These Gummi Lighthouse Candies Are Highly Inappropriate

What exactly were these people thinking when they decided to make “gummi lighthouses?” First of all, who even knew there was a demand for such a thing. Second… well. You get the idea.

Gummi Lighthouses [Buzzfeed]

PREVIOUSLY: Del Monte Dog Treats Are Highly Inappropriate

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  1. riverstyxxx says:

    Lol, subliminal advertising. If you’ve seen as many infomercials as I have, you’d know that guys are very Very concerned about the size of their penises. How this fits in with eating gummi penises is beyond me.

  2. Purrrz says:

    Now, if only some were curved, some were pencil thin, some were short and stout, it would be more realistic. Because there are so many different types of lighthouses.

  3. Jmatthew says:

    LOLOLOLOLOLOL
    That’s awesome.

  4. 44 in a Row says:

    The variety pack also comes with gummi clams.

  5. Gilbert Tang, Jr. says:

    Gummi lighthouses, much in the fashion of the chewable phalli craze of the mid 50′s and later in the 80′s, are making a roaring comeback.

    Who…who are we to judge?

  6. buyer5 says:

    uncut lol

  7. Combine these with the rocket straws from Wal*Mart.

    [consumerist.com]

  8. jscott73 says:

    Reminds me of the class who planted cacti in clown pots: [www.rawfoodinfo.com]

  9. geoffhazel says:

    Some people just have dirty minds.

    Dude, they are LIGHTHOUSES.

  10. Parting says:

    Pffft, kid’s stuff. Any crazy/angry parent up to date?

    I mean, kids can say ”fuck”, but they still don’t know what it means :)

  11. Umisaurus says:

    @Purrrz: Can you even imagine trying to find the gummi difference between circumsised and uncircumised?

  12. Parting says:

    There is a game : “DIRTY MINDS”
    The Game of Naughty Clues…

    TEST HOW DIRTY YOUR MIND IS BY READING THE FOLLOWING CLUES:

    - I’m a four letter word
    - I’m a name for a woman.
    - I end in u-n-t.

    —— What am I ?
    If your first response to these clues wasn’t “AUNT,” you have a dirty mind!

  13. Trai_Dep says:

    Finally, a candy that can make every man more confident!

  14. jackal676 says:

    That reminds me of “Sour Crawlers” gummi worms. For a short while, they were making two-headed worms. Yes, they had a single long body with two round “heads” at one end.

  15. Walrii says:

    It’s not the size of the lighthouse that matters, but how it’s used & how the motion of the ocean is involved.

  16. mgy says:

    @Trai_Dep: Somehow, I don’t see many guys casually popping gummy penises on their lunch break, no matter how confident it makes them feel. However, I can see these as the type of candy that turns a little known elementary school prankster into a GOD amongst his peers.

  17. DamThatRiver says:

    I wonder if these are available at Kum & Go?

  18. apotheosis says:

    *munch munch munch*

    ….what?

  19. Kimbeegrin says:

    “First of all, who even knew there was a demand for such a thing.”
    I live in Maine. Tourists here would eat these up,no pun tended.

  20. Greeper says:

    According to Larry Craig “They ARE NOT gay.”

  21. QueenHawkeye says:

    the lighthouses are erect.

  22. sean77 says:

    this just in: there are lots of phallic objects in the world.

  23. oldtaku says:

    I like heard Rod Stewart like collapsed during a concert and when they like pumped his stomach they totally found A FULL 12 OUNCES of gummi lighthouses!

  24. vatica40 says:

    RAAAAAWWWRRR! Fake OUTRAGE!!

  25. henrygates says:

    I can see a market for these in lighthouse giftshops.

  26. GenXCub says:

    Wasn’t there a consumerist post about phallic dry dog food here as well?

  27. mantari says:

    Ooooh! I think the main problem I have with these is that the lighthouses aren’t tall enough!

  28. cudthecrud says:

    are these religious maybe? aren’t jehovah’s witnesses all about lighthouses where they even have the official magazine called the lighthouse?

  29. marsneedsrabbits says:

    Are there any gummi little men in boats to go with the lighthouses?

  30. cudthecrud says:

    oops… google finally told me that I was thinking of the watchtower. much more ominous.

  31. CyberSkull says:

    They are pretty cool. They’ll make a great gag gift.

  32. jsnorcal says:

    everyone always focuses on the lighthouses(penis)…dont forget the rocks(testes) below!

  33. legotech says:

    @44 in a Row: As long as they don’t have crabs.

  34. Hey guys?? Editors??? Look up your facts before posting a story?? :)

    This is fake. Unless you can point me towards a company called Mill Farm that sells candy (according to Google, there isn’t one), I won’t believe it’s true.

    Please fact check instead of just tossing stuff up?

  35. Orv says:

    The Ypsilanti watertower, however, is all too real:
    [en.wikipedia.org]

  36. Sherryness says:

    Mouthwatering.

  37. sean77 says:

    Mill Farm to Customers: Eat a Dick.

