Reader Grant says that his gamer tag “theGAYERgamer” was recently banned by Xbox Live. He hoped that a call to customer support would sort things out but all he received was a confusing explanation from an Xbox Live supervisor. According to the supervisor, it wasn’t that she found the name offensive, but it was the “greater Xbox community” that found it offensive. Screenshot above. Grant’s letter, inside…
Consumerist,
I have had a bad morning. Last night when i tried to sign into my xbox live account “thegayergamer” I was told that it had to be changed. I figured that it was just from people reporting it as an offensive name being that the greater Xbox live community isn’t exactly welcome to gay people, i spend a lot of time muting people on Halo3. I assumed that once i called Microsoft they would straighten things out.
I talked to a supervisor there, Roxy, who told me that she didn’t personally find the fact that my gamer tag had gay in the name offensive, but that the greater Xbox community did, so i would have to change it. I hope I’m not the only person who finds this don’t ask, don’t tell policy disgusting… eek
From Grant, thegayergamer
We think you deserve a better explanation than this. Despite what this Xbox Live CSR told you, we’re not convinced that it’s the “greater Xbox community’s” job to classify offensive material. At best it sounds like this “supervisor” was trying to pass the buck. At worst, it’s downright homophobic discrimination. Would “theHETEROgamer” also be banned?







I’m pretty sure they force anyone to change their gamertag after
receiving a certain number of “offensive gamertag” complaints. I
remember someone suggesting that instead of paying Microsoft $10 to
change your gamertag, you could just get your friends to report your
name as offensive. This would indicate the system is completely automated.
They also ban (or people have been forced to change their name from)
tags containing ‘linux’ and ‘boobies’.
OMG the people who say move on and change your name and stop whining are ridiculous. He should have the right to use the name if he wishes. And how many young kids are using XBox Live? And do young kids not know anyone who is gay? We are out there everywhere. So deal with it and let him use his nick if he wants As for gay being offensive for someone who is gay, ummm no its not. I’d rather be called gay than homosexual or lesbian. Homophones! I mean Homophobes LOL.
@hollywood2590:
No, there are so many people missing the point.
People with Down’s Syndrome don’t go around calling themselves retarded (and their level of mental handicap varies GREATLY).
People who are black do not call themselves a n****r–I’ve heard some that call their friends that, but not themselves.
People who are gay DO go around calling themselves GAY. GAY IS NOT A DEROGATORY WORD WHEN USED FOR ITS INTENDED PURPOSE.
He has every right to have that user name. If, however, he called himself theFAGGOTgamer, I would take issue.
And this whole “Protect the children” thing: PROTECT THEM FROM WHAT? Those creepy, scary, GAY people?! Riiiiiiight…
@MayorBee: I meant regular moral majority (as in the majority of the people in a group define the moral standards of the community), not Mr 2400 Club.
And in that discussion I missed (that is spread ad-nasium anytime someone brings up this kind of thing) was there anyone that pointed out that going along with the vocal minority is just as bad or even worse then ” ” mob rule/democracy ” “?
And apparently, gay and gays are now pronouns. (*Snicker* @ the gays, a gay, most gays)
@SJActress: You haven’t meet enough ghettos (if gay can be a pronoun…) or gays, or rednecks, or bitches, or spics. Plenty of people who are * call themselves a normally derogatory term.
And what is this, jezebel invasion week?
@katekate: My point was meant to be that people just take that kind of thing (i.e. frat boy behavior) as “boys being boys,” and it pisses me off that there is a double standard.
“Frat boys”? Is that like “the gays”? And “the mexicans”? “the blacks”? “the poor”? “the homeless”? They’re all stereotypes.
You apparently used “frat boy” to mean “douchebag who gets drunk and brags about his sexual conquests”. A person in a fraternity would likely be offended—not because you called him a frat boy, but because you assumed that he’s a misogynist alcoholic and used his membership in a fraternity as a surrogate for an attitude you dislike. It just perpetuates the double standard problem that you are complaining about.
Say what you mean instead of using some label that implies your internal assumptions.
@MayorBee: I think jim has a problem with anyone flamboyant.
So what? Consider your question “Why do you care how people act so much?”, but take it one step further and ask yourself “Why do you care what people think so much?”
