Reader Richie would like to point out the impressive pointlessness of this Wal-Mart promotion for “Genuine SteakHouse Steak.”
So the brand name is “Genuine Steakhouse,” therefore they are Genuine Steakhouse Steaks. This does not mean anything. They are not “genuine” anything, nor are they coming from a “steakhouse,” except for, I guess the slaughterhouse, which is a house where steaks come from. The next sentence, “100% freshness guaranteed or your money back” is also pretty lean on meaning. One would hope that spoiled, past-due meat would not be sold in the first place and I think it’s safe to say that, should that meat accidentally get sold, it would certainly be accepted for a refund. Then again, I don’t know much about Wal-Mart, so maybe they are always selling rotten meat and not giving you money back for it. Who’s to say.
What they have cleverly done here is put a bunch of connotation-rich words near each other, in a construction that prevents the words from having any kind of actual meaning that might make it incumbent upon the company to provide anything even slightly out of the ordinary. Genuine Steakhouse…100% guaranteed…money back. A casual gloss could easily give you the false impression that they are somehow guaranteeing that this meat has a certain level of quality, or comes from a specific steakhouse, or something like that. In fact, they are just announcing the fact that they are putting a trademarked brand name on run-of-the-mill USDA-whatever meat, and then guaranteeing that they won’t sell it once it putrefies.
Oh, Richie, this is what happens when you think about Wal-Mart too much. It’s bad for your health. Speaking of bad for your health, if you click on over to the SteakHouse Steaks page at Walmart.com, you’ll see that concerning the “100% guaranteed fresh” bit…“*Restrictions apply. Please see store for details.”
Eek.
Meaningless, You Mean It’s All Been Meaningless [I Feel Crazy]
Wal-Mart Steaks
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@nedzeppelin: If there are any meaningful restriction, then its not a 100% guarantee. Which is fine. Had they said “Freshness guaranteed! (Some restrictions apply)”, I’d have seen no problem. THEY added the 100% while also qualifying it in fine print. If it is for what you suggest, then frankly their lawyers are being too disclaimer happy because it should be understood that there are some rules. But again, the problem might be that 100%. So why not just remove it if you can’t live up to it?
This is why I’m all for cloned meat. If we cloned only the best cows, it should be far cheaper for that top choice meat. Plus, outback and others couldn’t charge two arms and a leg for the exact same steak you could buy at Denny’s for $9. And if you don’t understand this comment, or anything about the advantages of cloned meat, or the reasons why advocates are pushing for it, Please don’t respond.
Blech. This sounds like the junk Hyvee was trying to pass off as some sort of premium beef. They took regular bulk beef from Swift & co. Packaged it in black co2 injected trays and gave it an equally meaningless branding about it being some steakhouse premium something. The signage pointed to the deep red color as a sign it was premium beef. Never mind it is bright red because of the co2. I think they finally quit carrying it and went back to regular co2 packed meat.
As for the “guaranteed fresh” I believe they mean Fresh as opposed to previously frozen, not fresh as opposed to rotten.
Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shit. That’s all it is, isn’t it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time.
One more in memory of Chris Farley……FTW!
This all Walmart is doing……
@backbroken:
Or how they make like they fooled New York food critics. Yea a person that has made their life’s work food, will not know the diffrence between fancy-schmacny NYC italian-restraunt pasta from the Hut . Right.
Define “is”.
Dear Lord in heaven, why would anyone eat “meat” from Wal Mart? There hasn’t been any real beef in a Wal Mart since they were founded.
“back in the day”, my folks purchased an 8-track Stereo from JCPenny. The speakers had these tiny little labels at the bottom of each, on the outside that read:
“Genuine simulated woodgrain vinal”.
Those exact words, I’ll never forget it. Talk about a mouthful of nothing. WOW!.. GENUINE SIMULATED woodgrain vinyl?!?!?!.. how could you pass that up? That was in the late 70s my friends, so this has been going on for a loooooong time…
@MissPeacock:
Yep.
My widgets are better that your widgets yet both widgets come from the same assembly line at the widget factory.
I read the WallyWorld ad as my cow is better than your cow. Big Whoop.
@Terd_Ferguson: @smirky: Because not everyone can afford organic, Farmer’s Market food you imbeciles.
