Hey kids, did you know that taxes are unconstitutional and that you don’t have to pay them? It’s true! Turns out that the Sixteenth Amendment was never ratified and the U.S. Code doesn’t tax domestic income. Sound complex and illegal? Hit the jump to see how it’s the answer to all your money problems.
The Sixteenth Amendment is an illegal post-it note on the Constitution, passed thanks to the support of the backstabbing lowlanders occupying Ohio, who ratified the Amendment on January 19, 1911. Here’s the thing: Ohio wasn’t a state in 1911. Congress retroactively accepted the territory’s pitiful pleas for admission in 1953, when they needed to guarantee the Sixteeenth Amendment’s staying power to out-tax the Communists.
Thanks to Captain No-State’s late entrance we know that the supposed power “to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived” is complete hogwash. Nice lie, Nannie State! What else can you make up?
The U.S. Code? Sorry, 26 U.S.C. 861 says that the government can collect taxes only from certain clearly defined foreign activities. Not on the list: your job.
So let’s say you mentioned this to your egghead friend, the one nobody likes with the glasses and degrees, and he said that Article 1, Section 8 of the Constitution says: “The Congress shall have Power To lay and collect Taxes…” Well tell your friend to shutup and that nobody likes him, ok? This country is run by men, not nerds, and occasionally women, too.
Now sure, the courts may call these arguments “legally frivolous,” but those judicial lackeys are hopelessly latched to the tax-tete for their salaries. “Independent judiciary,” our ass.
All true patriots should stand up for their rights and defend our Constitution by scribbling “861″ all over your 1040. The boys down at the IRS will know it’s code for “In The Know.”
(Photo: Vorstius)
PREVIOUSLY: Tax Dog: Deducting Your Income = $0 Tax Bill!
Tax Dog: Escaping Minimum Security Prison Is Fun And Easy
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As it stands now, Tax Freedom Day is April 28th.
The “Tax Freedom Day” calculations are nonsense. They are strongly biased in favour of the wealthy, and include a number of other cheats like including capital gains taxes on the negative side of the ledger while ignoring the capital gains themselves.
(Previously.)
not even remotely funny
it is also NOT legal or true…check the irs website.
What is funny is that enough people actually DO this that the IRS distributes pamphlets on how to specifically respond to this issue.
The dog probably bites his cage, that’s why his teeth are nubs. Poor dog.
@Daniel Rutter: Well the page I linked to explains in-depth how they arrive at the calculations so at least it’s not a black-box. The math is generalized to come up with more or less an average, it certainly doesn’t actually apply to each citizen directly.
The fact remains, however, that for roughly the first 4 months (give or take) of the year your income goes to paying taxes. It’s just another way to frame the argument, no need to get up in arms about the details.
Saying you pay 25% in taxes has a different impact for most people than saying “every dollar you make until April goes to the government.”
And the 767 fired a missile into the 2nd Tower! And plane contrails are the gubbermint controlling the weather! Wake up sheeple! And on Jan 1, 2000 at midnight Zulu the planes will fall from the sky!!
errr… wait a sec’… scratch that last one…
tracy, who made sure she was on a plane in the sky at midnight Zulu. The cabin crew outnumbered the PAX almost 3:1 and drinks were free. Good times. Never fails to raise my spirits; making fun of the tinfoil hatted.
It’s true that we’re not required to pay taxes the way we have been lead to believe like sheep.
See Arron Russo’s film, “America: Freedom to Facism” about this issue. It will blow your mind. [www.freedomtofascism.com]
@DogTown: Pay your taxes or an inmate named Bubba will help you get in touch with your feminine side.
“America: Freedom to Fascism” is good, but if you don’t have time to watch the whole thing, its main points are distilled here.
@Clumber: The interesting twist most of the tin foil hat crowd forgot about the whole y2k thing was that we would have had hours to see it coming. It is midnight in the other half of the world before it is midnight in the US.
I worked in IT at the time. We knew there weren’t going to be any scary unforseen issues by mid morning. Sat around and shot rubber bands at each other, knocked off work early and went out drinking profusely. Meanwhile there were still the rugged individualists cowering in their bomb shelters while we drank all the good beer.
@Wasabe: Wasabe FTW!
i once had a professor tell me that we should stop paying our federal taxes in protest of the iraq war.
the same professor encouraged a fast on thanksgiving.
i recommend not doing what she said. one will leave you in jail, the other one will deny you scrumptious turkey.
why does tax dog have human teeth?
Tax Dog is 50% dog, 50% man, and 50% tax expert. I like to call him ManDogTaxpert for short.
If you don’t believe this, it’s because you’re a moron. I never pay taxes, not even sales tax. I figure out what the sales tax is on an item, and then steal something else from the store that’s worth that amount to make up for it.
And I rob old folks homes to make up for Medicare deductions from my pay check.
@DogTown:
Well, you go ahead and believe that. Best case, you just end up paying a lot of EXTRA tax in penalties. Worst case, you end up in jail.
@dakotad555:
This is far funnier than anything on Consumerist’s April Fool’s list.
The frightening thing is when you meet and interact with a true believer in this. Almost as bad as one of those 9/11 Truther morons.
@Tonguetied:
The frightening thing is when you meet and interact with a true believer in this. Almost as bad as one of those Consumerist morons who dont just pay and shut up.
If you pay federal taxes, you are complicit in murder. It’s simple. It is black and white.
Your tax dollars buy bombs that kill innocent people and children, along with all sorts of secretive black opps shenanigans that cause all sorts of misery around the world.
By willingly paying your taxes, and not committing a moral act of civil disobedience to try to force the government to return to the rule of law and the Constitution, you are knowingly guilty of being an accomplice to mass murder. Remember: they can’t arrest everybody.
You are morally responsible for your actions. The only moral way to continue to live in America and pay taxes is if you are using your income to try to fundamentally change things somehow, to create something better, to rein in the economic and military empire, to return America to it’s original vision.
If you are staying in America and paying taxes just to continue to enjoy a high level of consumer satisfaction, knowing the great evil those dollars are being funnelled to, you are morally on the level of an unprosecuted serial killer.
And for those who might tell me to leave the country if I feel that way – I did. I am far away. It kills me to leave the country I love, but it seems like it is beyond saving at this point…these twin cancers called Government and Corporations have reached a terminal stage.
@ALL: What you people don’t understand is that if you have a JOB, your employer WITHHOLDS your taxes on EVERY paycheck. That money is already sent to the federal government on a quarterly (or more frequent) basis. By not filing your 1040 (or 1040A or 1040EZ) by April 15th, you are not claiming those funds, and their rightful owner. Filing your taxes essentially routes that money, and anything that you overpaid is returned to you in the form of a refund.
Are you going to tell your employer to NOT withhold your federal (and if applicable state) taxes? I’ll bet they’ll get right on that one.
Don’t file your 1040. Let them keep 100% of your withholding, and not return to you what is RIGHTFULLY yours.
Duh.
The constitution grants the right to the government to tax your income. In fact, it is in the first article. I can’t beleivve people actually read and believe people like you.