To go along with "Eat A Meal Before You Board," even if they serve you a meal, I've experienced the joys of ground holds for 2+ hours, it may be a while before you see the cart.

I've used several of these items myself. My company is just small enough that we don't get great rates with certain businesses, but if I use the name of the business I'm visiting, I often get a better rate. And I get those rates for non-business travel... even when I bring my family. My last trip to Hawaii, I stayed oceanfront in Waikiki for $189 a night when everyone else was staying for $299 to 399 a night. Rental cars, before going out to the lot, I usually stop at the counter and ask what they have reserved for me, and if it's not something I want, then I ask if they have a Prius, or a Mustang convertible. I will mention my corporate rate, and they will usually accomodate me. If not, they will definitely get me something better. Anything is better than a Pontiac Aztec.

I never heard of the dead batteries trick before.

"Rub dead batteries briskly against your pant leg for a minute. The static generates a recharge that should last for an hour."

This may or may not bring temporary life back to a battery, but it is *not* due to static charge. Static charge, by definition, is trapped in a non-conductive medium (like the battery sleeve). Is is not delivered to the terminals or the sheets in the batter that hold the charge. If this works, it is more likely due to the heat it generates, which would modestly speed up the natural "autorecharging" that occurs when a depleted battery is allowed to rest.

I'm a believer in pay up, but I'm not a fan of lying.

I've definitely used the first one before. It also helps that they let me keep the badge for that company after I left.

"Sure, I'm still an employee. Would you like to see my employee ID?"

@hibbit:

Indeed. I was about to say the same thing. Plus sucking out that last bit of charge from a rechargeable battery will shorten its life. If it's an alkaline non-rechargeable go for it, but I'd never do this on any of my lithium ion batteries. If you completely deplete Li-ion batteries, they will be useless, you cannot recharge them and the closer you get to the true zero the more "stress" you put on the battery. (A lithium ion battery's point of lowest "stress", and where it should be stored at is about 40%.)

I like the jet lag advice.

"Or at least grab some fruit before you board."

I think most people know this, but I feel it needs to be said: bad, bad, BAD idea on international flights! The TSA agent doesn't know why you can't bring that banana into Canada, all they know is that if you've got one, you are suspicious! This leads to a minor delay at best, but will often result in having your bags re-checked just to make sure there are no goddamn kumquats in there.

Unless you're actively suffering from scurvy, wait until you're out of the airport to get your fruit fix.

The rules I learned from my father:
1) Never stand when you can sit
2) Never sit when you can lay down
3) Never pass up the chance to go the bathroom
4) Never pass up the chance to eat
5) Half the luggage, twice the money

"Ignore Jet Lag-
It's all in your head, whiner. Force yourself to adapt to the local time and walk off the sleepiness."

Not really true. Jet leg is caused by altering the light input to the suprachiasmatic nucleus of the hypothalamus. This changes your natural circadian rhythm and hormones like cortisol aren't produced at the correct time of day so you feel tired "inappropriately". While forcing yourself to adjust to the correct time will get you through it, its not just "in your head", the problem is physiological.

The best way to fix this problem is to sleep on the plane, and if you have a hard time doing that, ask your doctor for a single dose of a relatively short acting benzo to help.

@raleel: Yeah, I know it's "part of the game" and "not really hurting anybody," but I think the lying's kind-of sleazy. I don't think the wrath of God is going to smite you or anything, but I don't think you should feel good about it or proud of yourself for it.

Re: Jet lag, I find I do much better going east than west, which I guess is backwards of what it's "supposed" to be, but west leaves me absolutely wrecked, and east I have no problem, although it helps to fly "overnight" going east and get the 5 hours doze on the plane. Few things are better for jet lag than flying lag-worthy distances a few times and figuring out what strategies work best for you. (For me: staying in the sun as much of the day as possible when I arrive to help reset faster. And not napping on the first day!)

Someone once taught me to lick both ends of a battery to squeeze some extra charge out of it. I don't think it works, but I'll try anything once.

Re Jet Lag: This rule has always worked for me: "Sleep going east, stay awake going west." I've never figured out how to make it rhyme.

Priceline for hotels and rental cars-Baby! The greatest invention since sliced bread & night baseball! I haven't paid over 33% of rack rate for a hotel or 40% of best rate avail for rent a car in the 6 + years I've been using Priceline. Hurry though because some mega corp will undoubtedly ultimately buy them and @#$& it up.

ID? Get a lamination kit and make your own on the computer. Great idea!!!!!

