What's In This Box?

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  1. B says:

    A bunch of Dell catalogs.

  2. hewhoroams says:

    probably too many Styrofoam peanuts

  3. Catnip?

  4. Something overpacked?

  5. trinidon2k says:

    That box is too small for a keyboard condom. I’m stumped.

  6. Murph1908 says:

    Shroedinger.

  7. evilzug says:

    Gwyneth Paltrow’s severed head.

  8. hubris says:

    @evilzug: Bastard.

  9. Murph1908 says:

    Dammit.

    Schrodinger.

  10. homerjay says:

    Air. At least in part. What do I win?

  11. Chazon says:

    A defective – I mean new – I-phone . . .

  12. BelBivDevolkswagen says:

    the Karate Kid dvd collection?

  13. MissTicklebritches says:

    Schrodinger’s order from J. Crew. Did they get his size right? Until he opens the box, the answer is both yes and no.

  14. Donuts?

  15. levenhopper says:

    I’m gonna say a cat.

  16. arras says:

    since the dog is curious….I’m going to go with steak’ums

    second guess is…a poorly packed AOL install cd

  17. coan_net says:

    Air

  18. Mr_D says:

    It’s the box that contains the Universe! Don’t drop it or sit on it or anything.

  19. davebg5 says:

    Well…first you cut a hole in the box…

  20. ekthesy says:

    your SOUL. The cat stole it.

  21. nsv says:

    Can I guess what’s in the cat?

  22. MayorBee says:

    A boat’s a boat, but the mystery box could be anything. It could even be a boat!

  23. Legal_Eagle_In_Training says:

    I’m going to go with one paper clip and 5lbs of packing material.

  24. DrGirlfriend says:

    Evil.

  25. jbrecken says:

    string, or nothing

  26. theblackdog says:

    A Cheezburger!

  27. dwinn says:

    a red snapper — very tasty

  28. wiIdcatlh says:

    MayorBee beat me to the punch.

    Anyways, it’s food. My cats only stare like that at boxes if it’s food. If it was anything else the cat would be lying on top of the box.

  29. petrarch1611 says:

    a wal mart nazi t-shirt

  30. howie_in_az says:

    A present for me.

  31. Grabraham says:

    Keyboard codoms?

  32. sporks says:

    Something from the Something Store? Another box?

  33. scoobydoo says:

    I’m not entering till I learn what the grand prize is for a correct guess.

  34. an iphone bill?

  35. mgy says:

    This is a Ben Popken story – so it’s probably something to do with the Grocery Shrink Ray. Am I right?

  36. DWalk says:

    Hope.

  37. upsidedownpaddle says:

    Holy Grail.

  38. CatOnMyHead says:

    The design looks like a box from Peet’s (or at least what they used to look like – I’m too cheap to mail order Peet’s any more). Did the Shrink Ray hit upscale coffee this time?

  39. Bladefist says:

    Nitrogen? Argon? Oxygen?

  40. Womblebug says:

    All of the recently banned commenters.

  41. TheBusDriver says:

    Consumerist.com t-shirts! Sweet. Send it over. thanks.

  42. levenhopper says:


    + Watch video

    Maybe NSFW (it isn’t where I work, but if where you work is strict…)

  43. kyle4 says:

    Is it the iPhone 3G or Mac 10.6 Snow Leopard which is why the cat’s there?
    (My guess was solely based on the huge amount of iPhone coverage on the Gawker sites as of late).

  44. nsv says:

    A pig, a fig, and a wig. Dig?

  45. Anonymous says:

    The soul of Marcellus Wallace.

  46. khiltd says:

    Atoms

  47. mk says:

    cupcakes

  48. annelise13 says:

    Bagels? God, I’m hungry…

  49. Anonymously says:
  50. littlemoose says:

    The lolrus’s bukkit.

  51. Tristan Smith says:

    iphone sim card removal tool!

