Tax Dog: Don't Pay Your Taxes Because They Are Unconstitutional

Hey kids, did you know that taxes are unconstitutional and that you don’t have to pay them? It’s true! Turns out that the Sixteenth Amendment was never ratified and the U.S. Code doesn’t tax domestic income. Sound complex and illegal? Hit the jump to see how it’s the answer to all your money problems.

The Sixteenth Amendment is an illegal post-it note on the Constitution, passed thanks to the support of the backstabbing lowlanders occupying Ohio, who ratified the Amendment on January 19, 1911. Here’s the thing: Ohio wasn’t a state in 1911. Congress retroactively accepted the territory’s pitiful pleas for admission in 1953, when they needed to guarantee the Sixteeenth Amendment’s staying power to out-tax the Communists.

Thanks to Captain No-State’s late entrance we know that the supposed power “to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived” is complete hogwash. Nice lie, Nannie State! What else can you make up?

The U.S. Code? Sorry, 26 U.S.C. 861 says that the government can collect taxes only from certain clearly defined foreign activities. Not on the list: your job.

So let’s say you mentioned this to your egghead friend, the one nobody likes with the glasses and degrees, and he said that Article 1, Section 8 of the Constitution says: “The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes…” Well tell your friend to shutup and that nobody likes him, ok? This country is run by men, not nerds, and occasionally women, too.

Now sure, the courts may call these arguments “legally frivolous,” but those judicial lackeys are hopelessly latched to the tax-tete for their salaries. “Independent judiciary,” our ass.

All true patriots should stand up for their rights and defend our Constitution by scribbling “861″ all over your 1040. The boys down at the IRS will know it’s code for “In The Know.”

(Photo: Vorstius)
PREVIOUSLY: Tax Dog: Deducting Your Income = $0 Tax Bill!
Tax Dog: Escaping Minimum Security Prison Is Fun And Easy

Comments

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  1. EBounding says:

    What’s wrong with that dog’s teeth?! :(

  2. A rather unconvincing April Fool’s gag, if I must say so.

  3. f0nd004u says:

    hmmm… not that funny.

  4. RandoX says:

    To be completely honest, I wouldn’t even mind paying my fair share of taxes if the government would agree to use it in a fair, responsible, and reasonable manner. There would be plenty to go around.

  5. youbastid says:

    You’re gonna get a lot of Ron Paul voters in trouble with this…

  6. dlynch says:

    you don’t scare me, tax dog!

  7. clevershark says:

    Note the author’s username…

  8. dripdrop says:

    I’m so sick of people complaining the April Fool’s joke isn’t funny. Lighten up already.

  9. admiralguy says:

    I’ve listened to the tax dog for advice before. BIG MISTAKE! As you can see from the picture, the tax dog’s advice is all bark and no bite.

  10. chiieddy says:

    People actually do believe this. There’s always some fool in NH (Live Free or Die) who refuses to pay their taxes on this basis.

  11. Dobernala says:

    I thought it was ‘The Conglomerist’ not Consumerist.

  12. redheadedstepchild says:

    The problem is that SO MANY people believe this!

  13. LorneReams says:

    Larken Rose was the more famous one who tried the 861 argument and failed.

  14. heavylee-again says:

    @RandoX: You’ve hit it on the head. I’d be happy to contribute my fair share to the Treasury, if the Fed promises to use it in domestically and humanely responsible ways. Example: finding a viable alternate energy source that can be used as globally as oil is. Contra-example: spending over $500B on a war that we started for no justifiable reason.

  15. mavrick67 says:

    I love that the “true patriot” link connects to the IMDb of Wesley Snipes. It will be interesting to see what happens to him on April 24 . . .
    [www.abcactionnews.com]

  16. morganlh85 says:

    That was Wesley Snipes’ defense against not paying his taxes for the past 10 years or whatever it was.

  17. esd2020 says:

    For those actually curious this: [evans-legal.com] (The Tax Protester FAQ)

  18. Beerad says:

    Oh, poor tax dog! Watch out when they storm your compound in Texas, Utah, Montana, or New Hampshire!

  19. nequam says:

    I like this one because it captures the lunacy of the no-taxers.

  20. Rusted says:

    Much better to pay then to have “free” room and board and orange clothing.

  21. fostina1 says:

    ya, and me and my 1 acre of land are seceding from the u.s. and starting our own country of fostinaville

  22. @RandoX: I can see how you’d feel that way. But I can honestly say that the only thing getting me to pay my taxes is a little something called ‘desire to enjoy life from home instead of behind bars’.

