Apropos of today’s Worst Company In America matchup between DeBeers and Exxon, Wesa Anderson sends us this EE Robbins diamond ad seen on the side of a Seattle bus. See, the way it works is the more you spend, the more man you are. No girl can resist a big rock. Hey, maybe I should make extra cash drafting taglines for EE Robbins.
Advert [Flickr]
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That was cheesy. Sorry, but that’s all I can muster.
As Ron White says…
Diamonds
The new (DeBeers) slogan is… “Diamonds – Render Her Speechless.” Why don’t they just go ahead and say it? “Diamonds – That’ll Shut Her Up. For A Minute.”
@rfjason: OMG ARENT YOU THAT CRAIGSLIST GUY
@spinachdip: I don’t think about dumb shit like that, and none of my friends do either.
Maybe they should put Kobe Bryant on one of their ads and say, “You can bang whomever you want as long as you get her a big enough rock”.
@KarmaChameleon: two responses, pick one:
a) You’re on the Consumerist, so you’re obviously not a typical consumer. Good for you.
b) Yes you do. You may not want to admit it, you might not realize you think that way subconsciously, but you do. Men don’t have a monopoly on the cold feet thing, and with all the social training you’ve received on marriage, you can’t help but think about the size of the rock and what it means.
Hmmmm…….
I have heard…..
“The bigger her rock, the smaller his cock.”
Maybe, he has to make up for it somewhere….
I don’t know why the image has been such a big deal over the internet for the past couple of days.
If I saw that on a bus, I wouldn’t think twice.
My wife and I opted for a sapphire engagement ring. It was not expensive (we were poor and in college), but it’s pretty, it’s nice, and we both still like it a lot.
My main problem with diamonds, besides the fact that they are sometimes mined by children and sold to fun wars, is that they are geologically insignificant. They are more common than most other precious stones, and frankly, a good ruby, emerald, or sapphire is much prettier.
Consumer culture dictates to those getting married that they throw away thousands of dollars for what should cost a few hundred at most.
If your friends are petty enough to be judgmental about what size diamond your fiancé bought you, then you seriously should consider finding some new friends.
@wring: Pretty much. Methinks jameth isn’t campaigning to be a mod here…
@SchuylerH: Ah hem. You don’t happen to live in Southern California, do you?
Everyone involved with DeBeers should be drug out into the street and shot.
I plan on getting my future wife (if I have one) a different stone rather than diamond, or cubic zirconium. Not because I am cheap (and I am) but because someone doesn’t need to die so she can show off to her friends.
A diamond is forever, so is death.
@battra92: AMEN. I flat insisted to my boyfriend that should we ever go down the aisle, I want to see a zirconium – or lab-grown colored stone – waiting at the end of it. No blood diamonds. No diamonds in general.
Disgusting. I always feel sorry for guys who have to put up with this type of bullshit pressure. Money (and the rocks that represent it) come and go, but it’s the feeling from the man that matters.
The anti-diamond stone. Fooling everyone since 1893. [www.moissanite.com]
My fiance told me not to spend more than $50 on her ring because she’d lose it, so I spent $39.95 and a few months later she lost it. I got another one, identical (mass produced you know) and she ended up losing that one after a few weeks. So now she has none.
Big deal, I don’t need to mark her as taken anyway.
If any man would waste thousands of dollars of hard-earned money on an effing rock, I would take that as a sign to turn around and run away as fast as I can. I don’t want to be married to a financial moron, I want someone who can be frugal and wise. And I definitely don’t want to wear a symbol of an antiquated patriarchal system around on my finger.
Buying chocolate is almost as bad as buying diamonds now a days.
The advertising industry is the same industry selling the message: “The idea isn’t to make her sort of anorexic.”
Face it, people. You aren’t smart enough, rich enough, attractive enough. Ever. With any luck, these advertised products can fix you. Let’s just hope you can afford to buy enough of them. Let’s just hope it’s not too late . . .
@wring: Nope
“The idea isn’t to make her sort of happy. The idea is to momentarily distract her when you’ve just been caught cheating on her with a high-end prostitute.”
If you really -must- have a diamond, don’t buy African, buy Canadian Diamonds. They are higher quality, although usually a bit more expensive. But they are mined by highly paid grown adults!
@SybilDisobedience: No blood diamonds. No diamonds in general.
Wow, sounds like your bf has a sensible gal on his hands.
I’d possibly buy a sapphire or something. I’ve bought those in the past for an ex-girlfriend as it was her birthstone.
Diamonds are not rare or precious. They are marketing and a monopoly (DeBeers) driven commodity.
@TheNerd: I don’t want to be married to a financial moron, I want someone who can be frugal and wise. And I definitely don’t want to wear a symbol of an antiquated patriarchal system around on my finger.
Yet most gals I know seem to think it’s horrible that I flat out refuse to own a wedding ring if I ever get married.
Boy I’m glad to be a gay man. If the BF and I decide to get married I doubt he’s going to want a ring with a diamond in it.
@mycroft2000: I believe the Canadian diamonds have a maple leaf etched on them.
you know what they say, big rock, big clock!
That’s horrible. I’m glad my fiancee didn’t insist on something huge. She had a preferred style and cut for the stones, but no size requirement on the thing.