I can guarantee that there are types of people that make you uncomfortable; why are your preferred types any better than his preferred types? Is there no screen name that you would flag as offensive? Probably not: everyone agrees there should be lines, but nobody agrees on where the lines should be.
This is why we’re gathered here today.
The fact is, its probably not easy to filter derogatory sn’s out unless you eliminate names such as this, so unless you don’t mind hoping into a game with racist, antisemitic, or bigoted screen names then you have to live with this due to technology constraints… you can filter for keywords, but unfortunately you cannot filter for intent. Personally I wouldn’t mind losing my screen name in exchange for not having to play a game with F#gchrusher187 and HitlersMinion666.
@thesabre: I’m gay and I don’t know what the heck words those stood for. Ummm so I’m sure many others here have no clue either
@SkokieGuy:
@ConsumerA:
@PsychicPsycho3:
@BigElectricCat:
@MayorBee:
@HIV 2 Elway:
@BlondeGrlz:
@leastcmplicated:
Just wanted to respond to those of you who have some sense and are not homophobic. I appreciate your comments that actually have a point and make sense. To all the homophobic people here: I have heard the whole why do you have to advertise you are gay spiel more than a few times and I have to tell you it still pisses me off. How about I have to advertise because it’s still illegal to get married to someone of the same sex, and I have to advertise because some people think I switched to being gay sometime later in my life instead of being born that way, and I have to advertise being gay because many people assume I am talking about a guy or a boyfriend when I mention dating or being in a relationship. So when the way you were born and because your life is being lived for love and honesty is minimized by people in society as something that is disgusting, depraved, or a choice then you better damn well bet I’m going to advertise. If gay people, myself included, listen to the likes of the homophobes in this forum and just shut up and go away, we minimize our own lives.
@harsesus: exactly. i played a round of cod4 last nite w/ himmler jr. to be honest, i actual had a pretty fun time shooting him in the head every chance i got – turns out he’s about as adept at battle as his “dad”.
& before i left the room, i reported his screen name. simple as that.
@thegcnetlife08: I often wonder what all the “why do you have to advertise that you’re gay” people would be saying if they were part of minority group that showed no immediate outward signs of being said minority, was discriminated against by the vast majority of society, and got called a “fucking fag” by random strangers for simply walking down the street with your boyfriend/girlfriend. Really, a good part of the reason why gay people wear pins and stuff is because gay rights is still a very big issue and stuff like that says, to use the old phrase, “we’re here, we’re queer, get used to it”.
That said, as for the flamboyant, stereotypical behavior I have to admit I find it irksome. But I usually find anyone acting in a way that is stereotypical to their given group to be really annoying – whether it be gay people, boys, jocks, nerds, girls, african americans, whites, etc…
in other news: i literally played against a guy named “futtbucker” last night. :/
@Consumer007: corporations don’t just get to violate laws and trash people and say “deal with it”. Or “if you don’t like it leave”. That’s the whole point – if you deal with the public, then you deal with every different flavor, shape, color, lifestyle. If you play in the public sphere and benefit from their business, you don’t get to discriminate.
What laws were broken? MS states their terms and conditions on the website, quite clearly.
You imply they discriminate. MS isn’t preventing gay people from playing xbox live. The fact is, some people found the name offensive. The checks and balances in place have worked to rectify the offense. The player still gets to play, providing they follow the specific terms and conditions they agreed to in the first place.
————–
@MayorBee: You know, it’s only straight people who haven’t been discriminated against that ever say that. What’s wrong with being proud of who you are? Are you going to tell Celtics fans that “Irish Pride” is wrong next? Going to call into Larry King Live and ask why we have a Black History Month and protest it?
Discrimination comes in many forms, not just sexual preference. Saying straight people aren’t discriminated against is a silly statement. It’s like saying white people aren’t discriminated against. Your statement, by its own merit is discriminatory against straight people.
Why don’t we have Scottish History month? The English beat them down hundreds of years before they enslaved anyone else.
@mariospants:
Okay. First being gay is not about SEX, and it’s not a preference. Second, I don’t think Halo 3 is for young children, so that argument is just a little bit bogus. If there are any children at all playing Halo 3 (or whatever) then there IS a problem but it’s not the OP’s name choice. This isn’t any different than choosing to put a pride sticker on your car or march in a parade. If you’re able to deal with the consequences (I still can’t believe what I heard in the video).
