Reader Addie says that she was at Babies “R” Us to pick up some stairway gates and try out a “glider”, but when she attempted to use the chair for its intended purpose, she was told that she was not allowed to breastfeed on the sales floor.
Here’s Addie’s letter:
I went to this Babies R Us Saturday to pick up some stairway gates and to try out gliders – my son needed to nurse, so I decided to multitask and nurse and try out a glider at the same time. Within a microsecond, an employee named Mike came over to me and told me that if I needed to “do that”, that I had to use the mother’s room in the store (mind you, I was COMPLETELY covered by a nursing cover). I told him that I did not want to nurse my baby in a room that smelled like baby poop. He stood there, shaking his head at me in disgust, and told me that it was store policy, and that if I needed to “do that”, it had to be in the mother’s room. He stared me down until I got up in left, and I have no question in my mind whatsoever that he would have called security if I hadn’t gotten up and left. I attempted to feed my baby in the parking lot (impossible since he is very wiggly and easily distracted at this stage), and ended up driving home with a hungry, sobbing baby.
Quoting California Civil Code 43.3: “Notwithstanding any other provision of law, a mother may breastfeed her child in any location, public or private, except the private home or residence of another, where the mother and child are authorized to be present.” A cramped and smelly room hardly counts as “any location”.
I will no longer support this company.
Nearly the same scenario happened at the Toys “R” Us in Times Square a few years ago, and it caused quite a large PR debacle for the company. The ACLU even got involved. At least officially, it’s Toys “R” Us’ policy that mothers can breastfeed their babies wherever they like, in accordance with the law. They do provide breastfeeding rooms at Babies “R” Us, but you are in no way obligated to use them. The employee who told you otherwise was incorrect. You should report his behavior to Toys “R” Us corporate because it is inappropriate and may even be illegal.
Here’s a portion of the letter that Toys “R” Us’ CEO sent to the ACLU after the Times Square incident:
Toys “R” Us agrees with the New York Civil Liberties Union that we should do everything we can to provide for the best interests of our customers — moms, kids and families. Toys “R” Us does maintain a company-wide policy that any mother may breastfeed her child in the place of her choice within our stores. Beyond that, all of our Babies “R” Us stores have dedicated rooms for breastfeeding mothers. These rooms are clean, comfortable, safe and private, and we have spent significant amounts of money to provide this option for our customers. Our Times Square store, in particular, has a private area designated for this purpose. We are proud to offer this accommodation to those mothers who are more comfortable breastfeeding their children in a private environment, and it is our experience that many mothers prefer this alternative. However, we are equally respectful of the preference of other mothers — which, in New York, is their legal right — to breastfeed their children in the place of their choice within our stores.
Toys ‘R Us Issues Formal Response to ACLU [Imperfect Parent]
(Photo: Bob Reck )
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I know this is long, but, I have been doing some research. Look especially toward the end of the list. These moments are deeply uncomfortable for breastfeeding women, most of whom (myself included) are *not* seeking to make a statement, but just want to feed our babies wherever we happen to be whenever they happen to be hungry.
Honestly, I don’t think it matters what people think or prefer, the fact is (as many of you have noted): the law (in California and most U.S. states) protects a woman’s right to breastfeed wherever and whenever she wants. Many people fought long and hard for that right. I am glad that there are, in some places, private spaces available to breastfeeding women who are more modest or shy, but that does not mean that breastfeeding women (like me and others who have posted here) should be sent to bathrooms or behind curtains because some people are offended by our choice to feed our children naturally.
Do a google search and you will find that across the nation women who breastfeed our children are sometimes harassed in public for doing so (I have personally been harassed at a mall be security guards, at a Target by an employee, and – no joke – at a Motherhood Maternity store by an employee).
At a moment when we know that breastfeeding provides superior nourishment for babies and protects them from many illnesses and even decreases the chance of SIDS by something like 80%, I am shocked and disappointed that we live in a culture in which women are so regularly shamed for doing in public what we agree to be better for babies. Is it not possible that some women might choose to breastfeed less, less often, or stop sooner due to this cultural environment? Think it through — we all benefit from provided support and respect for women who breastfeed, wherever and whenever they / we want.
A HISTORY OF HARASSMENT
1. 1972, Los Angeles, California: Woman breastfeeding her baby at Magic Mountain told to stop or leave the park.
2. 1996, Milford, Connecticut: Woman breastfeeding her 3-week-old daughter in her car was harrassed by a police officer and told she had to stop.
3. June, 2001, San Mateo, California: Woman asked to stop breastfeeding near a public pool. She was told the staff was worried her breastmilk “might infect the pool water.”
