Pour Some Hate Juice On This Obnoxious Diamond Ad

Apropos of today’s Worst Company In America matchup between DeBeers and Exxon, Wesa Anderson sends us this EE Robbins diamond ad seen on the side of a Seattle bus. See, the way it works is the more you spend, the more man you are. No girl can resist a big rock. Hey, maybe I should make extra cash drafting taglines for EE Robbins.

Advert [Flickr]

Comments

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  1. ahwannabe says:

    Is it too late to change my vote?

  2. Jones91 says:

    Is this real? lol thats funny

  3. jackal676 says:

    Nothing says I love you like a product mined by slave labor.

  4. Triterion says:

    “The idea isn’t to make her happy with your love, thats crazy talk!”

  5. DavidCopperballs says:

    Somebody tell EE Robbins that my wife was more excited about the platinum band than the diamond it was holding up.

    And, come to think of it, our engagement.

  6. dragonfire81 says:

    Thank god my wife isn’t a jewelry freak. She knows I express all the time how I love her, a nice dinner and some flowers usually go farther than a diamond would.

  7. KarmaChameleon says:

    More sexist bullshit in advertising. Who’d have thunk it?

  8. incomplet says:

    Newsflash: Advertising tries to sell you things. Somethings things you don’t even really need!

  9. Gann says:

    “Who says you can’t buy love?”

  10. allstarecho says:

    Umm, today’s Worst Company In America matchup was between DeBeers and Exxon, NOT DeBeers and Verizon. Someone needs to wake up.

  11. eightfifteen says:

    Yes, those slaves digging for the diamonds don’t get beat nearly as hard if they find diamonds over a carat.

  12. gibbersome says:

    Grrrr, I hate diamonds and feel sorry for the people who covet them!

  13. BlackFlag55 says:

    Diamonds. Ugh. One word …. Africa. ‘Nuff said.

  14. I remember Debeers had one that said, “keep her warm all winter long” AKA, your wife will be a total bitch unless you buy her a huge rock.

  15. courtneywoah says:

    My fiance bought me a titanium ring. I was able to shun the hated diamond but not able to totally break from “tradition” and had to have a ring of sorts.

  16. Sham03 says:

    @Jones91: Yup, it sure is. I’ve seen that ad about a half-dozen times so far in the last couple weeks.

  17. rfjason says:

    I know Wesa! She has huuuuuuuuge boobs.

  18. mindshadow says:

    My work requires me to drive all over the state of Alabama to troubleshoot our network sometimes. Last time I was in North Alabama on I-65 near Decatur/Huntsville there’s a sign much like this. It has a picture of a diamond ring but it says “Wife insurance,” as if she’s going to leave you if you don’t buy her a big rock.

    I guess they’re right though. If she would leave you for not buying her an overpriced rock then she would probably end up divorcing you, taking all your stuff, and suing you for child support at some point anyways.

  19. VikingP77 says:

    I’d love a big rock…not a diamond though :-(

  20. RandomHookup says:

    I was thinking about a response line that involved a hummer, but I’m at work and that wouldn’t be appropriate.

  21. carbonmade says:

    @mindshadow: We have something similar here in Denver. The billboard has a ring of a diamond-studded band with a huge rock in the center and says “This Should Shut Her Friends Up.” It pisses me off every time I see it.

  22. carbonmade says:

    @carbonmade: I mean, a ring WITH a diamond-studded band AND A huge rock in the center. See, it makes me so crazy I can’t type.

  23. Gann says:

    “Nothing’s too expensive if it gets her to sign that prenup”

  24. MyPetFly says:

  25. MyPetFly says:

    How about this as an alternative?

    (By the way, I can’t find instructions on the proper way to post an image here. Can anyone help?)

  26. TheName says:

    Actual other EE Robbins bus ad: “Average men buy average diamonds”

  27. MyPetFly says:

    Try this…

    Arghhh… Try this.

  28. rmz says:

    @allstarecho: Call the cops! How horrible!

  29. sean77 says:

    “Because roses don’t make up for sleeping with her sister”

    “Trophy rings for your trophy wives”

    “Diamonds are for genocide”

  30. sean77 says:

    one more:

    “You misheard me, I didn’t say I love big *rocks*…”

  31. egosub2 says:

    Wow. The jokes just write themselves.