The lying trick? May work well for places that are insanely busy and therefore won't check, but if you're doing your traveling in the off-season (winter time, for the NE states, anyway), you can bet that most hotels will want proof that you work for so-and-so. Rates are NOT set in stone with hotels. We can mess with your rate in any way up to the date you check-out, and, at least with any hotels that run LISA or Nitevision for their hotel software, there are definitely note fields letting the CSRs know to "check ID for business rate" before changing the rack rates.

"Tp rly

$10 n th frst nght f yr sty gs lng wy t syng y mght gv mr ltr f thy dn't spt n yr tthbrsh."

Wht. Th. Hll.

S nw, n ddtn t tppng th Strbcks gy fr mkng my cff nd th Snc grl fr brngng m my fd, bth f whch r WTHN THS MPLYS' JB DSCRPTNS, hv t tp th md s sh wn't wnk p my blngngs?

Ths tppng bllsht s gttng bt t f hnd. Myb ll th rd f*ckng mplys, clrks, stckbys, cshrs, nd thrws wsts f lf shld prmptvly tp *M* fr nt pnchng thr f*ckng tth n fr bng wrthlss shtbgs.

@17-A: I've never had a problem--the TSA agent who looks at my bags has no idea where I'm going (it's just that first gatekeeper looking at my boarding pass, and I wouldn't be surprised if they don't even check the destination) and has never seemed to have any desire to act as a customs official. Where has this been happening to you? I'm wondering if it's likelier at big airports with dedicated international terminal.

I have never heard of the battery thing, either. It sounds like an urban myth. I tried googling it, and pretty much the only thing that came up was this Consumerist article.

I agree with the one commenter that improved life might be due to heating the battery. Batteries tend to work worse when cold, so if you warm up a cold battery that is borderline able to run your electronics, you might be able to get a little more life out of it.

I really won't lie to anyone to get what I want but I will pay and I will tip well. Some say that you shouldn't have to tip to get good service. That is true but I tip to get excellent service.

As a 6'5" person, you don't know how much joy I feel when I see a 5'2" person sitting in the bulkhead / exit aisle seats because a travel guru told them to lie about a medical condition.

@Zyzzyva100: What I usually do before boarding is setting my watch to destination local time, and sleeping on board accordingly. A decent flight will also accommodate this rhythm by pinpointing a good time of ascent and lights out at the right time.

Some of these tips remind me of Ira Winkler's tips for gaining access to nuclear reactor plans.

[video.google.com]

I wouldn't be surprised that the dead battery thing is a lie, considering that the guy's first suggestion is to lie.

@HawkWolf: lol... maybe, but don't we all know that if our TV remote control batteries are "dead" they regain juice if we spin them?

I flew BOS to LHR and I found that I was wiped coming back but going there was easy I took a morning flight out and arrived at night, travel in general makes me a bit sleepy anyways so I went straight to bed upon arrival.

Coming back I left London at 6.30 pm and arrived in Boston at 9.30 at night but in reality ended up being awake for a total of 24 hrs straight my b est advice would be to wake up much later on your departure date if flying westward.

I've found the easiest way to combat jet lag is to eat when its time to eat in the area your visiting. Hungry or not, sit down and eat a meal. Always seems to help me get adjusted quicker.

Later,
Chrome...

Yeah, about that first 'lying' part... unfortunately, when most people try it on me, they do it by trying to convince me that "they know for sure" we have discounts we don't have.

And since I work for the government and our discounts (or mostly lack thereof) are CLEARLY documented, I can usually show them pretty explicitly that they're quite wrong.

Which is often pretty funny to watch. Is it good customer service? Not particularly, but I wouldn't have done that if they hadn't lied to me.

The battery trick is absolute nonsense.

I thought these were smart tips until I got to this one.

He got some of his text mixed up. If you think this trick charges your batteries, it's all in your head.

To combat jet lag, rub your head against somebody's pants leg. Someone of the opposite sex works best.

@glitch44: As a 5'4" tall man, I apologize taking your bulkhead seat. Though I am only offered the seat upon request as a Platinum Delta-codeshare member, and not due to a lie about my medical condition, I can understand how you might be upset. Someone as small and unworthy as myself should not take your seat. Next time, please kindly request that I change places with you, and I will comply immediately.

@mgy: But licking does work! I've used it successfully many times!

@jusooho:

You're the exception, not the rule as far as offering to swap. Myself being nearly 7' tall, I always seem to get screwed with the middle seat at the tail of the plane, regardless of status and nothing chaps my hide seeing sub 6-footers in the legroom rows, despite my heroic attempts to secure one myself. I go through GREAT lengths to do it, including bribery, flattery, arriving 3+ hours early and trying multiple agents, even down to begging, but the ambivalent airline insists on using outdated information on average sizes to determine legroom needs of the general populace.

That combined with all of the other BS a traveler has to go through and yet, they sit there and scratch their heads wondering why people hate the industry as a whole and are on the brink of bankruptcy every fear years.