@Rask: I really don’t think you know how rampant homophobia and hate are on the XBOX network. One way to make sure other gay people can find you and you can find them is to declare yourself as such. It also has the desired effect of driving away people who aren’t open minded. There’s nothing worse than putting countless hours into developing a regular game group then having a homophobic rant ruin the vibe.
I tried to put in may legal full name “blitch” in the ‘name’ section and apparently it is not allowed word. I emailed customer service and got some form letter about the account being banned, which it was not.
Gay is not a race, so how can you call someone racist? Secondly, I agree with what many of you are saying…no one really gives a rats ass what your sexual orientation is, so why broadcast it to the world unless you’re looking for reactions? Thirdly, are you baiting gays by proclaiming you’re gay’er’? I mean, where is the trophy for being gayer?
Finally; in reality you can cure cancer, balance the federal budget, win a Nobel Peace Prize…..but suck just one dick and….
tyranny of the majority…. nuff said.
@dualityshift:
Even if straight people have been discriminated against (for being straight), it is by no means as prevalent and pervasive as the discrimination against homosexuals. Gay people are systematically demonized by many aspects of society, whether it be the church, the government, or the actions of bigoted family members. I challenge you to demonstrate one case of such abuse against a straight person that would cause internalized heterophobia (for lack of a better word). And yet this goes on every day with gay people. Some of us have grown up in fundamentalist churches where we are taught that the way we feel is sinful and that we’re the cause of anything bad that happens in the world. We are told every day by the government that our relationships aren’t as good as heterosexual relationships and that we can’t openly serve in the military. We are even told by our own parents that we are not their children anymore simply because of who our bodies and minds tell us to love.
This can cause, as I alluded to, internalized homophobia. Where you’ve been inundated with so much bullshit, you see yourself as less than a person. You go along with what other people want just to make them happy, just to be “normal”. Inside you don’t feel “normal”, however. You always feel that there’s something wrong with you and you hate yourself for it. This is one of the reasons why gay teenagers attempt suicide four times more than their straight peers. Is this just a statistical fluke? I don’t think so. So pardon me if I offended you by saying straight people aren’t discriminated against.
Yes, people in the majority can be discriminated against. Anyone can be discriminated against. In fact, whenever I hear the phrase “reverse discrimination”, I think to myself what does that even mean. Either it’s discrimination or it’s not, there is no “reverse”. Trying to draw a parallel between individual straight people having been discriminated against and the systematic discrimination against gays is dishonest and disgusting. It’s like saying “I know what slavery feels like…I have to go to my job every day”. See how there’s really no comparison there?
As for why there’s no Scottish History month, we’re talking about why is there such a thing as gay pride (or black pride, or Irish pride, etc.), not why isn’t there such a thing as factory workers pride (or Asian pride, or toxic shock syndrome sufferer’s pride, etc.). If however, there were a Scottish History month, I would say “Good for them”.
@Michael Belisle: Fair enough. I’m going from experience with every single frat boy I’ve personally ever known, but I won’t use that term. And you still didn’t answer to the original point.
Glad I don’t have a gold account. Microsoft and their crappy online accounts and all that.
@hollywood2590: They don’t have a problem with my Tag. -points to Consumerist username-
Just the other day, I was on the dyke sucking on a fag and stroking my pussy.
I know I should quit smoking, but it relaxes me when I’m by the river with my cat.
@MayorBee: Why do you care how people act so much? – Why don’t you? There are appropriate and inappropriate behaviors that vary with the setting. You’re wrong about it not affecting me. My work involves face to face contact with farmers and cowboys. Strong, conservative Christian men. If I hire some boy in a frilly little outfit who sashays up to these men, I’ll lose their business. This isn’t anti-gay, it’s anti-inappropriate-behavior. If a straight guy strutted up to them with a big sausage in his pants and stared their wives up and down, I’d lose their business just as quick.
It really affects me when pro-gay lobbyists force laws through requiring me to not discriminate in hiring. I’d never discriminate against you for simply being gay. I’d hire a gay man if he could do the job; his sexual behaviors are none of my business. But I don’t give a damn what the laws say, I won’t hire any man who can’t behave appropriately as a representative of my business. If you want to advertise your sexual desires, you do that on your own time.
