We have a feeling this is going to happen with increasing frequency as airlines continue to bleed once-loyal customers for extra revenue: Greg Dean, the cartoonist behind Real Life Comics, has had enough of United gouging him. First it was the second checked bag fee, then the first checked bag fee. Then they doubled the pet-in-cabin fee to $175 each way, which works out to more than the cost of a human round-trip ticket.
And let’s not forget the exorbitant booking fee for using miles for one of our tickets. The actual FLIGHT was only $280 round trip per ticket, but with the booking fee TO USE THE MILES TO PURCHASE A TICKET, we wound up paying over $500.
When Dean tried to convert the two tickets into travel vouchers, the airline charged him another $300. And that, readers, is when the airline killed off one of their better customer relationships.
For a trip that requires two roundtrip tickets priced at $280 each, or $560 before taxes, United managed to tack on over $800 in additional fees:
| 1st checked bag*: | $30 |
| 2nd checked bag | 50 |
| pet-in-cabin fee | 350 |
| booking fee (estimated) | 150 |
| travel voucher conversion fee | 300 |
| Total: | $880 |
| figures reflect round-trip totals | |
Dean doesn’t have a permalink to his post—it’s just up on the “News” section of his front page—so we’re reprinting it below for posterity:
There seems to be a trend with me lately – it seems that, without fail, if I am on the phone with United Airlines, it’s going to end in me cursing them out.
First, let me point something out. I used to be a devotee to United Airlines. For years, when we had trouble flying on American or Delta or *shudder* Southwest, United was always there as our rock – flights were usually smooth, we got decent service, and life was good. We signed up for frequent flier cards, (Even got a free upgrade to First class from L.A. to Chicago once) and I got a credit card that would give me bonus miles with them. I also had sort of a soft spot for them in my heart, given that my Grandfather worked maintenance for them for most of his life in San Francisco. After his memorial, I wound up taking a bunch of his old United memorabilia home with me, and I’m always going to treasure it, no matter what.
But coincidentally, that particular flight was where the love affair started to go south. See, it was around June, and it was when they started adding on fees for the second checked bag – which we didn’t know about until we got to the gate, of course. I understood, to a degree – fuel prices were at an all-time high, and the airlines had to make up for the difference somehow. But I do clearly remember mentioning to the gate agent that “Heh… you KNOW those fees aren’t going to go away when fuel prices come down again.” How right I was.
Now, of course, fuel has dropped to the lowest price it’s been in YEARS, and have they removed the fee? HA! They went one step further… because in early October, we booked a flight home so we could spend Christmas with our families. During that phone call, I discovered that not only had they added a fee for the FIRST checked bag (WHO flies without checking at least ONE bag?!) but they had increased the pet-in-cabin price from $85 per direction (It had previously been $75 the year before) to ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS per direction. Considering we’d be taking Selphie both ways, that adds up to MORE than the price of a ticket – just for the privelege of putting a dog carrier under the seat in front of us. And let’s not forget the exorbitant booking fee for using miles for one of our tickets. The actual FLIGHT was only $280 round trip per ticket, but with the booking fee TO USE THE MILES TO PURCHASE A TICKET, we wound up paying over $500. The pet-in-cabin charge would be paid at the gate, of course. And don’t forget the roughly $80 extra we would have to pay just to check our bags. This was the first instance where the phone call ended in extreme profanity.
Now, of course, we’re MOVING BACK to California. We no longer have need for a flight from Austin to Sacramento. So, I decided to call United and see if it would be possible to convert the tickets into travel vouchers that we could use at another time. Certainly, said the reservations agent! There’s only a fee of $150 per ticket to do so.
THREE HUNDRED DOLLARS?! FOR YOU TO PRESS A FEW BUTTONS AND CHANGE SOME INFORMATION IN A COMPUTER?! Needless to say, that phone call did not end in a civil fashion. I don’t care if these people aren’t personally responsible for these fees. They’re representatives of United, and as such, they deserve to hear what I have to say. Take your fees and shove it.
