Professional Complaint Letter Writer Shares His Secrets
"Praise with faint damn" is the underlying secret to how professional complaint letter writer Bruce Silverman is able to be so successful in getting companies to give him free stuff. First class upgrades, Room upgrades with views of frolicking whales, Checks for hundreds of dollars... all these and more are the fruits of Bruce's calculated typewriter clacking. Now Bruce has come out with a small book with a big promise: to teach you How To Complaint For Fun And Profit. Here's a chapter from it, exclusively on The Consumerist, detailing how he was able to turn a disappointing experience at the Ritz-Carlton in Hawaii into a long-term stream of room upgrades, comped meals, and decidedly above and beyond customer service...
A lot of our posts about writing complaint letters has focused on sticking to the facts, and getting your story to the right people. I like that Bruce takes this one step further and shows how throwing in a little creative writing can increase your chances at success. It's really just an artful way of demonstrating the basic principle of "it will cost more to ignore me than to take care of my problem." You demonstrate that you're a committed customer with long-term value who has spent money before and will continue to spend money, as long as your grievance can be addressed. I wonder, however, how well the tactics will work against industries that like to play hardball with customer service, like banks, cellphones, and insurance.
You can get a digital PDF version of Bruce's book for $19.99 here.
Another free chapter, "Living in a Sitcom," involving a complaint letter written after sitting next to a really big guy on an airplane that spilled into Bruce's site, is available here.
Complain For Fun And Profit [Official Site]
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Comments:
I thought step one in writing complaint letters was to make some kind of joke about how only people 60+ years old write complaint letters.
So because of the weather (uncontrollable), clanking room service carts (annoying, but really a big deal?) and something wrong with the pool, the hotel puts him in what sounds like a $1000 per night suite for a week for free? Not to mention free meals and limo rides to and from the airport. Call me skeptical but I really want to call BS on this one...
Wgrune... you dont know what can be had from a honest, calm complaint..
"you sons of xyz, robbed me crap" gets you a headache and a have a nice day..
random
This comment is brilliantly illuminating and life-changing. Other commenters will follow me.
/random
Phase 1: Complain
Phase 2: ???
Phase 3: Profit
I'm supposing that phase 2 would be "fun" because the title of the book is "How To Complain For Fun And Profit", but ??? is much better than "fun".
The #3 lesson -- "don't linger" -- seems to have been ignored in the example provided. Is the lengthy praise section really necessary?
I bet when he checked out they asked him if 'everything was satisfactory' and he said 'yes,' in the meantime hiding his notes about everything on his complaint list.
And I hope he's not the type to look for things to complain about in order to ..'fun and profit.'
Well, this works at the Ritz-Carlton, but I have a feeling when you try it at the Holiday Inn you won't be so successful.
Premier brands typically (but not always) provide the best customer service because they know their customers have both high expectations and have the means to be choosy.
I think it helped -- a lot -- that the hotel episode occurred at a Ritz Carlton. Try making that argument at a Ramada. Essentially, he expects to get what he pays for and stands up for himself when he doesn't. Picking your battles requires good judgment. And when he does go into battle, he prepares himself.
If I write him a long winded complaint letter, do you think he will send me the book for free?
What's the point of complaining about the weather to a hotel? They didn't cause the bad weather.
I dunno. I guess I don't like the idea of trying to put one over on a company just to get something free. I certainly don't like it when a company tries to put one over me. If everyone did that, legitimate complaints would not be as effective. I only complain when I truly have a problem, and it's not in the hopes that I will "get" something in return; it's to make the company aware of the problem so that it doesn't happen again. Seems that this guy is trying to make small issues into larger issues when they don't need to be.
The idea of complaining to make profit is disgusting and completely selfish. I think it's great if you can complain about actual issues and get compensated but if you do it over trivial stuff to save money you're hurting the chances that people with real grievances will be properly compensated.
Oh no, a guy is helping you write better complaint letters. Quick, file a complaint in the comments!
I'm glad this came up today since United lost my bags coming home from a vacation in Mexico and it now looks like I will be writing one of these letters.
