Ryanair To Provide Free Oral Sex To Business Class Passengers

While American discount airlines like Spirit Air and Southwest alternate between running sophomoric promotions and enforcing their prudish dress codes on passengers, European counterpart Ryanair has trumped them all with its CEO’s announcement that transcontinental business class passengers will receive free “beds and blowjobs.” Video inside (safe for work if your job lets the word “blowjob” be said aloud).

In a press conference, CEO Michael O’Leary discussed Ryanair’s new transcontinental service, which will offer extremely cheap economy fares, as well as luxurious business class seats that include amenities like “white seats,” beds, and oral sex.

Blow-Cost Airline Jet Chief in Free Sex Pledge [Daily Star]
(Photo: Getty)

Comments

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  1. sean77 says:

    Did I stumble onto digg? This doesn’t belong on the consumerist, unless we should be offended that a CEO makes a joke during a press conference.

  2. one800higgins says:

    What?

  3. PHX602 says:

    There’s a lot of fucking going on in many US airlines, however, this involves the airline in the inserting position.

  4. thunderballs69 says:

    I’m calling shenanigans on this.

    another attempt at ‘viral’ marketing?

  5. HeartBurnKid says:

    All I have to say is, I’m booking a flight on this advertising, and if I’m not satisfied, it’s EECB time. :)

  6. kepler11 says:

    It is always dangerous to make predictions, but I feel pretty sure about this one — Ryanair across the Atlantic will fail.

    Long haul carriers are able to survive because they sell a combination of expensive business class tickets plus relatively cheap economy tickets to pay for the costs of the long flight. Short hop airlines, like Ryanair and Southwest survive because passengers are willing to pay a minimum amount for a short distance they cannot otherwise travel by car/train/etc and don’t care about frills for, and the airplanes turn around frequently so serve a lot of passengers who generate a lot of incremental revenue.

    But who is going to fly Ryanair longhaul across the Atlantic? What cheap vacationer is going to pay for business class on such an airline with a bad reputation, no frequent flier program, and what business traveler would choose Ryanair compared to similar offerings by real service airlines? Ryanair will strand you without a second thought if anything goes wrong. The seats don’t recline so to save money, just like they removed windowshades. The seatbacks have advertising on them and music/ads are piped into the cabin during flight. People who fly with them get what they pay for.

    Ryanair Transatlantic: Flat on its face.

  7. I agree with Kepler, of course, maybe the first class blow jobs will save them.

  8. mwdavis says:

    This is not what I read consumerist for. Head down this road and I’ll stop reading. Unfunny.

  9. petrarch1608 says:

    if it wasn’t for Ryanair, i never would have been able to afford trips to italy, germany and ireland when i was in Europe.

  10. weakdome says:

    What am I missing here? I know he’s joking about the BJs, but how does he plan to make money off $20 seats?

  11. Geekybiker says:

    If they really offer blow jobs on trans-atlantic flights I’m sure they’ll have a market.

  12. tc4b says:

    @sean77: @mwdavis:

    WTF, lighten up! Consumerist has serious stories and lighthearted ones. Personally, I enjoy reading both. If you choose to be a prude, go ahead, leave. You won’t be missed. Maybe on your way out you can demand you $0 refunded to you.

    P.S. – You two could DEFINITELY use blowjobs!

  13. luz says:

    @tc4b: Seconded.

    And now I just have to know what the German for “blowjob” is.

  14. yashichi8bit says:

    @mwdavis: You sound like you could use a nice “relaxing” flight. perhaps I could suggest an airline?

    For real though, you saw the headline, you clicked the article. You probably watched the video & you could have just skipped the whole thing and not upset yourself.

  15. vgerik1234 says:

    Was he being serious about the blowjobs thing? If soo… does the play leave the USA?

  16. Anonymous says:

    The joke is good…the better is the fact that Ryanair is talking about bridging the gap to the Americas. You think our POS airlines are in trouble now? Wait until their monopoly completely goes to hell.

  17. EdnaLegume says:

    That is one yummy pencil.

  18. EdnaLegume says:

    quite a presentation, giving that pencil a blow job and all….

  19. sean77 says:

    @tc4b: I’m not complaining because I was “offended”. I thought it was funny, but it doesn’t belong here.

    When I first started reading consumerist, I found myself angry at a lot of stories. The stories were about consumers getting seriously screwed by companies. But for the past several months, the stories have been either jokes, nonsense that doesn’t affect anyone, or whines from over-entitled pricks.

    Post stories like these, and then don’t complain when people start taking the whole site as a big joke.

