Here's my new resume:

problem-solving and decision-making skills
oral and written communications
customer service or retention
performance and productivity improvement
leadership
technology
team-building
project management
bilingual

Yes, I'm ALL these things.

Well I suppose those lies fit the "go big or go home" mentality.

I think that even if you don't have one particular skill that an employer is looking for, it's best to acknowledge it up front, admit your willingness to learn new things, and say that even though you don't know much about X, you do know a lot about Y, and then relate how it could possibly relate to X.

I personally would never lie about my qualifications in a resume or interview, simply because if I did, I wouldn't know how to do the actual job and would probably get fired anyhow.

WTF? It's possible to be Hispanic and 100% Caucasian. It only means that you come from a Spanish-speaking culture and has nothing to do with race. The hiring manager who submitted that one is more of an idiot than the person who put it on a resume.

@Verdigris: Nice--it's scannable AND skimmable! And you can print it on half a sheet of paper to save money.

I once interviewed at a company where one of the guys interviewing me claimed to have done some work that I knew from first-hand experience was done by someone else. Perfect time to name-drop, but I held back because embarassing one of your interviewers is probably not a good idea.

@johnva: Likely, it was a hispanic taking offense that someone would label them hispanic when they don't have the requisite darker skin, brown eyes and dark hair... discriminatory because I know some blond-haired blue eyed pasty girls who were born and lived in Spain... are they not 100% "hispanic"?

So basically the first list is a bunch of lies that can be easily proved wrong whereas the second list is a bunch of lies that can't be easily proved wrong.

*removes "former astronaut" from resume*

As a member of Mensa, I don't even put it on my resume, it doesn't help and actually puts people off. I once had someone put it on a resume for an office manager deal, then brought it up twice during an interview.

Next applicant please.

@Chris Walters: That's right! I could print these suckers on business cards.

That percentage would be a lot higher if they counted all the people who claim to be "proficient in Microsoft Word" but can't do anything besides change the font and spellcheck.

@mariospants: Refusing to hire someone because they claimed to be Hispanic and were Caucasian might actually be an EEO violation, come to think of it. It's discrimination solely on the basis of race and an incorrect definition of the term.

Wow, that Hispanic thing is pretty bad.

@johnva: i thought hispanic was a racial identifier, along the lines of 'african american', 'asian', or 'caucasian'. growing up with a hispanic background doesn't change your race any more than growing up in africa makes you 'african american' (in the racial context of the word)

We had a resume come through with the statement that the candidate was "Time Magazine's Man of the Year for 2006" and while technically true...it didn't win him any points

What is hard to believe about being in MENSA? I could join if I liked. The entrance requirements aren't that strict.

@friedgold: Nope, my understanding is that the U.S. government specifically defines "Hispanic", basically, as "native Spanish-speaking, regardless of race". There are a lot of Caucasians in Latin American and Spain who are native Spanish speakers, so the census term was specifically designed to include them. It is NOT a racial term, period. It often gets USED that way, because a large portion of the Hispanic population is Mexican, Central American, etc. But people who use it that way are using it incorrectly.

@johnva: well damn, i should teach my kids spanish instead of english. at least this way affirmative action helps instead of hurts. (asian here)

@TracyHamandEggs9 is the bitchiest banana: Exactly. I consider MENSA a social club, like the Elks or Rotary. Also, certifications are to only be noted on the resume. Once you get the position I don't need to know the list of your certs every time you send out an email.

Furethermore: Government link

You can see there that the government refers to "Hispanics" as an ethnicity, not a race.

I am Hispanic although I look very very caucasian. In all fairness, I am only half hispanic, but I hope I don't get written off as a liar

@A.W.E.S.O.M.-O: I've always felt funny typing in all of the software that I know how to use. Word, PP, Excel, Access, etc...the list goes on and on...

But you're right. People who often write "proficient in Microsoft Word" often use a Word resume template to begin with...that's not proficient.

@legotech: That's just funny and sad at the same time.

I helped get my cousin John Kennedy into Mensa back when I was the CEO of the the Spanish military baseball team.

@johnva: It's possible. I say that I'm 7/19th German.

@linus: I think they specifically don't call "Hispanic" a racial term because so many Hispanic countries are such a mishmash of racial origins.

I'm a CEO/former baseball player/Kennedy family member with great problem-solving and decision-making skills.

HIRE ME!

@johnva: Either way, I've actually told people this and they accept it without batting an eye. Always think that's funny.

eeeh, well i dont understand why it matters to lie about your race, considering the hiring decision cannot be based on it.

