At some undefined point in our fast food history, there was a brief flash and the 2 Hamburger Extra Value Menu slipped into extinction. One theory is that it is McDonald’s attempt to involuntarily up-sell us to cheese. The casual observer might conclude that the customer must certainly be able to order a 2 Cheeseburger Extra Value Meal minus the cheese, even if said customer has to pay for the cheese. It is not that easy. “At McDonald’s, if there’s no button for it on the register it doesn’t exist,” says “Bagumpity,” a Consumerist Forums reader. Not content with letting McDonald’s play God with his 2 Hamburger Extra Value Meal, Bagumpity discusses the strange world of confusion and twisted logic he is forced to enter each time he tries to order a 2 Cheeseburger Extra Value Meal with no cheese. His letter, inside…
Why won’t McDonald’s sell the 2-hamburger extra value meal (henceforth called the 2HEVM) anymore? Yeah, I know why- they’d have to charge less than a 2-cheeseburger extra value meal (2CEVM). Paying extra for cheese I don’t want ticks me off, but the worse thing is that half the time I can’t even get a 2HEVM!
Have you ever tried to order a 2HEVM? It confuses the heck out of the register drones. There’s no button for it, and as you know: At McDonald’s, if there’s no button for it on the register it doesn’t exist. Some restaurants have it as a “hidden menu” item, so I always ask for it first. The answer is usually “no” (or the clerk doesn’t know, which amounts to the same thing). So I have to ask if they will substitute hamburgers for cheeseburgers. Sometimes I’ll get lucky, and they’ll do that. More likely, though, they’ll tell me they don’t do sandwich substitutions. Actually, the usual response is “there’s no button for that.”
As a last resort, sometimes I have to ask for “Two Cheeseburgers, No Cheese.” Don’t ever do this. As many McDonald’s order takers have tried to explain to me “cheese burgers without cheese are just hamburgers.” In other words, they are a non-item. A thing that cannot exist. Anathema. They tell me this so patiently, as if I’m on the verge of a mental break down or might burst into tears when confronted with this apparent contradiction.
I’ve tried getting clever, but it doesn’t help. Asking for the cheese “on the side” (even with the utterly believable explanation that I “don’t like my cheese to be melted”) is useless since there is no button for “cheese on the side” on the register. Asking for a Kosher cheeseburger will only be met with a blank stare or a puzzled/confused glance at the register just to be sure that “there’s no button for that.”
If I’m lucky, I’ll be able to cajole them into ordering the 2CEVM and pressing the “grill:no-cheese” button. They’ll be nervous about it though. Afterward, they’ll stare at the register as if they expect it to blow up or start waving robotic arms around and shouting “DOES… NOT…COMPUTE….”
This will kick off a bizarre chain of events. The guy nuking burgers and condimentizing buns in the back will see a grill order for cheeseburgers, hold the cheese. Fellow employees will be asked for advice. Manuals and build-a-burger charts will be consulted. Finally, two decisions must be made: Will there be cheese? And what color paper will be used to wrap the tasty little paradoxes?
You just never know. It’s sort of like Christmas that way. Usually, I just get a couple of cheeseburgers wrapped in orange paper. Bizarrely enough, I’ve even received a couple of cheeseburgers wrapped in white paper. Either way, I consider this a necessary step, the follow-up to which is to change lines and tell the next clerk “I ordered hamburgers but got cheeseburgers.” They happily exchange the sandwiches. Exchanges are something they know how to do. I think there’s even a button for it. Everyone’s happy, and I go on my way cheeseless and a better man for it.
On other luckier occasions, I actually get a couple of hamburgers. Cause for rejoicing, indeed! Sometimes they’ll be wrapped in orange paper, sometimes in white. I don’t really care, except it’s a pain to have to check every fricking time.
The one thing I try to look out for is when they wrap my hamburgers in orange paper, and then the kid serving the drive-thru window will snatch them up and send them out the window. I don’t want some poor schmuck to get drive-thru rage from a case of missing cheese.
All this to get the extra 10cts for always up-selling to the cheese level probably costs them a good $1 per order in salaries (since the whole damn restaurant has to get involved) not to mention the cost of the discarded food.
Seriously, what’s so hard about adding another fricking button to the register?
