WHO: Walmart
WHAT: A Kentucky mother was outraged that Walmart stocked phallus-shaped fun straws. When she called to complain, “they were very rude with me about it. They acted like I was lying, like I was making it all up. You know, I would never make something up like that, especially about my little girl. But, that’s just how they treated me and it’s just not right.”
WHERE: Questionable Straw Shape Upsets Mother [WSAZ] (Thanks, Mark!)
THE QUOTE: “At Wal-Mart we take customer questions and concerns seriously. After being contacted on this matter, Wal-Mart pulled the product in question from our shelves and is investigating the claim. Of course, our customer is welcome to return the item for a refund, if they would like.”
BONUS: WSAZ launched a classy investigation into the incident, which appears after the jump.
“Taking it seriously” is a phrase companies use over and over again in public statements whenever they have bad PR. Our series of posts on occurrences of the phrase is our attempt to question how seriously companies are really taking these matters if every time they trot out this phrase by rote.
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@iambeaker: She bought radiator fluid, candy, pop, cake, and other “nutritous” food for her and her kid.
I bet she got those wacky straws so she could get her daughter to drink the radiator fluid. :p
@JeffMc: Wouldn’t Freud say that sometimes a straw is just a straw?
I dunno, Freud was kind of obsessed with dicks, and obsessed with what people who didn’t have dicks thought of dicks and so on – ya know, the whole “penis envy” theory and all… :/
——
What gets me is – ok I can sort of understand why she might want to call the WalMart and complain, but when did she make the decision that she should alert the news? It’s not like the newsfolk overheard this on the police scanner; this woman must have called the news herself. That’s the nutty part if you ask me.
If it isn’t phallic then what is it supposed to be, it just looks like a blob. I can’t imagine a kid wanting a pear or squash shaped straw… that just doesn’t make sense. Usually these straws are a spiral or something like that.
@SaraAB87: If it isn’t phallic then what is it supposed to be, it just looks like a blob. I can’t imagine a kid wanting a pear or squash shaped straw…
Wait, you can’t imagine a kid wanting a pear-shaped straw, but you can imagine a kid wanting a dick-shaped straw?
@parse: If I were a kid, me and all of my friends would have gone to Walmart to buy ALL them. “Look it’s shaped like a dick, hahaha”
Or, more likely, I would have convinced my unsuspecting mom to buy them for me, and then bragged to my friends that I tricked my mom into getting them.
This country fucking baffles me. It’s a twisty straw. Maybe if this whore got more actual cock in her life, she wouldn’t be seeing it in a straw
@privatejoker75: I’m sure the ineffable irony of calling someone a whore and, in the same breath, implying they don’t get enough cock isn’t lost on the rest of us.
I hope no one tells her how regular straws are actually urethra-shaped or she’ll try to have those removed, too.
And for the love of God, please keep her away from the garden hoses!
Oh, and bananas. And sporting goods. Oh, the sporting goods section!
Nowadays, what can’t you buy that isn’t shaped like a penis?
Now the kids will know that their mother is a frek with a dirty mind.
(Their friends will tell them that for sure).
Attention-whore. If she would be younger, she’d be doind Big Brother # something.
@Antediluvian: Oh, the sporting goods section!
I hope she doesn’t see the shuttlecocks.
@redhand32:
the really sad thing is, since we live in the same state, it’s her vote that is going to cancel mine out.
@SaraAB87: (Smoochy holds up a penis-shaped cookie made by Randolph)
Randolph: What are you, blind? It’s a cock! It’s not a rocket, you sick fuck! It’s a cock! Look. It’s a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! It’s a big stiffy! It’s a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don’t you see that? It’s Jimmy and the twins! Rumple Foreskin! He made this! It’s made from dil-dough!
@speedwell: Excellent observation, my friend.
@speedwell: FYI…you can be a cock-deprived whore. It’s actually the lowest level of whore-dom
What phallus? It’s obviously the head and arms of the Virgin Mary! As soon as I can buy some, they’ll go on sale on eBay. Look for them in the morning. Am I offered $2000 for the right to buy the first Virgin Mary straw?
