As soon as we heard about Drank, the anti-energy drink that promises to “slow your roll,” we knew we had to try it. After searching around New Orleans for a while, we were directed to a gas station in Tremé. We brought a few cans home, put on some Three 6 Mafia, and drank some Drank.
The Discount Zone where we bought the Drank seemed as excited about it as we were. They had a large poster in the front window that advised us that consuming Drank may “cause one to lean.” When we made our way to the beverage coolers, we found fake VIP passes allowing one to be part of the “official Drank crew.”
Then our excitement took a big hit: Drank costs $3 per can, plus tax. Still, we wanted to find out how it tasted and if it actually had any soporific effect, so we proceeded.
Ingredients
Drank contains several roll-slowing supplements: valerian root, melatonin, and rose hips. Oh, and lots of high-fructose corn syrup. My fiancee is getting a Pharm.D., and she helpfully went on Lexi-Comp to check these ingredients out. What follows is not medical advice, and may not be entirely accurate, as I was leaning pretty hard while I took notes on what she was saying.
Valerian Root: Used for restlessness and sleep disorders. The effect is in the same class (anxiolytic) as Xanax and Valium, but considerably weaker. Valerian root is what the doctor in Fight Club advised Tyler Durden to chew when he couldn’t sleep. Taking it with alcohol increases the “risk” of sedation. Seems pretty legitimate.
Melatonin: We release melatonin throughout the day, and supplements may help regulate deficiencies that might occur from jet lag or other sleep disorders. My fiancee says, “Some study found that melatonin gives you a rash on your junk, and it took 10 days to go away.” Apparently the proper medical term for this is “fixed drug eruption.”
Rose hips: Rose hips are pretty much worthless, but they contain a lot of vitamin C and may help prevent urinary tract infections, which is a common affliction among certified gangstas.
Taste
We did two taste tests: first we drank Drank straight, then later at night we mixed it with vodka to see if it was an acceptable anti-substitute for Red Bull (yes, we know Red Bull and vodka is disgusting, but we were curious if Vodka Drank would be just as gross or something worse). After pouring two Dranks, neat, I inhaled deeply. It had a distinctly grapey bouquet with a grapish nose tastes like grape soda. Nothing but grape soda. When you mix it with vodka, it tastes like vodka and grape soda, although it reminded me more of a Sparks than Red Bull and vodka. Anyone buying Drank for taste is probably better off spending $3 on grape soda, which would probably purchase a few liters.
Effects
After my first drink of Drank, I felt pretty sleepy. I’d only been up for three hours, but I ended up taking a sixty-minute nap. This was probably a placebo effect, and there were several confounding variables that dispel any causality, e.g., my couch is really comfortable, my dogs were already napping on the couch, and joining them looked like a good idea. So the first Drank drinking was inconclusive. When I mixed a drink of Drank with vodka and drank that Drank drink, I didn’t feel anything. Nonetheless, I went to bed almost five hours earlier than I did the night before, and was only up for about eleven hours total. I really hope that was the effect of Drank; otherwise I’m a lazy sloth.
Conclusion
It’s probably no surprise—Drank isn’t worth it. Three dollars is pretty expensive for a can of sugar water, so unless its supplements actually work, it’s a rip off. The effects are nowhere near what I’ve experienced when I’ve been prescribed opiates like Vicodin or Codeine; it’s not even comparable to doxylamine succinate, the sedative found in NyQuil and some over-the-counter sleeping pills, although there was no groggy hangover the next morning. Bottom line: if you’re looking for the taste of Drank, buy some grape soda; if you’re looking for the effects of Drank, have a glass of red wine.
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My opinion on the HFCS comments is that you are incorrect about it having a stimulant effect. Usually a short time after ingesting a large amount of sugar your body has produced enough insulin to actually drop your blood sugar below what it was when you started, leading to loss of energy.
I made it to the bottom of the comments and I’m still laughing out loud.
Best product review on Consumerist.
Ever
Do I see some totally badass borosilicate double old fashioned glasses in the picture? They’re definitely not heavy base.
“When I mixed a drink of Drank with vodka and drank that Drank drink, I didn’t feel anything.”
I love this sentence far too much.
What’s the dosage of melatonin in there? Five or six milligrams is enough to knock the average person out.
“When I mixed a drink of Drank with vodka and drank that Drank drink”…
Dr. Suess, awesome!
@Jesse in Japan: Each can contains 2 mg of melatonin total but the serving size suggested by the people at Drank is only half of the can. There was also a warning on the side not to drink more than two servings per day or else you might lean too far or even stop your roll.
This is an excellent and informative feature, truly what Consumerist is all about.
The first (and last) time I tried valerian root, I slept like a rock.
I also had nightmares all night.
What fun. Especially when you can’t quite wake up.
My guess is that there’s much less valerian in this stuff. But I’m not going anywhere near it.
beautiful.
If you want something that will really chill you down drive or walk to the closest Hispanic store and ask for “Linden Tea”. It comes in a package that cost, on average $0.99 and it is way more powerful than Valeriana.