  38. Mike8813 says:

    @Victo: I actually bought that game a while back. I also read the example clues on the back and thought it would be a laugh riot. Instead, it was completely lame. I was very disappointed.

    I’ll sell it to you for $5.

  39. bohemian says:

    @Phillip M. Vector: I am guessing this is from Mills Fleet Farm. They are this odd big box store around MN & WI. They sell a mix of hunting stuff, clothes, pet items, automotive, farm items, hardware and household stuff. The place is like some sort of redneck heaven. I think that package is just their no-name store candy they sell by the registers.

  40. Mr. Guy says:

    bwahahahaha!!! those are great. So is this

  41. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    It’s not Mill Farm’s problem that lighthouses are inherently phallic. =D

  42. scerwup says:

    All I have to say is….

    LOL!!!

  43. Mr. Guy says:

    shoot, image above didn’t post

    here it is

  44. Mr. Guy says:

    Also, the bottle for AsomBroso Tequila is HIGHLY inappropriate.

  45. PinkBox says:

    Hahahaha!! Those are AWESOME. I’d buy them.

  46. opsomath says:

    hee hee hee.

  47. oh man, that’s great…. They would completely sell out if they changed the name to something more appropriate.. Ok well more “Inappropriate.”

  48. HungryGrrl says:

    Is that a Christmas Tree Shops logo over the barcode??

    [www.christmastreeshops.com]

  49. Maybe these were adult-intended bachelorette party favors that got re-branded and sold.

    If you can’t sell it one way, re-label it and put it in a different store.

  50. Crrusherr says:

    @Victo: @Victo:

    congraulations u read the box at the store

  51. Trai_Dep says:

    @mgy: Perhaps not during the lunch break. That’d lack taste. But spilled across your belly as you’re in pre-coital pose? Your lower belly? Classy, huh?
    Va. Va. Voom!

  52. donkeyjote says:

    Damn pervs always thinking dirty thoughts. You are what you think and see in everything.

  53. @Phillip M. Vector: Perhaps they don’t have a website. hmm.

  54. fizzball says:

    They are real. Mill Farm is a brand of candy sold at the Christmas Tree Shops, a chain of stores in Massachusetts. I bought the gummi lighthouses last year and brought them to my coworkers in Illinois. They were, um, impressed.

  55. parnote says:

    LOL … when my wife saw them, before even reading the article, she said “I WANT SOME!”

  56. Trai_Dep says:

    So I’m at a loss: is it worse to chomp them in half, or lick them?

  57. eben56 says:

    Good God.. Get a life.. They are lighthouses, I live in Maine and they look like light house.. I had to look at them a while to see something else.

  58. @eben56: Lighten up

  59. Sweet. Where can I get some of those?

  60. Jesse says:

    Reminds me of the cookie scene in Death to Smoochie.

  61. SharmilaTyphon says:

    They do actuall make gummi penises (well, I don’t recall if the brand actually is gummi, but it’s the same thing). Overseas, at least. A friend of mine in Germany sent me a package. I think they’re a hoot.

  62. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    OMG, somebody’s Director of Product Development is so fired. The marketing slacker that thought this would be a funny practical joke before he left for California to be a surfer is probably nowhere to be found.

  63. @fizzball: That makes perfect sense, oh the Christmas Tree Shop.

  64. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    Gummi lighthouses in the wild: [stores.captainmartys.com]

    Gummi manhoods: [www.bacheloretteparties.com]

  65. Ted Dziuba says:

    That is highly inappropriate. They look like guns. Not for children!

  66. leftystrat says:

    If you bite off the ummm…. shrubbery, they look just like lighthouses!

  67. MaliBoo Radley says:

    I don’t want to be simplistic, but .. well, awesome!! They look like penises. I love cock, so these are right up my, uh, alley!

  68. forgottenpassword says:

    Gotta love those candies that are designed horribly wrong, but hilariously right!

    Like these…


    + Watch video

    Be sure to watch it in action…


    + Watch video

  69. Deivion says:

    I wonder if Walmart sells any of those lighthouse gummis.

  70. CaesarBach says:

    One would think that somewhere between R&D and production someone would look at it and say, “You know what??? That looks like a penis…”

  71. Concerned_Citizen says:

    Most pathetic complaint, EVER!

  72. parrotuya says:

    why not fish gummis? get it, fish?

  73. witeowl says:

    @SharmilaTyphon: We bought our coworker some “dick tacks” mints a while ago. I think they also sold “tit tacks”. I like gummis better, so I’d rather have these. :)

  74. cupcake_kate says:

    @Kimbeegrin: I love in Maine also and my first thought was “Look normal to me”. Here we are so use to seeing weird tacky lighthouse crap we are unfazed by it.

  75. @Greeper: Yeah, they were just trying to get some paper off their shoes!

  76. mantari says:

    This would go perfect with the “ear” from Gummy Body Parts!
    [wiscandy.blogspot.com]

  77. plasticredtophat says:

    I think these are highly delightful! Heheh

  78. Carencey says:

    what happens if you put them in cold water?

