God Sells Bread

There’s now a whole line of bread products inspired by Ezekiel 4:9″ “Take also unto thee Wheat, and Barley, and beans, and lentils, and millet, and Spelt, and put them in one vessel, and make bread of it…” They say the result is something filled with lots of nice proteins and efficient amino acids. Hooray for God bread! It’s like God, in your mouth!

Ezekiel 4:9® Organic Sprouted Whole Grain Products [Food For Life Baking Co] (Thanks to Zakarth!)

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  1. jscott73 says:

    Is this different then the Ezekiel bread Trader Joes, and probably others, have been selling for a long time?

  2. Git Em SteveDave loves this guy--> says:

    When I worked in a soup kitchen at my High School, I once conceived the notion of making soup with Holy Water. The Sister who ran the kitchen said that some people do drink Holy Water, and there is nothing wrong with it. Probably be a big seller in the middle of the country.

  3. TheBusDriver says:

    Ha! This is talked about in AJ Jacobs’ book The Year of Living Biblically – which is a hysterical book. Apparently it is pretty good. AJ did not buy this, he made his own (and provides his recipe if I remember correctly).

  4. regenerator says:

    Yep, these products have been around for years. Did something new happen here that makes it news? (Asking honestly, not sarcastically…)

  5. badhatharry says:

    They totally stole this from me. I’m selling a line of ammunition inspired by Ezekiel 25:17

  6. TangDrinker says:

    Seriously. I worked for Nature Foods Center in 1990, and we were selling that product there. It’s really good stuff, too.

  7. B says:

    I’m guessing they won’t be selling any bacon. Or shellfish.

  8. sburnap42 says:

    I’m seriously addicted to their raisin bread.

    I’m also an athiest. Go figure.

  9. timmclargehuge says:

    They always leave this bit out of it: Prepare and eat this food as you would barley cakes. While all the people are watching, bake it over a fire using dried human dung as fuel and then eat the bread.”

  10. ninabi says:

    I’ll buy this and make a PB &J(esus).

  11. snoop-blog says:

    It is not so much God selling bread as much as it is people selling God.

  12. youbastid says:

    You’re a little late to the party, Ben. This stuff has been around for a while.

    What you should be talking about, however, is the new Ezekiel 25:17 bread.

  13. Jonpaulk says:

    Yes this bread is actually very good.

  14. Cortina can see Russian from her house says:

    The english muffins from this line are really delicious, and very filling.

  15. caudillmiller says:

    this has been out for years…but way to stay up on things consumerist – great job

  16. mir777 says:

    This stuff is gross.

    Will I be struck down now?

  17. flugelhorn says:

    our neighbors got a loaf of this stuff in their monthly box from the food bank. they rejected it and passed it along to us.

    it’s like really dense whole-grain bread. not much flavor, but it kept forever. we called it “that Jesus bread”.

  18. marike says:

    We’ve been eating this for years. It’s a hearty bread and it makes for a good breakfast toast, but not such a good grilled cheese.

  19. tofupuppy says:

    Their tortillas are super yum. And unlike other whole-wheat tortillas, they’re soft and don’t break in half when you try to fold them into a burrito.

  20. PurplePuppy says:

    I get terrible heart-burn from this stuff.

    I was really frustrated for a while because regular bread makes me fat and constipated (I know, I know, TMI). I though Ezekiel Bread was the way to go… that’s how I discovered that all the lentils and soy beans they fill it with make it practically indigestible!

    Luckily, I discovered other companies that make true sprouted GRAIN bread, not sprouted LEGUME bread. If anyone’s familiar with “Dave’s Killer Blues Bread” and knows how awesome it is, well, they just put out “Dave Killer Sprouted Bread” and it’s wonderfully fluffy and yummy!

    • LintySoul says:

      @PurplePuppy: Dave’s Killer Sprouted Bread is >the best< mass assembled bread ever. And what about Dave’s story? A convict finding himself through the glory and joy of prison bread baking. But realy, the bread is awesome. I have some friends that are obsessed with the Ezekiel Bread, which I think tastes like dry cardboard.

    • Venarain says:

      @PurplePuppy: Dave’s Good seed bread really is from god. it’s the best ever and Jam finally started serving it rather than that crap from Grand Central

      • RoderigoApplesauce says:

        @Venarain: Dave is from around my parts (Portland) he started selling bread at the Farmer’s markets around here. It’s the best mass-baked bread you can find, I highly recommend it.

