Agreed. If your friends are constantly asking you to hurt your bottom line to help theirs but they never get you back, then how good of a friend are they?

Man, if I ever ended up ordering more than my fair share, I'm sure that they would refuse to split. Anything that comes out ending up with the person who suggests the split getting a bad roll of the dice means that they won't suggest it.
The absolute worst is when couples think of themselves as one person and ask you to split. Not only are they asking for you to foot part of their bill, but they're forgetting that they're two people, not just one.
People can be so lame most of the time, it's pretty sad how often this happens.

I think if you and your group decide before you order your drinks and meal that you are going to split the bill 6 ways, then that is fine.
However when I order and choose items that are within the budget that I have set for myself, I refuse to then split the bill 6 ways. I'm not paying for someones Filet Mignon and King Crab Legs, its just not going to happen. Especially when after I ordered I planned on paying for just my husbands and my own meal not someone elses.

@pinkpuppet:

I was saying not only should you not spend $500 on dinner out if that's all you have; I am saying you shouldn't spend $1 on eating out if that's all the money you have. It just seems irresponsible to me to spend money on frivolities if one doesn't even have emergency savings.

@meefer:

Of course I need this blog; how else will I learn which places have unacceptably high levels of rat excrement in their food!

On a more serious note, I too wouldn't like to pay an extra $100 or $200 all the time. I was just saying that good friends shouldn't put you in that position. I happen to be a vegetarian and I go out with carnivores frequently, and one friend in particular likes to drink bottles of Veuve every time. He also knows to put in fair share at a minimum (and more often, he will just pay the bill).

I guess my main thesis here is that its probably easier to find less jerkoff friends than it is to make a cheapskate pay his fair share.

@mac-phisto:

I'm totally with you here... I think the worst is when a "friend of a friend" tags along and pulls this stuff. I think a lot of these money things could be avoided if people used common courtesy. For instance, if you aren't invited, don't invite yourself! I tend to be old school, but I think if you invite someone for drinks, the host pays, though the guest should offer to pay. I guess my friends are more egalitarian when it comes to this stuff because I've definitely eaten/drank for free, and I've definitely covered a fair amount of whole checks. Again, with quality people, I think it will always even out.

I just hate cheapskates, however one chooses to phrase it.

Ugh, I hate bill-splitting with a passion. Many times if it's within my price range I will pick up the entire tab, or the (shared) appetizer or whatever, if I can. But really, if I'm wanting to pay only my share, it's because that's all I can afford and I've budgeted my meal to fit into what I can handle.

If I have $10 for dinner, that's a $6 entree, water, and a $2 tip, with $2 reserved to cover tax.

I think my friends can tell when I'm broke by what I order. If I'm getting alcoholic drinks, sodas, appetizers, etc. - I'm probably doing fine. But if I'm drinking water...

it's the shenanigans you encounter - like 6 people go to dinner & 2 are a couple, so the check gets split 5 ways instead of 6 ("but he's paying for both of us" <-actual quote), or padding the bill so a guest can pocket some cash (has happened more than once), or the guy who pulled up in the porsche conveniently forgets his wallet AGAIN (ok, it wasn't a porsche, it was a new honda accord - but we were all poor college kids & he did it every time, so it's relative).

why do people feel the need to take advantage of people they know? that's my question. i'll gladly foot the bill for someone that wouldn't come out otherwise, or chip in more for someone that legitimately made a calculation error when they hit the atm, but i'm no fool. i know when i'm being conned.

If I'm out with acquaintances, I''ll do the same thing - calculate my food, plus evenly split tax + tip. If someone says something, "oh you owe more, we're splitting evenly," I have no shame in saying that I'm a poor student, and I didn't order the expensive items or a drink. I say this with a laugh, and I don't get bothered about it.

My wife had an accident, a little on the costly side, and GEICO handled it superbly. They were EXCELLENT. Handled everything nicely.

As a result, I feel very comfortable with them and will likely stay with them forever.

I'm not a suckup. I did have an issue with their goofy adjuster for a situation when someone damaged my car trying to steal it years ago. It was a minor hassle.

Anyway, nothing pays like peace of mind. So credit where credit is due.

Seriously, if they offer to split it, I just say "Ok because you thought of this place, I'll pay the whole thing this time, but next time, I choose and YOU pay."

Usually that gets them in line.

And to a previous poster, sometimes the difference isn't $10, what if it's $100? $200? I had a friend who liked wine. I don't drink. If you're not going to raise a ruckus about $100 for a good you didn't consume, then I don't think you need this blog.

Similarly, after work we never went out for a drink. Our tradition was that on Friday afternoons we'd commandeer a conference room. Everyone brought his own single malt and we'd share a beverage and stories of the week's work. Even the T-totalers often showed up with soda pop or the like because we always had a pleasant time. The meetings, and the booze, were ok with management on the presumption that we were all adults and were responsible for managing our own consumption.

Much, much cheaper that way.