If I'm not happy with the complaint letter that the professional complaint letter writer writes for me, will the complaint letter writer help me write a complaint letter complaining to the complaint letter writer about the complaint letter that the complaint letter writer wrote?
@longbeachcoupe: The 'reply' button looks like a little arrow pointing downwards in the top-right of another comment. You should use it when you are replying to someone.
Premier brands charge permier prices. Which means when something is not quite perfect the brand can do the extra's to make it "right".
That said...... something smells.
A free one-way ticket? Maybe. Customer still has to buy the other portion of the trip.
Presidential suite for a noisy room service cart? Yea, right. Maybe if the guy named dropped and said he was "Arnold the Governor".
Has anyone ever tried going a month without complaining about something?
You may have heard about 'complaint' bracelets. Get a bracelet of some sort (rubber bands work well) and put it on your left wrist on day one. Then, for one whole month, try not to complain about ANYTHING. Gas prices, companies, your bad hair day, your neighbors dog barking... etc.
If you do end up complaining about something, switch the 'bracelet' to another wrist and start over. 'Complaining' is loosely defined, but you'd only be cheating yourself if you cheat on this.
Prediction: Everyone does this. Mr. Silverman's book sales are extremely lower than expected, causing him to write a book about how to complain to the government and get free stuff. Consumerist post comments decrease dramatically, as does posting frequency, which causes the Consumerist user count to drop after everyone who only logs on to complain realizes it's not fun anymore.
Reality: No one does this. Complaining is too much fun, and as a bonus you might get free stuff that you didn't deserve in the first place! Everyone loves free stuff they didn't deserve. Look at the majority of welfare abusers!
I hope the whole book isn't centered around the Ritz Carlton letter. I've stayed at several of their properites, and I can tell you you will simply not get bad service from them. [You better not for the prices you pay and their lack of reward points.] I'm not as wealthy as people I travel with, so I try to stay at hotels with reward points systems, but I have to say, the response from the Ritz doesn't surprise me in the least. They once comped a table of 8 a free lunch because one person I was with complained about the fish they received. The Ritz is one of the few places left where you can actually get what you pay for.
I wonder if the Ritz fired the bartender at the Buckhead resort and used his salary to pay for the "free" stay at the Hawaii resort...
At least he or she will get good service here. ; )
I once took a cross country bus trip -- I don't recall the bus line but it was one of the big ones. This was when I was in the Navy and had pretty much no money.
Because of a driver error, I was let on a bus I shouldn't have been on (it was going to the proper destination though) and I ended up stuck in... Texas, I think.
Anyway, in order to get to my next duty station in time, I had to fly to my destination city, rent a room for the night, and then take a cab to the bus station, where my bag with my uniforms, etc. was waiting.
I wrote a letter to the bus company, and soon thereafter received a check for FULL compensation for my extra expenses. I just wish I could remember the company so I could compliment them.
To: Jack Pelton, CEO of Cessna Aircraft
Dear Mr. Pelton:
I'd like to share a story with you. The other day while flying in my recently purchased Cessna Citation, I noticed that I had lost my Excalibur EX 08 watch between the seat cushions. While trying to retrieve the watch a small diamond encrusted plate fell from my lap onto the armrest cracking and spilling my Beluga everywhere. May I have a new plane?
@Corporate-Shill: Perhaps he mentioned in his complaint letter that he was working on this book and the Ritz Carlton comped him for more than someone else would get in exchange for a nice mention. Of course, I've never stayed in a hotel that nice before, so I have no idea what typical compensation would be.
@stevejust: He has letters in there a bunch of airlines, a fax machine company, Fry's, other places.
He forgot the most important part: End each letter with the phrase:
P.S. I am not a crackpot.
@MissPeacock:
I got the impression reading the article that the beach was closed due to winds or surf conditions and the pool was closed due to maintenance or something else controllable by the hotel. He pointed out to the manager that is wasn't very guest friendly to close the pool, on a resort, in Hawaii, at the same time the beach was closed. I guess the manager agreed with him.
Dear Chevron-
I have been a beloved supporter of your Techron gasoline additive since it first came out. I have used your gas exclusively for years and I have convinced several friends and family member to switch from inferior gasolines to the pure liquid joy that is Chevron with Techron. I even occasionally purchase a car wash.