  20. chgoeditor says:

    A short English lesson. Transcontinental means across the continent. If you fly from NY to LA, you’re on a transcontinental flight. If you fly across the ocean, that’s a trans-Atlantic flight (or trans-Pacific or trans-some other ocean).

  21. thatgirlinnewyork says:

    @sean77: have a sanka! i don’t think there’s any chance consumerist will head down the “parody” road in its entirety. i think this is appropriate, particularly when we consider all the things that are being taken away from american air travelers, as well as being nickeled and dimed to death. this contrast is relevant to the fact that euro carriers may very well give ours a run for their money–one can’t live in a vacuum.

  22. Meathamper says:

    Where would they do this uh, oral sex?

  23. kepler11 says:

    “Post stories like these, and then don’t complain when people start taking the whole site as a big joke.”

    this site is already somewhat a joke, with the poorly researched stories (posted by Consumerist before the whole issue, or the other side, is known) combined with unfiltered nonsense of anonymous users that can post to these comments areas.

    You think a blowjob joke is going to diminish the reputation of Consumerist much?

  24. AgentTuttle says:

    I always knew there was something going on behind the first class curtain. Business class better install one too.

  25. perrinbar says:

    @luz: I’m 90% sure it’s blasen.

  26. humphrmi says:

    @tc4b: Boy, that was an excellent opportunity for a context-appropriate Good Morning Vietnam quote, and you missed it.

    So here, I’ll help you out.

    “You are in more dire need of a blowjob than any white man in history”

  27. nfs says:

    He HAS to be joking.

    “What’s german for blowjob?” lol.

  28. Anto103 says:

    I bet that the News of the World will jump on this pretty quickly.

  29. uchari says:

    what a way to get some extra attention in the news…

  30. @tc4b: When is that ban hammer coming back? I thought I heard there’s a backlog.

    /me hopes his name isn’t on the list.

    @sean77: @mwdavis: For future reference, I think the standard practice is to skip a story you don’t like. You see, the editors (and the interns too… they’re learning, please don’t bite them) just might know more about what belongs on the Consumerist than you do.

  31. Brie says:

    @kepler11: But who is going to fly Ryanair longhaul across the Atlantic? What cheap vacationer is going to pay for business class on such an airline with a bad reputation…

    My parents. They would fly to Asia via HeliumBalloonAir if it were cheap. Which is why I theorize that lots of folks would fly any airline if it were cheap enough… even if they’re the same folks that complain it didn’t have amenity X.

  32. PølάrβǽЯ says:

    @sean77: @tc4b: “I’m not complaining because I was “offended”. I thought it was funny, but it doesn’t belong here.”

    I thought it was up to Ben, Meg, Chris, Alex, Jay and Carey to decide what belongs here.

  33. jmsbmck says:

    Thumbs down.

    This has nothing to do with consumer issues. If I wanted Fox News, I would have gone there.

    Show me some customer avenging being wronged!

  34. Alex Chasick says:

    @sean77:, @mwdavis: I’m sorry the free ice cream wasn’t the flavor you like.

  35. mgrDavid says:

    Please forward my resume to this Airline!

  36. dialing_wand says:

    You can’t buy press like the press Ryanair will be getting. Now that’s a keen sense for backdoor business. *not included*

  37. famousmortimer78 says:

    There’s no German for “blowjob”?

    No wonder they’re so angry!

    Thank you, good night. Don’t forget to tip your servers!

  38. APowerCosmic says:

    I’m going to have to agree with the others. This story really doesn’t belong on Consumerist, this is what belongs on Fleshbot. Of course, if someone can point out how this qualifies as consumer wrongdoing when a CEO makes a joke, then I’ll change my opinion. But for now, classless and equally without relevance.

  39. katylostherart says:

    and he has an oral fixation!

  40. humphrmi says:

    @APowerCosmic: Consumerist isn’t just about consumer wrongdoing.

  41. Kitteridge says:

    You know, if he does go through with the BJ amenity, I think the ladies should also have the option to be attended to. Where’s Jezebel when you need them?

  42. brettbee says:

    @APowerCosmic: It seems to me that Consumerist isn’t just about “consumer wrongdoing.” Take the Morning Deals for example. Sometimes its about “consumer right-doing.”

    Of course the grammar of that is just backwards anyway. I don’t think APowerCosmic meant wrongdoing by consumers, but wrong done to consumers.

    Anyway, I certainly want to know when companies intend to screw consumers either way — good or bad.

  43. mikelotus says:

    @sean77: @APowerCosmic: I don’t know about you all, but I use an RSS reader and if I am not interested, then I don’t read it. Are you paying for their bandwidth usage or something?