  52. dmuth says:

    Competent Comcast employees.

  53. Learethak says:

    Oh goody! The Cat’s illudium Q-36 explosive space modulator.

    Now where’s the kaboom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering kaboom!

  54. Funkquito says:

    A Flux Capacitor.

  55. Jackasimov says:

    A dog fart

  56. Ein2015 says:

    I’m going to guess a prize of some sort, probably to go to the person who guesses that it’s a non-defective iPhone.

    (Would I be that person? I’m pretty sure the last person said it was defective. :P)

  57. KithKanan says:

    7.5% less than there was in the exact same box until recently?

  58. forrester says:

    cheese….lots of cheese

  59. lonestarbl says:

    It could be anything, even a boat!

  60. kerry says:

    A single, solitary grain of sand, wrapped carefully in piles of bubble wrap.

  61. ikimashokie says:

    It’s a cheeseburger. Otherwise the kitty wouldn’t show so much interest.

    It reminds me of the McCafe Box I saw over on The Impulsive Buy.

  62. davekoob says:

    @davebg5

    HILARIOUS!!!

  63. Kos says:

    @mgy: The shrink ray itself?

  64. ikimashokie says:

    That must be it, though as I have now noticed that cheezburger has been taken, I will keep with the McCafe box, and the second picture of kitty is “Oh god, why did you buy this?! Do you know what’s in it?! HFCS is teh evile!”

  65. oyvader says:

    The Grocery Shrink Ray?

  66. vpsychward1 says:

    an e-card

  67. ConsumptionJunkie says:

    The Golden Shit award.

  68. Your new iPhone bill?

    /hesitates to make ‘dick in a box joke’

  69. PsychoKoala says:

    Kleenex!!

  70. mwilliams3609 says:

    Dude, you hacked the Gibson?

  71. Timbits?

  72. MyPetFly says:

    THE NEW PHONE BOOKS ARE HERE!!! THE NEW PHONE BOOKS ARE HERE!!!

  73. FLConsumer says:

    @arras: Time to get those eyes checked again.

  74. RabbitDinner says:

    greed, vanity, slander, lying, envy, pining and hope

  75. azntg says:

    A psychological test! I want out!

  76. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    Ah, it’s perfume. But I forget which kind uses that logo. I want to say Christian Dior Dune, but I think its box has the color and shape but not the key design. Not Tresor…. damn, I can’t place it.

  77. MyPetFly says:

    @speedwell:

    Sniff sniff… smells like teen spirit.

  78. WeAre138 says:

    Superstar with cheese.

  79. octopede says:

    Cat collar, or possibly just a cat nametag.

  80. warf0x0r says:

    A gift from Ceiling Cat.

  81. RabbitDinner says:

    @speedwell: sex panther

  82. DrGirlfriend says:

    Oh please please please let it be the Grocery Shrink Ray. I want to know what that thing looks like. I picture it looking like a futuristic (as imagined by 1950’s sci-fi movie prop masters) laser gun. It’s red and blue and shoots lasers that resemble neon lights.

    Am I right? Even a little bit?

  83. dry-roasted-peanuts says:

    Nothing! STUPID! You so stupid!!!!!!

  84. Nick1693 says:

    @dmuth: Do they exist?


    I think its a box full of irresponsibly packed catnip. That cat is pretty curious to whats in there.

  85. kathyl says:

    Whatever was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction.

  86. LordieLordie says:

    Sushi? cats love sushi…

  87. dwinn says:

    Electrolytes?

  88. The Master of Reason says:

    An open can of tuna fish.

  89. nrfx01 says:

    one screw and/or some other ridiculous small part

  90. arl84 says:

    I don’t get it… we’re really supposed to guess what’s in the box? Is this a precursor to a different story? Am I just being totally clueless?

  91. PAIN

  92. Landru says:

    A leftover waft of smoke from the bored-to-death Defamer staff’s afternoon pot party. Where came up with this idea.

