Science has taken us to Mars, plumbed the twilight depths of the ocean, and manipulated the very fibers of existence on the subatomic level, and now, minus giblets, put an entire chicken into a can. Commenter AlexTNOA alerts us that you can get it on Amazon, too, where the writeup says it’s, “…ready for soups, stews and quick dinners…Great to have on-hand in your pantry for emergency dinners.” Hm, how might those instructions read…something like: Open can, plop contents on plate, cover with plastic wrap, cook in microwave on high for 60 seconds, remove plate and wrapper, sculpt contents into shape of chicken. Serves 3-5…
(Thanks to Robert!)
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@SkokieGuy: I used to work for a company that canned salmon. My job was answering the consumer comments line. I don’t know how many times I had to explain to people that the bones, once cooked and sealed in the cans, are edible. I was a vegetarian at the time (still am) and it never got less disgusting to tell people to eat fish bones.
*gag*
@hardtoremember: Me. I cannot be canned. (Yet.)
If this grosses you out, you definitely don’t want to get chicken in a fast food restaurant. At least you know this chicken came from a can, with fast food there is are no guarantees.
Sorry about the old news part – didn’t read the new code of conduct before I posted.
In other news – there is a society based in Champaign, IL which regards the Sweet Sue canned chicken as an idol of sorts. If you ever make it to Mike N Molly’s on Market St in downtown Champaign, ask your bartender about the can which is on one of the top shelves behind the bar.
The Sweet Sue chicken is yummy, and I regularly buy and use the canned chicken breast. I can’t see how this would be a bad thing. My only objects is calling it a whole chicken, when they also admit to cutting out 2/3 of it.
@outofoffice: Let me help you understand. Chix-in-the-can is a sad category unto itself.
When you open a can of whole chicken, the first thing you notice is a whiff of sulfur. That’s the chicken meat giving off reaction products as a result of being pressure-cooked. Then you smell the chicken. But it’s far more pungent than any chicken you’ve ever smelled before. It’s like eau de chicken cologne that you’d sniff at the dollar store on a dare.
Look into the can. Depending how warm or cool the contents are, the chicken fat is either a congealed orange glob on top, or a runny slick. There will be bits of detached skin and other matter too. Now you have to figure out what you’re going to do with this bird. Do you strain it? Scoop it out? Meanwhile, the intense chicken smell is getting on your nerves. “Chicken doesn’t usually smell this way,” you think. “Could this one be bad?” Don’t worry–it’s not bad–not very bad anyway.
No matter how you remove the critter, it will fall apart. That’s what you get when you pressure-cook a small chicken in a large amount of water, truck it cross-country, and subject it to various abuses during stocking.
The chicken is shocking white with a tinge of gray, and probably some odd yellow spots where the chicken fat stained the meat. It looks like a can of boiled Barbies. Check for pinfeathers too, since these things don’t get spa treatment before being preserved with a salt tablet. You may feel mildly grateful that they left the giblets out, although the contents probably look like they added a few in.
There are random bones sticking out and the meat is falling apart before you decide how you’re going to go about dismembering it. Don’t worry–it’s so soggy that it will collapse in the merest breeze. The hard part is picking out all the slimy gray skin and separating out the boiled gristle and small bones. Just squish it between your fingertips.
There’s a lot of liquid in the can. The chicken is not much bigger than a game hen. The whole thing reminds you of those specimen jars in your high school biology classroom. “Canned chicken is sad,” you say to yourself, and, “What should I do with it?” You spent so much time playing with it that you forgot that you plan to eat it.
Whatever you do, don’t add salt. There’s enough in there to melt the ice off the wings of a 747. Be sure to schedule extra time to get the slime off your hands, countertops, dishes, cupboards, clothes and jewelry.
The company that brings you Chicken Readyâ„¢ is Castleberry’s. Be sure to check out their FAQ, since the first question is a hoot: [www.castleberrys.com] Strangely, I can’t find the canned chicken on their website, although other canned chicken-related substances are listed.