  32. GenXCub says:

    The Family Guy De Beers spoof

  33. yagisencho says:

    My wife completely bought into the marketing hype. I made my feelings about blood diamonds plenty clear, but logical discussion just wasn’t a possibility. Eventually, I gave in and bought the shiniest diamond I could in a weight I could afford. @*%# you diamond industry, @*%# you with a rusty garden spade.

    (I don’t begrudge the money one bit. I begrudge spending it on such a corrupt and worthless product.)

  34. krom says:

    There was another EE Robbins bus-side ad I saw recently that was just as upsetting.

    The idea is to prey on a man’s sense of inadequacy and failure.

    If you’re not getting her the most expensive ring you can possibly afford, you’re not doing enough, you cheap lazy prick.

  35. ZoeSchizzel says:

    My husband gave me the wedding band his mother had left over after her divorce from his father. What can I say, he’s a thrifty guy!! But we’ve raised two kids on one income (he fully supported my decision to stay home with the kids and never undervalued my contributions); we own our home outright, have no consumer debt or oustanding loans, and are now putting both kids through college with little or no financial sweat. To me, his concern for our financial well-being speaks more to his commitment than a piece of jewelry ever could.

  36. nudger says:

    Seen from the other side:

    A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen.
    He asked her about it.
    “This is a Trump diamond,” she said.
    “It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it.”
    “What’s the curse?”
    the man asked.
    “Mr. Trump.”

  37. Jones91 says:

    @Sham03: haha, thats awesome. well, a real man can make her happy without a diamond, thats pro skills.

  38. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    There was an SNL skit a few years ago…

    “DeBeers…because now she’ll have to….”

    Hey, I’ll buy her a big rock if she’ll buy me that 42″ plasma TV and surround sound system I have my eye on.

  39. SchuylerH says:

    If I plan to get engaged, I will go to the Crater of Diamonds park in Arkansas and dig up my own diamond. I can’t guarantee it will large, uncolored or flawless, but it seems to me that digging a diamond out of the ground with my own hands is far more impressive than any store-bought diamond could be. Now I just have to find a woman who also thinks this way.

  40. KleineFrau says:

    A member of my ignorant family bought a ring, I hear, literally covered in diamonds, for his fiance. Trying desperately to keep myself from saying something at the wedding, but it’s not extremely easy. All I can think about is that her finger is dripping in blood. I get choked up with the thought of it.

    My suburban, keep-up-with-the-joneses, SUV-driving, boat owning, chain store loving family doesn’t like me too much.

  41. dumblonde says:

    Funny story: My boyfriend walks into a jewelry store and asks the store attendant: “So if I buy one of your diamonds can you give me a certificate asking where they come from?” She just looks at him with a bewildered look on her face. So I guess when you buy a diamond(unless it’s from Canada) I have absolutely no way of knowing where it comes from and whose blood it’s drenched in. Diamonds are just dirty dirty things. DeBeers systematically tries to hide the origin of diamonds, they do deal in conflict diamonds and artificially keep diamond prices up. I’m voting DeBeers.

  42. akede2001 says:

    @yagisencho: Most companies don’t sell blood diamonds, and through the Kimberly Process, diamonds are tracked from mining to market.

    [www.kimberleyprocess.com]

  43. CaptZ says:

    Not too mention diamonds are the worst investment ever. The resale value is horrible.

    Also not too mention a wife, or husband….a horrible waste of your life.

  44. DavidCopperballs says:

    @KleineFrau: If you said anything to my wife at the wedding you’d get physically choked by me. Keep your trap shut and just send a gift if you can’t be quiet.

  45. Sudonum says:

    Wow, 44 comments and no one has mentioned Ron White yet……..

  46. Sudonum says:

    “Diamonds, that’ll shut her up”

  47. mycroft2000 says:

    I hate diamonds, but if you “must” buy one, note that the real Canadian ones have, I think, a microscopic image of a polar bear laser-etched into them.