  21. William Mize says:

    Wow. Slow news day around the ‘ist?
    My tip about Yahoo! mail wasn’t good enough? :)

    The cinnamon raisin Ezekiel bread, toasted, with some peanut butter on it, is rocking good.

  22. edicius is an acquired taste says:

    Meh, it’s still 80 calories a slice. I’ll stick with my Wonder Light bread, which gets you TWO slices for 80 calories.

    Yeah…I have problems.

  23. elislider says:

    this bread has been around for years, at least 6, probably 10 or more. its your basic whole grain, whole berry bread. its not bad, my mom used to eat it when i was younger and i got kinda sick of it.

  24. Greasy Thumb Guzik says:

    Several years ago, while wandering through the “Natural Foods” section, I came across “Bible Bread”.
    It was $4 for 4 oz.
    It was just matzoh, [there was a photo on the box] which in the kosher aisle was maybe a $1 or a little more for a pound at the time.
    But the “Bible Bread” had some Christian sayings on it, so it went for 16 times the price.

  25. jhurley03 says:

    This bread has been around for a couple of decades. It is really good.

  26. Juliekins says:

    I just had a peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich on the jesus bread. It was pretty good.

  27. kwsventures says:

    Obama, ur, God, sells bread?

  28. AldrichPhoenix says:

    Just FYI – my husband has a wheat (not gluten) sensitivity and he can eat this bread – something about the wheat being sprouted. It’s lovely toasted.

  29. Triborough says:

    Egad. I need a few Episcopal sized drinks to put my head around the theological questions raised by this.

  30. pgaedke says:

    The passage to which they refer gives the ingredients for the bread. What they fail to mention is how the prophet Ezekiel is told to cook the bread. If you read a bit further, you will see the cooking instructions.

    Ezekiel 4:12 You shall eat it as a barley-cake, baking it in their sight on human dung.

    MMMMMM human dung! I wonder if these folks take their scripture seriously and if so how seriously?

  31. Yoko Broke Up The Beatles says:

    God also sells beer!

  32. ribex says:

    Ben, is this just a thinly veiled ad for Ezekiel? What gives?

  33. theantidote says:

    I’m an agnostic and I like this bread. The sesame loaf is the best. I’ve even made an imitation version myself and it’s not too difficult.

    The best part about this bread is that it lasts forever in the freezer, and many stores sell it that way. My toaster has a defrost button so I just break 2 pieces out of the loaf every morning and pop them in and I’m good to go.

    Their cinnamon raisin english muffins are pretty good too but they don’t really have the nooks and crannies.

  34. rtmccormick says:

    Does it come with the blood of christ AKA grape juice so you can have the whole communion in one convenient package?

  35. jjason82 says:

    I always thought it was funny that they cut the last part of the verse off the packaging. You know, the part that says to cook the bread over human feces. Yeah. Look it up if you don’t believe me.

  36. fever says:

    This is the bread that my mother prefers to eat, and when I am “forced” to eat it, I always mentally compare it to compost, and hope that I am getting the better deal.

  37. aristan says:

    @SarahC83: Thank you. I worked in a health food store for years and it’s beginning to seem like the Consumerist gang just wandered into one for the first time.

    So, though I love you, Consumerist… here are some other things we can just get out of the way:

    - Some wacky people are making ice cream… without the cream! They put TOFU of all things in it.
    – There’s a line of products called Spectrum that has a RAINBOW on the package. They may be pushing a gay agenda!
    – There’s a product called Carob that tastes nothing like chocolate that’s being sold as a chocolate replacement.

    Stick a “Banks are bad!” post and a “Circuit City SUCKS!” post in between those, and I think I just created next thursday on Consumerist.

  38. banmojo says:

    so it strikes no one as interested that in Deut it says we should go outside camp, dig a hole, poop there, then cover it up? ‘Cuz that was written over 3000 years ago, and even in modern times there are millions of people who still shit out in the street, or dump their shit and filthy garbage in the middle of the street (yes, I’ve been to Mexico and to the P.I.). Even in ‘civilized’ Victorian times the piss pot was thrown out the window onto the street below (one of the hypothesis why in Europe it’s considered rude if the man doesn’t walk towards the street side of the sidewalk – to protect his lady from getting a headfull of shit/piss).

