A Farewell To Sparks And Other Alcoholic Energy Drinks
Last week, MillerCoors bowed to pressure from numerous state attorneys general and agreed to decaffeinate its caffeinated alcoholic beverage, Sparks.
MillerCoors joins Anheuser-Busch/InBev, which pulled its alcoholic energy drinks Tilt and Budweiser Extra (also known as B to the E) in June. While some might criticize the taste of Sparks or label it as alcohol for immature people, there are others who are infatuated by oversize cans of corn syrup and herbal supplements. It is to those that we offer this link from the questionably ironic Hipster Runoff: Dear Sparks, Miss U. We'll pour one out for you.
MillerCoors Drops Caffeine from Sparks Drinks [WSJ]
Dear Sparks, Miss U: A Eulogy by Hipster Runoff
(Photo: cambelina)
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The following sentence is gibberish:
"While some might criticize the taste of Sparks or infatuated by oversize cans of corn syrup and herbal supplements."
So now, all the people who would have drank Sparks will instead go back to drinking vodka and red bull, with way more vodka than red bull. And thus drink even more alcohol than if Sparks hadn't been banned.
Thanks, attorney generals, for protecting the children from nothing!
Nooooo!
despite the fact that it tastes like what I imagine cat pee must taste like, sparks and others of its ilk were the only reason I could stay awake through a whole night of drinking after a 60-hour workweek.
I need caffeine to cut loose, this was the efficient way!
Now it's back to jaegerbombs, and we all know how THAT story ends.
Aww... I had one of these just last night. Delicious, but not so nutritious... we'll miss you Sparks!
I guess I'll just have to mix them myself...in bulk.
RBVs anyone?
My friends completely defeated the purpose of Sparks by still mixing it with vodka. The name...The Sparkplug.
good riddance to bad rubbish.
The "Sidewalk Slam" will never be the same.
Sidewalk Slam Ingredients:
1 40 oz malt liquor (preferably Mickeys!)
1 Can Sparks (the black label kind with more alc %)
Sidewalk Slam Directions:
1. Drink half of your 40
2. Pour in Sparks with a funnel - careful not to let the foam blast out
3. Drink the sidewalk slam
4. Wake up the next morning and try to remember wtf happened the nite before.
My friends band had a Sparks endorsement. Now they'll have to find another booze company to shell out for gas money... *I'm looking at you Jagermeister*.
@squish123: Wow / Yuck. I've tried the black Sparks Plus before and it's just terrible compared to the regular stuff. Too strongly alcohol-tasting, I guess. Can't imagine how it'd taste with malt liquor.
The regular stuff tastes like liquid sweet tarts or smarties and is delicious, which is why I've always liked it. It has nothing to do with the energy drink aspect or anything else. It's alcoholic and tastes good (I love sugary stuff), and isn't that expensive overall.
Our Sparks creation came about by accident, due to my lame friend mixing a few things together that he was too chicken-shit to try afterwards. It seemed like an odd / bad idea, but turned out really tasty. It became known by the obvious moniker of the Hawaiian ButterSparks. We were always pretty drunk when we've come up with something awesome, so I'm not sure of the exact proportions, but it was roughly:
1 part Sparks (The orange label, regular stuff)
1 part Buttershots
2 parts orange Hawaiian Punch
It's quite delicious, and pretty good for chugging. Now if we could just remember the steps / ingredients for the shockingly tasty, and quite alcoholic Blood Of The Christ...
Lame. This is the only stuff I drink when a place is "beer only" (as in no hard liquor). Now I guess I will have to go to Smirnoff Ice. Yay... :|
I LOVE Sparks! Today is a dark dark day for our nation. *taps*
I guess we'll just have to go back to drinking Bullmeisters.
no worries.. the can never take away our jagerbombs.. haha.. fuckin skanks
This makes me sad. I actually enjoyed that stuff.
You would think state attorney generals have other things to worry about.
@TechnoDestructo: Drew Carey Show was awesome (well..it was for quite some time until they completely redid the show before it's end)
Sparks is gross stuff but yet again, govt is trying to micromanage our lives.
We still have Tilt and Sparks in Florida, perhaps the local distributors are still sitting on tons of it. So it might be a bit premature to say goodbye just yet.
Is Drank "The Anti-Energy" Drink around still? Maybe need to start drinking that stuff at last call.
That stuff hurts my stomach, and I love the shit out of beer, and energy drinks. But for some reason, put them both together and I feel like I'm going to die by having that alien from Space Balls rip through my stomach.
I do like the taste of them though. Bud-E tastes pretty good. Oh, and for some reason I can drink energy drinks with hard liquor with no problem.
I've never been a fan of alcoholic energy drinks, but it bothers me when government decides what we should and shouldn't do. As someone else mentioned, don't they have better things to worry about?
@TechnoDestructo: I'm sure it has less to do with bowing to pressure and more to do with cutting losses. I've worked at two different bars since Sparks came on the market (with friends at many more) and the reps keep pushing this crap but no one buys it. It's horrible tasting.
We stopped carrying this a while ago where I tend bar. No offense to the Sparks lovers, but we literally had to set a 2 drink limit on Sparks, because people were acting like they were high on crack when they drank it.
No, I'm not kidding.
Alcohol and caffeine mixed are a bad idea, because you're drunk and impaired, but the caffeine makes you THINK you're cognizant.
Moving on...why is everyone saying "Goodbye, Sparks"? Who said the drink won't still exist without the caffeine in it?
sparks is awesome. it put a spark in my life.
So vodka and redbull are still ok?
Aww...but now what will people drink at work when they pretend to be drinking energy drinks?
When will people just accept that young people drink. If you believe different stop lying to yourself as it will never stop. Let people make their own decisions on what they put into their bodies. One way or another they will find a way to do what they want.
Wow. I clicked on that Hipster Runoff link only to find that the guy who does that site is this d-bag I knew in college who thought he could act like a creepy asshole to people "ironically." Nope, that's not ironic, just creepy.
This beverage always struck me as the liquid version of the movie Caligula. Caligula was horrible as a movie, and worse as a porn. Sparks was horrible as an energy drink, and worse as a beer.
The first time i ever combined alcohol and caffeine was when I had a Redbull and vodka.
It will be the LAST time I will combine the two.
I would never EVER buy that combination in a can. I'm glad to see it gone, that stuff is dangerous, especially to those that don't drink much!
I used Sparks as primer - drop a can or two before hitting the twelve-pack, before hitting the shots, before actually going to the bars and blacking out at 11:30. My late 20s sure were fun. I think.
@geoffhazel: I'd never heard about it until today; my sister told me the funniest story. Her room mate thought it was just an energy drink and bough a few cases of it on sale off an end cap at a grocery store. Since she had also bought wine, she didn't give being ID'ed a second thought.
Apparently this girl brought a can of Sparks with her every morning to her chemistry lab and couldn't figure out why she felt awake and yet down. Finally a TA in the lab pulled her aside to speak with her about getting help for her "obvious alcohol issues".
I'm 28 and if I want to drink an orange alcoholic energy-drink I'll be damned if I can't. I LIKE that stuff, and if underage kids are drinking it it isn't MY FAULT, and it sure isn't Miller's fault, but the people that sell it to kids. Beer ads are all over television, moreso than I remember than I was a kid, and why don't we ban that?
Never had it.