Not a great idea--most midrange restaurants, and chains, are not equipped for such customization. All you'll do is annoy the kitchen.

And I don't want to eat food prepared by annoyed people...

How not to enjoy your night out of eating..

Eating healthy is fine, but unless you eat out every single night of the week; the once in a while indulge is fine. In fact I'd say with this economy when you do get a chance to eat out (that's not at a fast food place) go for the gusto.

@afrix: yea i was thinking this person must love eating spit :)

I'm all about eating healthy and everything, but salsa is not and never will be tastier than butter and sour cream on a baked potato.

The hardest thing when eating out is sodium. My wife is on blood pressure meds and a prescribed low sodium diet. Most chain places at the very least use enough pre-packaged stuff that they can't control the salt content to the degree she needs. We have one fairly upscale place we like to go, and since they cook everything fresh, she's able to eat there with no issues, and the chef actually guides her toward things that won't be quite as flavor compromised with less salt. But it's upscale, so it's not the kind of place you go once a week unless you're more loaded than we are. So we largely eat at home, where I can control salt myself for her, and we'll pretty much have to keep to that plan until more restaurants offer more low sodium options.

Number one sounds like it will just piss everybody in the kitchen off, not to mention confuse your poor server.

@afrix: Good call on the midrange restaurants. I think at places like Fridays and Applebees everything comes in a steamer bag and making all those substitutions would be a nightmare.

What afrix and Skankingmike said. The number one rule for healthy restaurant dining is "Don't piss off the staff." This guy's first order of business seems to be to violate that rule.

So: assertive, salad, salad, salad, avoid fat, box, double, salad, salad, salad, salad, salad, menu.

I'd prefer less salad tips... frankly salad is not that exciting and if I'm faced with that I'll often just skip the meal and have something healthy elsewhere.

Yeah I'll put your "dressing" on the side

@afrix:
"Not a great idea--most midrange restaurants, and chains, are not equipped for such customization. All you'll do is annoy the kitchen."

Not sure about that myself, as I worked at a Red Lobster for three years in college (and Red Lobster and Olive Garden are owned by the same company and run the same way) and we'd do nearly any damn substitution people asked for.
You can have your meat nearly any way you like it - the exception being fish that can't be grilled because it will fall apart.

We even made the cheese biscuits without butter when requested. I've gotten the "triple veggies" request before (though RL will charge for it, as its a normal side there).

There's a reason, I guess, why places like Applebees rate so much lower in customer satisfaction.

@perruptor (and afrix and Skankingmike): I don't see how asking for customizations would piss off the staff. Now, being rude about it would but asking politely shouldn't.

How arrogant to go in and to assume you can change everything that is offered.

Unless you have a food allergy there is no reason to do this. ( and even then, you should explain why you need something left out of your dish. )

Order whats offered or find a place that suits your diet.

@AMetamorphosis: So, you never ask for a change to an ordered item? Never add anything? Maybe light on the mayo/sauce/etc? Or ask for some more barbecue sauce?

@AMetamorphosis: (arrogant to ask for changes)

There is absolutely NO REASON why I should have to justify why I want something left out of my meal. These are REQUESTS. If the kitchen and staff can accomodate them, great! If they can't, the staff should tell the customer politely and ask what they'd like to do. No big deal.

Food allergy, food dislike, or dietary concern (keeping Kosher, low carbs, whatever: shouldn't matter to the staff. If the customer asked for it, can you do it? Yes -- great. No -- okay.

I think number 1 should have been "be nice" rather than "be assertive."

@AMetamorphosis:
Also, nothing here said they won't charge you appropriately for changes.

I asked for an omlet special without the ham; menu said no changes & server confirmed that. I didn't push it, I said fine, build me one just like the special, but without the ham. No big deal.

@Antediluvian: I don't think it's arrogant but I do agree it makes you a target for bad service/spit. Anything out of the ordinary is going to annoy the staff b/c in my experience, the people who make substitions are the hardest to please and the ones that typically send food back.

So asking for substitutes gets you stereotyped as difficult. And I know, this is when people say, "Then don't work in food service!" but it is what it is.

I would agree that if it is for a life or death reason (allergy or dietary restrictions) you should let the waitstaff know that in a polite manner.

@Antediluvian: You nailed my sentiments exactly.

It's not a crime to ask. (Though "assume," as the tips state, really is a bit much.) A smile and a, "Would it be possible to..." goes a long, long way in most restaurants. And of course, it can become a forward-perpetuating cycle of goodwill and accommodation, since if a server works hard to meet any of my requests, or makes a best-effort even if ultimately foiled by the kitchen, I naturally tip high.

