TombStone Pizza Vending Machine Seen As Harbinger Of Apocalypse

The existence of a TombStone pizza vending machine is being interpreted by some as a sign that the end is near.

Doomsday prognostications aside, at least people who like Pizza Hut now have something to look down on.

The End Is Near [She Eats via Buzzfeed]

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  1. my work boredom is such that, were i to encounter this automaton of horror right now, i would totally hit it up for a plain cheese emergency-raft-shaped pizza.

  2. SonicMan says:

    So what? This thing heats up frozen pizza for you.

    Probably better than some of the delivery I get.

  3. Oranges w/ Cheese says:

    They have one of these in the local hospital’s cafeteria.

  4. arras says:

    I like it! Well, not really..lactose intolerance sort of limits my pizza eating, but still though…a vending machine that dispenses pizza.
    Wonder how much they are…and where

    • zlionsfan says:

      @arras: Funny, I prefer to think of it as limiting my pizza digestion somewhat. :) Although store-brand lactase does seem to help a bit …

      I haven’t eaten a Tombstone pizza in a while, and I do hit the Pizza Hut buffet about once a week or so, so I may be an outlier on this, but I wouldn’t mind this option. Frozen pizza might suck, but it sucks less than some other options.

      Hopefully the serving you get has under 1000 calories …

  5. gatewaytoheaven says:

    Apocolypse never tasted so cheesy.

  6. I’d like to see a chicken-wing vending machine, complete with an internal deep fryer and everything.

  7. My college had a “Ori-da” french fry vending machine. During my first summer there, my classmates and I would spend our breaks hanging out around/looking at the machine which was always out of service. One day the machine WAS in service. We gathered around it like the apes in 2001. I bought a “cup-o-fries”, and we all had some. They were thinner fries, which usually cuts down the taste, but they weren’t that bad. After that day, we ignored the machine, and sat on the opposite side of the atrium. Shortly thereafter, the machine broke again, and when I came back the next summer, was gone.

  8. Damn it. They stole my idea. How did they get that out of my brain?

    Seriously I thought of a variation of this machine in college. Mine made personal pizzas and hot pockets. Those late nights (this thing is due in the morning and I put it off for 3 months) would have been greatly improved.

  9. Geblah187 says:

    I’d be fearful of putting my coin into such a beast, lest I be granted some obtuse wish to be young again … ala Tom Hanks in “Big.”

  10. cosby says:

    I’ve seen vending machines for ice creme, french fires, coffee, cigarettes, cold meals, etc. This isn’t new.

    Also

    [www.wonderpizzausa.com]

  11. adammarc81 says:

    I think I have seen it in the Salt Lake City Airport near the baggage claim.
    I wanted to use it just to see how bad it was, but it was broken.

    Adam

  12. forgottenpassword says:

    I’d try it. Once.

    Maybe more if it tasted gooooooood

    I remember once pizza hut was selling these long frenchbread type pizzas at the local theater (I guess it was a test run thing)…. and it was soooooo goooooood, but they stopped it. :(

  13. Thassodar says:

    HOLY SHIT THAT IS AWESOME!! I may just drive 4 hours to Houston just to get one and eat it. And then say I got sick from vending machine pizza.

    SWEET!

  14. MyPetFly says:

    TombStone… Hmmm.

  15. wattznext says:

    I should hate this.
    But wow…just wow…this looks amazing :)

    BTW, the other day i was thinking about that old commercial (i think it was visa) that ran during the Super Bowl 10 years or more ago.
    It featured a guy who kept getting his dollar rejected by a vending machine, only to realize the vending machine had a CC slot in it. the tag line was something about how the future is now I think it was shot in a big field/desert…anyone remember this commercial?
    More importantly, where are our card swiping soda machines?

    • wattznext says:

      @wattznext: Card swiping in this case means a soda machine that can read my CC…NOT a soda machine that will steal my CC…THAT would be a sign of the apocalypse!

    • MercuryPDX says:

      @wattznext: They exist. I saw a Coke branded one at the local Bingo Hall.

    • little stripes says:

      @wattznext: There is a snack machine here at work that takes debit/credit cards, actually, and I’ve seen them elsewhere. They work fine.