@camman68: One of the ladies asked me to come over and get in bed with her. She said this in front of the entire office. – This is a clear cut case of sexual harassment. You should have sued them. I would have. What they did to you is wrong.
@katekate: Apology fully accepted. I took no offense to your comments. I don’t think the double standard is quite as prevalent as you think. In some settings, especially with young, immature boys, sure, but not everywhere. Or maybe I’m just sheltered. I tend to hang out with mature conservatives. We don’t ask one another, “Hey, so did you fuck your wife last night?” I’d likely get slugged in the face if I talked about a buddy’s wife in a sexual manner like that, and rightly so.
@MayorBee: However, I think jim has a problem with anyone flamboyant. – You’re absolutely right, I do. I find flamboyant behavior inappropriate and, quite frankly, disgusting. I come from a place where men are men and women are women. Men behaving like women (and vice versa) disturbs me. I’m not only talking about gays and lesbians. The straight girls who talk like men (A female once said to me, “Fuck, I have to take a mad shit”) bother me equally. I’m not bigoted, or racist, I have no problem with someone being gay, I just don’t want to see your flamboyant side. Be flamboyant all you want in the appropriate venues, but not in the work place. Not when dealing with customers.
Now, all this being said, I strongly believe in American values and freedom. I fully support your right to be as flamboyant as you like. I would never take that away from someone. I will, however, judge you and think less of you for it.
@thegcnetlife08: born that way – Really? You came out going, “OH MY GOD!!!!! UGGGHHHKKK!!! I AM **NEVER** GOING BACK IN THERE!!” ? Point is, while you may not be able to control who you are attracted to, you CAN control flamboyant behavior. You weren’t born flamboyant.
Thank you, all, for the intelligent discussion. I’ve enjoyed reading your comments on this matter and I want you to know that, regardless of your sexual orientation or flamboyance, I have respect for your right to be intimate with whomever you want and to behave however you want, whether I agree with it or not.
@jimconsumer: (wouldn’t ask, “did you fuck your wife last night” of a buddy)
While you might not phrase it like that, did you ever congratulate someone, or ask someone, if they “got some”? Did you tell a buddy who said, “I got some last night” (or, I made whoopie, or had a roll in the hay, or made love) that this kind of talk is inappropriate?
How about “My wife just found out she’s pregnant. We’ve been trying for months.” Trying to get pregnant = having sex. Telling someone you’re trying to get pregnant is telling someone you’re having sex.
If someone is TRULY
If someone is TRULY worried about what their children see then they wouldn’t let them go to school, or leave the house for that matter.
If what your children see in the “wicked” world is influencing them then you aren’t doing your job as a parent.
Step up and quit blaming your shit parenting skills on everyone else.
@jimconsumer: …you said ‘in the end’…..
Stop being gay and change your tag.
I can completely understand why the greater XBOX live community doesn’t like “gayergamer” and it’s because many are extremely homophobic. I am a female halo player with a deeper voice. I’m called gay all the time and then they freak out when i tell them I’m female. Many many names with sexual connotations have been banned and I’m completely Ok with that. It definitely inspires creativity. So, perhaps “Gayergamer” should get creative too.
On another note, children should not be playing Halo since it is a Mature title, but they are, and they are the most foul mouthed evil little buggers playing. I find myself filing complaints against children for their behavior more than the adults.
Change your tag to “IBANGSHEEP” and see if anyone finds it offensive, if not then you might have something to cry about…otherwise it’s just a tag. I mean seriously are you 12?
BlackRabbit@gaygamer.net said:
“I think it’s plain pathetic. XBox has no idea how to handle the hateful community they helped create, and now they’re just sanitizing the victims rather than the perpetrators.”
I have to agree. I have a real life friend who has had to change his purposely offensive tag only after we formed a Halo3 clan and started destroying people in the game. Really, his name was disgusting and no-one cared when we were average at the game but as soon as we started winning and NOT trash talking, thats when there was a problem.
I’ll “stop being a fag” and acting like I’m 12 when my fellow gamers stop being retarded and acting like they’re 10.
Better yet I will buy people Live accounts when actual 10 and 12 year olds stop shouting the “N” word and cursing worse than death row inmates or the cast of a Tarantino film.
