an excellent idea. after all, this is supposed to be an important and intimate day in one's life, so why surround oneself with strangers?

Some of those questions are kinda strange (my own mother probably couldn't tell you the name of my past 2 employers, and I am pretty sure she loves me. Although my high school chemistry teacher told me she my mother didn't love me enough because she didn't go to a parent-teacher open house. So I should probably ask her to make sure.)

But I used that general reasoning for my own wedding. We had 50 guests, and that helped us keep our costs down to a small fraction of what is considered average for wedding costs. And those people were truly the ones closest to my husband and me.

This is a terribly blunt way of offending close friends. Shouldn't you know who your friends are?

It really chaps my hide when people show up for the recpetion and not the ceremony.

You like/love me enough to have me buy your dinner and booze all night but you wont sit through less then an hour long ceremony (which, lest we forget, is, uh, THE ACTUAL IMPORTANT PART OF THE WEDDING).

I'd have a hard time working more than ONE of these into a casual conversation.

"Oh, Hey.. do you know if I have any kids?"

I'd have to see it done to believe it was even possible.

If the bride/groom sees a person often enough to quiz them, I think that person should be invited.

We used a 1 year rule for our wedding. If either side made plans to see the other over the past year, they were invited. (I was surprised how many people on the initial list didn't pass this.) Also, if we had seen them within the last year, but wouldn't be sad never to see them again they were off the list.

Well, don't forget that many young folks' receptions are paid for by one or both sets of parents. The cost to invite a guest is almost certainly more than the value of the gift you'll receive from the guest, but the benefits go to you, and the cost goes to the parent. :)

The problem is, you can't necessarily vet blood relations the same way or you'll be in heaps of trouble for the rest of your life.

I'm an only child, and I have no cousins on one side and only two, and they're brothers, on the other. But I have loads of aunts and uncles. All things considered if I ever marry I would like only to invite two (one couple) out of all of these, but woe betide me (and my mother, and the aunt I do like) for the rest of my natural life and possibly also beyond the grave if I should exclude any of them...

"Now they don't recommend you literally send out tests to potential guests..."
Why the hell not? You're already recommending this friendship pop quiz complete with a scoring system, why not go the extra mile to alienate your friends by printing up a bunch of these at Kinko's and then FedExing them out, complete with blanks for YOUR NAME etc.

Here's a better idea, why not have a reception you can afford instead of blowing the roof off the sucker (or setting the roof, the roof, the roof on fire). Seeing who enjoys a scaled down celebration would be a much better (and more personable) measure of friendship, MAYBE.

$25-50k? Jeez-us. Freakin princesses. Just keep it short and simple. Over %50 of couples end up in divorce anyway. And then that princess will re-marry, and still want another fairy tale wedding. I think it takes most women 3 marriages before they get past the whole "I'm a princess phase".

@mgy: I agree with you on that, but wedding guest lists have a way of getting out of hand really fast. Then there's also guilt over not inviting so and so, whether it be your own guilt or some relative trying to convince you to invite you old neighbor from when you were 8. Believe me, I had to sit relatives of mine down and tell them that I was no longer welcoming suggestions for the guest list. Having ways to re-focus yourself and whittle down the list is helpful.

I would never ask people these questions, not even in "subtle" ways. But when trimming my own list, I asked myself if the people I was inviting knew me well, or not.

Wow seriously it costs between 25-30k? My wife and I we married 2 years ago for 7, including reception. I cant image spending that much for a wedding, that extra 23 could buy a new car or be down-payment on a house!

@mgy: Agreed. There's something awfully passive-aggressive about this. Just because you can't make up your mind about who should attend your wedding doesn't mean that potential guests should have to compete for the honor of buying you a gift in exchange for a dry chicken dinner.

This also seems to ignore the politics involved when it comes to invitees. I've been through this twice, and both times I've had many more people attend my weddings than I would have picked for myself -- but the mother and mother-in-law get a say, especially if they're kicking in cash to help.