  48. rfjason says:

    Everyone’s posted jokes are now in banner form: [rfjason.livejournal.com]

  49. rfjason says:

    Everyone’s posted jokes are now in banner form for immediate distribution: [rfjason.livejournal.com]

  50. spinachdip says:

    @carbonmade: As abhorrent as that is, I think it’s pretty spot on. She, the hypothetical fiancee-to-be of the ad’s intended target, probably would be happy with nothing more extravagant than a modest ring for a couple of hundred dollars from Blue Nile, and might even prefer that he spend the money on something more useful like a down payment on a house.

    But she has friends, and they talk. And they’ll judge him and base their approval or disapproval of him based on the size of the ring. Well, they won’t say it to her face. In fact, she could just be imagining that, and they’d be okay as long as she was happy. But you know, that’s the kind of stuff women think about when they’re making a literally life-altering decision.

  51. That was cheesy. Sorry, but that’s all I can muster.

  52. As Ron White says…

    Diamonds

    The new (DeBeers) slogan is… “Diamonds – Render Her Speechless.” Why don’t they just go ahead and say it? “Diamonds – That’ll Shut Her Up. For A Minute.”

  53. wring says:

    @rfjason: OMG ARENT YOU THAT CRAIGSLIST GUY

  54. KarmaChameleon says:

    @spinachdip: I don’t think about dumb shit like that, and none of my friends do either.

  55. Maybe they should put Kobe Bryant on one of their ads and say, “You can bang whomever you want as long as you get her a big enough rock”.

  56. spinachdip says:

    @KarmaChameleon: two responses, pick one:
    a) You’re on the Consumerist, so you’re obviously not a typical consumer. Good for you.
    b) Yes you do. You may not want to admit it, you might not realize you think that way subconsciously, but you do. Men don’t have a monopoly on the cold feet thing, and with all the social training you’ve received on marriage, you can’t help but think about the size of the rock and what it means.

  57. CaptZ says:

    Hmmmm…….

    I have heard…..

    “The bigger her rock, the smaller his cock.”

    Maybe, he has to make up for it somewhere….

  58. Hawk07 says:

    I don’t know why the image has been such a big deal over the internet for the past couple of days.

    If I saw that on a bus, I wouldn’t think twice.

  59. dakotad555 says:

    My wife and I opted for a sapphire engagement ring. It was not expensive (we were poor and in college), but it’s pretty, it’s nice, and we both still like it a lot.

    My main problem with diamonds, besides the fact that they are sometimes mined by children and sold to fun wars, is that they are geologically insignificant. They are more common than most other precious stones, and frankly, a good ruby, emerald, or sapphire is much prettier.

    Consumer culture dictates to those getting married that they throw away thousands of dollars for what should cost a few hundred at most.

    If your friends are petty enough to be judgmental about what size diamond your fiancé bought you, then you seriously should consider finding some new friends.

  60. drjayphd says:

    @wring: Pretty much. Methinks jameth isn’t campaigning to be a mod here…

  61. healthdog says:

    @SchuylerH: Ah hem. You don’t happen to live in Southern California, do you?

  62. battra92 says:

    Everyone involved with DeBeers should be drug out into the street and shot.

    I plan on getting my future wife (if I have one) a different stone rather than diamond, or cubic zirconium. Not because I am cheap (and I am) but because someone doesn’t need to die so she can show off to her friends.

    A diamond is forever, so is death.

  63. SybilDisobedience says:

    @battra92: AMEN. I flat insisted to my boyfriend that should we ever go down the aisle, I want to see a zirconium – or lab-grown colored stone – waiting at the end of it. No blood diamonds. No diamonds in general.

  64. synergy says:

    Disgusting. I always feel sorry for guys who have to put up with this type of bullshit pressure. Money (and the rocks that represent it) come and go, but it’s the feeling from the man that matters.

  65. Tansis says:

    The anti-diamond stone. Fooling everyone since 1893. [www.moissanite.com]

  66. weave says:

    My fiance told me not to spend more than $50 on her ring because she’d lose it, so I spent $39.95 and a few months later she lost it. I got another one, identical (mass produced you know) and she ended up losing that one after a few weeks. So now she has none.

    Big deal, I don’t need to mark her as taken anyway.