As far as the article? Those are mild suggestions - I've resorted to guerrilla tactics to travel with some resemblance of comfort and convenience that make this guy seem like a pussy cat. With travel budgets being cut severely, productivity demands growing, and the travel & hospitality industries' nickle-diming and gross ambivalence towards customers, you bet your ass I'm going to lie cheat and steal in order to get more from the situation.

Ok, I've thought about it for a couple hours, and I'm going to say it. I hope many more of you out there are thinking it too.

I am disappointed that Consumerist would publish a story that advocates lying.

First of all, what is the difference between a consumer lying to obtain a discount, and a business lying to deny a refund/exchange/access to a certain price plan/etc/etc/etc?

Consumerist exists to help eradicate unfair and deceptive activities by business. Why would they suggest that customers should stoop to the same low level? Is it to be "I'm gettin' mine before they get theirs?" Are we all 5 years old now?

And furthermore, "Theft by deception" is a real crime! Sure, they aren't going to throw you in jail for 10 years for stealing twenty bucks off a hotel room, but a crime is a crime.

When all customers resort to dishonesty, it drives business to be all that much more strict in creating and applying policies to customers who legitimately deserve these benefits.

Finally, check the Terms of Service of your web site host. You may very well be in violation, for publishing content that promotes criminal activity. Most web hosting companies prohibit this.

Call me ridiculous if you want. That is exactly what this article does.

You've no doubt made a lot of enemies over the years, you need to keep your noses clean. You don't need to give anyone ammunition to discredit your reputation, or shut down your site.

I am disappointed. Sometimes Consumerist needs to do a little growing up.

@tevetorbes:

WTF - stop writing like that.

@jamesdenver: Stupid comments are automatically "disemvoweled." That means his comment was hostile/flamebait/trollish.

@TheSpatulaOfLove:

I just try to fly on JetBlue myself, if at all possible. They charge a little extra for their rows with more leg-room ($10-20), but it is more than worth it. And on my last flight, somebody decided to sit in the row after take-off for the extra leg-room, and JetBlue gave him the option of either paying the extra or moving back to their seat. He moved back. So maybe this is what the airlines should do. Just charge an extra $10-20 for a seat with more legroom. Those of us who need it have no problem paying for it.

@humphrmi: "Going east, catch some Zs, heading west, awake is best"?

As for the battery thing, I learned in my college days, when my CD player would inevitably die 15 minutes outside of town, that just holding the batteries in my hand for a few minutes so they'd warm up would give me another 45 minutes or so of music. That would at least let it last long enough to get down to the convenience store at the next stop, where I could buy another pack to make the rest of the trip home.

Wanna know why my Tier One sometimes don't seem the most sympathetic when spin your true story of hardship?

Because the last 10 people callers lied and told them the same thing to get a little ahead.

If the callers to my centres are a random sample, here's what I've learned:

1) 20-30% have lawyers on retainer
2) 10% are lawyers
3) 50% have worked in whatever industry they are complaining about
4) Many callers have years in which every member of their immediate family die several times

My advice is to tell the true, and don't spoil for those really in need.

@stanner: You reminded me of my dad's number one travel advice.

Go to the bathroom when you can. No, I don't care that you think you can hold off until the next stop.

@harleymcc: Yeah, I find it very odd when people need you to cut them a break after their eight dear grandma sadly passed away.

Lying sounds like a very bad idea. You'll only get cynical CSRs... and we definitely don't need any more of those. It's the kind of stuff that you'll be able to benefit from a couple of times, but eventually everyone (including the liar) will have to pay up tenfold in the way of more draconian measures.

I can't endorse most of those suggestions, and the ones that I can are pretty common sense (like eating before you fly).

There's a difference between getting travel advice from someone who travels a lot and getting travel advice from someone in the industry. (I usually don't agree with Peter Greenberg's advice for just that reason-- he only understands one aspect of a multi-part issue.)

Me, I'm a frequent traveler (weekend trips at least once a month, big international trips at least twice a year) PLUS I've worked for a major airline, at a major hotel, and I've been a travel agent for the last five years. I understand the industry from ALL aspects.

I can tell you that not only is it unethical to lie about your employment status to get discounts, but it's ILLEGAL. And more often than not, it's not going to work and it IS going to bite you in the ass. Do you really think it's as easy as going, "Gee! I work for Microsoft!" And then you get a fat discount? Um, no. Generally those companies put you on their corporate account FIRST and if you're not already there, you're going to need some hard documentation to back your claim up. If you can't produce that, the agent is going to know you're a liar. And a cheat. Sure, maybe it works one time out of fifty, but is it worth it? I don't think so.

