Ryanair To Provide Free Oral Sex To Business Class Passengers
While American discount airlines like Spirit Air and Southwest alternate between running sophomoric promotions and enforcing their prudish dress codes on passengers, European counterpart Ryanair has trumped them all with its CEO's announcement that transcontinental business class passengers will receive free "beds and blowjobs." Video inside (safe for work if your job lets the word "blowjob" be said aloud).
In a press conference, CEO Michael O'Leary discussed Ryanair's new transcontinental service, which will offer extremely cheap economy fares, as well as luxurious business class seats that include amenities like "white seats," beds, and oral sex.
Blow-Cost Airline Jet Chief in Free Sex Pledge [Daily Star]
(Photo: Getty)
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Comments:
What?
There's a lot of fucking going on in many US airlines, however, this involves the airline in the inserting position.
I'm calling shenanigans on this.
another attempt at 'viral' marketing?
All I have to say is, I'm booking a flight on this advertising, and if I'm not satisfied, it's EECB time. :)
It is always dangerous to make predictions, but I feel pretty sure about this one -- Ryanair across the Atlantic will fail.
Long haul carriers are able to survive because they sell a combination of expensive business class tickets plus relatively cheap economy tickets to pay for the costs of the long flight. Short hop airlines, like Ryanair and Southwest survive because passengers are willing to pay a minimum amount for a short distance they cannot otherwise travel by car/train/etc and don't care about frills for, and the airplanes turn around frequently so serve a lot of passengers who generate a lot of incremental revenue.
But who is going to fly Ryanair longhaul across the Atlantic? What cheap vacationer is going to pay for business class on such an airline with a bad reputation, no frequent flier program, and what business traveler would choose Ryanair compared to similar offerings by real service airlines? Ryanair will strand you without a second thought if anything goes wrong. The seats don't recline so to save money, just like they removed windowshades. The seatbacks have advertising on them and music/ads are piped into the cabin during flight. People who fly with them get what they pay for.
Ryanair Transatlantic: Flat on its face.
I agree with Kepler, of course, maybe the first class blow jobs will save them.
This is not what I read consumerist for. Head down this road and I'll stop reading. Unfunny.
if it wasn't for Ryanair, i never would have been able to afford trips to italy, germany and ireland when i was in Europe.
What am I missing here? I know he's joking about the BJs, but how does he plan to make money off $20 seats?
If they really offer blow jobs on trans-atlantic flights I'm sure they'll have a market.
@mwdavis: You sound like you could use a nice "relaxing" flight. perhaps I could suggest an airline?
For real though, you saw the headline, you clicked the article. You probably watched the video & you could have just skipped the whole thing and not upset yourself.
Was he being serious about the blowjobs thing? If soo... does the play leave the USA?
The joke is good...the better is the fact that Ryanair is talking about bridging the gap to the Americas. You think our POS airlines are in trouble now? Wait until their monopoly completely goes to hell.
That is one yummy pencil.
quite a presentation, giving that pencil a blow job and all....
@tc4b: I'm not complaining because I was "offended". I thought it was funny, but it doesn't belong here.
When I first started reading consumerist, I found myself angry at a lot of stories. The stories were about consumers getting seriously screwed by companies. But for the past several months, the stories have been either jokes, nonsense that doesn't affect anyone, or whines from over-entitled pricks.
Post stories like these, and then don't complain when people start taking the whole site as a big joke.
A short English lesson. Transcontinental means across the continent. If you fly from NY to LA, you're on a transcontinental flight. If you fly across the ocean, that's a trans-Atlantic flight (or trans-Pacific or trans-some other ocean).
@sean77: have a sanka! i don't think there's any chance consumerist will head down the "parody" road in its entirety. i think this is appropriate, particularly when we consider all the things that are being taken away from american air travelers, as well as being nickeled and dimed to death. this contrast is relevant to the fact that euro carriers may very well give ours a run for their money--one can't live in a vacuum.
Where would they do this uh, oral sex?
"Post stories like these, and then don't complain when people start taking the whole site as a big joke."
this site is already somewhat a joke, with the poorly researched stories (posted by Consumerist before the whole issue, or the other side, is known) combined with unfiltered nonsense of anonymous users that can post to these comments areas.