We salute you and your quest, Bagumpity. We should not be forced to endure McDonald’s lactose-laden wrath any longer. You are a modern day Bobby Dupea from the film “5 Easy Pieces.” The next time a McDonald’s employee says, “You want me to hold the cheese?” You say, “I want you to hold it between your knees.”
Two Cheeseburgers, No Cheese [Consumerist Forums]
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I couple months ago I tried to get a McGriddle at McDonalds. When these first came out, I think they just had sausage-egg-cheese. So, this being a couple years later, I ordered a “Sausage McGriddle”. Got the sandwich home, and it was sausage on a pancake. no eggs or cheese. Okay… A week later I try again, ask for a McGriddle with Egg and Cheese. got what I asked for, Egg, Cheese, on a pancacke – no sausage. I try again, and they have two sausage mcgriddles for $3. I foolishly ask for the two mcgriddles deal. It rings up as $1. I pull around, pay my dollar – and what do I get? Two pancackes (McGriddle style). I finally got the right thing by ordering a “Sausage, Egg and Cheese McGriddle Sandwich”.
Yeah, it’s my fault, but their menu was not helpful. The whole thing was a bit hillarious.
Next time, order your burger animal style. That’ll really confuse them.
When did cheese become the default topping on all burgers anyway? It used to be that you had to ask for cheese because no-cheese wast the default. I HATE cheese on my burgers, especially the shitty cheese they use at fast-food places. (Don’t get started on the quality of fast food in general–I LOVE fast food, as long as there’s no cheese.)
Also onions–now THERE’S a polarizing condiment, yet it’s on all the burgers. Why???
I always have to order “no cheese, no onions,” and about half the time I get one or both anyway.
Sometimes I don’t even want a tomato slice, but I guess you gotta meet the fast-food people halfway and take one for the team.
Yeah great post, and wow McD’s really needs to rethink some stuff. lol.. what an utter waste of time and money this guy goes through. lol
In accordance with Jewish laws, it is not allowed to eat dairy products with meat / chicken.
Moreover, you are not allowed to cook dairy and meat on the same grill or the same equipment. The only kosher “cheese”burger that I know about it is being sold at Talia’s Steakhouse & Bar in the Upper Westside of Manhattan. [www.taliassteakhouse.com.] Talia’s Steakhouse is using soy cheese, mozzarella or American cheese, and grill the burger and the tufu cheese on a 1950 degree (F) broiler. I tasted twice and it was great – like a real cheeseburger. And it is kosher, certified by the Orthodox Union (OU) – a major Jewish organization that supervises thousands of kosher establishments.
You think getting a cheeseburger with no cheese is hard, try this one…order ANY Value Meal but when they ask what type of pop(soda) you want, say water. Then if you want their head to explode ask for that water in the same size cup that the pop(soda) would have came in. It is simply amazing to watch.
I can’t have sugar so I tend to drink water a lot and the SUPER MINI WATER CUP they give you at some McD’s are just to small. So I like to order the Value Meals to get the larger cup. When you ask for water though its like their brains turn off.
First you get this, “But sir, you are paying for a pop, we can’t just give you water.” I don’t even have to explain what is wrong with that quote.
Next I respond with, “I know I am paying for a pop, I just want the same cup size but with water instead.” This seems simple enough to me, but no….
They respond with, “But we can’t do that, water has to go in a water cup.” At this point my head is about to explode trying to figure out their logic!
This can go on and on in various forms, but in the end this is what usually happens:
70% of time I pay for a Value Meal and receive the
water in the normal small water cup
25% of the time they try and get me to NOT order the
Value Meal – that way I am not paying for the pop
even though I explain to them that I want to pay
for the pop but just want the water. This can
end up in many different forms, but usually I end
up with the normal small water again.
5% of the time they get it right and give me a Value
Meal and a medium cup with water.
(Side note – why is it that you can get a large pop and have UNLIMITED refills but you ask for a water in a larger cup and they act like you are trying to rob them blind!)
When I worked at McDonalds (my first job), I knew exactly what that meant. And my Cook Staff knew what it was too (and they didn’t understand english that well). It sounds like the people at this McDonalds were inept people who probably didn’t get into High School.
@amyschiff: If you can eat a McDonald’s hamburger, I wouldn’t think scraping cheese would be a hardship.
