“Praise with faint damn” is the underlying secret to how professional complaint letter writer Bruce Silverman is able to be so successful in getting companies to give him free stuff. First class upgrades, Room upgrades with views of frolicking whales, Checks for hundreds of dollars… all these and more are the fruits of Bruce’s calculated typewriter clacking. Now Bruce has come out with a small book with a big promise: to teach you How To Complaint For Fun And Profit. Here’s a chapter from it, exclusively on The Consumerist, detailing how he was able to turn a disappointing experience at the Ritz-Carlton in Hawaii into a long-term stream of room upgrades, comped meals, and decidedly above and beyond customer service…
A lot of our posts about writing complaint letters has focused on sticking to the facts, and getting your story to the right people. I like that Bruce takes this one step further and shows how throwing in a little creative writing can increase your chances at success. It’s really just an artful way of demonstrating the basic principle of “it will cost more to ignore me than to take care of my problem.” You demonstrate that you’re a committed customer with long-term value who has spent money before and will continue to spend money, as long as your grievance can be addressed. I wonder, however, how well the tactics will work against industries that like to play hardball with customer service, like banks, cellphones, and insurance.
You can get a digital PDF version of Bruce’s book for $19.99 here.
Another free chapter, “Living in a Sitcom,” involving a complaint letter written after sitting next to a really big guy on an airplane that spilled into Bruce’s site, is available here.
Complain For Fun And Profit [Official Site]
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I suppose his extraordinary luck with getting free comps has nothing to do with his use of letterhead that suggests he is a media consultant and/or reviewer?
Still, he at least knows how to write a complaint into a good story. From my days as a customer support rep, I recall how many times someone would complain on and on in an email and NEVER EVEN MENTION WHAT THE PROBLEM WAS in the first place!
Hotels and other businesses know there are professional complainers, people who are just looking to get something free. They know the tricks and are on the lookout for them. They also now have software at hotels that will track the guests who constantly complain and they give them no quarter.
I could see the Ritz to comping a stay for a guest in Hawaii for a week. You’d have to fly there to use it, they’d put you in during a slow week and you’d probably come back paying full rack rate next time. But I don’t think you’d get a suite if they had a conference. The only reason they’d put you in one is if it were empty anyway. An empty suite is making the hotel just as much money as an empty room.
And it’s a good thing the guy didn’t complain about the bellman. If he did someone would make sure he got a wake up call at 3 a.m.
Every night.
@Ben Popken: Until I took the time to read that, I thought it said tall popken syndrome.
you don’t need company letterhead, you just need to write a good letter to the right person and if the company has any desire to be seen in a good light they will help you.
a bad business stay at a W hotel ended up giving me a weekend in an NYC W hotel, comped.
a day from hell waiting for the fed-ex guy gave me $200 in gift checks, a story i sent to consumerist today.
i know that there are many companies you cannot win with, but find the ones you can and use their business
I can tell you why this worked at the Ritz-Carleton, as someone who works in another field at a high quality place. Once you reach levels like that reputation is everything, and establishments with a high reputation will bend over backwards to maintain it. This will only work at the creme de la creme of restaurants/hotels/etc, because corporate will freak out when they get well written complaints.
The only way he’ll sell any books is if it goes on sale, because the only people that will buy it are CHEAP.
Life is unfair for everyone. Complaints are only to fix the problem, not to get something or to make it right.
@ConsumptionJunkie:
You need to lay off the hallucinogens.
Considering how ostentatious Ritz-Carlton properties are, how could anyone ever expect (and receive) anything but the best service on earth.
I’m sure millions of people around the world (including those in Myanmar and China) would be pleased to overlook the clattering kitchen carts in order to stay at the Ritz, much less a Super freakin’ 8 if they had the chance.
This is a clear example of abusing the channels reserved for actual complains.
I figured this out when he complained about the WEATHER. For God’s sake, like the Ritz Carlton Corporation has ANYTHING to do with the weather?!?
@Corporate-Shill: Might also help him some that he is a well known advertising executive (at least according to his profile on the website for the book). It’s possible that he gets some additional freebies just because of who he is.
My favorite company for good customer service is Virgin Mobile. When we messed up our pre-paid service plan selection, rather than say “tough luck”, they gave us twice the bonus minutes that I asked for! I think that they try harder, because there is no contract with them. When they know they could lose a customer at the end of any month, they do what it takes to keep the customer happy.
To use the methods of this author’s letters….
Let me tell you a story of a frequent traveler that has had to suffer indignities by all kinds of companies along the way. This traveler was looking to find a way to properly complain to the various companies he has had to deal with on a regular basis and stumbled across this book while consuming an RSS feed from one of his favorite sites, Lifehacker.