Want a cheaper wedding? Pick an offbeat venue. Here in Minneapolis, you can get married at a zoo or, like me, at the Science Museum. Your guests get free passes to the exhibits, you get great pictures of the happy couple next to dinosaur bones, and the staff is outstanding. We (and by "we," I mean my in-laws, fortunately) paid less than half the national average, fed 150 people a fabulous buffet (see page 22: [www.lancercatering.com]), and people actually had fun.

I had a small wedding of about 120* because I cut the guest list. My mother wanted to invite family that I had never even heard of and I told her she got 40 people, and no more. (Sorry Great Aunty So-and-so twice removed. I didn't know you were alive until today.) I'm sure my mother thought I was ruthless, but I was paying for the damn thing and I would like to have some of my friends there too! Cutting the guest list is hard (hardest part of my wedding planning actually), but you just can't invite everyone you have ever met.

*From where I'm from, weddings of 4-500 people are considered the norm. They are usually big community events and you send out the invite to the head of the family and they wait to see how many people are coming. Yay for buffets and curling halls!

@snoop-blog: clearly you've never tried to plan a wedding. I'm not saying it can't be done for less, but things add up very quickly. Dinner at $30 per plate with 100 guests is 3 grand right there. Add in waiters and a mandatory 20% tip and youre over 4 grand. Go forbid you have a big family like mine. Our guest list was 400 and yes, i knew every last one of them and saw them within the last year.

@wgrune: Those people irk me to no end. Weddings take like 15 minutes unless you have a full mass, if you can't be bothered showing up to that then you shouldnt go to the reception.

(exception made for child-related excuses or when they are many hours apart, since there can be legit schedule issues)

But seriously, I was the best man for a guy who I hadnt seen in 2 years (except the bachelor party) and who's fiance I had never met. I think most people know who their close friends are without a stupid quiz.

@DrGirlfriend: "Although my high school chemistry teacher told me she my mother didn't love me enough because she didn't go to a parent-teacher open house."

My junior high science teacher told my mother she didn't love me enough because she'd had a fourth child and that was just irresponsible parenting and evidence she didn't love her children.

I am still indignant!

(See what would have happened to your mom if she HAD gone to the parent-teacher conference?)

@qwickone: I'm must be a simple country bumpkin then cuz I never even been to a wedding like that. The weddings I've been to, family members chip in and cook, we rent a legion or something for the reception, find someone you know with property and a gazebo, and poof: your married, and it doesn't count any less because you did it all for just 2-3k. I'm engaged and we're planning a Vegas wedding (because we're classy like that) batchelor party and all down there (yeah boys you know what I'm talkin about) and I gaurantee the people going with us will have a blast. Oh but the point of all that was that the actually wedding itself will cost us less than $500, plus the trip, and a reception back home where the bar WILL charge.

were saving that happiest day of our life for our child's birth...

@snoop-blog: Yeah, but weddings aren't just about the couple -- they're about the family and community. My wedding had ever so little to do with ME and ever so much to do with my extended family whooping it up at a giant awesome party.

My parents were happy, my grandparents were ecstatic, my friends and relatives had a great time, my husband and I ended up married at the end of the day, and those who paid for it could afford it -- so why should it matter if it cost an absurd amount of money?

As for cutting guest lists, my mother suggested asking people if they'd give me a kidney. But she was kidding. It was her guest list. :P

It took my grandmother almost 8 months to acknowledge the birth of my son. I am allowed to retroactively un-invite her from my wedding 4 years ago?

@gnappulicious:

Because in a family like mine, where my parents had 9 and 12 siblings respectively, you cannot keep up on everything. You help each other out, I'm getting a big freakin' tree removed for 40% off because I'm related to the tree service owner's wife, you just can't keep up when theres more cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces, nephews, et al.

That doesn't include friends yet.

I'm lucky my wife's family wasn't huge. Then again we had some of them flying from Finland...

You really posted this, Consumerist? Really?

Here's the problem:

As mentioned above, not only is doing something like this awkward and alienating, it's stupid.