However, I have noticed as of late a disturbing trend in your prices. It seems that your gas in now over $4 per gallon. While I was not disturbed at first since I knew this must have been a glitch in your system and since I know you value your customers more then your profits you would naturally remedy this situation as quickly as possible by drastically reducing prices to a more reasonible level. Much to my chagrin the price reduction I was expecting has not happened.
In order to continue using your most excellent gasoline I would appreciate a full refund of my and my family's gasoline purchases over the last year along with an additional two years supply of Chevron with Techron.
It is with a heavy heart that I must inform you that if this does not happen I will have to swear off your gasoline entirely, and would encourage others to do the same.
Thank you and regards,
Crap. No wonder I haven't had any luck. I keep adding "P.S. I am not a crack pipe." ; )
@jscott73:
Dear Mr. jscott73,
Thank you for writing us at Chevron. We certainly appreciate your choosing us for your gasoline needs.
As you may know, gasoline prices are set based on a wide variety of factors, most beyond our control. However we DO value you as a customer, so it is with great pleasure that I include a coupon for one free car wash.
Sincerely yours,
Pat Rolium
: )
@Intangible_360: Calling it "How to Complain Carefully and Just to Get Back What You Deserve" just doesn't have the same ring to it. ;)
I wrote my very first complaint email yesterday, and got satisfaction this morning to the tune of $70. It feels great! It makes me wonder what else I can complain about... and then it makes me realize why I loathe people who are always looking for something to complain about....
So this guy is a "professional complaint letter writer"?
Wow. Just...wow.
@jscott73:
Color printers are available from our channel partner, starting at $2,799.99.
A wise newspaper photo editor once told me that he doesn't push hard for every photo he wants to run, so that when he's passionate about a photo, his comments carry more weight. It's the way to beat "cry wolf" syndrome.
So far, this guy's advice seems right on the money to me. What's wrong with a little judicious, well-phrased, legitimate complaining every once in a while? The advice about starting out with praise is a good idea, not just because it makes the medicine go down easier but because companies need feedback on what they do right, too.
I've had to write letters in the past, and be rewarded greatly for it. Although my rewards aren't the presidential suite, they have been comparable to what is appropriate compensation for the situation.
@stevejust: I've stayed at several of their properites, and I can tell you you will simply not get bad service from them.
I've worked for them and I can tell you that you can get bad service from them. But I can also tell you that during my training in 2004, every single employee from general manager to a part time housekeeper was authorized to spend up to $2000 to fix any problem a guest might have had. In other words, if a poolboy heard you had a bad meal at the restaurant last nite, he was able to comp it without asking permission. No one ever really did that but they could.
I still didn't like working for them tho and wouldn't do it again.
It is true that sometimes the results of a properly worded complaint can be great but it really depends who you are dealing with. Typically, if it is a small business, you are unlikely to get anything, contrary to popular belief that small businesses will go out of their way to have a satisfied customer. Big corporations on the other hand, tend to be more generous with compensations. Their profit margins are higher and lawsuits are more expensive for them.
What you get also depends upon the demand/supply factor. If something is in demand, the manufacturer/provider will not care about your complaint. His stuff is selling. There are a lot of factors.
@ConsumptionJunkie: Sometimes, I say the squeaky wheels get replaced by better wheels. :)
I wonder if this book will be available on Amazon.com ? Incidentally, there's a similarly-named but different book already there.
Now that he has opened his big mouth and exposed himself to the world - whenever he complains again --- they will know what he is up to.....
If others start using similar writing tactics - managers might get wise to the new dramatic style and dismiss their complaints....
You do not want to manipulate people and you do want to show empathy because you could be in their shoes
When it all boils down to it, this should only be used if you really get screwed over, rather than to save yourself money, and as infrequently as possible. This not only gives other true victims a chance to be compensated, but also 'what goes around comes around'; you'll avoid giving karma a reason to pay you back for abusing the wonderful power of complaints. :3
It's sad that the best complainers get the best service. The squeaky wheel gets the grease.