4. March, 2002, Orange County, California: A woman was barred from entering the zoo “because she intended to breastfeed on a bench inside the zoo and the attendant feared that ‘children might see.’”
5. July, 2002, Santa Monica, California: Woman breastfeeding in the food court told was approached by a security guard. He told her to stop breastfeeding, that she was being “indecent.”
6. December, 2002, Las Vegas, Nevada: Breastfeeding woman in a casino told to “go somewhere more private.”
7. Sometime in 2004, New Haven, Connecticut: Woman told to stop breastfeeding her baby in Subway (sandwich chain restaurant). She refused and suffered glares.
8. June, 2004, Lansing, Michigan: Woman breastfeeding her 8-week-old daughter in a “designated family area” was told to move to the nursing room by a security guard who said that she “was on private property and breaking indecent exposure laws.”
9. August, 2004, Rockford, Illinois: Woman kicked out of a girl scouts meeting for “discreetly trying to breastfeed her two-month-old daughter.”
10. December, 2005, South Carolina: Woman seeking to breastfeed her 10-week-old daughter in a Victoria’s Secret dressing room was told by the employee there to go feed her baby in the bathroom.
11. January, 2006, Ann Arbor, Michigan: Woman asked to stop breastfeeding her six-month-old son at the YMCA. She was there watching her older son during his swimming lesson. They said she was distracting the lifeguards.
12. June, 2006, Providence, Rhode Island: Woman breastfeeding her baby in the Providence Place mall food court was told by a mall employee to go to the restroom to breastfeed.
13. September, 2006, Gig Harbor, Washington: Woman who was already nervous about public breastfeeding needed to feed her 2-month-old baby. She was traumatized; “people stared at [her] like she was naked” even though she was covered up.
14. September, 2006, New York City: Woman asked to stop breastfeeding her seven-month-old son and harassed by several employees for breastfeeding at a Toys R Us store.
15. November, 2006, Burlington, Vermont: Woman and her baby kicked off a Delta / Freedom airplane after refusing to stop breastfeeding. The flight attendant told her that the breastfeeding was “offending her” and would not be allowed.
16. January, 2007, Plymouth, Michigan: Woman was barred from breastfeeding her twenty-six-month-old son at his daycare, the Rainbow Child Development Center, in front of other children.
17. February, 2007, Pennsylvania: Woman was told to stop breastfeeding by security guards at The Berkshire Mall. Public breastfeeding is now legal in Pennsylvania (as of July 2008).
18. February, 2007, Manhattan, New York: Woman asked to stop breastfeeding her infant son and harassed at a Fossil Store.
19. March, 2007, San Francisco, California: Woman kicked out of a restaurant in for preparing to breastfeed her six-month-old baby. The owner “grabbed her drinks and told her to ‘get out.’”
20. April, 2007, Houston, Texas: Woman at the Ronald McDonald house awaiting surgery for her 17-month-old son’s brain tumor was asked to stop breastfeeding him in communal space (ie in front of other people).
21. June, 2007, Denver, Colorado: Woman repeatedly asked to leave or cover up while breastfeeding her five-month-old son and watching her other children at the Elitch Gardens Water Park. The experience left her crying and shaking.
22. September, 2007, Kentucky: Woman having lunch with her children at Applebee’s was repeatedly asked to cover her breastfeeding son with a blanket. She left the restaurant in tears.
23. November, 2007, Orlando, Florida: Woman breastfeeding her 10-month-old daughter was approached by a Universal Studios employee and told she had to cover up or be escorted from the park. She was then surrounded by a group of security guards and was made to feel scared, humiliated and belittled.
24. November, 2007, Farmington, Connecticut: Woman breastfeeding her nine-month-old baby in the Westfarms Mall was approached by two security guards who told her that she had to stop breastfeeding or leave, that she had no right because the mall was private property.
25. January, 2008, Milford, Connecticut: Mother harassed by a Target employee while breastfeeding her 13-month-old son who told her that she didn’t care about the law, the breastfeeding should stop because it was disgusting and offensive.
26. February, 2008, New York: Mother told to stop breastfeeding her four-month-old baby or leave a NY state museum. She was there with her husband and other children (aged five and three). She felt humiliated.
27. February, 2008, St. Petersburg, Florida: Mother told to stop breastfeeding her 19-month-old son while having lunch with her daughter at an outdoor picnic table at Rio Vista Elementary School (her daughter’s school).
28. February, 2008, Boston, Massachussets: Mother harassed by several employees for breastfeeing her baby while at lunch at a restaurant with her five children. She was made to feel ashamed and forced to breastfeed in front of many angry stares (or leave without eating food for which she had already paid).