And so, here and now, I officially renounce United Airlines. Call it whatever you want. A denouncement. A boycott. I don’t care – the long and the short of it is this – I will never willingly fly United again, and I would urge anyone to whom customer service is important to boycott them as well. And not just United – I pledge, here and now, to never fly on another Star Alliance airline, either – domestically, this means no flying on US Airways. (Not exactly a huge loss) And I’m going to keep this up until United elects to rescind their fees for the first and second bags, and until the silly fees like $175 for a pet-in-cabin go away. But I’m not silly enough to think that the actions of one man are enough to get something done. That’s why I’m calling on you guys.
I’m sure I’m not the only one furious with United Airlines for the treatment I’ve recieved – I’m sure many, many others have had the same experiences. Tomorrow, I will be writing up an actual, paper letter and sending it off to United, and I encourage you to do the same. If you feel so inclined, their mailing address is as follows:
Customer Relations
WHQPW
United Airlines
PO Box 66100
Chicago, IL 60666Whether the fees go away or not is immaterial. I’m just pissed that United has $500 of my money that I’m never going to see again, and they’re holding it hostage unless I pay an ADDITIONAL $300 to make use of it sometime in the next year. And so, I’m going to throw in my one profanity in this entire post – I say this so that people like my mom who don’t really care for profanity can stop reading now.
Fuck you, United Airlines. You just lost a devoted customer.
Real Life Comics (Thanks to Arthur!)
(Photo: Getty Images)
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I am not looking forward to Continental joining the Star Alliance. They seem way less squeaky than United, and it’s probably more likely for things to normalize towards the worse end.
@opal: Not if UA goes under before then.
Here’s why flying doesn’t make sense anymore:
NEW YORK TO DC: TAKE THE BUS!
The Delta Shuttle is rolling out wifi this Spring for an extra $9.95 a flight. Add $339 for the flight itself, $35 for the cab to get to the flight (LaGuardia) and $20 for the cab when you land at National – all in, $405, give or take; $810 round trip. (Unless you want a wider seat – Delta adds a First Class section December 1 that adds another $170 or so each way: $1,150.) Door-to-door travel time each way – when traffic to and from the airport, weather, air traffic control, and so forth, are all cooperating: around two and a half hours.
The Acela offers no wifi and takes four hours, door-to-door, but you don’t have to take your shoes off to go through security and the round-trip cost, with cabs to and from the station (you could take the subway) is a more modest $450 or so. You can even plug in your laptop.
The slower train adds half an hour, so all in you’re at maybe four and a half hours – and there’s no electrical outlet at your seat – but round-trip is about $215 (because I know you’ll take the subway).
But . . . ta-da! . . . these express buses between Washington (Dupont Circle) and New York (Herald Square) have free wireless for the approximately five-hour door-to-door journey, at less than $60 round-trip. Some of the buses allow riders to vote on which movie to watch, and to offer free water, and I’ve heard some of the buses even have AC power at the seats – none of this is stated on the web site, so it may depend on which bus you happen to catch.
[www.andrewtobias.com]
I flew United once, last Christmas. After an equipment problems cause my wife and I to miss a connection flight on another airline, United left us high and dry. We ended up having to rent a car, one-way to get to our destination by Christmas (three days later) to the tune of $350. Coupled with the missed flight, we were out nearly $800. United saw fit to compensate us for $300. I promptly sent it back and told them what they could do with the $300. Have not and will never fly with them again… hope they go out of business.
Picked up by United’s Pilots, who thank you for writing this story:
http://www.glenntilton.com.com/newsarticles/2008/11/14/consumerist-united-adds-800-in-fees-to-560-trip-loses-custom.html
“I don’t care if these people aren’t personally responsible for these fees. They’re representatives of United, and as such, they deserve to hear what I have to say. Take your fees and shove it.”
I had sympathy for you until this point. But it’s obvious that you cannot show sympathy for someone else, so why should I show it to you?
Fuck you, Greg Dean. Fuck you with a shovel.
@arl84: Such a paragon of maturity. Bravo.
I live in Minneapolis, where Northwest controls about 80% of the gates at the airport. I was recently looking into a flight to O’Hare and was stunned at the price. I fly very infrequently, but a year ago I flew MSP-ORD for about $220. Now it’s $380, if you try and estimate your “optional” fees in addition to the fare and all the typical fees.