    Hmmmm, how about the fact that pork IS a filthy animal that eats and roots in shit? Maybe bacon DOES taste good, and maybe pork chops DO taste good, but they truly are filthy motherf$#@ckers, and the Bible was saying this 3000+ years ago. Only now with modern science and microscopes and public health studies do we realize pork is TEEMING with nasty parasites and is the main cause of debilitating arthritis in the 3rd world countries (pork tape worm -nasty little fellow – also burrows into the brain and leads to a nigh impossible to treat seizure disorder).

    Or that sex between man and animals, or between man and man (really, butt sex in general), has led to the spreading of some particularly nasty STDs?

    The health message in the Bible is one of the reasons many people believe it TO be God inspired.

    And you all are mocking it here today.

    I, for one, think that’s uncalled for.

    • Vastarien202 says:

      @banmojo:
      No, we are mocking it because it’s a huge mess of hateful garbage written by a bunch of cattle-sacrificing savages who hated women and thought that every animal on earth lived within walking distance of Noah’s house.
      Enjoy your day.

    • Burgandy says:

      @banmojo: Whoa, no more regular for you. Decaf, you have been relegated to decaf only mister!

  39. Rectilinear Propagation says:

    So am I the only person on the planet that’s never heard of this?

    Next you’ll be telling me there’s a restaurant who’s menu consists only of the meal offerings in holy books.

  40. lintacious says:

    I remember buying WWJD pita bread at a Sam’s Club a few years back. Which, it so seems, falsely reported their products as Kosher.

  41. dvddesign says:

    I don’t see the big deal. It’s good stuff. I’ve bought their bread many times before and I didn’t feel obligated to pick up my bible or anything when having a sandwich. It’s a nice alternative to getting the enriched fatty wheat bread from Mrs. Bairds or Nature’s Own.

  42. Hawkins says:

    I haven’t tried the bread. But the pasta was nearly inedible: cooking it according to the instructions, it came out way undercooked… but so overcooked that it stuck together in a gluesome mass at the bottom of the pan.

    Yuk.

    And it cost like five bucks a pound.

  43. Anonymous says:

    I can’t speak for their entire lineup, but I’ve been eating their bread for years – much better than the crap usually found on the grocery store shelves – if you like dense, chewy, substantial breads this makes for a great sandwich, though I also work in pita, sourdough or Vietnamese baquettes in the soup/sandwich line up.

  44. LVP says:

    This bread has been around for a while. It’s just now coming into mainstream markets. I remember my mother giving this to me as toast for breakfast in the early 80’s. I hated it, hard as a rock! Even with butter.

    Yuck!

  45. happyhiatt says:

    So, don’t know if you’ve read the passage that comes from…but Ezekiel 4:12 also includes directions for cooking.

    The fuel? Human crap.

    No thanks for me!

    [www.biblegateway.com]

  46. Anonymous says:

    Actually this bread has been out for quite some time. Most of it is quite good, however there is one variety that actually SUCKS THE FLAVOUR OUT of whatever it is that you have sandwiched between the slices.

  47. randomd00d says:

    So what is the big deal here?

    Circumcision was originally done by the Jews, as reported in the Bible. It started off as a visible covenant between Jews and God.

    Somewhere down the line, someone said , “Hey! Thats actually a pretty good idea.” And now, most male babies are circumsized.

    There are several other things that came from the Bible that turned out to be good ideas.
    People use them and don’t think much else of it.

    I like the cereal and it doesn’t imply any mystical property. God bread? Seriously?

  48. goldenmonkey says:

    I love this bread and I’m an athiest. Also, it’s not the least bit new. I’ve been buying it a few years now.

  49. xnihilx says:

    I discovered this stuff after my local supermarket remodeled and put in a new “natural foods” section. YUMMY! It’s nice to find a bread that has balanced protein in it and isn’t just full of crap.

  50. aristan says:

    @SarahC83: @Real Cheese Flavor: Don’t lie. You don’t have to make stuff up.

  51. aristan says:

    @Ben Popken: Ben, if you want to cover something in the health food industry that doesn’t make any damn sense, why don’t you cover Master Cleanse/Master Cleanser. It’s a diet that every health food store will sell to customers, I don’t even remotely agree with it, but I sold it simply because customers demanded it.

    Basically, there’s this book that costs 6 bucks and in it, it tells you to drink lemonade made with maple syrup and cayenne pepper and then dose up on natural laxatives and you’ll lose tons of weight. That’s a scam that needs to be covered.

  52. Charmander says:

    New? I’ve been buying these products for over 20 years.