My little popup dictionary defines “steakhouse” as a restaurant that serves steaks. Is there a difference in restaurant-grade steaks and consumer-grade steaks? If there is, could be a lawsuit here.
one thing to keep in mind is that alot of these products get produced from the same place. They are just sold to different companies who slap their own labels on things and charge whatever they want.
NEWSPEAK
DOUBLEPLUSUNGOOD
@sonicanatidae:
That one cracks me up almost as much as plastic leather
The question I want answered is if you guy the “Guaranteed Steaks” do you have to show your receipt at the door or will you be arrested on site?
@VG10:
No need to show your receipt now that Walmart has embedded your premium beef with edible RFID chips
I admit I do shop at walmart, but I won’t buy any meats or other perishables. God knows if they’re properly handled.
All I have to say is that I *hate* the term ‘handcut.’ Marketers take note…I hate you for inventing this term. It does not add anything to flavor, quality, or taste if it is handled by hands during the cutting process.
Handcut onion rings? Who gives an elf?
Now if it was feetcut that would be something altogether new and interesting.
I hate the word ‘bistro’ as well. Cuisine is also chafing me raw these days.
@ScarletsWalk: what are you talking about? I love finding a family pack of pork chops hanging out in the sock bin, waiting for inventory clerk to find it and put it back on the shelf. I get all my E. Coli/listeria/salmonella at WM.
In my town, not one of the steakhouses makes a steak half a well as what I make at home buying quality meat NOT FROM MALL-WART!!!!
You people should be grateful. I live on the most remote island chain on the planet. Any beef we get here is guaranteed to have come off a ship that’s been at least ten days on the ocean. Factor in all of the other transit time, getting it to the docks, etc…. we got some pretty old beef.
Or if you go to a really nice restaurant, it’s flown in and you pay $250 for dinner.
FYI, they changed to this new brand a few months back. I was skeptical, but tried it and it’s pretty good. It’s all Tyson, actually. Their pork and chicken usually is too. I don’t think they use carbon monoxide because it does turn brown after a few days.
Tyson is a factory farm giant… no thanks.
@Dakine: It’s not impossible. The 40 something minutes of downtime allowed per month adds up. Sure, they may not meet their goal all of the time for some circumstances and users but that’s where your 99.9% guarantee comes in. With enough redundancy though they should be able to at least offer 99.9% uptime and come through.
I look at that sign at Walmart every time and think ” Oh Walmart must have premium beef and I should buy some ” this article points out the obvious that I failed to register. I saw the presentation and it had the exact effect it was supposed to have. The display and words short circuit your concious mind and you think something like walmart has better stuff now. The advertising had the exact effect on me it was designed to do.
I read the article and it reminds me of the insidious nature of advertising as it infects every sector of my life. In order to combat it a person would have to go Adbusters and no logo everything in the house. Since I have work and family I don’t have alot of spare time to combat the amount of persuasion I have to process. The very reason I read the consumerist is because corporations are designed soley to make money and not designed to promote independent thinking.
Fer some rasan I’d not good at the reasning. I’d let the prezerdent der my thinkng fer me.
I really need to insert bad snarky comments? Nah, Nah I have a clever turn of phrase that is not funny .
The funniest comment I read was comparing asking an employee in a big box store for something is the same as asking a homeless person about an arm. I still laugh about that.
We are now consumers instead of citizens.
Aren’t 100% fresh steaks still attached to a living cow? Surely by the time the beef is cut up, packaged, shipped to Wally, and put on the shelf it must be down to at least 99% fresh.
I would hope that Walmart is the last place you choose to buy beef, or really, any kind of perishable items.
I got a good laugh out of these commercials when they came out and an even bigger laugh at this spot-on write up.
There’s a butcher in every town, so if you really want some nice cuts that are guaranteed to be fresh, I suggest going that route.
The beef was probably subjected to hormones and antibiotics. I’ll stick to the stuff at Whole Foods market.
To quote Tommy Boy:
“I can take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I got spare time.”
{coffeetalk}
Talk amongst yourselves….
I’ll give you a topic:
Wal-Mart Genuine Steakhouse Brand Stakes are neither Genuine, nor Steakhouse…
Discuss…
{/coffeetalk}
@thesabre: “So their brand name is Genuine Steakhouse. What’s wrong with that?”
Lying to people is wrong? Especially when advertising a product?
Walmart steaks are soaked in brine. Read the label. That’s why they taste like sausage, jerky, or corned beef. The fancy Steak House label is a label, period. There’s nothing fresh about brine soaked meat.