Now, imagine this same traveler’s feeling of outrage when he sees that one of the chapters is about a complaint to an airline about a “Passenger of Size”. Being a person of considerable girth himself and having experienced the indignity of Southwest Airlines telling him he would have to buy two tickets (one of which he may not get to use) in order to fly with them, he was rightfully upset when he saw the author complained about something that was well beyond the airline’s control. The airline has no way of knowing a passenger’s size when the ticket is purchased and seating assigned. This traveler has heard all the different things that can be said. “Why don’t you lose weight?’, “You brought this on yourself” and all the others. Recently, the traveler experienced the “look of contempt” from another passenger that didn’t say anything but immediately turned around and asked the flight attendant for another seat. Even though the frequent traveler usually tries to keep the armrest down between himself and another passenger and puts the armrest up in the aisle to not inconvenience anyone but himself, he is still treated with scorn.
The travelers big complaint is not the this letter was about the size of another passenger, but how things were stated in the letter. It’s obvious the author has contempt for larger people. When flying Southwest, the Passengers of Size have to buy two tickets. Of course, if the flight is not full and we don’t actually need the extra seat, we get our money back. If we do need the seat however and don’t actually get to use it, then we don’t get our money back. Only in travel can you get charged for something you don’t get to use. No additional charges are made for passengers that have illnesses like the flu or a cold and are sharing them with the others in the recirculated incubators called airplanes. Nor are their charges for passengers with screaming infants or a lack of personal hygiene that is inconveniencing others. But since it’s “acceptable” to make fun of the obese, the author decides to do so in his letter.
Well, as you may have guessed, I am the traveler. I will not be purchasing this book after all. I cannot demand or ask for recompense as i did not purchase anything. I can only voice my opinion and ask others not to purchase this book either. While I am sure I will get flamed by people for posting this message, I take solace in one fact. While I may be obese, the author appears to be an ass. At least I can, and am, losing weight.
It’s correct to complain diplomatically regarding below-par service. It’s morally reprehensible to complain in a manipulative manner with the intent of getting “free stuff”… although this is pretty much what Americans have come to expect with the grotesque decline of our societal values. Writing a book to cash in on this trend is questionable, and calls into question the writer’s integrity. If your complaint is legitimate, by all means complain using these techniques. But if you don’t get all the freebies you’re expecting, better be prepared to write another complaint letter about the lack of responsiveness to your previous complaint letter. Better yet, why not just beg for free stuff. That’s probably next on the list.
I think I have a problem with phrase, ‘How To Complain For Fun And Profit.’ Complaining for the fun of it is immature and heightens the risk of unjustified whining. Complaining for profit is similar, in that the justification for it is less than ethical.
Some suggested alternatives:
How To Complain to correct an unpleasant situation
How To Complain to right a wrong
How To Complain to receive what you paid for
How To Complain to receive what you are legally/ethically/morally due
How To Complain to prevent a situation from happening again
How To Complain to stand up for yourself in a rational and effective way
My wife and I were treated with hostility and insult rather than
hospitality at the Lexington Hotel in New York. When I complained to the
manager Mr. Holmes, he asked us to feel free to check out! We would have,
except the hotel stay was prepaid for 3 days with a Globatel voucher. A
complaint in the hotel’s form given to the concierge for the attention of
the general manager Mr. Sam Bhadha got no response.
Oooooooooooh.
This guy is good.
Letters like this should not be written just to get free stuff, but to help people resolve serious issues with companies.
I haven’t read too much yet, but from the looks of it he is using his power for evil, which is sad
@TheNerd: Virgin Mobile’s British subsidiary gave me a £50 voucher to buy a competitor’s SIM, because their network was not strong enough to complete a call in my flat. Now, if only the US subsidiary would roam on GSM…
@RAEdwards: Well stated! Excellent use of verbal judo (using the attacker’s words against himself.)
Test
I recently got my kitchen-aid mixer replaced out of warranty, the selector knob cracked and the hinge bolt was loose, free shipping and all. I made a point to stress in my emails that I had used commercial kitchen-aid mixers and hoped their home gear would be as rugged. I dont know if mentioning I was a chef made it happen but they did ship me a $200 machine.
Here’s some background information that may be of interest for those speculating about the timing of the author’s Ritz-Carlton Kapalua visit. First, John Toner (one of the classiest Hawaii hoteliers around) hasn’t been GM there since the early part of this decade when he relocated from Maui to Oahu. Second, the writer’s mention of humpback whales offshore pins the time of year of his visit to winter, which fits in with the multiple suppositions that the comped trip took place in the offseason.
At the risk of sounding a little snarky … most stationery is stationary … but it’s always [correctly] spelled with an E.
For an example of a professional complainer getting her just rewards, do a search on Brenda Moran and Royal Caribbean. The woman complained so much that she was eventually banned from the cruise line. Oh yes, they did give her plenty of perks before they just got fed up and let her go, including a check for $500, but in the end her name was MUDD in several online forums and subsequent newspaper articles. She could be the world’s most famous professional complainer, by now, and I can’t help wondering is she got started by reading this book.
Brenda “Moran”….that. is. too. easy! Wow.
As a previous poster stated, RC makes its bones on reputation and service. A few years ago I stayed at their property in Sarasota, and they really dropped the ball. I told them I was disappointed, and they said they would make it up to me. They comp’d my room and meals for the weekend, which I’m guessing probably cost them ~$1000. I felt like they really went out of their way for me, which is something most places don’t do in today’s world. They have a customer for life now.