29. March, 2008, Denton, Texas: Mother was kicked out of a hair salon for wanting to breastfeed her hungry, crying eight-month-old baby.
30. May, 2008, Chicago, Illinois: Mother “encountered hostile treatment from a security guard [and, later, manager as well] while nursing her baby” at Garfield Park Conservatory.
31. June, 2008, Fort Myers, Florida: Mother harassed at Arizona Pizza by servers who placed napkins on the head of her breastfeeding baby – repeatedly.
32. June, 2008, Murfreesboro, Tennessee: Mother asked to stop breastfeeding her 3-month-old baby in the hallway of the County Judicial Building, offering her the custodian’s closet as a reasonable, private space. When she refused, they said she could either leave or be arrested and have Child Services take her son.
33. June, 2008, Westbrook, Connecticut: Mother breastfeeding her 18-month-old son asked to stop by a manager and told she could not breastfeed in the main space Motherhood Maternity store because she might offend other customers, especially children.
34. August, 2008, Jacksonville, Florida: Mother was harassed and told to stop breastfeeding her five-month-old baby or leave a water park where her other children were playing. The park employee told her that breastmilk was a bodily fluid that could contaminate the park.
35. August, 2008: A second mother received the same treatment, same location as above. But, in this case, the park employee shut down the splash pad and told all the parents that it was the fault of the breastfeeding mother.
36. September, 2008, California: A woman who was breastfeeding her baby in a display glider was told that she could not “do that” by an employee at a Babies R Us store. She tried to continue, but his aggressive staring and shaming made her feel uncomforable so she left.
Boo-hoo.
I’ll keep in mind her “freedom” to show her breasts to all the customers the next time I have to go to a “smoking room” to indulge my habit.
Remember, just like the people that cried “we don’t want to breathe your smoke”, there are many people that “don’t want to see her suckling”.
Breast-feeding in public is definitely a health hazard — what if the child spits up on me, exposing me to her bodily fluids? Yes, we must BAN BREAST FEEDING IN PUBLIC as a HEATH HAZARD!
Oh my goodness, after all those years of listening to people demanding nursing rooms, I’m now hearing mum’s don’t like to use them afterall.
i don’t think breastfeeding in public is wrong, or something to be ashamed of, but i agree that the OP probably shouldn’t have breastfed on store merchandise.
still, i wonder: if the OP had been bottle feeding her baby, would the BRU employee have bugged her to move?
The only thing the OP did wrong was bowing to the pressure to move. If it were me, and it has been, with all three of my chilfren, I would have just sat there until baby was done. Let them call security or the cops! Unless the store can articulate a reason for her to move, such as – “you are not allowed to feed a baby while sitting on a display item” – she is legally allowed to be there.
When my daughter was 9 months old, I went with my husband to rent a tux. While he shopped, I was invited to have a seat. Baby was fussing, so I proceeded to nurse her. The employee saw what I was doing and said, “Would you like to go in the back?” Taking her words at face value, I said, “No thanks, I’m fine.” She started to walk away, then stopped and said, “I would like you to go in back.” I asked, “Why?” Her answer: “Because I have customers here.” (Yeah, I know, I was one of them.) I said, “Well, I’m not doing anything wrong.” She said, “I didn’t say you were. I just would prefer you go in back.” I said, “I’m fine right here,” and that was the end of it. I finished nursing the baby. (And then I sent a letter to the chain’s head office, but never heard back.)
On the other hand, I was once nursing at Shea Stadium. There were a lot of empty seats so we had sat in a section a little closer to the plate than our actual tickets. Someone bitchy hag nearby kept giving me dirty looks and then started complaining loudly to me and the people around us – she was complaining about the nursing, not about the seat discrepancy, though I think she was pissed about both. She finally called security. Security asked to see my tickets, then told me to leave the seats. Not because of the nursing, but because of the seat assignment issue. I agreed, we went to our assigned section, two sections over, and I finished nursing. I believe I was still within the hag’s vision but she no longer had a leg to stand on.
I don’t find breastfeeding in public an issue, however I see no wrongdoing in an employee asking that someone refrain from doing so inside the store itself, especially if a nursing room is provided.
I brought my lunch into Ethan Allen and started eating at one of their tables and they told me I had to leave. I don’t understand, I was using their table for it’s intended purposes, and I was hungry. I was thinking about actually buying the table too. How am I supposed to know if it’s going to work for me without actually eating at it first?
Breast-feeding is necessary and important and mothers ought to be allowed to feed their babies whenever and wherever necessary. It’s not a sin to breast-feed in public and therefore should not be considered a crime.