enough to tell that to someone who, by Murphy's Law, will appear when my child is in an awkward adolescent stage and inform them I wanted a child of the other gender. I mean, dude, that's TOTALLY how Voldemort tried to get at Ron in Book 7!

(I told people, "I'm hoping for human, because if it's alien, that's going to make for some awkward marital conversations.")

@Eyebrows McGee: Ah, just wait until your wrinkly bundle of joy is born, then people will tell you all about what they're certain you are doing wrong about the way you're feeding/clothing/raising your child.

Given the amount of times I get my ass chewed at work, I should have a closet full of these....errr....devices.

@Eyebrows McGee: Well good thing this thread got completely derailed with a completely meaningless conversation.

@LindsayC: doctoral hilarity ensues: I think that's because of the way they're hanging... If they were actually on a person they'd be more rounded instead of laying flat, unclenching so to speak!

@LindsayC: doctoral hilarity ensues: Call it a hunch, butt I think this solution is little more than padding the back end and does little to save you money, diginity, or keep you out of arrears.

I always complain to my Jewish friend that I am the only black woman in the world with no booty. So, last year for Christmas, she asked me to go to her home and pick up my Christmas gift. I procrastinated because she lives so far away, so a month later, she came over with a rather large bag containing my Christmas gift. I opened the bag and lo and behold, MY NEW ASS WAS IN THE BAG! I have the tan colored booty, just like the one in the picture above. I was so excited because I did not know that a butt can be purchased! When I wear my ass, I feel sexy and so very bootylicious. The booty is comfortable and does not look artificial. So, if you are buttless, like me, get yourself an artificial ass. You'll be glad you did.

If you've got lipodystrophy you'll probably want this product when it hurts to sit on anything but a cushion.

@Rubleaux: was it everything you thought it could be, and more? Can you sit on bleachers without your tailbone going numb??

You'll need these if A) You've got lipodystrophy which is cause by B) Human immunodeficiency virus or acquired immunodeficiency syndrome.

Did I read that right? Fake butts are covered under MediCare?

WHY??? :|

Because susta@HogwartsAlum:

Because sustained pressure on the ischial tuberosities can lead to trigger point formation, anal fissures and pudendal nerve entrapment--the pain from which has driven many to suicide and/or financial ruin as very few doctors in the world are capable of treating it.

LOL my hubby could use one for sure. Come to think of it so could my 2nd hubby (now deceased). Neither one has/had enough ass to make a pair of jeans look yummy.

@Rectilinear Propagation:

Who couldn't think of that episode?..It was one of the best!

(Although any topic medically related and involving Hank was usually golden.)

@oregongal: Same with mine; now if only I could get him to wear it.

@khiltd: heh, pudendal.

Ok, hypothetically, if you wore one of these and accidentally sat on something and it stuck to your butt how would you know? i mean if you sat on a tack and then got up and walked into a store people would like, be curious as to why you aren't in tremendous pain. "That lady's got an ass of steel!"

my gf needs something like this. she's 5'1, 96lbs and her pants keep falling off of her because she has no ass and doesn't like wearing belts

"I like fake butts and I cannot lie

You other brothers can't deny!"

Maybe all these people milling around in Times Square are actually wearing these and did NOT just eat the Chili's Smokehouse Bacon Triple-The-Cheese Big Mouth Burger.

@miss_roxxan:

Did you mean "Forever 21?"