@linus: People are sensitized not to question that sort of thing, even when it makes little sense :)

Where in the world would being a member of the disreputable Kennedy clan be a plus on a resume except a Massachusetts government agency?

@legotech: Seriously? I would have hired that guy just to make me laugh.

@RodAox: Yep, that's why I think it might actually be an EEO violation to reject that one for "lying". Nevermind that, like I said, it's not necessarily a lie.

@legotech: For real? I think that's hilarious and shows some imagination (not to mention guts). I would have at least called him in for an interview. And like you said, it was technically true. :)

How the hell does one determine tan individual is "100% Caucasian"? Unless a DNA test is part of the application, you can't.

It is asking for serious trouble to question a job applicant's stated race when their physical appearance doesn't correlate with what you think they should look like. I've known several mixed race (one white parent, one black) people, who identified themselves as African-American, whose appearance ran the gamut. Some had traits that would be typical of having two black parents. Some could easily be taken for southern Europeans.

Likewise, when I was in college I dated a woman who was 1/4 Fond du Lac Chippewa. She was pale and had red hair. One time I was with her in the financial aid office while she was discussing a scholarship with the staff. This guy in a line next to us turns around and asks, "What kind of minority are you?!?" I could have throttled that jackass.

i don't answer ethnic-based questions out of principle. sometimes i wonder if that automatically disqualifies me from consideration.

@RodAox: i think the fact that it appears on this list thoroughly disproves your point. i know that legally your correct, but then i witnessed a woman get fired because she was "a distraction to the other workers", so i tend to be a little jaded on these matters.

Well, my son is considered Hispanic (my wife is part Cuban), but he appears as WASPy as I am.

If I ever have a daughter, she'll be eligible for both Hispanic-based scholarships AND the Daughters of the American Revolution scholarships. I can't wait to laugh at that.

As for using Word, I always thought "Microsoft Office Suite" was the way to go.

@friedgold: What about South Africans who are white? Are they not African?

@Geekybiker: True or not, I don't think putting 'member of MENSA' on a resume would be a net positive. The fact someone would seek out and advertise membership in that organization tells me, while they may have a high IQ, they are likely arrogant yet insecure assholes. Picture the stereotypical help desk genius with a superiority complex.

@Norcross: Yes, MS Office is standard (unless one has magical capabilities with Excel or PowerPoint that relate to the job).

I don't understand why race needs to be on anyone's resume.

@Verdigris:

Based on your resume idea, here's mine... : )

50 percent
44 percent
34 percent
32 percent
30 percent
27 percent
26 percent
20 percent
14 percent

At 277%, I'm obviously the best candidate, and I should be hired at 277% of the mandated salary for the position. Thank you.

I've had little success in being honest during job interviews. And working with the biggest liar, because they were dishonest more than you is really detrimental to the work environment. I don't understand managers that interview who look specifically for the biggest BSer, they really lose out on the people who are eager to learn and work hard.

Well I have a real 1994 Toronto Blue Jays jersey with my name on it. And I speak fluent Canadian English, too.

3. Submitted a resume with someone else's photo inserted into the document

Im just wondering who in the hell puts their picture in their resume. Is this something new to do? Its hard enough just fitting the whole text of a resume on 1 sheet of paper unless they changed that unwritten rule too and can now have a 30 page resume.

# Claimed to be Hispanic when he was 100 percent Caucasian

No affirmative action for you, whitey! You'll be the last person we consider because we have racial quotas here at XYZ MegaCorp.

Hmm. I am Hispanic, but I am also white. I also have a name that is in English and not Spanish, thanks to one rogue American in my family tree. I'd hate to be thought of as a liar just because of that!

Hispanic isn't a race, it's an ethnicity. And there can be various kinds of races within that group. Perhaps it should say "Don't say you're Hispanic when you really aren't."

@linus: It just makes me angry that I can put "proficient in Excel," but it means absolutely nothing because some other douchebag will put the same thing along with the other 50 white lies on his resume, but he wins in the end because he'll get the job, and as far as I know, nobody's been fired for not knowing how to use boolean logic in Excel.

@3drage: Lying must work, sadly, or not so many people would do it. I can see a few jobs (sales/marketing comes to mind) where being a good liar might be a positive personality characteristic, though I still don't understand why someone would want to hire someone who has proven they have no integrity. But I guess the rest of society doesn't value honesty as much as I do.

I came in here to mention the Hispanic/Caucasian problem, but I see we have that covered.

Good job guys!