We recently got the news that Southwest will start flying out of MSP in March. They have said they will offer a flight to Chicago Midway for $69 each way. I’m guessing that comes to about $175 RT bottom line. Now, I assume Southwest makes money or breaks even on every one of those $69 flights. So, if they can do that…where in the world does that additional $200 Northwest, and every other legacy carrier, charges go? I would prefer to fly into O’Hare and would be willing to pay more, but it sure as hell isn’t worth $200 to me.
Anyway, to bring this rant to an end: It has been maybe 18-20 years since the last time I drove, instead of flew, home for the Holidays. Well, it’s the end of an era. Add the vagaries of holiday air travel to $380 and a 6-hour drive plus $50 for gas each way is the hands-down winner. And I won’t need to borrow my Mom’s Lincoln once I get there.
@JiminyChristmas:
Northwest uses those profits to subsidize money losing routes which provide the necessary feeder traffic for MSP-ORD and other routes….
Southwest is more concerned about making sure each and every route is profitable…which naturally makes sense!
Even though Southwest will surely have fares above $69 the closer you get to the date of travel….even if the flight had 130 pax each paying $69, the yield would be $9,100….which would result in a minimum $800 profit..nearly 10%!
United became Untied many years ago.
How many times has United Airlines filed bankruptcy? I lost count.
Greg, you should give up this group and come talk about travel. Some people can be so mean…
Um, I don’t know if I’m magical or something, but I just used my frequent flier miles to book a direct flight from here to Denver and it only cost me $5.
Now, apparently, I will be paying $30 round-trip for my overnight bag, but I don’t feel any more screwed over than that.
I dont care about credit cards that give me miles, bonuses, or any other bogus garbage. The only credit cards I use are ones that give me cash back. There is no charging me $150.00 to get my $20 cash taken off my bill. What airline miles are given with one hand, they are easily taken away, reduced, or charged to hell with the other.
May 10, 2005 – Bankruptcy Judge Eugene Wedoff approves United’s plan to terminate employee pensions, clearing the way for the largest corporate-pension default in American history.
July 21, 2005 – United completes second round of negotiated labor cuts in bankruptcy, adding another $700 million in annual labor savings.
Sept. 7, 2005 – United files reorganization plan outlining its intentions for repaying its debts and wiping out its stock. Forecasts nearly $1 billion operating profit in 2006 but based on oil prices falling to $50 a barrel.
Unions representing the workers most recently were riled by a provision in UAL’s reorganization plan that grants an estimated $115 million in equity to the top 400 management personnel. Tilton’s (CEO)share of that amount has been estimated at $15 million.
So after UA workers pensions go bust, and stockholders are wiped out, the executives in the new company automatically get to split $115 million between themselves for having run the company into the ground.
Sorry for the rant, I had problems with them before and had to vent.
Here’s the direct link if you’re still interested: [www.reallifecomics.com]
I am surprised that the airlines have not installed pay toilets yet!
The guy paid HOW MUCH to drag the mutt along? That wasn’t a pet-in-cabin fee, that was a stupid tax. For that much money he could have brought a midget along to sit in the middle seat!
I would just like to add to this that I too am boycotting United. I flew with them from Tallahassee, FL to Milwaukee, WI a few months ago and went through hell just getting to my destination (and back).