You think a blowjob joke is going to diminish the reputation of Consumerist much?
I always knew there was something going on behind the first class curtain. Business class better install one too.
@tc4b: Boy, that was an excellent opportunity for a context-appropriate Good Morning Vietnam quote, and you missed it.
So here, I'll help you out.
"You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history"
He HAS to be joking.
"What's german for blowjob?" lol.
I bet that the News of the World will jump on this pretty quickly.
what a way to get some extra attention in the news...
@tc4b: When is that ban hammer coming back? I thought I heard there's a backlog.
/me hopes his name isn't on the list.
@sean77: @mwdavis: For future reference, I think the standard practice is to skip a story you don't like. You see, the editors (and the interns too... they're learning, please don't bite them) just might know more about what belongs on the Consumerist than you do.
@kepler11: But who is going to fly Ryanair longhaul across the Atlantic? What cheap vacationer is going to pay for business class on such an airline with a bad reputation...
My parents. They would fly to Asia via HeliumBalloonAir if it were cheap. Which is why I theorize that lots of folks would fly any airline if it were cheap enough... even if they're the same folks that complain it didn't have amenity X.
@sean77: @tc4b: "I'm not complaining because I was "offended". I thought it was funny, but it doesn't belong here."
I thought it was up to Ben, Meg, Chris, Alex, Jay and Carey to decide what belongs here.
Thumbs down.
This has nothing to do with consumer issues. If I wanted Fox News, I would have gone there.
Show me some customer avenging being wronged!
Please forward my resume to this Airline!
You can't buy press like the press Ryanair will be getting. Now that's a keen sense for backdoor business. *not included*
There's no German for "blowjob"?
No wonder they're so angry!
Thank you, good night. Don't forget to tip your servers!
I'm going to have to agree with the others. This story really doesn't belong on Consumerist, this is what belongs on Fleshbot. Of course, if someone can point out how this qualifies as consumer wrongdoing when a CEO makes a joke, then I'll change my opinion. But for now, classless and equally without relevance.
and he has an oral fixation!
You know, if he does go through with the BJ amenity, I think the ladies should also have the option to be attended to. Where's Jezebel when you need them?
@APowerCosmic: It seems to me that Consumerist isn't just about "consumer wrongdoing." Take the Morning Deals for example. Sometimes its about "consumer right-doing."
Of course the grammar of that is just backwards anyway. I don't think APowerCosmic meant wrongdoing by consumers, but wrong done to consumers.
Anyway, I certainly want to know when companies intend to screw consumers either way -- good or bad.
@sean77: @APowerCosmic: I don't know about you all, but I use an RSS reader and if I am not interested, then I don't read it. Are you paying for their bandwidth usage or something?
@Alex Chasick: This buttered-popcorn ice cream is alright, but please tell me there's some White-Castle flavor in the pipeline soon? That'd make my day.
Nope. Not approved language at work.
Will Ryanair expand their offerings to include most major USA markets? 'Cause if they do, I am signing up for business class on a daily basis and if I am careful I might even get the company to pay for my daily ..... um what is the word or phrase that I am looking for..... um..... oh I know.... I might even get the company to pay for my daily flight of fantasy.
Oh, BTW, how in hades is this dipshitsky company going to fly across the pond for only 10 farking Euros?
@jmsbmck:
This is humorous in and of itself, and relevant as a counterpoint to all the instances of customer service being scaled back in other airlines. Thumbs UP.
There is no noun equivalent for blow job in German, but you can say it quite easily with a verb.
to give someone a blow job = jemandem einen blasen
literally = to blow one for someone
Why would anyone view this site at work, anyway? Blowjobs in business class? I'm there. I hope the stewardesses are hot, too!
@parrotuya: Who said it was stewardesses doing the blowing? I'd steer clear of that promotion, sounds pretty easy to do a bait-and-switch and you end up with a bunch of boy george-looking attendants... ew!
Did I stumble onto digg? This doesn't belong on the consumerist, unless we should be offended that a CEO makes a joke during a press conference.