    • Brain.wav says:

      @wattznext: Got one where I work. All the machines on Drexel’s campus (at least when I went there) had them as well (and they’d recognize the school IDs as well)

      • bonzombiekitty says:

        @brainwav: Darn, when did Drexel get vending machines that took the Dragon Card? I wish they did that when I went there :(

        • Brain.wav says:

          @bonzombiekitty: I went there from 02 to 07… I think they started taking them in late 05 or 06…

          Of course, I could be wrong about the Dragoncard part, but I’m fairly certain they do/did.

    • thomas_callahan says:

      @wattznext: cc soda machines are all over the place, try DC Childrens Hospital’s ER waiting room. I never thought I’d ever put a credit card in something like that but after 2 hours waiting with no water and no cash while there with my 3-year-old daughter (and the fountains were all of very questionable cleanliness), I caved and bought her a water.

      Didn’t see the brat vending machine at the National Zoo, though.

  16. JulesNoctambule says:

    If these were on my city’s streets, there would be lines ten people deep in front of them every Saturday night after last call.

    And I would be among those queued, because at that point it would sound like the most awesome thing in the history of ever.

  17. aerick79 says:

    hopefully you can hack this machine!!!!

  18. dry-roasted-peanuts says:

    So, a dinner and a movie date by going to a Tombstone Pizza vending machine and a Redbox or Best Buy vending machine: trashy or trachiq?

    • kairi2 says:

      @pirate_eggie: Reminds me of Chili’s and the new “BIG MOUTH BURGER!” That movie (Idiocracy) was pretty horrible, but the concept behind it was terrifyingly true to life.

  19. ImpossibleCheeseburgerPie says:

    There’s a kosher vending machine at the ballpark. You can get knishes, pizza, onion rings, or a veggie ‘patty’.

  20. thewriteguy says:

    I thought the photo was a Photoshop parody from Fark or Worth 1000.

  21. PeteyNice says:

    I could go for a pizza right now. Then I remember I live in Atlanta and they don’t have pizza here yet. I further remember that I am not going to be home until Christmas and I get further depressed that it will be months before I get to have pizza.

    Yes, they have “pizza like substance” here, but it isn’t pizza.

  22. snoop-blog says:

    So does it spit it out already cooked? If so, I want one on my campus.

  23. MyPetFly says:

    You know, a steak vending machine might be a good idea. Maybe with grilled onions, a baked ‘tater, mushrooms, and a hot fudge sundae.

    Too bad the automats are gone (I think).

  24. HFC says:

    If this is a harbinger of the apocalypse, I welcome it. What’s the problem? How much is a pizza? More than $2 would be very disappointing… but not horrifying.

    • MickeyMoo says:

      @HFC: I’d be surprised if it was less than $5 (particularly in airport locations)

      I do love that while the article takes a dig @ Pizza Hut (perhaps a well deserved one, I wouldn’t know) the ad column on the left has a Domino’s link at the very top. Domino’s is pizza? I tried it once and I honestly don’t understand how they could become such a huge corporation, are there really that many wasted college students in North America?

  25. Jabberkaty says:

    This is so much more appetizing than those roundabout vending machine that has apples, yogurt, sad looking sandwiches (almost typed sadwiches, which I think would work), dinty moore beef stew and other lunch items… They also served pizza, but not warmed up for you. It’s sad that that machine makes me want chewy pizza.

  26. I don’t see any problems here!
    They were even nice enough to put a Red Bull machine next to it so you could get a refreshing beverage. Now, where is the Jager machine?

  27. GMFish says:

    People who eat healthy take it to such moral extremes nowadays. Criticizing this machine and its food is no less asinine than the Victorians criticizing exposed table legs back in the 1800s. Times change, but there will always be controlling dogmatists inflicting their narrow view of what’s right and wrong on the rest of the world.

  28. snoop-blog says:

    Finally a vending machine that takes stoners seriously…

  29. MeOhMy says:

    The problem with people freaking out and calling it a sign of the apocalypse is that these people seem to think that people would simply give up on all other food and just start going to a vending machine to get a pizza.

    Until the pizza man stops delivering, that’s not gonna happen. Lazy beats Vending Machine any day of the week.

    • Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ã‚œ-゜ノ) says:

      @Troy F.: What if I had one of these machines in my home? So long pizza man!

      Please tell me this has a little convection oven inside it… nothing to me is less palatable than microwaved pizza. Except maybe excrement. And even then, microwaved excrement would still somehow taste worse.

  30. gmss0205 says:

    Does anyone know how much the pizza costs? I think it a great concept. You know that you are just getting a nuked frozen pizza, so you can’t complain if the quality isn’t fantastic.