I agree that splitting the bill evenly sucks. However, if you go out to eat often and with the same people one day you'll order a hamburger and the next you'll order lobster. One way or another it always comes back to you. If you can't spend an extra 5 or 10 dollars for the sake of hanging out with friends, Stay home.

Nobody wants you to subsidize their meals. It's just easier to split the bill with a large group of people. Nitpicking over a couple of dollars is a sure way to ruin a great evening.

If the restaraunt you're eating in does not offer separate checks, don't go. We have not invited a friend on occasion because he pulls this kind of crap. It's easier to go out with people who don't mind the few extra dollars just to have a great time.

Man.. I need to start selling $500 Toilet paper to clean up the back end of those $500 meals! hehehe

Actually, fine dining is quite a treat when done right and when the expectation is there.

Which the whole meal question falls in to, social skills and social expectations.

Etiquette states that the person or persons that offer the meal invitation get to choose the restaurant and by etiquette, must pay the entire bill as well.

Etiquette also states that the person that calls a large group to meet and dine is to pick up the tab as well.

In cases where the group meets mutually, an agreement must be made prior to ordering on the arrangements for paying the check.

The most common, and acceptable method is split the check up for each person or couple, based on what they individually ordered, each paying the gratuity.

I also recently was about to go out with a few people to lunch. When I was asked, it was 3 others going to Daphne's (a fast foodish greek restaurant, where you order and pay at the register and then they bring you the food). I said yes. I was then told that the plans had changed to add a 5th person and they wanted to go to "M Cafe". A quick internet check on the restaurant showed that this would be at LEAST a $20 meal. I passed. I felt not at all bad about passing after my initial yes. I always ask 'where are we going' before saying yes. It's just common sense.

@samurailynn:
Snarkysnake is pretty well spot on about car insurance companies. I imagine you have never lived in a place with auto insurance "problems".

"I've never heard of anyone being dumped by the larger insurance companies if they have a good driving record. Most of the people in my family never get tickets, and have only been in 1-2 accidents (that weren't their fault) in 40+ years of driving. "

Try moving from Albama, Iowa, Wisconsin etc to New Jersey and you will hear the auto insurance customer service rep say " I am sorry we don't service that area. Please find other insurance. Have a nice day." (I heard exactly this after 5 years of no claim on time payments to a major insurance company.)
Or
"Here is the number of our high risk insurance subsidiary company which services New Jersey. Your policy will be switched to that company immediately and you will receive a new bill for the increa$e in cost."

Insurance companies truely do not care whether you stay or go just how much profit you bring in...

I've been lucky enough to have never been in a situation where anyone suggested splitting the check equally. It seems like everyone I know always knows to pay their own share.

The other thing about buying life insurance early on, even if you don't have a family, is that some places will pay you back all your premiums after 30 years. You lock in a low rate, and get it paid back.

Tipping should be at least 20% on large groups or a large bill.

@mrgenius: Of course, lots of these dinners probably happen with the sorta on-the-fringe friends we all have that we aren't that close with. I used to hate the birthday dinners with 18 people, 3 of whom I know, and we are trying to divide everything including the guest of honor's meal (which we didn't pay attention to the cost of). When it's people you only see a couple of times a year, the back-and-forth of really good friends doesn't work.

And no one likes to announce that they are on a budget and aren't willing to subsidize their friends' meals. If you ordered with that in mind and your friends didn't, it's like playing the 'credit cards in a hat' game without knowing you had opted in.

@mrgenius: Of course, you have to acknowledge extraordinary circumstances, such as the time we split a 12-way bill at a steakhouse and my spinach-soup-broth and glass of milk (broken jaw = liquid diet) cost me $85 after subsidizing everyone else's porterhouses and filets.

Seriously, those who whine about a $10 difference amongst your friends when splitting a check should seriously consider staying home, or better yet, get different friends if you feel you are being taken advantage of.

Of course, we all know about those chronic underpayers, and I have no problem confronting someone about it after the fact. I just think it's very tacky to insist on paying for everything with seperate cards. At least bring some cash for goodness sake, so you can pay what you owe and be done with it.

I guess it tends to even out for me because my friends understand the concept of "I'll get this one, you can pick it up next time". If your regular dining companions can't get this basic concept of fairness, it's time for a change of dining companions.

It's like giving a friend a ride to the grocery store and presenting an invoice for estimated fuel usage. I don't want to rant here, but I get so frustrated with people who say, I only got the XYZ and I refuse to pay a penny more, even if it takes an extra 20 minutes and tarnishes the whole dining experience. I'd rather just pay it all than be embarrased by this kind of behavior.

If you're too poor to pay for the check outright, you probably are eating at a restaurant out of your budget. If you only have $500 till payday, you shouldn't be eating out ANYWHERE.