  93. @dwinn: A case of Brondo?

  94. Caslonbold says:

    The pants Ben wore in his Skype interview the other day. Now he is back to blogging naked :-)

  95. boxjockey68 says:

    A pair of chemical laden flip flops ready to burn anything they touch.

  96. bobosgirl says:

    A candle? My other thought was perfume, for some reason- although I find other posters answers a lot funnier!

  97. thesuperpet says:

    ice cream.

  98. SacraBos says:

    Please no! Not again! First Pandora, now Consumerist!

  99. MercuryPDX says:

    Hmmm…. red…. gold accents in an Asian style….
    The Gold Poo Statuette?

    [item.rakuten.co.jp]

  100. Citron says:

    @MercuryPDX: That’s what I thought as well.

  101. HrPingui says:

    1. Another Box?

    2. A Boat?

    3. The Spanish Inquisition? (Nobody Expects That)

  102. emilayohead says:

    A bunch of toes formerly belonging to Croc wearers.

  103. MercuryPDX says:

    And now the jokey answer…..

    Gwyneth Paltrow’s head? (Spoiler alert! )

  104. ConsumptionJunkie says:

    @MercuryPDX: @Citron: You stole my idea. I left a comment at 6:04 guessing it was the statue for the WCIA.

  105. floraposte says:

    A lovingly packed, carefully padded return tag for something that has to be returned in its original packaging and thus has no use for the box.

  106. mbz32190 says:

    I’m guessing an at&t plastic bag.

  107. DH405 says:

    Cake!

  108. chucklebuck says:

    Presents for Meg, Jay, Carey & chucklebuck

  109. MercuryPDX says:

    @ConsumptionJunkie: Apologies… I just did a brief search for the word “poo”.

  110. CaliCheeseSucks says:

    Catnip?

    Playboys?

    Real, Wisconsin cheese?

  111. Triborough says:

    No, Monty, I’ll take what is behind door number 3.

  112. AcidReign says:

        That’s an interesting red border on the top of the box-side. Probably a clue! But, it doesn’t matter. It’s a cat. With a box. All your box are belong to cat. It’s a physical law! There’s a corollary about paper grocery sacks and cats, too.

  113. Askiba says:

    Some nice but overpriced piece of tech.

    Oh wait, this isn’t Gizmodo! You silly Consumerist writers! :D

  114. Snorbert says:

    Cat litter

  115. joemono says:

    Defying the laws of everything we know, an even bigger box!

  116. STrRedWolf says:

    Dick Debartolo’s next gadget of the day!

  117. donkeyjote says:

  118. homerjay says:

    Its a Woot! B.O.C.!

  119. I don't get heart attacks, I give 'em says:

    a robot cat from the future

  120. donkeyjote says:

    @valarmorghulis: Pain, much like whoopass, comes in cans, not boxes (Unless you count boxes of cans of pain)

  121. ivanthemute says:

    Martha Stewart’s vagina

  122. legwork says:

    @Greg P: A parallel universe.

    Populated with evil twins.

    “…already having been going to do that.”
    “huwah?”

  123. puka_pai says:

    @homerjay:

    Its a Woot! B.O.C.!

    An actual bag o’ crap? That would explain the cat’s interest.

    I’m trying not to speculate what could have caused the stain that appears at the top of the box.

    I don’t suppose you found it in the trunk of a Chevy Malibu?

  124. Triterion says:

    Japanese ceramics?

  125. LittleEnosBurdette says:

    @HrPingui:

    Maybe it’s an African Swallow with a coconut?

  126. Letsgohokies says:

    My fleshlight must have been delivered to the wrong address.

  127. MightyCow says:

    My dreams of a better tomorrow. And a booger.

  128. A one year supply of Oxi-Clean.

  129. Taed says:

    All of the evil in the world. Oh, and “hope” is thrown in there was well as packing material.

    Don’t open it!