  31. Triborough says:

    There is actually a useful version of this out there from a company called Kosher Vending Industries which allows for those who want to keep Kosher in places where there they don’t. They have sold some to hospitals and at a couple of Thruway rest stops. It isn’t a bad idea if applied right, like in the Kosher case.

  32. Sugarless says:

    I’m waiting for the cobb salad vending machine.

  33. snoop-blog says:

    I think it’s bad ass! I don’t see why there is any reason to bitch about this. If your elitist taste buds are too good for tombstone, than don’t buy one. Personally I’ll eat totinos, cuz lets face it, I have no shame. To quote the not so famous words of my Dad, “it’ll make a turd.”. Food is only an obstacle to me. The quicker and easier I can get my hunger out of the way, the more time I have to do something else.

    • MissPeacock says:

      @snoop-blog: Totinos!!! My favorite frozen pizza! You can get five of them for five bucks, too! My local Target has stopped carrying them for some reason, so it’s harder for me to get them now, but worth the extra trip.

      I love this vending machine. I wish we had one at work. Sometimes I don’t bring my lunch, thinking I’ll go out and get something, but then the weather is bad or I’m busy and I don’t want to leave. A pizza vending machine would be PERFECT, and much better than a skimpy bag of chips or the dreaded Extra Large Honey Bun for lunch.

  34. goodywitch says:

    Anyone else remember the commercials? “What would you like on your tombstone?”

    I don’t get what’s wrong with this machine, it beats the pizza hut/taco bell pizzas. I’d eat it.

  35. mariospants says:

    Marketing is a funny thing: although “Tombstone” probably ranks right up there with “stupid names you should not put on a food product” it certainly is memorable.

  36. coren says:

    I must acquire such a machine for my school. holy crap.

  37. pirate_eggie says:

    “Welcome to Carl’s Jr…would you like to try our new BIGASS FRIES (reverb)?!”

    It makes me sad when parts of Idiocracy start to come true…

  38. bilge says:

    A pizza vending machine is a harbringer of the apocalypse? And the ones in Japan that have been around for years that sell soiled women’s panties aren’t?

    • deadspork says:

      @bilge: You can get ANYTHING out of a vending machine in Japan.

      ANYTHING.

      • Ajh says:

        Honestly? The tombstone pizza is a much healthier choice than the cheese danish in the traditional vending machine. They’re both bad but at least it’s a bit better?

        @deadspork: You are very correct. Rice vending machine…yay…

  39. CyGuy says:

    At the National Zoo in Washington, DC, they now have a Johnsonville Brat machine, that sells brats, oversized hotdogs, or kielbasa. The sausage is cooked, put into a waiting warmed bun and dispensed from a little window. All for the fairly reasonable (for a tourist attraction food vendor) price of $3. Cash and major Credit Cards accepted.

    pic here

  40. FromThisSoil says:

    Big deal.

    In Japan, you can get almost anything out of a vending machine – from women’s panties, to ramen soup, to beer.

  41. blb says:

    the wide-angle pic shows the Barf-Bag vending machine to the left of it.

  42. Underpants Gnome says:

    Harbinger of the Apocalypse, or Hamburger of The Apocolypse? Mmmmmmm, sacrilicious……

  43. captadam says:

    Oh, god, that’s DISGUSTING!

    And I would get a pizza from one if I saw one in the wilds!

  44. valthun says:

    yes but a tombstone pizza from the vending machine is much better than what is currently being offered in vending machines. Where the peperoni is brown, not red.

  45. Adding to the above list, the Johnsonville Brat vending machine at the National Zoo.

    And I did see a few brats bugging their parents to get them one.

  46. dwneylonsr says:

    That would’ve been great in the barracks in Germany. Right next to the beer machine. Of course there was a pizza place right outside the front gates. (Patton Barracks for anyone that knows)

  47. kerry says:

    We had one of these in our hospital’s vending machine area for a few years. They recently removed it, probably due to low sales. It mostly sold non-pizza items, grilled cheese sandwiches and hot dogs and stuff. It basically contained frozen foods that were then heated for several minutes and dropped down to be received by the customer. I vaguely remember eating something from this machine – a pizza, maybe? – and it was terrible. It also took about 7 minutes to get your food.

  48. Aesteval says:

    Do these come in Red Baron? And where can I get one if they do?