I went through a small jeweler in Albany that a friend worked for and got a good deal on a custom made ring that was relatively inexpensive and still dazzles everyone who sees it. More importantly though, she LOVES it. The look on her face when she first put it on and slipped it on her finger was beautiful.
Diamond Payments Are Forever.
@incomplet: no kidding, and the sky is blue, grass is green, george bush is a tool, advertising is advertising…let’s all be offended
Diamonds are nice but c’mon people are being killed/put in slavery for them. Not cool.
I prefer my Diamonds to be names attached to strippers.
@KleineFrau: Like the other guy said, keep your clever mouth shut at another person’s wedding. If you can’t handle that, wear something you can afford to throw out; it might be soaked with your own blood and fecal matter when they cut you out of it at the hospital.
What can I say…my fiancee wanted a diamond ring and I got her one. Regardless of what women say, they like to be the center of attention and they like people talking about them behind their backs. I got the ring from Adiamore for 3k (platinum jacked the price up). It appraised for 6k afterwards. She is extremely happy with it, and remarks that customers comment on it at least once a week. She is happy, and therefore I am happy.
I find this add far less offensive than the Trojan add where all the men are pigs. As a man who doesn’t get offended very often, I thought that was a really low brow commercial – not only does it legitimize pre-marital, one-night-stand sex, it says that all men are pigs? (Unless, of course you use one of their products).
This one… eh. Women like diamonds, I get it. But I think some women like diamonds because they’re told to like diamonds. This is like every other crap advertisement for every other crap product. No better, no worse.
@KleineFrau: Perhaps a communist country might suit you better. No “keeping up with the Joneses” there. There are billions of people all over the world who wish they could keep up with the Joneses but instead they’re worrying about the important stuff, you know, like eating. Frankly, I’m damn proud to live in a country where we have the means, via the sacrifice and hard work of generations prior, to have luxury.
You really sounded like an ignorant fool there. I’m not saying you ARE the above, just saying that that comment came across that way.
Any woman who judges your love for her by the size of the diamond you buy needs to be dumped immediately.
Run, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
Thanks for reminding us EE Robbins!
*gasp* They’re totally right! And jewelry only makes me “sort of happy”! It is, in fact, having a good relationship with a person I truly love that makes me REALLY happy!
Thanks for reminding me!
@AndyRogers:
I’m usually pretty thick-skinned about humor and commercials, but yeah, the Trojan commercial where all men are pigs and just because you decide to use a condom for your one night stand makes you human irritates the hell out of me.
Women dig diamonds, and men are pigs.
Whaaaaaat? Advertising plays up stereotypes? Quelle horreur!
Next…
“No girl can resist a big rock.”
Actually, my wife didn’t want a big rock, so this ad doesn’t work for her. She wanted the smallest diamond engagement ring she could find without any frills. When we got married, she just wanted an additional band, no bells and whistles. So, that was pretty easy. It actually made me pretty happy that she doesn’t associate love with shiny rocks out of the ground.
She has pretty lithe hands anyway, so I don’t know how it would work if she had a ring with a ginormous rock on it. Probably have to drag that thing around on a wheeled cart or something (okay, I’m exaggerating slightly).
Cheers!
I’m with Ron White on Diamonds and the marketing of them all the way.
On diamond ads getting close to saying it outright: “The new one is close. ‘Diamonds. Take her breath away’. Why don’t they just come right out and say what they mean? ‘Diamonds. That’ll shut ‘er up!…For a minute…’”
That industry is such a trap for men, costs us 1000s of dollars and is never, EVER big enough. I had to convince my fiance that the one we got was fine.
@Breach: That industry is such a trap for men, costs us 1000s of dollars and is never, EVER big enough. I had to convince my fiance that the one we got was fine.
I had a girlfriend a few years back who used to yell at me for the fact that I didn’t buy her diamonds or send her roses. The markup on those are insane with many stores selling them at 400% markup with depreciation faster than the cost of a car and it’s not like I would get anything in return for them.
Maybe that makes me cheap, heartless bastard but I don’t care.
Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.
“If you can’t hear the children screaming, it’s not big enough.”
“Some diamonds cost YOU an arm and a leg. We outsource.”
I want an engagement ring that’s 1/4 carrot or smaller.
Line up, and I’ll take your phone numbers, professional resumes and a list of your personal goals.
@AshleyKeen: How about the size of our bank accounts and how soon we plan to die?
@battra92: Sounds like you lucked out by getting out of that relationship, TBH.
@rmz: Can say that again.
I will however do romantic things like giving flowers from our own garden or bushes but because I want to, not because marketing has told her since birth that her “Prince Charming” should give her one.
Yeah, it’s not to make her happy, it’s to get you laid.
When my wife did the not-so-subtle hints of wanting to get engaged, I avoided the diamond topic as long as I could. She would leave around those obnoxious ads with rings that far exceeded what I was able to pay for something I couldn’t eat, drive, use or fsck. This seriously intimidated me and pretty much convinced me that marriage would not be an option.
She cornered me one day about the whole engagement thing, all teary-eyed, accusing me of just being with her because it was convenient, blah blah. I retorted that the rings she hinted with were not something I was able to pay for. She quickly responded about them being guidelines, etc. I told her I wanted to marry her, but she had a choice:
Either you live in it or wear it, you can’t have both.
Obviously she passed the test – we’ve been married for 9 years.
Two and a half months’ salary my ass….
[www.bandyhumor.com]