Save Your Friends From Post-Rapture Hellfire For Only $40 Per Year
A company called You've Been Left Behind is selling a post-Rapture package that sends emails to your sinful friends and family, letting them know where you are and what's up with the whole pending apocalypse thing. For only $40 per year, You've Been Left Behind offers "to get one last message to the lost, at a time, when they might just be willing to hear it for the first and last time."
For those wondering why such a policy is a sound investment, You've Been Left Behind explains:"'WHY'" is one last chance to bring them to Christ and snatch them from the flames!" The package offers encrypted storage space for personal letters and can send emails to 62 of your closest, hellbound friends and family. According to Wikipedia, there is debate as to how much time elapses between Rapture and everyone going to heaven/hell, but as You've Been Left Behind points out: "Imagine being in the presence of the Lord and hearing all of heaven rejoice over the salvation of your loved ones." Isn't that worth $40 a year?
You've Been Left Behind
(Photo: Getty) (Thanks to Dirk!)
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Comments:
This is as awesome as LifeGem.
Boy, now I think I have seen everything!
This is the part where I go...
LOLWUT
If only I were evil enough to prey upon stupid people via religion...
how does this site know that I have been raptured? can they give me a heads up? theres a couple things I wanted to take care of here on earth before the big day
@shesafire: They hire one athiest to hang around to office, and on the day when nobody else shows up, he hits a big red button.
I do believe that the following two words have never been more apt...
Holy Shit.
For an extra fee, will they guarantee they won't be spam-filtered?
Hasn't this been around for a while?
So this is something that I wasn't doing and then emailed all my friends about last week?
I, uhm... wow. I'm not even sure I can come up with anything to say about this that's as ridiculous as the premise.
I, for one, am looking forward to the fiery pits of Hell...heh heh
::points index fingers out of forehead like devil horns and does a little jig::
Funniest.Thing.Ever.
My favorite part:
We have set up a system to send documents by the email, to the addresses you provide, 6 days after the "Rapture" of the Church. This occurs when 3 of our 5 team members scattered around the U.S fail to log in over a 3 day period. Another 3 days are given to fail safe any false triggering of the system.
If the rapture comes (finally!), and you're Left Behind, wouldn't you have more pressing concerns than checking your email? Or is there a Telnet terminal in Purgatory, or wherever the waiting room is?
These guys are going to make a lot of money. Just watch.
Can I use one of the Pan Am Airways ticket to the moon that they sold in the 1960's good whenever in the future they started commercial service to the heavens to get there?
I like how the privacy policy is one sentence.
I have a funny feeling that Kirk Cameron and that odd-looking mustache guy are behind this. Any time we would need a good laugh in the office, we would go to [www.wayofthemaster.com] and just watch Kirk Cameron make a huge ass of himself.
As a conservative christian this goes against everything christians believe. There will not be a rapture and non-believers will not get a second chance.
In order to do this you must "judge" the people you know and assume they are going to hell. God will have mercy on who he will have mercy. This is a ridiculus service but if there is a sucker out there then there are people standing in line to take advantage of them.
So there is going to be internet after the apocalypse? I am staying here then. I bet internet porn won't go over so well up there.
Damn, I wish I'd thought of this! It's brilliant. Evil, but brilliant.
Many, many Christians don't believe in the Rapture. My own uncle, possibly the most religious man I know, doesn't, and he is a pastor. Lots of folks don't know that the idea of the Rapture has only been around since the 1800s.
I'm finding this hard to comment on...people are that crazy? It's not enough that people believe in this Rapture stuff but would waste $40 on this 'service'? My faith in man dwindles by the day.
@MrGrimes: Gotta love how the whole thing is controlled by a dead man's switch with 3x redundancy.
Hopefully "the man upstairs" will look down upon this company kindly and not knock out power/internet service for the switch operators with "random disasters" like lightning storms or flooding... AKA "premature en-rapturation".
I hope the good hearted Christians that use this service are not too smug in their emails to us left behind folk. It would be bad for their true feelings to be known while they're still in their corporeal form.
Bah... who am I kidding. They're Christians. They would never be smug, condescending, or judgmental. ;)
I got suspicious as soon as I saw the PayPal button.
Sorry for not looking hard enough.
@B: Y'know, that's what I was thinking. The beautiful this is that even if you aren't "promoted" you can make your friends and family think you are. Although it would be a bit of the extra suck if you end up being the only one left...
Actually I think there was a more generic "Last Words" type email service like this in the past. They would send you a reminder email weekly and if you didn't click on the link after a preset amount of time it would send your email payload out. Sort of a "Dead Man's Switch" approach to posthumous communication.
@sir_pantsalot: A conservative christian who doesn't believe in the rapture, say it ain't so, hopefully that was a type on your part.
By they way, when can we stop pretending the rapture will happen, isn't 2000 years or so enough?
And before the torches and pitchforks come out for my comment:
I painted that last sentence with a broad brush to be sarcastic. I know there are good and bad Christians like there are good and bad non-Christians.
Well, by their own reasoning only the heathen will be left behind to send out emails, so I don't know if we can trust the heathen to stand good on a promise like that...
*yes, a typo like typing 'type' instead of 'typo'
This has been around for about 10 years I think.
YBLB executive opens his eyes and is awake. Still here, he thinks, and then he turns on CNN. No rapture, again. He sighs. Once again, he hasn't been left behind.
Oh well, he thinks, as he stretches away the sleepiness, there's work to be done and a sucker is born every minute. Let's get with it.
When the rapture comes the last thing I'll be worried about are those left behind. Sad it will be but nothing that I have to worry about.
@battra92: Not even if it's your kids that are left behind, assuming you have or will have kids at that time?
They probably aren't charging enough.
We know from Tammy Faye and Jim Bakker that some of these televangelist fans can be scammed out of a lot of money. They should be charging 10x what they are now.
I think these cheapskates should be paying $400/year. I mean, putting a price on your immortal SOUL?! Sky's the limit, boys!
Gods, please let the site be owned by a consortia jointly owned by the Richard Dawkins Foundation, the ACLU and the Foundation from Religious Freedom Foundation. Please?!
Please come Rapture! Take these people from this planet! Leave me behind to party baby!
"Oh my, it's the apocolypse! Bart, are you wearing clean underwear?"
"I was..."
It's very reassuring to see that God accepts PayPal.
You've Been Left Behind: When a Free Email Forward Just Won't Do
OK, they are assuming that at least 3 of their "mission control" group get "raptured."
But what if they don't? What if they are all Left Behind? Then nobody will activate the dead man switch, eh?
My favorite bumper sticker ever:
In event of rapture,
can I have your car?
@battra92: That's what my mom said...now I'll be left behind with everyone else...so sad.
On a slightly related note, if a parent goes to heaven and their children don't wouldn't that be less then perfect for the christian parent or do you just stop caring for or loving those that are left behind.
Take that one step further and if anyone you've ever loved or cared about goes to hell while you go to heaven doesn't that again make for a less then perfect heaven. Or do you just stop loving and caring when you go to heaven? Just wondering.
God told me the rapture already happened. He decided only to take Jimmy Hoffa.
I smell a scam.