Yeah yeah, I can mute people. Blah blah blah, I have to tool around in my Xbox menu to do so, not in matchmaking itself where I need to. I am not going to ask game developers to add this feature, because it would be a waste of their time and yet another thing that takes away from the game and possibly making it late. The issue is with Microsoft. MICROSOFT. As long as we all keep feeding the beast, Microsoft will continue to employ policies with flagrant disregard to it’s customers. The bottom line is the bottom line. If you are not a shareholder YOU DO NOT MATTER, it’s not a Democracy, it’s a business. I was over it along time ago which is why I do not play multiplayer online games.
“Major Nelson’s” rub off was “just play with your friends not with other people” and apparently this is Microsoft’s unofficial stance. So I abstain, because my friends want to play against other people who are not our own close friends. I pay my money and play my games alone. I enjoy them as much as I can in the knowledge that I am part of a large demographic that has to hide ourselves from the “real” world because we are not personally funneling huge amounts of cash into the pockets of the powers that be. Thus I do not matter.
Thats why this site exists, to fool ourselves into believing that we have a voice that anyone cares about. NEWS FLASH! They don’t.
@Consumer007: @Consumer007:
Im not a homophobe and while “gayer” can have multiple meanings, the original post indicates that it was meant to express his sexual preference. There is a time and a place for such things, this isnt it. Shouting “homophobe” every time someone disagrees on a topic concerning gays is a convienient, if inaccurate, means of avoiding the real issue. I wouldnt walk into a church and scream “I love to have sex with women” – I wouldnt run around the street with a “stright pride” shirt on – would I? Because its 2008 and MOST of us are beyond being biased against someone for something as trivial as their sexual preferences. Sure, that bias still exists. But not here. If you read the EULA on XBox live it specifically says names of a sexual nature are prohibited> Its their service – if they want to ban names about being gay, (or purple for that matter) they can. Its not discrimination, homophobia or anything of the sort. Get over it.
And before another moron labels me a homophobe, ie – someone with a fear of gay people – I am not. I have close friends and employees who are gay, and I could care less. It doesnt stop me from socializing, working or hanging out with them.
Get the chip off your shoulders. Yes, some ppl still are predjudiced, but Microsoft isnt. And neither am I. Dont define yourself by your sexual preference. Its virtually irrelevant to “who you are”. Its a part of it certainly, but JUST a part.
In short, deal with it. Someone go make an Xbox name of “IFUCKWOMEN” and see how fast its banned. Should I then go and complain that MS is predjudiced against straight ppl?
@wdnobile:
Your not a homophobe as far as I can tell. You make some good points and are right that Microsoft is not homophobic either. It still stands to reason however, that the general attitude in business is to hold this “idea” of the american family to the sky so it’s glory can shine down like the sun and be the example we should all follow. If I was a mother that called a complained about something things would be addressed much faster than if I was a lone person. I feel that is true of most business as they tend to see a family unit as expandable dollars(you know, straight people make babies) and a single person(regardless of personal details)as a finite source of income that will end unless they couple and breed. This attitude trickles down from corporate into the blue collars of the working class. Truly this is the point I was making. Class discrimination, not sexual.
When playing any game on Xbox LIVE a person can hear such thing as “I’m gonna F@ck your sh!t up b!tch”. It does not matter what your “tag” is, I could have a name like “thisisnotagamertag” and still be called a “Fag” because I speak with big words aka “Fagtalk”. The first week of Halo3 I was raking up and I came across a Spartan in purple armor who was called a Fag after the round. I was matched up with this gamer a second and third time and our opponents were different each time but still had the same things to say. Turns out my purple Spartan pal was a girl. A teen girl. It would seem that even when a female is playing and not defining herself by her sexuality “Live” gamers still have a problem with it. In fact, I have heard this exact remark several time while playing along side female gamers. “Why aren’t you (insert female stereotype), get off our game, B!tch!” I have to guess at that point because these girls and women are not “off making some man happy” they are disrupting society and should be punished.