It is true that an Applebee's or a Friday's pretty much can't do anything for you. That's why my (scant) dining-out budget goes to restaurants that can. Money talks, etc.

Another option: If they can't substitute something, ask them to leave it off the plate. Me, I don't like pickles, but I don't care if they touch my food, I'm just not gonna eat 'em. So I ask the staff to skip the pickle -- saves food and money (for the restaurant), and I'm not upset that I didn't get enough value for my money -- they OFFERED the pickle, I CHOSE not to accept it (in advance).

Also, YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT EVERYTHING that's on your plate. Who knew???

I work at a small semi-upscale place. We'll do anything for you as long as we have the ingredients in-house at the moment. But, changing portions is a good way to get charged.

Meat and fish is portioned out before the night begins, and if you order a little less, there's little we can do with the left-over piece. But, we will charge you for the extra veggies.

And as a waiter, I say save the overdrawn explanation unless it is a food allergy. I have other tables to wait on and am not interested in your diet plan. But if you're gonna die if you eat garlic, let me know.

@EtoilePB: Oh, excellent point: if your server and the kitchen can accomodate your requests and they're anything beyond "extra lemon," please increase your tip. I always do.

@afrix: What he said.

Now I can see if you're a regular someplace, and a good tipper, the server and kitchen probably wouldn't mind accommodating you. But if it's a one-off at a chain restaurant, why not just look at their menu online (and most have nutritional info up, too) and decide ahead of time if there's something that works with your diet.

And the biggest pet peeve: Leaving out a major flavor component of the dish and then complaining that it is bland.

Well, yes... yes it is.

Why would anyone go into a restaurant and be "assertive" when ordering? Unless you are allergic to a certain food just eat it the way it's supposed to be made, otherwise order something else. Maybe like mac n cheese! I hate picky eaters. Those that attempt to change the entire menu by substituting this for that, more of this, less of that are just going to piss off the wait staff/cook.

@kmt06002: I think it's incumbent on all of us who dine out to realize that if we deviate from the menu, the restaurant may charge us for that. Seems fair to me, as long as they're not being jerks about it and the prices are reasonable (like a little extra for a salad instead of fries).

assertive vs. polite maybe, but he said assertive. After working in the service industry assertive usually means being a dick.

I still feel that just eat what you want when you're out and screw salad's is a better idea. I think your health has more to do with being happy than it does with what crap you shovel into it.

@chucklebuck: I have the same problem when I try to go out with my grandparents. Both have high blood pressure and we can't go anywhere unless they're kinda upscale or healthy to begin with.

Maybe you and your wife should look at going to vegan and vegetarian restaurants? Those offer a lot of different menu choices and they usually make everything fresh, so substitutions aren't a problem. They aren't too expensive either depending on where you live.

Why is it arrogant to go to a restaurant and expect to get food you want? This whole "eat whatever they give you" mentality is weird to me. OTOH, I avoid chain restaurants like the plague -- both neighborhood establishments and nice restaurants are more than willing to work with customers. Maybe Slappy McFriedkin's just defrosts the ready-shipped entrees, but anywhere else, it's not unreasonable to ask for a couple of adjustments, and if you do so nicely, the staff is unlikely to care.

@kaptainkk: (Shut up and eat it!)

As I said before, I think it should have said be NICE and ask if your changes can be made. Or perhaps you'd prefer it phrased like this: don't be a jerk.

If asking for more of this and less of that pisses off the wait staff and the cooks, they're in the wrong line of work. Hell, even McDonald's food is all made to order these days (granted, not always properly or well), and so is every Starbucks coffee purchase.

If the restaurant can't handle the substitutions, then put "NO SUBSTITUTIONS" in the menu or pipe down and deal with it imo.

"But if you're gonna die if you eat garlic, let me know."

haha sounds like my girlfriend. Poor thing cant eat italian.

@kmt06002: I agree totally with you. I worked p/t at Uno's last year for some extra cash, and it drove me CRAZY when people would ask for an item to be bare bones, then complain to the manager that the food isn't edible. Then they'd tip the server less. Complete crock if you ask me.

Re: #1- Very often the restaurant will cooperate (while doing horrible, spiteful things to your food...)

@Legal_Eagle_In_Training: And that behavior in a customer goes against the "be nice and don't be a jerk" philosophy.

I just order stuff on the menu that looks good to me and that I want to eat. If there is something on the plate I don't like then I don't eat it. But then I grew up in a house where I was told that I could make myself a sandwich if I didn't like what the family was eating.