What a “Cock”-n-Bull story…Praise walmart for not “dicking” around. This is why they “Blow” the competition away.
Thank you, I’m here all week.
Tip the veal, try your waitress.
@Kishi:
You’re right… Get your mind out of the gutter, lady!
Those are not as bad as if you typed in “penis straw” on google. Now those are bad…
my gays would love this. give me a hundred!
@alphafemale:
Please, please, please! Language! It’s a shuttlepenis.
@Jim (The Canuck One): huh? I missed the part where she appealed to the government?
Kids probably wouldn’t even know that’s a penis shape unless it was pointed out to them.
I doubt anyone in the chinese factory recognizes that as a penis either.
@IcarusRisen: So should there be a “Chinese Penis Train” tag on this entry?
You know, at first I thought this woman just had a dirty mind… however, in a discussion on another site about this story somebody posted this site selling penis straws:
[www.bachelorette.com]
(2nd row/2nd column) You have to admit, they look identical, and these are actually being marketed as dick-shaped straws.
Hi, I’m from Kentucky and I felt the need to say we’re not all like her. Some of us in our state actually have a brain and a normal, non-hick accent.
Phallic shaped straw? Give me a break, its a freakin’ rocket ship. The mom probably hasn’t had any in awhile and is seeing phallic shapes in ordinary items…or she wants her fifteen minutes of fame and some extra money.
I hate this lady for complaining and ruining my fun!
I went to Walmart last night and found them, went to register with a few more item and tried to check out and was met with “This sale is restricted!” on the register. So I could not purchase them. The cashier looked into it and told me that they were made in China and probably full of lead. hehehe
No straws for me.
No, she can’t just laugh, set it aside, say “what a silly shape” to her daughter and then use it for fun with her husband…no, like a typical trailer trash Christian freak-head, she has to get herself on television and have a pissy party.
Well, congrats to her, she has found a whole new market for the manufacturer – adult novelty stores.
Wal-fart should probably not be the target of her irre – their child slaves probably didn’t shape them.
This is a classic case of trailer trash female versus trailer trash corporation though – gotta love it.
On a more positive note, it also does show that consumers, no matter how ridiculous they are CAN get a news crew to cover their story.
Some other thoughts:
I wonder if other trailer trash females will sue claiming discrimination because there were no “femaile” shaped straws, lol. I’m sure the lesbians will find these straws very offensive lol.
@drjayphd: Oh but we should be using this as an opportunity to explain the human body to our children…
I just want to say I am the mother from the story and I would really like to know why you all care so much about what I do to protect my daughter.You find so much humor in all this I would hate to know what your kids are like.And also when I talked to WSAZ I told the news man I DIDN’T want to be on TV but he said he thought I had a heck of a story and he wanted me to go on the news to stand up for it.That’s the only reason I was on TV.Because I was very ticked over the whole situation and I wanted them to know and other people to see how important places like Wal-Mart really think their customers are. It’s not like I begged him to put me on there. All I wanted was the straws off the shelves and a little respect.And as far as whatever else was on my receipt,I am 8 months pregnant! I crave alot of different things so I always make sure I have them! My little girl is happy and healthy and has no idea what this was all about.I just think it’s bull they put something you can buy from some sex store in a bag of straws for children.If I’m dumb,stupid,crazy,or whatever else you have said for trying to keep stuff like that away from my little girl, then oh well. Say whatever you want but I’ll keep protecting her from as many things in this mostly twisted world we live in for as long as I can!
Oh and one more thing, Please quit saying i live in Kentucky because I don’t!!
I wouldn’t want my kid using an overtly phallic straw, either.
Consumerist eds, is the level of misogyny in the comments of this post really acceptable? Calling this woman a whore and trailer trash and so on is unbelievably gross.
@bailey08: I’m sorry for all the abuse in the comments. You don’t deserve that.