  79. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    Wasn’t it Freud who said “Sometimes a lighthouse is just a lighthouse?”

  80. mikelotus says:

    perfect for the women who spend time out here. sure to be a big seller now.

  81. RayDelMundo says:

    Give credit where credit is due:
    [www.thewvsr.com]

  82. evslin says:

    So this is what it means when somebody tells you to eat a bag of dicks.

  83. TheDude06 says:

    Does anyone know where to get gummy sliced strawberrys?

  84. In honor of the Irish state voting to reject the most recent EU crapstitution legislation I have one thing to say about said lighthouses……..

    ..penis!…

  85. At least they’re not cream filled.

  86. Meathamper says:

    @The Rude Bellman: Damn it, you are sick.

  87. Benny Gesserit says:

    @mantari: It’s not the height of the lighthouse, it’s what you do with it.

  88. Kali Mama says:

    @sean77: Only a select number of phallic objects are for putting in your mouth to suck on.

  89. TorrentFreak says:

    O man this one is way too easy.

  90. Angryrider says:

    They look more like guns than phalluses. Now WTF is the deal with big guns? Trying to overcompensate for your useless and big XX.

  91. Rajio says:

    I don’t get it. whats so unacceptable and inappropriate here?

    …what is this, fox news? you sensationalistic quakers.

  92. sketchy says:

    @Juice Box Hero: Nail –> Head

    I’ve seen these all over the place, sold exactly how you suggest.

  93. Trai_Dep says:

    Breaking news:

    Ohio man’s jaw dislocated when he rashly stuffed his mouth full of them then jerked his head vigorously back-and-forth.

  94. BGB-ATL says:

    I wonder if I could buy un-circumcised lighthouses? Probably only in Europe. =(

  95. snoop-blog says:

    What’s the big deal here? They are lighthouses, that you had to hold on it’s side to make the connection, so who has the dirty mind? They could also pass as fire hydrants. I bet kids wouldn’t even think about what else they look like. Besides, we shouldn’t be subliminally taught to be ashamed of any part of the human body. This is why New York’s top-free law rocks!

  96. maruawe42 says:

    I believe that some people can make something dirty out of anything. When I was younger we used cloud formations to
    symbolize animals,things and people. But the degenerative minds of some people today amaze me, their own mental degeneration to symbolism is unrealistic. I’m sure that
    the company DID NOT in fact make the lighthouse candy as
    a symbol of anything but a lighthouse… Come out of the dirt people.

  97. PancrazioGoose says:

    The guy who said his Google search “proved” there’s no such company
    clearly doesn’t know how to use Google.

    Mills Farm is a candy brand owned by the Christmas Tree Shops, a chain
    with stores all over the northeast. All I did was google Mills Farm
    candy. Check it here.

    http://www.findownersearch.com/brand/4454625/

    And here’s the link to the company itself. Since they’re all over
    Connecticut, Maine, etc. the lighthouses are undoubtedly meant to be a
    tourist thing.

    http://www.christmastreeshops.com/frames.html

    L.H.

  98. MyCokesBiggerThanYours says:

    OMG – now you going to regulate the shape of candy!? You are worse than Republicans.

  99. factotum says:

    Oh. My. Jeebus! A vague penis-shape! Run for your lives!

    In some Asian cultures, the penis is revered. Boys and girls eat penis-shaped lollipops and play on giant penis sculptures.

    It’s just another body part…

  100. mizmoose says:

    I WANT THESE SO BADLY.

    SO badly I can almost taste them!

  101. Kounji says:

    Has anyone seen the Hannah Montana microphone candies yet

  102. Kounji says:

    @Kounji: I swear I did not make that up. I saw them at a 7-11.

  103. Dragonis says:

    I was at the national art gallery in Ottawa, Canada. They had Michelangelo’s “David” lightswitch covers. They were printed with a photograph of the sculpture on the cover itself, and the lightswitch cam out right between his legs.

    The fact that we are so deeply afraid of showing children an object that vaugley resembles a natural part of the human body is a sad commentary on our morals. There are much worse things out there.

  104. evslin says:

    @Kounji: I saw some sort of Hanna Montana cookie at a 7-11 when I was in Vegas a couple weeks ago. Looked like a record or a CD or something.

  105. @Purrrz: OMG.

  106. stands2reason says:

    “Is that a lighthouse in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

  107. pigeonpenelope says:

    they look delicious!

  108. Bix says:

    These lighthouses appear to be Jewish.

  109. toddiot says:

    [gizmodo.com] Dora The Explorer Aquapet… shaped like a penis.

  110. mthrndr says:

    These will go great with my bird’s nest-shaped gummis.

  111. Naia says:

    Is it subliminal advertising? Or is it our dirty minds? Or was the person who came up with the lighthouse gummies just innocent? The same applies to those Walmart rocket straws.

    Hrmm…

  112. Adisharr says:

    Meanwhile some porn dealer received a shipment of gummy lighthouses.