Domino's Tests The Limits Of What Humans Will Eat

Most people don’t realize that scientists at Domino’s are working overtime to discover the absolute limit of what humans will consume. “The Domino’s scientists now believe a certain percentage of human beings may have a genetic predisposition to eat unhealthy foods made from other even unhealthier foods.” See the Onion video, inside…

What is your idea for the most disgustingly delicious pizza?

Domino’s Tests Limits Of What Humans Will Eat [The Onion]

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  1. Jonbo298 says:

    The sad part, is that this is true of a good amount of us American’s anymore

  2. jamesdenver says:

    i had Sbarro at the mall last week. ugh. I got a stomachache and drank a half gallon of water to flush it out.

  3. pigbearpug says:

    I prefer mine smothered in pure trans fats instead of sauce with crispy cock roaches and a side of trans fats for dipping.

  4. mcjake says:

    Pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, extra pepperoni and also topped with pepperoni hot pockets and with pepperoni and cheese stuffed crust.

  5. timmus says:

    Well, there’s deep fried pizza. After the first slice your heart actually finds the nearest orifice and runs away in sheer terror.

  6. exkon says:

    My heart skipped a beat watching that…

  7. homerjay says:

    @pigbearpug: I don’t like the sound of that “Pure,” mister.

  8. donkeyjote says:

    @mcjake: That…… sounds delicious right now…

  9. domo-arigato says:

    Reminds me of the SNL faux-commercial satirizing Taco Bell. It was for a concoction consisting of a taco, wrapped in another tortilla, wrapped in a pizza, wrapped in buttermilk pancakes, ad infinitum. Hilarious.

  10. donkeyjote says:

    1:05- White Castles…. On A Pizza? Interesting… /srsly

    1:07- Twinkies? EWWWWWW

  11. alejo699 says:

    My girlfriend and I have been joking about making hot dog pizza for years. Maybe I should call Domino’s….

  12. Darascon says:

    1. I love that freaky commercial for that oreo dessert pizza. Those beards are amazing.

    2. What exactly is the equivalent of 5 americans?

    3. Acutally eating pita pizza as I type this…

  13. InThrees says:

    I believe I will order Dominos this weekend.

  14. Upsilon says:

    @Darascon:
    Answer to #2:
    A semi truck painted with an American flag motif on the cab, racial slurs written on the trailer, and filled with various bloody animal appendages.

    Oh, and it runs on rainbows and smiles, so fuel is scarce.

    ~Y

  15. JoeVet says:

    I used to work for a pizza parlor that had an all you can eat buffet. The owner was never there and it was run by college students. Needless to say, we used to conduct similar experiments and the people wouldn’t hesitate to scarf it down. Salami and sardine pizza anyone?

  16. SomeoneGNU says:

    I don’t think I have seen a real “pizza innovation” in a long time. Sure they’ve stuffed it with cheese or added new toppings but there’s never been anything to set it apart.

  17. Blue387 says:

    Big deal. Taco Bell has been doing this for years.

  18. samurailynn says:

    @Blue387: Speaking of Taco Bell… I have a guilty love for those little mexican pizzas.

  19. ShirtNinja says:

    @timmus: I’ve heard about this from a friend of mine who lives in the UK. It sounds both delicious and terrifying.

    IIRC, in Japan Pizza Hut has a Stuffed Crust pizza w/ saussage in the crust as well as cheese. In North America, we just have the cheese.

    Amusing fact!: Reggie Fils-aime, president of Nintendo of America, actually invented the Bigfoot Pizza and the Big New Yorker while he was the Senior Director of National Marketing for Pizza Hut. I think he did the Stuffed Crust, too, but I’m not sure.

  20. yagisencho says:

    Eel and seaweed pizza.

    Truly.

  21. Craig says:

    My daughter loves Domino’s. I refuse to go anywhere near it.

  22. krunk4ever says:

    A discussion topic my friends and I had awhile back is why is this world created where the best tasting food is 99.9% of time unhealthy.

    If the best tasting food in the world was indeed healthy, what would the world be like? Would people still overeat? Will overeating still cause people to become obese? But it’s healthy, right?

  23. 3drage says:

    This is the onion people, satire?

  24. Eigtball says:

    I love that whole segment. Just perfect.

  25. RabbitDinner says:

    Ew. This looks like something from a What Would You Do Segment?

  26. 9900dude says:

    Heh. The Onion is all about satire, folks. I think the poster of the article is having fun with us. :-)

  27. donkeyjote says:

    @3drage:
    @9900dude:

    The best satire is one that is indistinguishable from that it is satiring. Also, who cares. It’s the onion, and a good idea (Unlike those communist pizza feed bags). What, is the onion not allow to have a good idea?

  28. stacy75 says:

    Beat this:

    Last weekend I had a Frito Pie Pizza at the Alamo Draft House. It is created by topping a pizza crust with chili, onions, jalepenos, sliced hotdogs, 2 kinds of cheeses, and crushed fritos. Then baked until golden delicious.

    Holy Christ it was delicious.

  29. Meathamper says:

    I had a Mars stir-fry yesterday.

  30. scerwup says:

    I want to see the garbage covered pizza they were talking about. And, I want to see someone eat it.

