Breaking Out In Song Is Now An Acceptable Way To Authorize Visa Purchases
Visa has revealed a darling new feature that will let consumers authorize debit transactions via song. It's all part of Visa's revised but always-exciting operating regulation 6.2.A.7.b, which now lets you "choose to sing to authorize a debit transaction." Don't worry if the merchant gives you an awkward look, they're just sheepish about their cruddy singing skills. Sing louder to encourage them to join in the transaction-approving fun! (Thanks to Barbara!)
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Damn, I really should put an application into Visa to be there speel checker.
That being said, what kind of songs does Visa authorize? Do they have a catalog of standards? Am I allowed to dance as well? Will the merchant provide a backing track, or do I have to sing a capella? If the card is a business card for my barbershop quartet, do we all have to be present and harmonize? Do I have to pay royalties to the artist if the merchant chooses a song I don't have the rights to?
GOOD GOD VISA, answer these questions!
Finally, a company that understands my desire to express myself in an alternative manner. After all, no one can sing quite like I can.
For my authorization, I believe I'll do a rendition of "Do-Re-Mi" from Sound of Music, adjusted with a middle eastern rhythm and making use of quarter steps.
Yeah, I'm that good.
"If I had your voice I'd talk-sing everything!"
"I can show you the world, Shining, shimmering, spendid! Tell me princess, now when did you last let your heart decide?
..."
They should only let you sing if you're actually GOOD.
They should also let customers in the store vote on the performance.
Guys from ImprovEverywhere, please take note!
sign / sing - stupid spell checker
@tedyc03: If that's how you do it, you could have your hands in the till and everyone would just be standing around stunned. :)
We are Bollywood; Bollywood is us.
This clearly discriminates against our hearing-impaired citizens. I DEMAND the option of a little bit of the ol' soft shoe.
@JM2¢_GitEmSteveDave: Lets see. "If I were a rich man." would be nice.
"Money." would be less so, dropping all the change for the intro would be hard.
@discounteggroll: @Irashtar: In thinking about it, perhaps I would be forced to sing the companies "jingle". So if I went food shopping, I'd sing "See red and saaaaave,
1, 2, 3,
Red Tag savings,
at A&P"
But the best would be when I go to Shop-Rite during their famous sale! Finally those dance lessons pay off!
@Trai_Dep: Soft shoe isn't good enough. Not nearly the amount of vibration a hearing impaired person would need. Visa will have to issue a pair of tap shoes in each size to the merchant, like bowling alleys have.
I like this option. I had a cat named Princess when I was a kid who loved it when I sang. Her favourite was "12 Days of Christmas" and I sang it whenever it was my turn to wash the dishes (everyday was my turn as I recall) but I'd change the words from "5 golden rings!" to "5 ginger cats!" all through the song.
Princess would purr and mew along with me. It was adorable.
I'm sure the singing is only allowed in the US. I'm in Canada and we don't get Hulu, so I'm sure we don't get to sing to authorize the transaction.
Bummer.
@JM2¢_GitEmSteveDave: This won't work for me at all. I don't sing in public anymore - the judge was REALLY specific.
thanks for reminding me...A&P has a price freeze on hot/lean pockets until the 22'nd (can't beat $1.49 a box)
I gave up most of my college disgustingness habits a while ago, but the urge for a hot pocket and it's ensuing itis/upset tummy rears it's ugly head once in a while
red tag savings...at A and P
Doe the merchants provide a shower? Everyone know that the acoustics in the shower are better
@Rachacha: Actually it's been proven by my team of Audiologists that the produce cooler is .035% better acoustically than a standard American bathroom. If however, the person who designed your bathroom was from New Zealand, and incorporated the practices they teach in their architectural schools, than you would have 1.74% better performance in YOUR bathroom than a produce cooler.
Learn to love me, assemble the ways...
@Irashtar:
"Can't Buy Me Love" ...but you can buy almost everything else with Visa!
Good night, folks..you've been a great audience!
@JM2¢_GitEmSteveDave: Polished to a blinding sheen? I like-ie! Although, the rental of Jazz Hands is one step* way too far.
* See what I did there?
They got... the MUSTARD OUT!!!!
(They got the mustard out!)
(I really hope some of you will get that)
Great. Now all I can see is Ethel Merman singing "Everything's Coming Up Roses" from "Airplane".
"Got spiel chucker, need grandma chicken."
--A signature somewhere on the net.
"I just wanna tell you how i'm feeling, gotta make you understand.. never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down...."
I'll sing that at Wal-Mart during my next transaction.
@DWalk: It was Airplane II, but yes. Hilarious. I think of this scene whenever I hear Fred from the B-52's sing.
@Rachacha: I'm imagining the number of people who shouldn't be allowed to sing in public and pairing it with the number of people who shouldn't be seen naked, showering in public and am suddenly very, VERY scared to visit the local Quickee Mart...
Frank Sinatra sounds nothing like me.
It was in Airplane!, PorkchopSandwiches!_GitEmSteveDave. Maybe it was in both of them -- as a rule, I don't see sequels -- but it was in Airplane!
@Trai_Dep: I used to do a wicked Cha Cha in the day. Judges said they "could not believe the human body could move like that and remain upright."
I took it as a compliment.
@Cyclokitty: It's in the fine print - we CAN sing, but we're limited to Joni Mitchell, Mitsou and, I'm sorry, Celine Dion (chest-thumping optional.)
I tried using "It's all coming back to me now" once and, well, 4 cops and 2 police cars later, I left FutureShop with my new DVD drive.
@Mark: I can open your eyes, Take you wonder by wonder, Over, sideways, and under, On a magic carpet ride,
A whole new wooooooooooooorld!
Come on now, everybody!!
A new fanTAStic point of viieeeew!
@StutiCebriones: You made me bust out my copy on DVD and also VHS, but you were right. I don't know why I thought it was Airplane II. Of course, it took me over decade of watching it before I finally "got" the trouble drinking joke, so maybe that explains it.
It's sad I saw that typo a long time ago. I didn't realize it was worth an article poking fun of it. I feel left out.
:(
Next time I'm at the grocery store to buy milk, I am so singing "Sweet Transvestite."
@☠Grяrяrяrяrяrяrя. All I ever wanted was a Chrysler Cordoba...: now if i could just get a discount for agreeing NOT to sing....
@PorkchopSandwiches!_GitEmSteveDave: oddly enough, i found a pair of tap shoes in my size at goodwill a couple of hours ago. i didn't buy them, but apparently i should have?
Totally rickrolling sum bitchez next time I go grocery shopping. Nah, I'll save it for when I go to an electronics store, more people will probably get it.
@coan_net: Yeah, spell-checkers don't correct real words.
At least, as long as you don't fiddle with the settings to replace words. Instant madlibs. :D
Well in some state old regulations still have people doing many different things in different states.
In vermont you have to sing a old time song to get a plane if you have no money, learned that from family guy.