I also agree with the Consumerist-- hanging up on people isn't going to get you anything. Especially if you're being a dick about it. You know what happens if you're talking to an airline rep and you're a dick? They're going to notate it in your booking and the next agent you talk to is going to see it and be *real* excited to go the extra mile for you... Or not. If the conversation isn't going your way, POLITELY ask to speak to a supervisor. POLITELY being the key.

The "steal an inch of legroom" is total crap. Really? By "throwing away" the in-flight magazine, you're going to get an extra inch? I don't think so. That's not really advice at all. Providing in-flight reading material isn't some evil plot by the airlines to make you *even more* uncomfortable. They make the airline some extra money (through advertising) and they provide people who forgot to bring a book with some generic reading material to kill the time. Throwing it away isn't going to do anything but waste paper and possibly disappoint the next passenger who sits in your seat when they discover they forgot their book and there's nothing for them to read.

There is one tip, and one tip only, that is valid: KINDNESS. Sure, "bribing" might work (I've accepted a latte in exchange for a first class upgrade before), but only if you're nice from the start. Be nice. Patient. Understanding. Accept that the person you're talking to doesn't make the rules, is overworked, underpaid, and gets screamed at all day long by disgruntled customers.

Customer Service Agents for major airlines make between $10.50 and $13.50 an hour. That's it. The unions are a joke because they're not allowed to strike (Federal law prohibits it) and mandatory overtime (as in you work it or you're fired) is part of the deal.

If you're the one customer that treats the agent with kindness and respect, you're going to get that upgrade or nicer seat or earlier flight... If it's available. And if it's not available? Well, you're going to get good karma.

It's not unheard of for people to have fees waived or be upgraded or given free drinks or swapped to a non-stop flight or whatever just for being nice-- the agents at the airport can basically do whatever they want. And the ONLY surefire way to get those benefits? Kindness.

That's applies across the board-- at hotels, rental car agencies, hell, EVERYWHERE. Want perks? BE NICE TO THE EMPLOYEE. Don't try to lie and cheat and scam to save a buck-- that just makes you a dick. Be nice and it will, eventually, pay off.

@TheSpatulaOfLove: How nice that you're willing to screw fellow customers to get yours, and how entertaining that you then turn around and whine that others do the same.

@Fly Girl: "Throwing away" isn't really throwing away. Go back and read again. It's tossing it into the overhead bin. Besides, there are no trash depositories you can get to easily on the airplane. As is, it takes too long for the crew to come pick up our garbage.

In any case, emptying it doesn't work. I'm 6'2", and the only thing that works for me is a Knee Defender. That, or getting an emergency exit row.

@jusooho: Please don't put words in my mouth: I never said you were small and unworthy. Due to the configuration of the seats my knees are already touching the seat in front of me even before the person reclines. Several years back it became trendy to ask for the bulkhead seats even when they weren't necessarily needed. Now there's someone suggesting people lie about medical conditions. I'm sure you can see how that would be a little frustrating.

I'd gladly pay more for extra-legroom seats if they were offered, but the era of cut-backs I don't see a lot of airlines jumping on that. Unfortunately, the first class option is out of my price range. I wish I was a Platinum Delta-codeshare member like you.

@TheSpatulaOfLove:
You really, really need to befriend Seat Guru.

You wonder how people pick good seats? Savvy travel agents, experience, and Seat Guru. Whenever I book flights, I always use it to pick the best seats, by having it open in another browser window.

And don't be afraid to use your airline's online seat selector to check seat availability as they board the plane. Some airlines (like Continental) let you see which seats are free, plus how many standby passengers there are, and which seats those standbys are assigned as they board. Wait till they close the cabin door, and voilà, you know exactly which seats are available to steal!

TPK
I agree with you 100% on what you said. I too am also disappointed that Consumerist would post the tips that condone lying. Is there nobody else who feels the same way?

@NikonGal: I agree that not only condoning lying, but encouraging it as a "tip" is probably not the best thing. Even if you set aside the ethical issues, problems are created for everyone when more people start to use the same lies to get what they want.

On another site, there are often discussions about restaurants and people's claims about food allergies and health issues that relate to food preparation. People say they are allergic to things because it's the only way restaurants take their requests to omit things seriously. So many people now lie about it that no one believes them. That means that people who really have such problems no longer can get the special considerations they need because others have lied about having the problem to get what they want.

Of course, I only think lying about deep vein thrombosis or health problems is an issue. I don't care about lying about your job as the consequences aren't such a big deal. People who work for a Fortune 500 company are likely decently compensated anyway and probably don't need a discount.

@TPK:

I am disappointed that Consumerist would publish a story that advocates lying.

By no means is it a majority, but it's not an insignificant number.