  44. @Alex Chasick: This buttered-popcorn ice cream is alright, but please tell me there’s some White-Castle flavor in the pipeline soon? That’d make my day.

  45. Nope. Not approved language at work.

    Will Ryanair expand their offerings to include most major USA markets? ‘Cause if they do, I am signing up for business class on a daily basis and if I am careful I might even get the company to pay for my daily ….. um what is the word or phrase that I am looking for….. um….. oh I know…. I might even get the company to pay for my daily flight of fantasy.

  46. Oh, BTW, how in hades is this dipshitsky company going to fly across the pond for only 10 farking Euros?

  47. TechnoDestructo says:

    @jmsbmck:

    This is humorous in and of itself, and relevant as a counterpoint to all the instances of customer service being scaled back in other airlines. Thumbs UP.

  48. TWinter says:

    There is no noun equivalent for blow job in German, but you can say it quite easily with a verb.

    to give someone a blow job = jemandem einen blasen

    literally = to blow one for someone

  49. parrotuya says:

    Why would anyone view this site at work, anyway? Blowjobs in business class? I’m there. I hope the stewardesses are hot, too!

  50. moore850 says:

    @parrotuya: Who said it was stewardesses doing the blowing? I’d steer clear of that promotion, sounds pretty easy to do a bait-and-switch and you end up with a bunch of boy george-looking attendants… ew!

  51. battra92 says:

    Hmm, I may have to consider them if I ever go to Europe. ;)

  52. Jonax says:

    @weakdome: Ryanair generally make their cash from surcharges & additional stuff rather than the actual fare. I often travel between Liverpool & Oslo on fares that cost between $1-10 depending on how early I book. But after that, the price adds up – $10 per bag of checked-in luggage, extra charge if wanting priority boarding, etc. The best known trick is the in-flight shop – Hot & cold snacks, drinks, liquor, tourist crap, etc. Once you find that a can of Coca-Cola costs approximately $2, it’s easy to see what Ryanair’s main cash cow is.

    Ryanair is a no-frills airline which charge minimum and then increases from there. But as long as a flier knows about how they work in advance, it isn’t that bad – Even after all the additional surcharges, it only costs me around £30-40 return via Ryanair. A similar flight would cost me around £100+ via Scandinavian Airlines.

  53. RandomHookup says:

    First, I wake up to John Irving having a discussion about BJs on the BBC and now this. This is one humdinger of a day.

  54. Confuzius says:

    I’m flying Ryanair next week, London to Genoa…
    If I don’t get my complimentary happy ending you know that I’ll be CCing my EECB to Consumerist!

  55. rixatrix says:

    C’mon, Consumerist…”white seats”? No chance he could mean WIDE seats for business class, eh?

  56. mackensie says:

    I don’t see why this wouldn’t be on Consumerist. The entry of Ryanair into the US will be interesting, if ill-timed. With the cost of the business class in the thousdands maybe it will work for them. Unfortunately, most of the all business class airlines to Europe have folded – maybe there’s a niche. I noticed on the Ryanair website, the company actually put out a press release about this:

    [www.ryanair.com]

    From the press release:
    Speaking today, Ryanair’s Daniel de Carvalho said:

    “We are delighted to see our Düsseldorf (Weeze) media conference being the most viewed video on You Tube’s Travel section. Ryanair confirmed at the press conference on 17th June that the proposed transatlantic service will have a very low cost economy cabin with seats priced from €10 one-way, and a very high quality business class, providing better service than BA or Virgin, and the working title for the business class service is ‘Beds and Blowjobs’.

    Since then it is rumoured that the ‘Beds and Blowjobs’ debate comes up at most management meetings and everyone is cock sure, it would grow from strength to strength.

    We are surprised that the translator did not find any German word for ‘Blowjobs’. Ryanair’s Linguistic Department will offer one free return flight to a destination of your choice, for travel from October to December (including taxes and charges) to the first Ryanair passenger translating ‘Blowjobs’ into German language”.

    A company with a sense of humor and that belongs on Consumerist!

  57. The embedded YouTube video is dead. Anyone got a valid link?

  58. ViperBorg says:

    @HeartBurnKid: Agreed.
    @mackensie: Also agreed.

  59. Wormfather is Wormfather says:

    @sean77: Um, yeah, I dont think you get to decide what belongs here. Just saying.

    In other news “Germans must have a horrible secks life”

    Oh man are you wrong.

  60. JLM says:

    Best Consumerist photo ever.

  61. tc4b says:

    @sean77:

    I never said you were “offended,” so don’t quote me saying so. I said you are a “prude.” You can also quote me as saying you have a “pole up your ass.”