    Perhaps I don’t have a social conscience; perhaps it’s just because I care a little more about my standard of living than that of some welfare recipient. It’s probably mostly because I’d rather be spending that money on myself– having nicer, longer vacations; having a second vehicle for myself; having a bigger boat… well, you get the picture. :-) I mind paying my taxes, and a little part of me grits my teeth in anger every time I see that money taken out of my paycheck.

  23. EBounding says:

    Instead of income tax withholdings, I’d like to see an itemized bill from the government each month that that all taxpayers would need to pay. That would change things in a jiffy.

  24. Buran says:

    Not a good idea to give advice like this. It can, will, and has get/gotten people in serious trouble.

  25. Trai_Dep says:

    Kind of ironic that, considering the historically unparalleled subjugating (read: raping then wiping one’s posterior with it) of the Constitution that the GOP has done lately, the one part that IS tempting, they leave untouched.

  26. Um, Ohio was a state in 1911.

    Oh wait, right. April Fool’s.

    I have yet to find a legitimate news article on any site I read today.

  27. Trai_Dep says:

    What I WOULD like to see is a popular referendum each April 15th, on, say 20 broad tax categories. Foreign Aid, big-ticket military items, Agri-business subsidies, education, health care for the <90-percentiles, etc.
    Items that don’t win are decreased in favor of those that are, 15% per year.

    The simple fact is that the US electorate is very progressive on issues. Poll after poll shows this. We’d have a gov’t that spends as we think, instead of one that does the opposite.

  28. boandmichele says:

    @dripdrop: +1

    glad that no one has a sense of humor. or at least can tolerate other peoples sense of humor.

  29. G-16 says:

    And here I thought I was the only one who was not paying my taxes. I found that using a black sharpie is best.

  30. Alex Chasick says:

    I expected more Paultards in the comments. This needs to be spliced onto Wonkette immediately.

  31. Shadowman615 says:

    @eastvillageidiot: The retroactively naming ohio a state in 1953 is explained better here:
    [www2.uakron.edu]

    Really, all that did was officially give Ohio a date of admission to the union. It’s certainly a weak argument against the 16th amendment if that’s all they’ve got…

  32. ARP says:

    @EBounding: That and an estimate for what new programs, wars, etc. would cost.

    For example, if people knew that the “tax cuts” would actually cost most people money, they might not be as supportive.

    Or if they knew they would have to pay around $5000 each to pay for the war in Iraq, they might have second guessed the warmongers and the true threat to our country.

  33. Ryan Duff says:

    @Alex Chasick: Actually, there is some fact to this… Have a look at

    [wnd.com]

    The Internal Revenue Service has lost a lawyer’s challenge in front of a jury to prove a constitutional foundation for the nation’s income tax, and the victorious attorney now is setting his sights higher.

    Now that the precedent is there, practically anybody should be able to win a case. If you actually look back and study the tax law is unconstitutional (Which actually makes it illegal).

    The only ‘tards here are those lazy enough not to care or do anything and piss away 50% of their earnings to fight a pointless war and pad politicians pockets.

    Stand up and fight the income tax! <– Thats not a joke!

  34. kilrathi says:

    I’m a Paultard, and even I think the people trying to get out of paying their taxes are ridiculous. The tax code along with the way taxes are spent needs to change, but that doesn’t mean you can get out of paying them. The laws are funny like that.

  35. uberbucket says:

    I know quite a few people who haven’t filed a federal tax return in 20 years. I’m still waiting for the IRS to rain pointy death down upon them.

  36. redheadedstepchild says:

    @Trai_Dep:
    It’s interesting to see what you’ve listed as “big ticket” items.

  37. @Ryan Duff: Word. Taxes on profit, legal. Income… not so much.

    But I pay anyway.

  38. axiomatic says:

    So Wesley Snipes can go free? (chuckle)

  39. econobiker says:

    @heavylee-again: The war was started to remove Saddam’s illegal (and specifically under market priced) oil from circulation. The Saudi’s didn’t like him undercutting their business. Why do you think oil was so cheap post Gulf War I? Because Saddam was dumping it on the black market (food for oil anyone?) to rebuild lavishly tacky palaces and buy new luxury sports cars for Uday…

  40. DeepFriar says:

    I am interested in what Tax Dog is saying, and would like to subscribe to his newsletter

  41. bohemian says:

    Funny but not funny. There are lots of these tax protester types in South Dakota. They tried to get the state judiciary basically crippled out of existence in 2006 by way of a constitutional amendment on the ballot that year. It lost by a 91% rejection in the polls and then they screamed there was election fraud and a cover up.