In regards to “Drank”, it works, and it works fine. When I read that it costs $3.00 I thought….that I….what the ….zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
RED BULL VODKA RULEZ! If you are trying to get drunk without tasting alcohol then you should not be in the business of drinking spirits… l actually enjoy the taste of both vodka and red bull…. I might also actually be an alcoholic so who knows…
This was the most worthless article ever, and the only redeeming part was the I’mma gunna buyou…. a Draaaank video.
So you bought the product, went to sleep twice after drinking it, and proclaimed it worthless? Yes, the product is likely crap, but how can you come to that conclusion from your test unless you set about writing a column disparaging that product from the beginning?
Is this why everyone drives so slow in the Tremé? I just always thought they were stoned…
That’s why you gotta git some chicks and “BUY YOU A DRANK!”
@VA_White:
Purple Drank far predates Britney and her madness.
@SkokieGuy: Can’t believe you missed ‘Stun Yer Bun’.
@Egg Yolkeo: Yep. Alternately, you can use water, though making a traditional hot tea is (as I understand it) not the best thing for preserving its properties.
And yes, it smells and tastes like dirt. Or feet. I’ve found, though, that it mixes quite well with Bushmill’s Black Bush, which tastes like alcoholic feet.
@defeatism: What is it with people and Pulitzer on this site? Is it some kind of new sarcastic meme?
I haven’t seen so many “drank”s since my fifteenth birthday party (parents foolishly left the house: what is the worst that could happen? What?!
Here’s hoping our corporate overlords “keep it real” with a FDA-friendly version of glue-sniffing next (scratch-n-sniff!) followed by a horse equivalent in Pixie Straws, called “Doherty”.
All I know? Alex, you’re cordially invited to my next party. We’ll try to brew up something with a stronger kick for you than Drank.
And boy are we well-practiced!
gotta love that vicodin vrrriiinnnggg vrrriiinnnggg vrrrriiiinnnggg . i loved it too much as a result i would do anything to get it. things are better now tho. grape soda
I drink Bawls with vodka. So what?
Gotta love this hard hitting investigative reporting…
“Valerian root is what the doctor in Fight Club advised Tyler Durden to chew when he couldn’t sleep.”
I’m surprised no one has pointed out yet that the doctor didn’t tell Tyler Durden to chew on Valerian root – he told “The Narrator” to chew it. Duh.
I needs this “EL YESTERDAY” it will help get through those…”let’s move the couch over here” discussions with the misses
“When I mixed a drink of Drank with vodka and drank that Drank drink” <– My hero!
This stuff sounds ridiculous. If you really want nearly the exact possible effects of this Drank drink, just go buy a bottle of Valerian Root capsules and take a few of those…
You want to lean? Get some methadone or fentanyl and I promise you will lean.
Damn, for $1 I can get a large Arizona can of Grapeade, for $3 I can have a party.
$3 is only two St. Ides away from sleepytime.
Excellent review, Consumerist. I would like to hawk my own liver for testing the next round of pseudopharmadrinks.
@defeatism: plus 1!
Just pop a melatonin if you need to sleep or relax. It takes the edge off and you don’t feel groggy in the morning.
@AlteredBeast: I wonder if fake grape is the only flavor that covered up the awfulness of Valerian. My aunts used to mix it with mint leaves before boiling it into a tea and it was still the most wretched thing I’ve ever smelled/tasted.
So congratulations Drank if you can make that stuff drinkable. Children of old school European Peasants around the world will thank you.
I’ve been an insomniac most of my life and recently started on a medication that made it much worse. I started taking melatonin, I think in 3 mg doses, each night and it’s made a huge difference.
There’s really no sleepy period before falling asleep. I’m awake, and then I’m asleep. So using it recreationally doesn’t really make sense.
It does give you very vivid and strange dreams though. Last night I was hanging from a helicopter with Jon Favreau. The night before I was making salad with Marilyn Manson when a worm came out of the lettuce and chased us around. He screams like a girl, by the way.
@mikells43:
Are you referring to that noise in your ears whilst under the influence of Vicodin?
I thought I was the only one who experienced that!
The AVClub did this first.
[www.avclub.com]
The real question is whether you’ll man up and face the Rain.
This is such crap. Your fiancee better do some more homework. Melatonin is a natural sleep aid supplement, and is trusted and recommended by many pharmacists and doctors as a natural and safe sleep aid.
The last thing we need is a PharmD spreading FUD.
I’d better stay away from this stuff. If my roll were any slower I’d be moving backwards.
Thanks for taking one for the team, Alex.
just mix dimetapp and for the same effect, minus carbonation.
I’ve “drank” this three times and each time it has worked pretty well at removing all of my energy. The biggest test was giving two cans to my brother who had just woken up from a decent sleep. An after after chugging two cans of this stuff he was out for a 90 minute-ish nap. The funny thing about it is that I buy the stuff from a truck stop and it is mixed right in between all the energy drinks… not a good place if you ask me.