I flew to Milwaukee,WI to goto a friend’s wedding. plane tickets for 2 people were nearly $900!!!!!!!! (and that was the cheapest fare!) so anyways, we had a flight out of Tallahassee at 7:10am. we were running a little late that day and go to the airport at 6:45am. cutting it close I know, but this is not a large airport by any means. well, we go up to the ticket counter to get our boarding passes and what’s this? THERE IS NOBODY THERE. there was a little bell, that said ring for service. we did. we waited. we rang again, etc. at 7:10 somebody finally came out and was basically like ‘uhhh, sorry, you just missed your flight’ WE WOULDN’T HAVE MISSED IT IF YOU HAD BEEN AT THE TICKET COUNTER YOU DUMB SHIT! it only took us 5 minutes to go through security when we eventually did get our tickets for the next flight out at 11am so you can imagine how pissed we were. perhaps it was because we were on a tight schedule that made it all the more stressful. see, we were supposed to go the rehearsal dinner and stuff that night at 5pm! my girlfriend was in the wedding party so this was kind of a big deal. anyways, eventually we get on a plane to Charlotte, NC where our connecting flight was. we had already missed our connecting flight, so we had to wait until 4pm for th next one! (if things had gone as planned we would have arrived in Milwaukee around noon!). thing is, the next flight at 4pm was FULL so we were on standby! after everyone got on board we got lucky as there were 2 empty seats, so we got on the plane at 4pm and then sat on the runway for an hour waiting to take off! oh fun. by time we arrived in Milwaukee it was nearly 7pm (central time so minus 1 hour!) oh well. as if that wasn’t bad enough, when we left to go back home a few days later, we went up to the ticket counter to get our return boarding passes they didn’t have them! they asked if we had some problems flying here and we both gave this stupid bitch the look of death and said yes damnit! to which she replied “oh I see you were late on your previous flight, so that automatically canceled your return trip! WHAT THE FUCK!? WE WEREN’T LATE! THERE WAS NOBODY AT THE FUCKING TICKET COUNTER YOU CUNT! so anyways, she eventually got our passes and we returned home, vowing to never fly US AIRWAYS ever again.
Greg, been a fan of Real Live for years, favorite storylines are ones involving Tony and his ‘evil mastermind’ plans.
Anyway, I’m sorry you had to suffer this. Hope they refund you for every overpriced fee that you had to pay and decide to make you a free flyer for life.
I had a similar recent experience with US Air. I bought a round trip ticket between Philadelphia and New Orleans (Tues to Thurs for a meeting), and I paid $720 (which seems to me should be a “full price ticket”). When I discovered that I could come back a day sooner, I tried to change the return limb to Wed (used to be free to make this change!). The new ticket price was $920 and there was an additional $150 change fee, so I was asked to pay an additional $350! And on top of the $15 for first checked bag and $2 for water, and other nickel-and-dime charges, I said NO WAY! I stayed the extra day in New Orleans and spent that money to help the local economy rather than give it to those bastards at US Air. I cursed something fierce at the customer service supervisor, which is something I have never done before. This absolute lack of respect for customers will completely change my air travel practices.
Why the hell would you move back to Mexifornia or Marxifornia?
@danno50: Because people like you don’t live here. Not in the nice parts, anyway.
I had to change my return from a Saturday to a Sunday and they wanted to charge me 800.00. I bought a one way
home on USAir for 150.00.
Clueless.
I’m a permanent United Premier Executive, having flown over a million miles. But I rarely fly them anymore because of the penalties to change a flight. I was supposed to meet a client in Chicago so made a reservation. when my client changed his plans and I tried to cancel the flight, I could not, just apply the amount to a future flight…less of course the $150 change fee. That taught me an expensive lesson. Stick with Southwest because I need not think twice about booking and I am flexible to make changes at the last minute.
@kepler11: The “free market” is sort of the point, isn’t it? Customer doesn’t like surprise ridiculous fees. Customer takes business elsewhere. MARKET WIN!
So why are you wagging your finger at people for doing what THE MARKET wants them to do?
I’m only reading this b/c I love Real Life Adventures.
I’m not terribly surprised by this. The one airline that’s doing well through this is Southwest. Perhaps the big guys should take a queue from them?
BTW, b/c Southwest doesn’t charge me for bags, I choose them whenever I can. Even if other airlines change their policy, Southwest will still get my biz.
I wish they’d raise the pet fee to $1000 each way so I don’t have to have some little yapper sitting in the seat next to me. Could they also charge a $1000 fee for small children under the age of 8? He’s hardly one of their “better customers” if he’s paying the baggage fees. No offense dude. Most of those fees you should have known about before you ever booked the ticket.
Screw United. I used to prefer them myself, but the last time I flew with them was the last, period–rescheduled flights both ways, and on the outbound leg they tried to put me on a flight the next day, and only after multiple insistences on my part did they admit that they had another flight that night that I could get on. Plus their terminal in O’Hare was crowded and hot. I took a trip to the same area recently via Northwest, and although it took a long time (bouncing between hubs), it was cheap and relatively hassle-free.