Agreed. It's a place that serves cooked food for money. It's not insulting or inappropriate to ask for a particular configuration of cooked food in exchange for your payment. If they won't do it, then you can head to someplace more accommodating if you wish. I also agree entirely that "Be assertive" is a misleading instruction, and that the key is to ask nicely and tip well for such customization.

Though I think some of this does sound like trying to turn Denny's into spa food when perhaps one might be better served by choosing a different restaurant in the first place, or even by cooking at home.

doesn't this advice fly in the face of the article yesterday that said, "Stop Kidding Yourself That Fast Food Restaurants Have Vegetarian Options."

This is a gold mine for people like myself who travel most of the time for work - I'll go months on the road without an actual home-cooked meal.

@Antediluvian: I'll take a Big Mac please, no lettuce but could I get an extra dab of the special sauce. Oh yeah extra onions too and could you chop up the pickle slices up rather than put the slices on. I have a diet condition where I can't really digest pickles too well. I'm sorry but is there any way you could add an extra patty and make it a triple but be sure to add another middle bun, I can pay extra. See how that works out for you. I'm sure your Big Mac will be "special" delicious!! Me - I'll take a Big Mac, end of story!

Also, YOU DON'T HAVE TO EAT EVERYTHING that's on your plate. Who knew???

That may be true, but it's interesting how ingrained this is with many of us, having had parents or grandparents that grew up during the Great Depression. Sure, there's food on the plate that we don't like, but the stuff that we do, it's almost guaranteed that many of us are going to polish it off. I think it goes back to that learned behavior.

I don't get why #6 isn't #1. Honestly, eat whatever you want, just do it in moderation. Most restaurants give you a serving size that can easily feed 2-3 people. Eat slowly, and when you starting to feel full, stop.

I've never had a waiter kick me in the face when asking for a to-go box.

@kaptainkk: Whatever dude, McD's DOES assemble all its burgers to order. They have for years. But you seem to have missed the "don't be a jerk" part of the behavior guide. Good luck w/ that.

@Antediluvian: It was not my intention to offend. Sorry about that. It just irks me when I see people order food and switch up the whole damn entree. Is is that hard for them to find something that works with their taste?

Actually, the not eating everything on my plate is possibly the hardest for me to deal with on a daily basis - I'd been forced to do exactly this for an early part of my childhood, and when dining out with my grandmother, she gets very pissy if I don't eat absolutely everything. Now all I do is politely ask for a take-away, informing them that as good as the food is now, it's AMAZING at three am. (Olive Garden's Pasta e fagioli soup as a prime example, with good fresh bread, is a meal in itself). The waiters don't care, and I get 3 or 4 small meals instead of one huge one.

Another thing is - It's not like customers are being forced to eat "whatever the restaurant gives them" - If you like your chicken parmesan with fettucine alfredo on the side, instead of spaghetti, find a damn restaurant that does that - it's not difficult.

Most of the fine dining chefs I've talked to have worked REALLY hard to create a menu, and changing everything in one of their dishes will piss them off far, far more than at any mid-level chain.

My thought - eat what you want, and spend an extra hour on the elepitical.

I don't eat out all that often, so when I do I usually splurge. I guess if you have to eat out a lot - if you travel for work or something - it makes sense to follow these tips, but I'd rather eat healthy most of the time when I'm home or brown bag my lunch - when it's easy to control what I eat - and treat myself on the rare occasions I go out to eat.

@kaptainkk: I agree it's annoying for customers to ask for stupid substitutions, and I also think the "don't be a jerk" policy applies towards fellow patrons queuing up at the fast-food place.

I really think this whole discussion applies to reasonable common-sense changes and not over-the-top ones.

Also, don't go to a fried seafood place and ask for your fish grilled.

I think I first saw #11 printed in Cosmo forever ago. Been asking for my salad dressing on the side ever since. Works quite well and I've found that even if I forget to ask for the dressing on the side, most restaurants do it that way now anyway.

@dry-roasted-peanuts: "I've never had a waiter kick me in the face when asking for a to-go box. "

Apparently you've never been to Chuck Norris's restaurant.

(But agree -- I order what looks tasty with an eye towards talking 1/2 to 2/3 of it home and making 2 or 3 more meals out of it. Cold steak for breakfast is one of my favorite things on the PLANET!)

One or two simple substitutions = fine

(ie - no sauce, baked potato instead of fries) Is no problem, in fact most chain restaurants I go to will ask you what side you want even when a particular one is listed as coming with the dish.

A lot of changes/substitutions = not fine OR tip large - instead of fried grouper I want it grilled and glazed in an orange sauce and steam the vegetables with no salt.