That’s like the coroner complaining that he had to take the shoes off the body before performing the necropsy.
(I’m hoping this is the new “dumbest comment ever.”)
@chris101d: I live in NYC and sometimes hamburgers by themselves can be 99 cents or more.
Regardless, I order the two cheeseburger meal with no cheese all the time. I’ve never had this problem. Sometimes people give me strange looks, but i get it.
Ditto. From my time on the grill, I remember the lack of a two hamburger meal occasionally being an issue. We had buttons for a double hamburger and a double filet o’ fish (ugh!), but no two hamburger meal. It’s easy enough to do-ring up a two cheeseburger meal, then punch in no cheese. Or, shout back to the grill, “No cheese on those cheeseburgers!”
Our front end people had the opposite problem. No issues ringing up a cheeseburger w/o cheese, but would get confused when I sent a hamburger up.
Also, McDonald’s has no reason to discourage people buying hamburgers. Everything is assembled when ordered, so there’s no risk of waste through sandwiches sitting around unordered.
This is a true story:
My dad was in a Dunkin Donuts a couple years ago…
Classic!
My wife and both kids don’t want cheese on their burgers. I’ve been ordering the 1/4 Lb. Cheeseburger with no cheese, no mustard and no pickles for a long time. It used to be a 50/50 shot on whether they’d get it right but they’re now getting it right 3 out of 4 times. The kids double-hamburger happy meals are still running about 50/50.
Reminds of my wife, cannot order anything from the menu, always has to have a substitution or without this or that. If you go someplace and order something that’s not on the menu, shouldn’t you expect a little trouble?
Want to know what is fun – order fries with no salt.
A good store will empty the fries that are sitting there, clean the tray they sit on (from all the salt just laying there under the old fries), make new fries, dump them onto the tray – and hopefully resist the urge to “salt” them like they have done hundreds of times before.
I think I would just pay the extra $1.25 or so for a la carte. Why go through that indignancy every time??!
Seriously, I know the OP’s request IS a logical and rational request. But if you order a meal with an item that you’re allergic to, and say no allergic item please, just to get a cheaper price on an item they don’t even sell anymore? That seems like to much aggrevation to go through for a fast food meal.
Good job! Now if I could only get McD to add a button for Filet-o-Fish Without Tartar Sauce! If I have time, I try this route – but mostly I have to get lots of napkins to get rid of the tartar sauce.
And that BK ‘have it your way’ is a big lie!
Man, I haven’t eaten at McDonald’s since last summer. I’ve got no problems with cheese on my burgers (it’s not like the stuff is real cheese anyway, rather, “cheese food”) Issues arise however when it comes to melted cheese on a fish sandwich… blech.
To people who’ve never worked at a fast food place, especially McDonald’s, it boggles our minds that simple requests cannot get accomplished. Growing up, my brother didn’t want onion or pickle on his hamburger Happy Meal. It was an act of God if our order actually lacked the pickles and onion. 98% of the time the condiments got passed off to me, the older brother without the discriminating tastes (ie: fatass). But then my Mom worked the McD’s morning/afternoon shift when we hit kindergarten/first grade and it began to make perfect sense to her… and drove her to not eat at McDonald’s again until we were in our teens. All that color-coding and assembly-line training. Even during my days as a pharmacy tech, counting pills all day, I can vouch that throwing a monkey wrench like a “special order” into your groove can throw you for a loop and sometime habits overcome logical thought.
In high school, while we were ordering our diet cokes to pair with whatever liquor we stole out of our parents bar that evening, we would add to the entertainment by ordering cheeseburgers minus the cheese, no one ever suggested hamburgers. That was over 20 years ago, thought they would have dealt with this challenge by now.
I am going to clearly have to track down a Runza and give it a shot.
As a post this was funny, but this guy is worrying about cheese on a $2 burger. I don’t like pickles. When I receive my order I take them off and than quickly wipe my hand on a napkin. Big deal right?
That Jack Nicholson scene was great, I’ll have to check out that movie.
Ewwwwwww! People still eat at McDonalds? Grossssss!
I get all of my McD’s burgers with no cheese. Nobody seems to be in panic mode and the product is always assembled when I order.
… And I patronize three different McD’s, owned by two different franchisee groups.
The only bad part is the no-cheese is the same price as yes-cheese.