    Some people just should never crawl out of their bomb shelters….

  42. JustAGuy2 says:

    @Ryan Duff:

    Actually, there’s not. Cryer didn’t get anything resembling a judgment that there’s no constitutional basis for the income tax.

    What he did do was be acquitted of willful failure to file tax returns, because the jury found that he _believed_ he didn’t have to file returns. To be convicted of this crime, you have to know that you have to file a return, and still not do so. Having the _belief_ that you don’t have to file a return (regardless of how silly the belief is) is a defense, and he won on that defense.

    Cryer NEVER put his “income tax is unconstitutional” claims in front of the jury, so this decision has absolutely zero precedential value.

    To claim that this case shows there is no law requiring you to pay taxes is pretty much akin to saying that the OJ Simpson verdict shows that there is no law against murder.

  43. ron paul, ftw!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  44. jtheletter says:

    @EBounding: I think you nailed it with that comment. If tax withholding were done away with and everyone had to cut the IRS a check for +/- 30% of their income once a year there’d be some serious interest by the public into how our taxes are spent. As it stands now, Tax Freedom Day is April 28th. That’s right, from Jan 1st until then every dollar you make goes directly to the government. When it’s put in that light, and not trickled out of your check before you see it, people suddenly get interested.

  45. TONY says:

    in order for us not to have to pay taxes one must be registered as a citizen of a state. which is not the same as a citizen of the united states. since most people are not registered as a citizen of a state the federal government is being allowed to take our taxes. even though it is only suppose to be during times of war. why do you think george bush senior declared a war on drugs? in order for your state congressman or representative to defend your right not to have to pay taxes unless during time of war there need be atleast a 5% of the state population registered as a citizen of a state. its in the constitution. not enough people complain about it so nothing is getting done.

  46. m4ximusprim3 says:

    @JustAGuy2: Thanks for saving me the calories. Thats a good summation of why the “Cryer set a precedent” argument is BS.

  47. JustAGuy2 says:

    @TONYWONDER:

    I’d be fascinated to read this Constitution in which 5% of the population needs to be registered as a citizen of a state and then that state isn’t somehow part of the union. It must be a fascinating document. What country’s constitution is it? I’m curious, because it certainly isn’t the US Constitution.

  48. mythago says:

    No, Tax Dog, no! BAD BOY! BAD, BAG DOGGIE!

  49. Someone call Cesar Milan.

  50. Osi says:

    This is in the news left and right. The fact is, even though this may be posted as a joke, it is 100% legal and true.

    Google is your friend.

  51. As it stands now, Tax Freedom Day is April 28th.

    The “Tax Freedom Day” calculations are nonsense. They are strongly biased in favour of the wealthy, and include a number of other cheats like including capital gains taxes on the negative side of the ledger while ignoring the capital gains themselves.

    (Previously.)

  52. polyeaster says:

    not even remotely funny

  53. polyeaster says:

    it is also NOT legal or true…check the irs website.

  54. GTB says:

    What is funny is that enough people actually DO this that the IRS distributes pamphlets on how to specifically respond to this issue.

  55. baristabrawl says:

    The dog probably bites his cage, that’s why his teeth are nubs. Poor dog.

  56. jtheletter says:

    @Daniel Rutter: Well the page I linked to explains in-depth how they arrive at the calculations so at least it’s not a black-box. The math is generalized to come up with more or less an average, it certainly doesn’t actually apply to each citizen directly.

    The fact remains, however, that for roughly the first 4 months (give or take) of the year your income goes to paying taxes. It’s just another way to frame the argument, no need to get up in arms about the details.
    Saying you pay 25% in taxes has a different impact for most people than saying “every dollar you make until April goes to the government.”

  57. Clumber says:

    And the 767 fired a missile into the 2nd Tower! And plane contrails are the gubbermint controlling the weather! Wake up sheeple! And on Jan 1, 2000 at midnight Zulu the planes will fall from the sky!!

    errr… wait a sec’… scratch that last one…

    tracy, who made sure she was on a plane in the sky at midnight Zulu. The cabin crew outnumbered the PAX almost 3:1 and drinks were free. Good times. Never fails to raise my spirits; making fun of the tinfoil hatted.