    Don’t like it, don’t read it. Don’t you have REAL problems in your life?

  62. snoop-blog says:

    If you don’t think this is work appropriate, then quit reading the net and do some damn work.

    My boss got a kick out of this story. Seriously, if you don’t like reading the consumerist please quit trying to threaten us with it and just do it already. How high of a horse do you have to be on to think the editors on here care so much about keeping you as a reader that by you leaving a good bye threatening comment they will change the ways things are done around here just for you?

  63. greatgoogly says:

    @laz, There is no actual exact translation, but my German wife tells me the closest translation would be “blasen”

  64. RogueSophist says:

    @mwdavis: This is what I read Consumerist for. Stop traveling this road and I’ll stop reading.

    I think the real reason people are ornery is because there’s no consumer to blame, here. Time to head over to the story about the autistic child to get my blame on.

  65. Mr. Guy says:

    @sean77: if only there were some website you could write to to publicize the disappointing treatment and poor service you have experienced from this “consumerist” company.

    actually, an EECB to the Gawker CEO and board members might be just the thing- once you’ve done so, i suggest CC’ing tips@consumerist.com- they may be interested in this story.

  66. Ssscorpion says:

    Dammit! I just booked a seat on Aer Lingus yesterday!

    :(

  67. richcreamerybutter says:

    As long as the male trolley dollys look like the cast of “Mile High,” this is also a winning proposition for the ladies.

  68. @mgrDavid:

    Please forward my resume to this Airline!

    So you can give blow jobs to passengers? Unemployment may be at 5.5%, but surely you can find a better way to make a living?

  69. @Ssscorpion: I suppose Aer Lingus will compete by putting the ‘lingus back in the air, no?

  70. djreedps says:

    I’m just glad he didn’t mention the 20 euro fares on this video before he started talking about oral sex. I mean if he had talked about Ryanair’s amazing, unbelievably low 20 euro fares in coach during this video, then I might actually think this was a scam to get Ryanair free publicity for their out of this world low 20 euro fares.

    Wait, this CEO does talk about Ryanair’s 20 euro fares in this video.

    To The Consumerist:

    How to know when companies are owning you:
    1. Company creates video where CEO says something outrageous.
    2. Also on the same video the CEO touts his company’s low prices.
    3. Media reports on outrageous video without realizing that they are giving this company tons of free advertising.
    4. Media gets owned by company that made video.

    I thought The Consumerist was supposed to be exposing fraud, not spreading it.

  71. Ausoleil says:

    @kepler11: If SWA or Ryanair served my needs for international travel, I would fly them in a second over the so-called “better” airlines that have difficulties not only with delivering their products in a timely manner but also the truth itself.

  72. seamer says:

    Happily speechless.

    nomnomnom

  73. the downside is hideously ugly flight attendants

  74. Alex Chasick says:

    @Ssscorpion: I am kicking myself for forgetting to make that pun. Well played.

  75. Alex Chasick says:

    @rixatrix: Aha! I was thinking to myself, who cares what color the seats are when you’re getting a bed (and someone to share it with, apparently)?

  76. crazyasianman says:

    So I’m just wondering who exactly is going to be administering this special service? And will it follow the trend of degrading service over time, maybe starting with old biker chicks and moving down to toothless crackheads. hmm….. toothless….

  77. @mandiejackson: You must be thinking of some other airline. I flew Ryan Air once; the flight attendants may may not have quite lived up to expectations from their 2008 calendar, but I wasn’t disappointed.

    But oh man that yellow and blue color scheme is gaudy.

  78. Ein2015 says:

    I wonder how many people actually watched the video.

    It’s clear he’s joking.

  79. battra92 says:

    @Ein2015: Uh, duh? ;)

    I love the reaction of his female translator. I know quite a few females that would have smacked him right then and there.

  80. rockergal says:

    lmao, I know it would prompt a lot of people to start flying!
    Personally I thing that this is genius (if it were true),

  81. rockergal says:

    @battra92: only if the females are Americans. I’m a European and thought it was hysterical.

  82. dlab says:

    @sean77: @mwdavis:

    Quit crying. Have you ever read any of the other gawker blogs? Not only is this hardly offensive, it is very appropriate — 10 euros across the Atlantic, seriously???

  83. Any updates on when Ryanair is coming to my town.

    I had a rotten day, I sure could use a business class flight about right now.

    Which reminds me. I was driving down the street the other day and I saw this rather ugly street working lady on the corner. I pulled up and asked her “how much for a business class flight”? She looked at me like I was a farking moron.