@Troy F.: Neal Stephenson, who happens to have a new book coming out btw.
Order two (double) cheeseburgers–no cheese, plain and dry, meat and bread only. Works every time.
Just order to hamburgers a fry and a drink you lazy bastard.
@PinkNightmare: @friendlynerd:
Add me to the I hate melted cheese list. I’ve come to the conclusion that America is obsessed with cheese. Cheese is one of the culprits as to why Americans are so fat. We’ll slap a hunk of cheese on anything. My waistline is very grateful that I don’t like cheese.
You can’t order anything without a pile on cheese on top. Most microwave meals have cheese in it. You think ordering hamburger is tough, try ordering a pizza without a lot of cheese on it. They look at me like I am crazy. I’ll say: “go light on the cheese,” “very little cheese,” “almost no cheese” and I’ll get blank stares. They are so accustomed to hearing “extra cheese” they don’t know what to do with a “go light on the cheese” request.
They should be willing to grill:no cheese for you. It’s not that hard.
I used to work there and actually got people ordering the 2 cheeseburger meal, no meat! lol And you grill:no meat
It’s not hard.
A guy came in to my Taco Bell and, in attempt to impress upon me the irony of him being in a fast food restaurant, feigned ignorance and ordered “two cheese burgers, please. Chuckle.”
You, sir, eat regularly at La Restaurante in the Frou Frou District, do you not? You jest so!
So I was fortunate to be able to take him at his word. We had “cheeseburger burritos” on the menu — for a limited time. In my “mistake,” I called him out. He had to fess up and correct the order for me.
Ha ha.
@Channing: yeah it’s almost like trying to order a pizza with no cheese on it.
this post is stupid. i almost always get a double cheeseburger meal (which isn’t on the menu anymore, OH MY GOD!) without the cheese. and no one EVER EVER has a problem with it. i know it sounds ridiculous to order a 2 cheeseburger meal with no cheese, but they should be able to freaking handle it. why in god’s name is this a consumerist post?
Just order the hamburger kid meal with an extra hamburger. You get fries, drink, your burgers, and even a toy!
Just eat the two fuckin cheeseburgers you loser.
Maybe we have smarter McDonald’s employees in my area, but I’ve seen a co-worker I sometimes work with order non-cheese value combos at least 50 times without as much as a hiccup.
Whatever the QPwC combo is, number 2 no cheese or whatever. I have seen the guys back on the line kinda do a double-take, and stop for a second assembling the sandwiches, but I doubt the ‘no cheese’ button on the keypad is the least used key on the thing.
@rmz; @Derp: Don’t have time (or patience) to read everything, so I’m sorry if I’m repeating others, but the two cheeseburger value meal isn’t technically available here, but I never have a problem ordering it. The most hassle I ever get is (and I quote), “We don’t have the… oh, wait, nevermind. What do you want to drink with that?”
@Shinzou:
McDonald’s couldn’t get Kosher if it tried… Koshering foods takes alot more than most people think about, even to the slaughtering processes of animals.
@Packetsniffer
To be fair, they’re trained like that. It helps get the people out the door faster, even if a couple of them come back to get their sandwich fixed.
Why all the McDonald’s worker bashing? It’s a place where young people and some unskilled older people can get jobs and help support their families. Why do you have to call them idiots and morons? How about understanding that people make mistakes sometimes?
Just go in and order a two cheeseburger EVM and ask them to hold the cheese. They can do it. It’s just a grill -hold cheese.
Yes, I can understand it’s frustrating when a mistake is made. I’ve been there. I don’t like tomatoes and always ask for no tomatoes, and about 80% of the time, I get what I ask for. The other 20% I will send it back and ask them to remake it, because the tomato liquid has seeped into my burger and bun. They do it. I’m not a jerk about it, they just made a mistake. I’m glad none of you name callers ever do that…
I’m rarely in so much of a hurry that I don’t have time to wait for it to be remade. If I am in a hurry, then I’ll just yank the tomato myself and suffer. I understand that cheese is hard to yank. This is McDonald’s we’re talking about here. It’s not like it takes 10 minutes to remake a burger. They shoot for 3 minutes out the door. Just ask them to remake it and stop being so darn mean.
I don’t even like McD’s very much, but I’m actually sorta hungry after reading all these comments.