  67. TheNerd says:

    If any man would waste thousands of dollars of hard-earned money on an effing rock, I would take that as a sign to turn around and run away as fast as I can. I don’t want to be married to a financial moron, I want someone who can be frugal and wise. And I definitely don’t want to wear a symbol of an antiquated patriarchal system around on my finger.

  68. garbagehead says:

    Buying chocolate is almost as bad as buying diamonds now a days.

  69. Cliff_Donner says:

    The advertising industry is the same industry selling the message: “The idea isn’t to make her sort of anorexic.”

    Face it, people. You aren’t smart enough, rich enough, attractive enough. Ever. With any luck, these advertised products can fix you. Let’s just hope you can afford to buy enough of them. Let’s just hope it’s not too late . . .

  70. wesa says:

    @wring: Nope

  71. “The idea isn’t to make her sort of happy. The idea is to momentarily distract her when you’ve just been caught cheating on her with a high-end prostitute.”

  72. shockwaver says:

    If you really -must- have a diamond, don’t buy African, buy Canadian Diamonds. They are higher quality, although usually a bit more expensive. But they are mined by highly paid grown adults!

  73. battra92 says:

    @SybilDisobedience: No blood diamonds. No diamonds in general.

    Wow, sounds like your bf has a sensible gal on his hands.

    I’d possibly buy a sapphire or something. I’ve bought those in the past for an ex-girlfriend as it was her birthstone.

    Diamonds are not rare or precious. They are marketing and a monopoly (DeBeers) driven commodity.

    @TheNerd: I don’t want to be married to a financial moron, I want someone who can be frugal and wise. And I definitely don’t want to wear a symbol of an antiquated patriarchal system around on my finger.

    Yet most gals I know seem to think it’s horrible that I flat out refuse to own a wedding ring if I ever get married.

  74. theblackdog says:

    Boy I’m glad to be a gay man. If the BF and I decide to get married I doubt he’s going to want a ring with a diamond in it.

  75. startertan says:

    @mycroft2000: I believe the Canadian diamonds have a maple leaf etched on them.

  76. moore850 says:

    you know what they say, big rock, big clock!

  77. cronomorph says:

    That’s horrible. I’m glad my fiancee didn’t insist on something huge. She had a preferred style and cut for the stones, but no size requirement on the thing.

    I went through a small jeweler in Albany that a friend worked for and got a good deal on a custom made ring that was relatively inexpensive and still dazzles everyone who sees it. More importantly though, she LOVES it. The look on her face when she first put it on and slipped it on her finger was beautiful.

  78. decoitous says:

    Diamond Payments Are Forever.

  79. stupidjerk says:

    @incomplet: no kidding, and the sky is blue, grass is green, george bush is a tool, advertising is advertising…let’s all be offended

  80. Wormfather says:

    Diamonds are nice but c’mon people are being killed/put in slavery for them. Not cool.

    I prefer my Diamonds to be names attached to strippers.

  81. zibby says:

    @KleineFrau: Like the other guy said, keep your clever mouth shut at another person’s wedding. If you can’t handle that, wear something you can afford to throw out; it might be soaked with your own blood and fecal matter when they cut you out of it at the hospital.

  82. Saboth says:

    What can I say…my fiancee wanted a diamond ring and I got her one. Regardless of what women say, they like to be the center of attention and they like people talking about them behind their backs. I got the ring from Adiamore for 3k (platinum jacked the price up). It appraised for 6k afterwards. She is extremely happy with it, and remarks that customers comment on it at least once a week. She is happy, and therefore I am happy.

  83. AndyRogers says:

    I find this add far less offensive than the Trojan add where all the men are pigs. As a man who doesn’t get offended very often, I thought that was a really low brow commercial – not only does it legitimize pre-marital, one-night-stand sex, it says that all men are pigs? (Unless, of course you use one of their products).

    This one… eh. Women like diamonds, I get it. But I think some women like diamonds because they’re told to like diamonds. This is like every other crap advertisement for every other crap product. No better, no worse.

  84. AndyRogers says:

    @KleineFrau: Perhaps a communist country might suit you better. No “keeping up with the Joneses” there. There are billions of people all over the world who wish they could keep up with the Joneses but instead they’re worrying about the important stuff, you know, like eating. Frankly, I’m damn proud to live in a country where we have the means, via the sacrifice and hard work of generations prior, to have luxury.