    “Mum! Dad! Don’t touch it! It’s EVIL!”

  130. uncle_fluffy says:

    a large wooden badger

  131. Kirk Douglas says:

    A small Flan.

  132. Keter says:

    Seamonkeys, three day old sushi, and the kin no unchi.

  133. sporks says:

    Duh! It’s the gold shit all nice and wrapped up ready to go to the worst company in the US! And kitty is wanting to make a contribution of his own!

  134. mikey07840 says:

    A Shrubbery!

  135. donkeyjote says:

    @mikey07840: Ni… er, I mean no… er, nope.

  136. whatdoyoucare says:
  137. donkeyjote says:

    Is it the seventh deadly sin?

  138. MyPetFly says:

    Possibly a gift from the Unabomber?

  139. Nothing. There is no box.

  140. redfork says:

    Eddie Murphy’s career ?

  141. WisconsinDadof2 says:

    The Amazing Live Sea Monkeys starter kit with Ocean View tank, ordered by mail in 1978 from the back of a comic book.

  142. RodAox says:

    It contains the same box but the grocery ray shrunk version….

  143. RChris173 says:

    air

  144. Tansis says:

    A Geek Squad USB flashdrive with my porn in it.

  145. nsv says:

    Kraft paper (made of 20% pre-consumer recycled waste and 80% wood pulp cooked in an alkaline liquor to break down the lignins, with water added to form a slurry.) Corn starch and water to form glue to bind the kraft paper liner and corrugated kraft paper layer. Ink. Glue to bind the box blanks.

    That’s what’s in the box. Do we pass the test?

  146. nsv says:

    Oh yes, there is tape, but that is ON the box and thus excluded from the ingredient list.

  147. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot says:

    A pair of moleskin pants a’la : [www.snopes.com]

  148. MercuryPDX says:

    @whatdoyoucare: We’re gonna need a bigger box… go buy a refrigerator.

  149. Meathamper says:

    An Iranian-made nuclear warhead.

  150. ogremustcrush says:

    Matter? Possibly also some dark matter. And surely quite a bit of empty Space as well.

  151. wcia statue…
    It could be anything. It could even be a boat!

  152. jblack says:

    My vote is styrofoam packing peanuts.

  153. maztec says:

    A single page, six lines, bill for catnip!

  154. A black carpet of deadly hobo spiders?

  155. Jay Slatkin says:

    It’s a single cell organism packed by the stupid shipping gang.

  156. syndprod says:

    @Funkquito: No, it’s an oscillation overthruster.

  157. smakdphat says:

    a tick infestation

  158. cerbie says:

    A microSD card in a plastic baggie

  159. onesong says:

    wow, this cat hit the jackpot. there’s enough food there to feed a lion.

  160. cpt.snerd says:

    There is most likely definitely possibly oxygen in the box!

  161. harvey_birdman_attorney_at_law says:

    A BOMB!

  162. Wormfather is Wormfather says:

    I gift card, duh.

  163. woohhaa says:

    @CaptainCynic:

    Is that what was suppose to be in that brief case?

  164. chrissz says:

    I might have an answer if you could tell me if Justin Timberlake or Andy Samberg is holding the box. Then, of course, it’s a D*** in a Box.

  165. mariospants says:

    Something more precious than anything else: oil.

  166. savvy999 says:

    what’s left of my 401(k)?

  167. savvy999 says:

    sorry for the quick reply again, but it’s obviously the trophy/plaque/whatever for the winner of the Worst Company in the World competition. It has arrived, just awaiting an engraved nameplate.

  168. No_Pants says:

    Will Leitch?

  169. mizmoose says:

    murph1908 answered my first thought

    I guess: A single screw.

  170. NotEd says:

    Toothpick?

    Tooth?

    a single locking doohickey from some Ikea-style furniture?

  171. Skunky says:

    It’s the social security numbers of everyone who’s ever posted comments on a Gawker site!