I've heard horror stories about all of them, including mine (State Farm), but they've always stood by me. Once I bought a car and hadn't added comprehensive on it to my policy before it was struck by another driver (within five days of buying it). They backdated the policy. Then, the other driver's insurance co. refused to pay for new parts (on a brand-new car!) and my insurance company fought them and won. When a car hit my open car door and kept going, they agreed it was not my fault and covered the repair. My rates did not go up for any of this. When a neighbor's tree came down in my back yard, they backed me up against her insurance co. (who said it was my problem). They've earned my loyalty by being loyal to me.

Of course it probably helps that I pay my premiums in full and early.

I have absolutely NO SHAME about telling someone that I can't afford to dine at a certain place. And I am not ashamed to announce to a table that I have only budgeted a certain amount for the meal and that's all I can contribute and that I will order accordingly.

There is nothing wrong with that. And if people think I'm cheap, so what?

I've seen it happen to someone who developed diabetes in his early 30s, got married and had kids a couple years later, and life insurance became prohibitively expensive.

As for "laying down the law with your friends"...too f'in' right! My husband thinks its tacky to tell our friends we can't afford something, but I'm usually the one who ends up paying his share of the bill, so screw him. :)

The purpose of life insurance is to provide your dependents with financial support in the event of your passing. The amount should be selected based on what costs they would have and how long they would need the financial coverage.

And I've also become more assertive in speaking up when someone says "oh, lets just split the check X ways". Also - having small bills with you helps so you can leave exactly what you owe.

But I had no idea you could eat gold!

If there's ever any question that I feel the person is going to get me to pay, I simply say, "Well, yeah, we can go, but I only have like 10/15/20 dollars (approximate value to feed ONLY myself) to spend until my next paycheck." It will either lead to a silence where they say "nevermind" or they'll fish out their own wallet.

> You'll be heartily invited back, and they'll sleep w/ the damned DJ if they have to if it means getting you into the best clubs the next time around.

To do otherwise is to advertise that you were raised by wolves.

My gf went to a girls night once and this one b!tch was ordered multiple grey goose and tonics and extra dessert. The main course was a 10-person prix fix tapas meal. The bill comes and all my gf had was the food for the prix fix and water. The grey goose b!tch says, let's split the bill. It would've cost my gf an extra $30 for nothing but she flat out refused.

@Drowner: I understand where you're coming from but why not just say, I didn't order $50 worth of food so I'm not paying for it. If they are your friends they'll respect your decision and if they're just acquaintances then they're not worth keeping around.

My best friend and I take turns, one time she pays the bill, the next time I pay. And if we go to an expensive place one time, and a cheap place the next, we will usually pay again till it evens out, as with Seinfeld, it always seems to even out.

"true friends should be willing to adjust their plans by, for example, choosing a less pricey restaurant."

My good friend does this to me all the time and it pisses me off. I have a substantially different budget than she and anytime we go out it's always to the most chi-chi place in town. I feel like a heel if I bring up that wherever we go is way out of my price range.

It's tough, sometimes, trying to balance being frugal without seeming like you're a wet blanket.

If you have no dependents, why have any insurance (other than enough to bury you)? I figure I've got more than enough in my estate for a cremation and an urn and a reception after the toasting.

On spliting dinner -- I hate to go with large groups that don't know each other really well. You either end up way over (..a 42% tip?) or under. Seems that people can't do math in the presence of strangers. And someone always leaves early, throws a $20 on the table and really owed about $30 with tip. Restaurants would do really well if they could guarantee separate checks with no hassle.

@Necoras:
This.

Anyone who eats more than you and wants to split the bill knows exactly what he's doing. If money were no issue, he would pay the whole bill. Anyone poor enough to need to split will notice he's saving money.

$800 for food LOL

are you saying he gave a $300 tip. RETARDED.

When it's just acquaintances, I don't mind splitting a check either evenly or by what was ordered -- whatever the table decides. In either case, I make sure that it's not a bread-and-water evening for me and a steak-and-martini night for everyone else. If you're out, have a good time (within reason and budget).

If you feel that there's a good chance that you're going to get screwed at dinner, and you just don't feel like paying, you can 1) pick better friends to hang out with, or 2) decline to have dinner with them and meet them for drinks afterward.

I once had dinner with friends who later wanted to split the bill. I flatly refused. I'd had a hip-friendly salad. They'd had crab cakes and lobster. Hell no, I'm not paying for your $40 meal when I ate a $5 salad. My friens have since learned not to ask me to join in on splitting the bill. It's each man for himself.

@Sudonum: 800 dollars? Jesus Christ.

I don't know how well this works with men, but when I get that vibe I usually set my cash for my beer & spring rolls on the table & excuse myself to the bathroom. When I come back, even if they announced that everyone's splitting the bill evenly I can just go "well I already paid". Not part of the decision, therefore, not a part of it. AND I paid my fair share. Volia!

What happens when your friend, who has a lower spending limit, is the one always suggesting to do things that will cost money?

"Let's go drive to that pub I heard about in Calgary. It's only an hours drive. Hey...you want to drive?"

Next thing I know I'm paying for all the fuel. Never again.