Is there a shot of the contents of the can? Or is that PG-13?
‘Packed in Brine’. Is that a city in North Carolina ?
Oh, god, I remember when I was a kid, my mom bought a chicken in a can. We opened it and dumped it in a pan and it came out like it was being born and it was all rubbery and white and it made you think just realize that it was something dead in a can with watery stuff all around it. The only thing that would have made it worse is if there had been blood in the can too. It was one of those unison EEEWWWW moments. Even the bones were rubbery. Nobody ate it and we were poor. I think we ate oatmeal that night for supper. Just remembering the way it looked coming out of the can is still enough to make me gag.
In a weird coincidence, I just watched the Twilight Zone episode where Charles Bronson and Elizabeth Montgomery are the only survivors of a humongous war — they’re in a deserted restaurant and he opens a can of chicken, pulls out a drumstick and starts chowing down on it. I’m not sure what this means — when the world ends we’ll be grateful for chicken-in-a-can?
@B: Yup nothing to really indicate that it was an animal.
Americans hate offal.
I assume this one is bone free and kinda the same as canned tuna just with chicken instead. But, no idea where it came from, we once had a canned whole chicken WITH BONES. They were those little tiny bone that people die choking on. I have no idea what could have been cooked with it unless you plan on using a strainer and making broth only with it…..seems alot easier to just buy a can of broth.
@ChuckECheese: Hmmm. Evocative.
@Ash78: Brains, definitely brains.
Step 1: Remove from can
Step 2: Place chicken in toilet
@audiochick: I have eaten canned salmon, and yes I have eaten the salmon bones. Newsflash; its a good source of calcium.
Why is the full resolution of the picture shown? Or is that done on purpose?
I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Ok. All better now.
@ReidFleming: I think all the different comment threads are getting tangled up in my mind, because my tired eyes read that as “I’ve been known to keep a can of chicken breast milk around,” which my mind is still struggling to parse.
@SkokieGuy: My mom makes salmon croquettes with canned salmon, bones and all, and they’re quite tasty! (I do recall finding out what “the little white things” were at some point in my childhood… a horrified, albeit temporary, personal croquette boycott ensued.) Really, though, the pressure cooking during the canning process makes them quite soft and not very noticeable when cooked with other ingredients. I think I actually notice them less than whiskery little anchovy bones, come to think of it.
The idea of a chicken in a can having bones of a similar texture is repulsive, however, and I sincerely hope it does not.
@Teapotfox: What exactly ARE the little white things? I won’t eat any canned fish with bones.
@cubensis: Salmon vertebrae, I imagine. It’s not uncommon to find a few little individual vertebrae even after you mix the canned salmon all up with other ingredients, as my mother does to make her croquettes. Here’s a picture of what you’ll find mixed in a can of salmon:
[flickr.com]
They look icky and bony, but they are impossibly soft and much more delicate than they appear. They are so soft that most of them are obliterated just by mixing the salmon, and they don’t really have a flavour.
@AlexTNOA:
Looks like this should have made the morning deals. Only $5.69 each if you buy 6! Now that’s what I call bargain shopping.
@PhilVillarreal: They do have fried chicken in a can. Check this out
@Teapotfox: Salmon patties from a can is a staple recipe of mine. Take everything in the can (sometimes I pick out the spine and skin, sometimes not), mix it with bread crumbs, basil, salt and pepper, then fry on each side for a couple of minutes in a pan. Serve with fresh lemon wedges and some greens on the side. It’s delicious.
While I’m generally a fresh, local-food fanatic, there’s nothing wrong with dipping into the tinned-meats department for a treat every once in a while.
I suppose Sam’s Club will switch from fresh/frozen chicken in the meat dept. to this and tout it as being better for the environment: more units/pallet, no refrigeration, no special handling, etc. First square milk containers and now this.
@chiggers: This isn’t really chicken, though. It is vegetarian.
It can take its place next to the Hamburger in a can