Everyones answer is “get over it” or just play other games, and “I” do. But what about everyone else? Should they all have to “get over it” and not play the games that they want to. I’ll agree that at a certain point if you have a tag that attracts negative attention that you might want to consider changing it. But what I am asking is it not unreasonable to ask that people be allowed to interact with one another with out the constant pressure to be like everyone else. Is it unacceptable to ask that Microsoft to issue a public statement defining their stance on what they want Xbox Live to be beyond the long winded TOS that most people only read after the fact. I’m not saying that people should not have to read TOS. I am saying that instead of pointing out thing that are buried in fine print the “online” warning that flashes whenever you play a “Live based” title should be less aloof. Perhaps it should say ” this game is not intended for everyone, in fact people are allowed to be jerks to you beyond average “trash talk” if you seem to be not an average male player. Conform or do not play. Yeah it’s stupid, just a thought.
I read this whole post and all I got out of it is “the people on Xbox live are all retarded”.
This is ridiculous especially considering that the other day I played a gamer called: beatabitchup
I mean, THAT’s offensive.
i think the XBOX Live “community” just doesn’t want to admit they were losing to a gayer gamer.
Quote:” Lithium542
My real gripe is how they allow anti-black, anti-hispanic, and antisemitic, (and to a somewhat lesser extent, misogynistic) names to run rampant.”
Again pointing out the acceptability of using anti-gay remarks/sentiments.
What This says to me as a gay man is that it’s not acceptable to bash someone over their race/nationality/religion/gender but hey if your GAY it’s open season.
I also really do love all the comments along the lines of “Just shut-up about it!” “Don’t flaunt it/why do you have to flaunt it?”
What you call flaunting it we call living our lives, that’s all we want is to live free of fear, unfortunately Gay-Hate or Homophobia is still alive and well just look at sites like youtube or myspace video and read some of the wonderful comments on some of the gay “blogs” or videos with one word comments like Fag, Faggot, Homo, Queer Fagett and the threats “I’ll kill you fag” or the misinformation “AIDS From GOD you HELLBOUND HOMO!” or Negative sexually explicit stuff hinting at raping the poster simply to prove that the commenter is not a ‘fag’
Or how bout the stories in the comments about a young gay man/lesbians experiences with Bashing and hate see: [vids.myspace.com]
for example.
If minorites don’t speak up for themselves then nothing changes, That’s why we come out, that’s why we talk about or same gender partners, that’s why we rally at PRIDE! that’s why we march, that’s why we proclaim “We’re here and We’re Queer!” that’s why we take back the discriminatory language and make it ours! That’s why we have a National Coming Out Day and a National Day of Silence and a Pride Week and in recognition of our fallen bretherin(and sister-ren) both gay and straight a World AIDS Day and AIDS awareness Week.
It’s strength in numbers and strength in communities!
And don’t tell me you don’t see nicknames/gamertags that are heterocentric I see them everywhere they are just not as overt as gay tags/nicks because gay still sticks out like a sore thumb.
I’ve had a similar problem.
On my account TwitchBoxx, in my bio I was saying that I was lesbian. I was suspended for luckily only two days because of the fact that I had ‘lesbian’ in my account information. When I called support, they just went into circles about the code of conduct. I had to call two more times, then managed to get a supervisor. He wanted the password to my email account! Can you believe that?!
Plain and simple: The people on microsoft (customers and workers alike) just don’t want to accept that gay people are among them. I’m ready to sell my xbox and get a playstation 3 instead now.
There are songs on the radio right now about going down on eachother. And now they care about the word ‘gay’? Censorship is a joke. Its a tool people in power use to keep the population controllable, quiet, and at odds with eachother.
What happens if kids do see the word ‘gay’? Would it really be so bad for a parent to have to talk to their kid about sexuality? I mean it is a really important issue, with pregnancy, stds, and emotional influence. If we censor the word gay, then no one ever talks about it. Maybe the kid is gay. Even if a parent wants to tell their kids that they don’t like homosexuals, even then its communication. How would the kids know otherwise?
But more than that, its the control of the people we should be worried about, and not so much the word ‘gay.’ We shouldn’t censor self-idenfication anywhere. And if children’s parents might actually be forced to talk with their kids about the world (gasp) than we might all be better off for it. We never see the true oppression if we’re busy fighting one another.
In Response to the comment written by Metaled I will say this.
There IS a user who’s name is simply Dike.
There is also a user who’s name is Gay.
There is also a user who’s name is Hetero.
There is alos a user who’s name is Straight.
Until they are banned from XBox Live as well your argument doesn’t hold any weight whatsoever.