  49. HogwartsAlum says:

    Mmmm, I love Tombstone pizza, but I wouldn’t want one out of a machine. There’s no way to put it back in if it doesn’t get cooked all the way. And microwaving pizza sucks. When I have leftovers, I use the toaster oven.

  50. Rune says:

    I remember seeing something like that from Tombstone pizzas a few years ago on a Food Network show (I think Unwrapped.) I thought that they were already out somewhere although I never saw them.

  51. hellinmyeyes says:

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  52. “Your account balance is zero. Please come back when you have money. Tombstone doesn’t want any child to go hungry. You are an unfit mother. Your children will be put into the custody of Tombstone.”

  53. Decaye says:

    oh my god i want one where are they?

  54. word of caution:

    Just don’t think you can stick your arm up the door and finagle a free pie like the glass-front snapple/sobe machines

  55. katiat325 says:

    THat is actually kind of gross. Someone has to handle the pizzas, etc., as they’re put into the machines…and how long are they there for? Thank goodness my job has a microwave.

  56. Parting says:

    That doesn’t appeal my taste buds. Maybe if I’m very, very hungry, with nothing to eat….

  57. Con Seannery says:

    I remember seeing an episode of Modern Marvels about 8 years ago that had these on ‘em.

  58. dragonprism says:

    College kids never have to fear of the munchies at 3am anymore.

  59. LittleEnosBurdette says:

    Put a beer machine next to it and I’m setting up a tent.

  60. no.no.notorious says:

    Although, I’m sure this is the best vending machine pizza up until this point!

    …something positive to think about. Maybe I missed this, but if it warm when it comes out of the machine? is it frozen in the box?

  61. Dyscord says:

    Why is this filed under unacceptable food though? A pizza vending machine kicks ass in my humble opinion.

  62. psychos says:

    Obviously most of you have never been to Japan. :) I’ve seen far more amusing things in their vending machines, and likely by now they have vending machines that sell other vending machines that sell microwaved frozen pizza.

  63. ChelseaCosta says:

    Does it come with a mini-bake oven too?

    I’m not down with soggy pizza from a microwave….

    • Ajh says:

      @ChelseaCosta: according to descriptions it sells pizza fast cooked in a high temperature convection oven. It’s the method we baked stuff with at the deli/convenience store I worked at. People do go there just for the food cause it leads to a not soggy sandwich

      I’m not a huge fan of tombstone though.

  64. meechybee says:

    It’s always been a personal dream of mine to own one of those coffee / chicken soup / hot chocolate vending machines ( a full day’s nutrition!).

    I think I have a new dream now.

  65. bohemian says:

    This is so Idiocracy.

  66. Mysterry says:

    I want to see someone use this O_O

  67. Brunette Bookworm says:

    I think this would actually work well in our plant’s lunchroom. Employee’s don’t have to leave work but it gives them more options if they didn’t pack anything to eat. Not something to eat all the time but useful in some places…I can see it working well in airports, especially if you have a late flight or a long delay.

  68. majortom1029 says:

    Why would college kids love this? When i went to college dominos delivered all through the night to campus.

  69. medeamama says:

    When I was in college you could get hot little cans of Chef Boy R Dee pasta with pull tab tops. I actually bought a can of mini ravioli once. I think it dispensed with a plastic spork, but I can’t remember exactly.
    So this machine rates much lower on the “ewwww!” scale for me.

  70. Tonguetied says:

    Midnight Munchies!!!!

  71. magnus150 says:

    Unacceptable food? More like incredibly acceptable awesome machine. A pizza vending machine? We ARE in the future!

  72. nerdychaz says:

    The college I work at vends frozen personal size pizzas, ice cream, white castle sliders in convenient two packs, bagel dogs (definitely not kosher), and frozen dinners. If that is not enough, one of the frozen dinners is chineese food.

  73. shiznannigan says:

    There’s one of these in the vending machine area of the hospital on Fort Hood. Strangely, now that I think about it, I think it was out of order when I saw it, as seems to be the case for everybody here.

    Maybe they’re made to be broken?

  74. Demonbird says:

    I’ve seen an ipod and ipod accessory vending machine before in the not so big city of castle rock colorado. This is the sign of the end? Please.

  75. gliscameria says:

    [www.hotchoice.com]

    Found this on another forum. Apparently they are the ones that make the machines.

    I guess these are popular at military bases.