  58. DogTown says:

    It’s true that we’re not required to pay taxes the way we have been lead to believe like sheep.
    See Arron Russo’s film, “America: Freedom to Facism” about this issue. It will blow your mind. [www.freedomtofascism.com]

  59. edrebber says:

    @DogTown: Pay your taxes or an inmate named Bubba will help you get in touch with your feminine side.

  60. Wasabe says:

    “America: Freedom to Fascism” is good, but if you don’t have time to watch the whole thing, its main points are distilled here.

  61. bohemian says:

    @Clumber: The interesting twist most of the tin foil hat crowd forgot about the whole y2k thing was that we would have had hours to see it coming. It is midnight in the other half of the world before it is midnight in the US.

    I worked in IT at the time. We knew there weren’t going to be any scary unforseen issues by mid morning. Sat around and shot rubber bands at each other, knocked off work early and went out drinking profusely. Meanwhile there were still the rugged individualists cowering in their bomb shelters while we drank all the good beer.

  62. nequam says:

    @Wasabe: Wasabe FTW!

  63. pigeonpenelope says:

    i once had a professor tell me that we should stop paying our federal taxes in protest of the iraq war.

    the same professor encouraged a fast on thanksgiving.

    i recommend not doing what she said. one will leave you in jail, the other one will deny you scrumptious turkey.

  64. mammalpants says:

    why does tax dog have human teeth?

  65. dakotad555 says:

    Tax Dog is 50% dog, 50% man, and 50% tax expert. I like to call him ManDogTaxpert for short.

    If you don’t believe this, it’s because you’re a moron. I never pay taxes, not even sales tax. I figure out what the sales tax is on an item, and then steal something else from the store that’s worth that amount to make up for it.

    And I rob old folks homes to make up for Medicare deductions from my pay check.

  66. JustAGuy2 says:

    @DogTown:

    Well, you go ahead and believe that. Best case, you just end up paying a lot of EXTRA tax in penalties. Worst case, you end up in jail.

  67. JustAGuy2 says:

    @dakotad555:

    This is far funnier than anything on Consumerist’s April Fool’s list.

  68. Tonguetied says:

    The frightening thing is when you meet and interact with a true believer in this. Almost as bad as one of those 9/11 Truther morons.

  69. spamtasticus says:

    @Tonguetied:

    The frightening thing is when you meet and interact with a true believer in this. Almost as bad as one of those Consumerist morons who dont just pay and shut up.

  70. zyodei says:

    If you pay federal taxes, you are complicit in murder. It’s simple. It is black and white.

    Your tax dollars buy bombs that kill innocent people and children, along with all sorts of secretive black opps shenanigans that cause all sorts of misery around the world.

    By willingly paying your taxes, and not committing a moral act of civil disobedience to try to force the government to return to the rule of law and the Constitution, you are knowingly guilty of being an accomplice to mass murder. Remember: they can’t arrest everybody.

    You are morally responsible for your actions. The only moral way to continue to live in America and pay taxes is if you are using your income to try to fundamentally change things somehow, to create something better, to rein in the economic and military empire, to return America to it’s original vision.

    If you are staying in America and paying taxes just to continue to enjoy a high level of consumer satisfaction, knowing the great evil those dollars are being funnelled to, you are morally on the level of an unprosecuted serial killer.

    And for those who might tell me to leave the country if I feel that way – I did. I am far away. It kills me to leave the country I love, but it seems like it is beyond saving at this point…these twin cancers called Government and Corporations have reached a terminal stage.

  71. OmicroN says:

    @ALL: What you people don’t understand is that if you have a JOB, your employer WITHHOLDS your taxes on EVERY paycheck. That money is already sent to the federal government on a quarterly (or more frequent) basis. By not filing your 1040 (or 1040A or 1040EZ) by April 15th, you are not claiming those funds, and their rightful owner. Filing your taxes essentially routes that money, and anything that you overpaid is returned to you in the form of a refund.

    Are you going to tell your employer to NOT withhold your federal (and if applicable state) taxes? I’ll bet they’ll get right on that one.

    Don’t file your 1040. Let them keep 100% of your withholding, and not return to you what is RIGHTFULLY yours.

    Duh.

  72. Anonymous says:

    The constitution grants the right to the government to tax your income. In fact, it is in the first article. I can’t beleivve people actually read and believe people like you.