  31. I had a discussion today about national health care I came to the conclusion that the reason other countries are so “healthy” and their health care systems work so well is that they are healthier than us And what I mean by that is they eat a pretty good diet, which cuts their obesity rate, which makes them healthier on a whole. Even though it’s satire, it’s pretty much true.

  32. krispykrink says:

    And for years I’ve been trying to pith a pizza to Pizza Hut that I know will sell better than any pizza in the world.

    Alpo sausage clumps, Green Milkbone’s, week old banana peels, day old coffee grinds, shredded-melted used plastic bags, bacon grease sauce and egg shells for extra crunch.

    If only I had gone to Dominos, USAmericans would be enjoying this delicacy.

  33. Finder says:

    Oh, man, hilarious. Thanks for posting! :D

  34. ShadowFalls says:

    OMG… Did anyone else get sick watching that clip? That clip is alone enough to never make me want to get Domino’s pizza ever, ever again.

    @SomeoneGNU:

    Why innovate something that is fine how it is? Why not concentrate on making your existing products taste better than creating garbage…

  35. Kitteridge says:

    Love me some Onion. But they need a copy editor: It’s “Sesame,” folks.

  36. ceriphim says:

    @krunk4ever: Well, not to invoke the “E” word… When humanity had to hunt and forage to survive, over-consumption was rarely a danger. The more real danger was not eating enough fat or protein to survive. We find those foods appealing because our bodies were starved of it for millennia before supermarkets and KFC came about. Our bodies want to consume as much as possible because historically it’s been so rare.

  37. bobbobbobbobbob says:

    @ceriphim:

    So is there any protein in ice cream? B/c I eat 3-4 pints a week…

    No, I’m not fat…just “evolved”…

    ; )

  38. Spookyooky says:

    If you wanted pizza why did you order Domino’s?

    Great think about living in the Northeast is that there is no shortage of decent pizza places around here.

  39. Coolmatt49 says:

    It’s funny how the guy comments about piling on “garbage” and saying that people will continue to eat it.

    It’s nice to give their new pizzas a try to see what they taste like, but I’d much rather stick with a regular pizza that sticks to traditional toppings (i.e. pepperoni, sausage, onions, etc.)

  40. Average_Joe says:

    @timmus: It’s called a pizza puff.

  41. doctor_cos wants you to remain calm says:

    @Spookyooky: Or just make it yourself if you don’t have a good non-chain place locally.
    SW Fla has our share of good and baaaad pizza places.
    One place keeps changing their name instead of their recipe.
    In related news:
    [www.theonion.com] <– Best. Onion. Video. EVER.

  42. Puck says:

    Domino’s already pushes the limit with the alpo with spaghetti sauce that they serve now

  43. Angryrider says:

    Japanese Pizza. Mayo is a topping.

  44. purplesun says:

    @krunk4ever: Well, the main reason we crave unhealthy foods has its roots in history. Our ancestors had a tough time finding fats, sugars, and carbohydrates. As a result, our bodies crave those types of foods. Even though we live in a society where there’s junk food everywhere you look, we still can’t get enough of it, because our bodies are programmed to seek that kind of food out and devour it, to store fat for the lean times.

    Too bad we don’t have lean times so much anymore. :)

  45. RandomHookup says:

    @Darascon:

    5 Americans used to equal 8 Europeans or 12 Canadians. Sadly, it now takes 2 Americans to get a European, and a Canadian and an American are actually equivalent.

  46. MorrisseyTheCat says:

    Are Domino’s still around much anymore? In the 80s they were the biggest thing….around here it seems like most of them closed and got replaced by PapaJohn’s

  47. ppiddy says:

    Aw man, my company used to rent space at the office buildings known as Domino’s Farms. They had all sorts of crazy “pizza” available, including seasonal ones like the Thanksgiving Pizza. Do I need to describe it?

    Yes. Yes I do.

    Gravy instead of pizza sauce. Topped with cheese, mashed potatoes, stuffing, turkey AND a dollop of cranberry sauce in the middle.

    So wrong, but so. f-ing. delicious.

  48. theblackdog says:

    @stacy75: Oh my god, I am so going to try to make one of those…

    @ppiddy: I hate to admit it, but that sounds f-ing delicious.

  49. waza says:

    lol i believed this until i realized it was the onion

  50. citybuddha says:

    peanut butter, ketchup, chrome spaghetti and salami canoe

  51. citybuddha says:

    Mole sauce on a pie with chicken is to die for.
    no kiddin

  52. darkryd says:

    Genetic predisposition? What? As if eons ago humans developed a gene in their body that waited patiently for junk food to come into existence so it could fulfill its purpose?

    Ridiculous.

  53. Gopher bond says:

    One time in college, a small Domino’s pizza got shoved under the couch and forgotten for almost two weeks. When I found it, I opened it expecting the worst and surprisingly, it didn’t looke any worse than if it had been left out overnight. I heated it up in the oven and it tasted the same, didn’t get sick neither. Maybe it’s made out of twinkies.

  54. The Master of Reason says:

    @darkryd: This is the Onion we’re talking about, here.

    That being said, we _do_ have a genetic predisposition towards fatty food and high-protein food, as described by purplesun and ceriphim.

  55. ModernDayGilligan says:

    Skittle Pizza, please.

  56. Channing says:

    Man, they’re still years behind JAPANESE Pizza.
    =/