Here's how you do it:

Before you even pick a venue, create the list. Get prices. Choose venue based on head count you can afford. If you love the venue but the minimums affect the head count list, THEN you make the tough decisions.

We had a 125 minimum and I think we had like 115 show up. So because of this, we worked a deal where we got a couple of extra comped rooms.

ALWAYS NEGOTIATE.

@wgrune: It really chaps my hide when people show up for the recpetion and not the ceremony.

I make an exception to that with those that are single and have small 1mo-1yr old children.

I'm not sure even most of my family would know the answers to all of those questions.

Doesn't matter anyway, since I plan to elope. I'm not wasting 25k on a wedding when I could put it towards a house.

We actually caught heat because we didn't invite the Bride's father's cousins.

People I never met before, and the Bride hadn't seen since like, 2003.

Of course, my grandmother-in-law asked me at the Bridal Shower who I was. BTW, she's not senile.

Spending more on a wedding than many people earn in a year? No thanks. It seems like most guests just attend weddings for the receptions anyway. Civil ceremonies at the court house (or, of course, no-frills weddings at the house of worship of your choice!), are the way to go. After that, maybe a small dinner with close family and maybe a few very good friends afterwards.

Not only are big weddings tacky and wasteful, but they're so stressful to plan. I can imagine that many couples begin having problems due to the stress and trials of dealing with wedding planners, caterers, dress makers, brides maids, etc. It's enough to sour a marriage before it begins.

You can, and should, celebrate your partnership with the person you love every day. You don't need two loans and 500 "close friends" to help.

Yeah, people need to seriously spend less on the frivolous things for the wedding and reception. You don't NEED a limo, or a DJ, or to eat in a fancy restaurant. Heck, I told my boyfriend that if we're getting married, it will be to go to the city clerk/court house or wherever you have to go to sign the paper, and then put all the money into the reception- which will be done, backyard cookout style :)

Oh sure, i'm sure we'd say some vows and exchange rings at the reception so some people *coughparentscough* can't complain about not getting to see anything. But i don't need to spend 4 grand on a photographer. My boyfriend is a fantastic photographer himself because of his line of work. I don't need to spend 4 grand on a place catering or having it at a crappy restaurant with dried out chicken. I'm a fair good cook myself, and my mom and I cooked up everything ahead of time for her second wedding, and it was a blast. Nope, I don't need flowers (allergic as all get out to them) or a fancy dress, or to go into an actual church and do it since neither of us is religious anyway.

If we do it, i'm sure we'll blow a few grand on it- but only on food and booze for our backyard, and we'll hook up our own sound system, hehe.

@snoop-blog: Man, we did the ultimate no-frills wedding. Justice of the Peace, followed by a kegger. I think we spend $200 total on the whole thing. And we had FUN.

@PinkBox: Eh, I see your point. I actually had an expensive wedding but I also minimized costs as much as I could.

We threw a hell of a party, and as Sam Rosen once said, "this one will last a lifetime." When your Autistic brother is dancing like Nuke LaLoosh with five different girls on the floor, those are memories you can't get by eloping, and it still tears my wife up to this day.

@Spaceman Bill Leah: Yes.

Two words: Destination Wedding. I figure if they're willing to shell out for airfare to south america, I'll go ahead and buy them dinner. They deserve it.

And you'll save a fortune through the exchange rate.

As I look at these questions it seems like someone ought to be able to answer at least half of these questions regarding any of the friends they'd consider putting on my own guest list. So how about instead of asking your guests weird questions, just save the weirdness and quiz yourself instead. If you don't know enough about somebody to be able to answer the majority of these questions about them, why would you want to invite them?

Relatives excepted, of course.

I think the problems with weddings is all dependent on how you grew up, the "social class" that you and your parents are in, and geographical location.

Any of you idiots who spend $20,000+ on a wedding deserve to have your spouse cheat on you and get divorced.

I'm planning my wedding, and we're looking at something more like $10,000, and we're fully aware we could do it for far less if we wanted.

friend of mine came up with the dance theory. At my wedding...if i'm on the dance floor dancing and i see that person...will i get excited and want to dance with them? if not, they're not invited :)

@Inglix_the_Mad:

Exception granted. Also, like TracyHamandEggs said when there is a 4 hour gap between the wedding and reception, skipping one is also allowed.