@PinkNightmare:
Please don’t say your allergic if your not. Life threatening allergies do exist and should not be taken lightly. You are diluting the meaning and seriousness of that claim.
@gyroball: NOT crybabies. the crybabies are those asshats who can’t comprehend a simple request in plain English & whine about missing buttons.
c’mon fast food staffer – it ain’t all that hard to listen to the customer & provide actual service. i know as i worked in FF, at McDonald’s no less for 4 yrs while attending college back in the early 90′s.
In Korea they offer a Big Mac with four patties. In the States I order a Big Mac and a Double Cheeseburger. Then I create a double Big Mac. Is there a button for that customization?
Tap, tap. Is this microphone on?
I’d like to complain that Mickey D’s folks seem to chronically under fill the french fry containers these days. Once upon a time, they crammed them so full that you’d practically have another half a container of fries in the bottom of your bag. These days they barely fill the container with fries.
Hmrph.
mcdonalds operates several kosher stores in israel, the one near the airport there is vegetarian and they have at least one kosher store in buenos aires.
you can tell them apart because their logos are blue and white
when i worked at taco bell in high school, late nights [until 4am] on weekends we got some weird requests. usually it was just me and my team lead, who was my age and a good friend.
one night a woman came through the drive through and ordered a beef burrito ‘with nothing even remotely related to a vegetable’ on it. so i replied ‘no lettuce, tomato or beans, just beef, sour cream and cheese…. i think the sauce might have some tomato paste in it? how about the tortilla? that’s made from wheat flour?’
when she got to the window she said that’s the first time anyone had ever gotten her order right without her having to explain it about 50 times. and yes, she wanted the tortilla and sauce. fortunately at the time taco bell had a minus button for every single ingredient. but i don’t know about these days, this was before the picture keys. we were expected to READ little words
Jus order a Hamburger Happy Meal AND an extra hamburger.
Play the health card, it has worked every time for me.
Me: No cheese
Them: It comes with cheese
Me: I can’t eat cheese I’m lactose intolerant.
Them: What?
Me: It gives me the runs okay, do you want more detail?
Them: Oh please don’t.
Seriously. Even the dumbest people usually don’t want to make people sick. They’ve even waited for me to check because they were worried.
Don’t want fountain pop/soda? You’re diabetic
There’s an allergy/medical issue for everything. Bonus is you don’t come out sound like a weirdo ordering a cheese burger without cheese.
the burger king in east lansing, mi (home of msu) used to have 99 cent whopper wednesdays. went there one wednesday and felt like a double whopper. $1.98, right? wrong, $3+. after the cashier wouldn’t ring me up for a $1.98 double whopper i called for the manager. went round and round twice with the logic of my position to no avail. finally said, “okay, i’ll take two whoppers, please scrape the s*** off one of them and throw the meat on the other.”
one double whopper was finally delivered about 30 seconds later.
As a McDonald’s alum (2003), I can vouch that we never had a problem with that order. I rang it up many times (yes, it would be the 2CB EVM button, Grill, W/O, CHZ), and no, our grill folks never got it wrong.
Those who say a 2HBEVM isn’t on the menu board or the register because it’s not popular enough are correct. We Americans love our cheese.
My experience was in Mass, where they also have Lobster Rolls (and a corresponding EVM) on the menu too. I suppose YMMV around the country.
@iammoses: Sorry, I’m not sure that I agree, despite my “honesty is the best policy”, um, policy. I surely agree with people who say tht you shouldn’t push the button for the automated handicap door if you don’t need it because it may cause it to break sooner.
But this is different. They’re not going to say, “That’s it! That’s the twentieth customer with an allergy today. No more special orders; I don’t care if they have a doctor’s note!”
If anything, we’re giving them much needed practice. (~_~)
@witeowl:
The problem with it is after that twentieth customer the guys behind the counter and in the kitchen might not care about food allergies anymore and if someone really did have an allergy they might not be as careful with the order. I just don’t think we should cry wolf so much, if the restaurant can’t make food you want then go somewhere else.
@B: Wait, your mcdonald’s makes things before they’re ordered?
Everything here is only made after it’s ordered. Hamburgers and cheeseburgers are among the simplest sandwiches and can be made in about 25 seconds (half of which is waiting for the buns to toast)