Glaxo Buys Aging Retardation Drug Company

GlaxoSmithKline is buying a U.S. biotechnology company that is researching resveratrol, the chemical compound found in red wine that may retard the aging process. The CEO of the company says that “drugs that mimic resveratrol, by activating enzymes called sirtuins, could ‘treat in a safe, natural new way, many of the major killers of western society.’” We can’t wait to see the commercials that GSK puts out for this one.

“Glaxo Says Wine May Fight Aging “ [New York Times]
(Photos: Getty)

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  1. huadpe says:

    I could see them getting in alot of trouble with an ad on this one. You aren’t allowed to give medically untrue information, and implying that anything can prevent death is very untrue.

  2. Jupiter Jones says:

    That headline could probably use some copy-editing. “What’s a retardation company, and why is it aging?”

  3. unklegwar says:

    I really interpreted it as an old company that makes drugs for retards.

  4. SkokieGuy says:

    A lifetime RX is like an annuity for the drug companies. How to increase the annuity? Either raise drug prices and / or increase the lifespan of patients.

    Question, how can we expect a for-profit drug company to fund and find a cure for diseases cancer, AIDS, diabetes, etc.) if that cure will eliminate a vast market for its drugs? Its shareholders would scream financial irresponsiblity.

    That’s why the entire US model of healthcare being a for-profit industry is immoral as just plain f’ing stupid!

  5. Geekybiker says:

    Great. Now we can prolong being 60+

    Talk to me when you find a way to keep me under 40 for longer.

  6. Corydon says:

    I think I’ll just keep drinking red wine. That’ll keep me alive forever, right?

    Mmmm…Shiraz

  7. strixus says:

    Seriously, would a well placed comma kill you in these headlines? Or are you just trying to do “Man Eating Plant” style headlines? I had to read this three time to figure out what in the name of sanity you were writing about.

  8. friendlynerd says:

    @unklegwar:
    Ok I’m glad it wasn’t just me that read it that way.

  9. modenastradale says:

    Ha. That graphic is priceless. Priceless!

  10. Nakko says:

    I betcha my great great great grandchildren will be pissed that they’ll never get any inheritance since I’ll never die!

  11. SaveMeJeebus says:

    So… is this an old company that makes retard drugs or what?

  12. modenastradale says:

    @Geekybiker: Good news: you can. Drink tons of water, exercise (cardio and weights), eat a balanced diet with plenty of lean protiens, eat plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, avoid highly processed carbohydrates (sugars, white breads, pastries, etc.), get plenty of sleep, wear a high-quality, powerful SPF moisturizer every day, and get as much sleep as you need to feel rested each day. And for God’s sake, don’t drink alcohol (except for the occasional glass of wine) and never smoke cigarettes.

    Oh, and give yourself some leeway to check out of the social status rat race — that will eliminate tons of stress.

    I do these things, and haven’t aged in years. Seriously! With some regularity, high school kids come up and ask me what school I go to.

  13. NotATool says:

    Ha, I too thought they were an old company producing drugs for the mentally handicapped…

  14. BrockBrockman says:

    Ya see? I wasn’t the only one who misread the headline.

  15. chrisjames says:

    No one caught the “treat … many of the major killers of western society” line? I nearly died laughing after I read that, which, coincidentally, would have proven that claim false.

  16. se7a7n7 says:

    They could get Corky from “Life Goes On” to be their spokesperson…”What do I know about staying young?”….

  17. fuzzymuffins says:

    “Aging Retardation”

    so this drug makes me old AND retarded?

  18. Balisong says:

    @strixus: Where would the comma go? O_o

  19. Chris Walters says:

    Oh, that headline was completely deliberate. This was my chance to end up in lists of bad (but funny) headline examples in classes all over the country. No way I’m letting that opportunity for immortality pass by.

  20. Aphex242 says:

    Yeah honestly I read it wrong too. lol… unintentionally hilarious headline there.

  21. OnceWasCool says:

    Got it, the drugs keep retards from getting older!

    Besides, no one likes old retards. :)

  22. OnceWasCool says:

    Got it, it keeps retards from getting old because no one likes old retards!

  23. OnceWasCool says:

    opps, sorry, I have got to learn to just trust the submit button even when it doesn’t look like it did anything.

  24. ekasbury says:

    @Jupiter Jones: Exactly. Damn, you beat me to the punch. I was scratching my head for a minute when I saw the post.

  25. Traveler18 says:

    Hey, one would think I would have known what this was all about with just a glance, given that I bought the stock of the company in question not quite a year ago at the IPO. But with that headline written by the syntactically-challenged, my first thought was Good grief, Glaxo bought yet another company…since yesterday??

  26. kostia says:

    How to fix headline: Insert hyphen in “Aging-Retardation.”

    *sigh*

  27. FilthyHarry says:

    Ok, I admit I’m high buy my first thought was: why would they make a pill to make old people become stupid?

  28. S**t, I’ve been paying 40 bucks a pill under the guise of “Research and Development” and they find the aging cure in wine? Seriously?

  29. alice_bunnie says:

    @Jupiter Jones:

    OK, I’m glad I’m not the only one who had trouble with that headline. LOL

    I read it as a old company that sells a drug for mentally handicapped people. ;p

  30. alice_bunnie says:

    Actually, I read a study a couple of years ago that metformin, a diabetes drug, does the same thing. $4/month from Walmart. Even cheaper than $4/bottle/night wine.

    I can’t stand red wine, and I already take metformin. All my blood work is great. I will probably die tomorrow in a car wreck. You gotta dies somehow.