Merrill Lynch CEO John Thain spent over $1.22 million to renovate his office in early 2008, just as his firm was getting ready to slash thousands of jobs, cut back on spending and dump businesses. Here’s this douchebag’s big-ticket tally of personal aggrandizement in the midst of financial crisis:
$800,00 to hire celebrity designer Michael Smith. He’s interior-decorating Obama’s White House. For $100,000. Mixing in items from Target.
$87,000 for a fucking area rug. I think I could buy all of the area rugs in stock at my local IKEA for $87,000, and have enough money left over to buy all my fellow shoppers an all-you-can eat Swedish Meatball feast. Then invest the remainder in high-yield moon-backed derivatives.
$87,000 two guest jerkface chairs
$44,000 another goddamn area rug
$37,000 six chairs for private dining room. Who has a dining room in their office?
$35,000 “commode on legs.” I’m guessing that’s a claw-footed toilet. Bad choice. Those gather dust underneath like nobody’s business, let me tell you. Update: Actually it’s a chest-of-drawers on legs. Too bad no one told me that before I took a crap in it.
$28,00 four stupid curtains
$25,000 mahogany pedestal table. I think my brother just found one of those on the curb on garbage day recently.
$24,000 “Regency Chairs.” These are the kind of chairs that you use to line walls and corners but no one actually sits in and some day they end up in the Met and people are like, wow, that looks like a well-preserved, expensive, uncomfortable chair.
$18,000 “George IV Desk.” You can find George I desks just as good on eBay, the advances in the later models are mainly cosmetic.
$16,000 custom coffee table. Shellacked with the blood of virgin Peruvian tribe-boys.
$13,000 chandelier in private dining room. Really fun to swing on.
$11,000 fabric for “Roman Shade.” That’s a euphemism for something dirty, right?
$5,000 mirror in private dining room. It’s the one from Snow White.
$5,000 40 yards of fabric for wall panels. That’s actually a pretty good deal. In pesos.
$2,700 6 wall sconces. Sconces are for nancies. Real titans of industry use torches.
$1,400 “Parchment waste can.” Guess they were out of vellum.
Aren’t you feeling good now that the government gave Bank of America a big check to buy these guys? It was vital to the national interest to prevent the collapse of the interior decorating industry.