I was caught between two worlds on this - I was "lucky" in that I had just moved to the US when I got married so apart from 3 family members and 2 friends, didnt have any guests of my own to invite. My wife on the other hand is born and raised in the south, and has two sides of the family to invite, both of which were large, she also works at a pretty small company - the kind of tight-knit place where if you only invited one or two people, others might feel slighted... we ended up with just around 100 people, but still were able to do it for less than $6000 total - including venue, food, cake... the one financial bonus: a lot of her family is baptist and so we went alcohol-free for the reception - if it had been in England with my friends/family I can imagine the booze bill being pretty substantial.

And if I, the friend, don't know the answer to any of these questions for someone whose wedding I AM invited to - this gives me the right to skip out and/or not have to buy something for their many showers, right? (Including future baby showers.) It's only fair.

Also:
I totally agree with skimping on the "frills" - forget the limos (drive yourself or get a cab), over the top decorations/flowers (rent a location that is already nicely decorated)

What sort of questions do they suggest? Pick among these:

1) Name the city I'm living in now.
2) Name at least two of my closest friends.
3) Name my current employer and my past employer.
...

What about relatives? How does one explain to their mother that "No, I'm not inviting my great aunt, I havnt seen her in 15 years and I've seen her a total of 5 times in my life!"?

Just asking.

This quiz method is a nice idea, but a little weird for weddings.

It's much better for wills, that's what I'm gonna do! Leave all my $ to the one that wins!

@Eyebrows McGee: I'm glad I took the heat from my teacher, instead of my mom having to! I just laughed at my teacher, whereas my mom probably would have really caused a scene.

@Wormfather is Wormfather: If anyone in your family is into genealogy, you are totally screwed. There is no way out. Trust.

The larger issue is if we friends can even afford to go to your stupid wedding. I had to turn down 3 weddings this year, which probably saved me about $1500. You've got to fly into town, get a hotel, buy a gift, buy a dress, etc. I wish you all the best on your special day, but at $500 to attend, it's not worth it. Also, destination wedding saves the bride and groom money, but is even harder to attend as a guest. $900-$1100 for your special day? HA! HAHAHAHAHA. The savvy bride could probably turn a profit if she planned things right, but damn, weddings cost everyone a fortune...not to mention the divorce.

I think the men get off easy. All we do is just show-up (if their lucky). We don't care about the band, or the flowers and really not even the pics. Yeah we want pics, but how often are we going to look at them? Well it depends on how many you women put up around the house. Women will let something like flowers ruin a wedding where as the only thing of importance to the man is his woman.

@qwickone: No offense, but where I live (stamford, ct) I'm paying $115 a head and that's considered a deal.

No one in my family seems to understand that this a lot of damned money!

@illtron: "Any of you idiots who spend $20,000+ on a wedding deserve to have your spouse cheat on you and get divorced."

Why?

@doctor_cos: technically, controlling your guest list is the biggest part of "having a reception you can afford" - even reasonable caterers are charging $100/plate for food & if your reception goes above 300 - plan on your costs skyrocketing as your choice for a venue moves from "party hall" to "convention center".

still, i'm an advocate for "grassroots receptions" - the best & most fun weddings i have been to were very low cost. in some cases, relatives made food for the event. in another case, friends supplied tables, chairs, tents, etc. as a favor. who needs a dj when you have friends in a band or a decent stereo & an extensive music playlist? are those 6' high table arrangements really worth the cost?

& most importantly - don't waste money on party favors - seriously, i usually end up throwing them away. if you're going to offer them, put some thought into it. one idea i really liked that i encountered - a low-cost wooden picture frame with a picture of me & the bride & groom hanging out before they were married. probably set them back <$3/guest. bonus points for thoughtfulness.

all I can say is "Vegas Baby"
My husband and I spent $600 on our nuptials and that was 8 years ago.