    You really sounded like an ignorant fool there. I’m not saying you ARE the above, just saying that that comment came across that way.

  85. itmustbeken says:

    Any woman who judges your love for her by the size of the diamond you buy needs to be dumped immediately.
    Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.

    Thanks for reminding us EE Robbins!

  86. *gasp* They’re totally right! And jewelry only makes me “sort of happy”! It is, in fact, having a good relationship with a person I truly love that makes me REALLY happy!

    Thanks for reminding me!

  87. Saboth says:

    @AndyRogers:

    I’m usually pretty thick-skinned about humor and commercials, but yeah, the Trojan commercial where all men are pigs and just because you decide to use a condom for your one night stand makes you human irritates the hell out of me.

  88. drrictus says:

    Women dig diamonds, and men are pigs.

    Whaaaaaat? Advertising plays up stereotypes? Quelle horreur!

    Next…

  89. SinisterMatt says:

    “No girl can resist a big rock.”

    Actually, my wife didn’t want a big rock, so this ad doesn’t work for her. She wanted the smallest diamond engagement ring she could find without any frills. When we got married, she just wanted an additional band, no bells and whistles. So, that was pretty easy. It actually made me pretty happy that she doesn’t associate love with shiny rocks out of the ground.

    She has pretty lithe hands anyway, so I don’t know how it would work if she had a ring with a ginormous rock on it. Probably have to drag that thing around on a wheeled cart or something (okay, I’m exaggerating slightly).

    Cheers!

  90. Sidecutter says:

    I’m with Ron White on Diamonds and the marketing of them all the way.

    On diamond ads getting close to saying it outright: “The new one is close. ‘Diamonds. Take her breath away’. Why don’t they just come right out and say what they mean? ‘Diamonds. That’ll shut ‘er up!…For a minute…'”

  91. Breach says:

    That industry is such a trap for men, costs us 1000s of dollars and is never, EVER big enough. I had to convince my fiance that the one we got was fine.

  92. battra92 says:

    @Breach: That industry is such a trap for men, costs us 1000s of dollars and is never, EVER big enough. I had to convince my fiance that the one we got was fine.

    I had a girlfriend a few years back who used to yell at me for the fact that I didn’t buy her diamonds or send her roses. The markup on those are insane with many stores selling them at 400% markup with depreciation faster than the cost of a car and it’s not like I would get anything in return for them.

    Maybe that makes me cheap, heartless bastard but I don’t care.

    Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

  93. gliscameria says:

    “If you can’t hear the children screaming, it’s not big enough.”
    “Some diamonds cost YOU an arm and a leg. We outsource.”

  94. AshleyKeen says:

    I want an engagement ring that’s 1/4 carrot or smaller.

    Line up, and I’ll take your phone numbers, professional resumes and a list of your personal goals.

  95. RandomHookup says:

    @AshleyKeen: How about the size of our bank accounts and how soon we plan to die?

  96. rmz says:

    @battra92: Sounds like you lucked out by getting out of that relationship, TBH.

  97. battra92 says:

    @rmz: Can say that again.

    I will however do romantic things like giving flowers from our own garden or bushes but because I want to, not because marketing has told her since birth that her “Prince Charming” should give her one.

  98. Meathamper says:

    Yeah, it’s not to make her happy, it’s to get you laid.

  99. TheSpatulaOfLove says:

    When my wife did the not-so-subtle hints of wanting to get engaged, I avoided the diamond topic as long as I could. She would leave around those obnoxious ads with rings that far exceeded what I was able to pay for something I couldn’t eat, drive, use or fsck. This seriously intimidated me and pretty much convinced me that marriage would not be an option.

    She cornered me one day about the whole engagement thing, all teary-eyed, accusing me of just being with her because it was convenient, blah blah. I retorted that the rings she hinted with were not something I was able to pay for. She quickly responded about them being guidelines, etc. I told her I wanted to marry her, but she had a choice:

    Either you live in it or wear it, you can’t have both.

    Obviously she passed the test – we’ve been married for 9 years.

    Two and a half months’ salary my ass….

  100. Tansis says: