Complaint Remover is a special service that says it gets rid of “defamatory” and “negative links” on the internet for you:
The immediate goal of our service is to stop defamation by positioning links on the Search Engines and by appeals to law to remove negative information. We send cease and desist letters and if necessary, file legal actions against the perpetrators and Internet service providers contributing to the unjust defamation of our members.
Their site has an online chat function with a customer service rep and we decided to ask if they could help us take a crap all over free speech, and how much that would cost…
CLIENT: Do you like the 1st amendment?
Kelly: hy
Kelly: how may i help you?
CLIENT: I have a question
CLIENT: I wonder if your company enjoys the 1st amendment?
Kelly: We are in the business of removing negative information from search engines. If you do not need our services then I have no further information
CLIENT: I do need your services
CLIENT: How much are they?
Kelly: what do you mean?
Kelly: do you have negative links ?
CLIENT: How much does it cost to remove five negative links?
Kelly: it depends…
Kelly: sometime it htake moths to remove negative links…
Kelly: if you are intereseted
CLIENT: So it’s based on time rather than number of links?
Kelly: depends on how much work we have to do on that
Kelly: can you give me your keywords please
CLIENT: Does your company work on all of the internets?
Kelly: yes
Kelly: we remove negative links from all erch engines like
Kelly: google or aol, or yahoo
CLIENT: How does that work? How are you able to get another company to get rid of something that’s part of their business?
Kelly: we push the negative links back in serch engines
Kelly: so nobody will see that ones
CLIENT: So you like make new internets and push the bad internets down
Kelly: yes
CLIENT: My keywords are lolcats
CLIENT: I have a cat breeding business and people keep making pictures of cats with derogatory phrases on them
CLIENT: It’s hampering my ability to attract new clients
Kelly: just a seccond please
Kelly: ok
Kelly: wich one of those you want to be pushed back ?
CLIENT: let
CLIENT: ‘s see
CLIENT: this one is very bad
CLIENT: http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/ceilingcat9xd.jpg
CLIENT: it’s from here: http://icanhascheezburger.com/2007/01/24/ceiling-cat-is-watching-you-masturbate/CLIENT: I have also seen it recreated in other internets
Kelly: an wich one is your domain?
CLIENT: FanciersPlus
CLIENT: Where pet lovers go
CLIENT: http://www.fanciersplus.com
CLIENT: We also need to push this negative one down the internetsCLIENT: http://www.flickr.com/photos/12943180@N00/296449700/
CLIENT: Not only is it blocking people from my site, it promotes dangerous cat behavior
Kelly: can i have you name and you phone please
CLIENT: I’m just looking for a price quote, I don’t want to get in your telemarketing database yet
Kelly: i cant tell you a price..
Kelly: for that you ahve tu discuss with my manager
Kelly: he will call you if you will provide me your name
Kelly: and your phone number
CLIENT: Ok, I understand, but do you think I have a case? Will you be able to push these disgusting “LOLcats” off the internets so people can find my cat breeding page?
Kelly: we can help you with that
I wonder how long it will take ComplaintRemover to push this negative link down on the search engines?
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More warm fuzzy excerpts from those “cease and desist” letters from ComplaintRemover.com:
I can certainly see how letters like this will do nothing but good things for one’s PR.
[www.news.com]
We warned you ed magedson. Did you hear the gun shots last night? Because of you innocent people will die. Your tenants, family members and those that work with you. Think we’re joking? I told you that your site will be down and it is. That is all we want and we will not hurt anyone.
If ripoff report moves again to new hosting facilities you will not like what we will do next. Your home will burn. Those around you will burn. Do not expect any help from the police.
Once you have completed with our first list we demand you remove we will give you another list on Saturday and every Saturday from this day forward and you will have 6 hours to do the same from the time we give you that list on each and every Saturday. If the Links work after the 6 there will be a man hunt for you.
We know where you shop. We know where you bank. Greenfield and Broadway, Greenfield and Main. Are we getting closer ED? What about Basha’s at Higley and Brown?
Haha, I tried to talk to them, they’re getting all grumpy now though.
The internet operates over public right of ways, either by land line or over public airwaves. This is very much a first amendment issue.
Fascism operates by co-opting liberties with the cooperation of non-governmental agencies or by the government failing to protect civil liberties. Free speech is a human right, not just a constitutional right and may only be abridged by due legal process, and only then in the case of libel/slander or imminent harm. So long as we have the option to ignore it, we must protect it.
I can has link removal?
great article lol
I think they’re Chinese:
Domain Name: COMPLAINTREMOVER.COM
Registrar: TODAYNIC.COM, INC.
Whois Server: whois.todaynic.com
Referral URL: [www.NOW.CN]
Name Server: NS1.TRUEDOMAINSECURITY.COM
Name Server: NS2.TRUEDOMAINSECURITY.COM
Status: clientTransferProhibited
Updated Date: 29-feb-2008
Creation Date: 29-jul-2006
Expiration Date: 29-jul-2009
If you go to todaynic.com / now.cn are both chinese domain registering sites. Maybe someone can ask them
complaintremover.com -> 66.132.144.22
66.132.144.22 is from United States(US) in region North America
whois query for 66.132.144.22…
Results returned from whois.arin.net:
OrgName: Peer 1 Dedicated Hosting
OrgID: P1DH-1
Address: 101 Marietta Street
Address: Suite 500
City: Atlanta
StateProv: GA
PostalCode: 30303
Country: US
Now time to try and get a phone number for the lulz.
Re: Lolcats:
I think the proof that it had been pretty much run into the ground as soon as it hit the mainstream is that the images that still really seriously make the rounds are the ones which were popular before that fucking site came into being.
@Pithlit: “The service this website offers seeks to hamper free speech.”
Oh, I don’t know. I can’t really say whether the goals and methods of complaintremover.com are legit, but I can see a niche to be filled whereby a firm can help remove libelous commentaries posted to the ‘net, like if somebody said “the service this website offers seeks to hamper free speech” but had no proof whatsoever to substantiate this statement.
Now would be a good time to start appreciating the freedom of the “early days” [19whatever-present] of the internet, because with this, net neutrality laws, ISPs choking bandwith, the RIAA/MPAA goosestepping to block P2P networks and everything else, the famed and much-beloved Wild West nature of the net is being very deliberately killed.
I have a background in support. I think it’s completely inappropriate and douchey to harass a low-level CSR because you have issues with the company. c’mon. self-righteousness does not give you carte blanche to be mean to people trying to earn a living. if I were in that chat with you, you’d have had a taste of your own medicine. I would have been professional and made you feel like the jerk you were being–and I’d have spelled it all correctly. you probably wouldn’t even know until later in the day that I’d smacked you down. I was not surprised at all to guess correctly it was you, Ben, who did this. I love this website, but that was jerk-ish.
@kellyd: LOL. C’mon Kelly. Surely you see it as humorous. I have a background in support as well and I would’ve played along for the sheer humor of it.
No one is harassing the CSR. They are merely making jokes about the company they work for. Surely, your years of experience as a CSR taught you that.
Here should be the next trick. Contact them and ask them the following.
client: So you can remove or lower the pageranking of sites that are defamatory toward my company?
CR: Yes sir we can easily do that.
client: Excellent, there is a group that are making libelous and infamatory statements about my website directly impacting my ability to do business..
CR: whats the name of your website?
client: http://www.atheistsunite.com
CR: …and whats the name of the website making the statements?
client: http://www.vatican.va, there’s a lot of defamatory information on there that casts atheists in a bad light.
CR: not a problem sir, we can get their pages deranked fast any other questions?
client: besides wondering how you are able to sleep at night, nope…
Let’s make interesting: I wanna retain them to have them fight the Electronic Frontier Foundation.
I would’ve told her I would wait for someone who knew how to write.
@lostalaska: I was thinking someone should pick a name from their state’s sex offender registry and see if complaintremover would be willing to remove that result from Google because it was affecting their new babysitting business.
Oh stop picking on the poor CSRs. They don’t know what they do.
client: Hi, I need to inquire about your services and need a quote.
client: Are you there, can you help me?!
CR: Do you need to get rid of negative information?
client: Oh, yes. Quite a bit of negative information.
CR: Can you give me a web address or keywords that I can look up in google?
client: I need you to remove LOLcats from the interwebnetz.
client: [icanhascheezburger.com]
client: feeding cheezburgers to LOL cats? What’s next?!?! Sausage to cows?! Please, help to do gods work. I will pay any amount. I can offer pubic hair.
Client Disconnected.
They’re not CSR, they’re bots by the Chinese to extend censorship.
I’ve got legitimate negative links to be removed, but I can’t get the chat to work. Anybody got EECB info on these guys?
Who is going to make the LOLCAT for this company? I’ve got the caption:
“I’m in ur surch enginz pushen ur bad internetz down.”
@BayStateDarren: Have them remove Google. It’s blocking my search engine.
Yeah, we need a LOLcat for this. Who has a cat and a computer?
ComplaintRemover.com is spammer Bill Stanley. In May of 2007, an Arizona judge issued a restraining order against Stanley because of his “reputation services”, some of which included death threats against web sites that wouldn’t remove content his clients wanted removed.
For full details, read [news.com.com]
This seems like a fitting time for this lolcats moment: [icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com] muhahahaha….errr…oO!
This is pretty sad that the customer rep types like someone on MSN. The only intelligent comment made was the first one, which was automatically generated.
I sent them an e-mail asking them to remove http://www.complaintremover.com from the internets.
That was a lame conversation. It reminded me of myself… when I was 15.
The internet is already a paid popularity contest. Do we not know this?
What these people are doing is legal and ethical insofar as Google ads themselves are.
Retarded, and hilarious that you effed with it, but come on. Some of us are starting to sound like a certain Walter Sobchek.
the kitteh is riding the invisible bike! LOL. Seriously, funny article on a ridiculous “service”.
I only want to be on that one internet that lets everyone express their own views, not quash everything that is in any way derogatory to anything. You want free enterprise? Then you better be willing to handle free speech!
Hello, My name is Kelly. Is there something I can help you with today?
CLIENT: Hi I am having a problem with internet postings about my company we manufacture toys and some of the new product was tainted with lead
CLIENT: not much
CLIENT: but enough for people to get worry and start posting bad stuff about us on the internet
Kelly: hy
Kelly: what kind of bad stuff?
CLIENT: We dont want our customers to know about the lead is there anyway we can get rid of the links
CLIENT: oh you know
CLIENT: “(blank) companys toys have lead in them”
CLIENT: its true but we dont want our customers to know about it
CLIENT: So anyway we can keep this lead thing hush hush
Kelly: i see…
Kelly: can you provide me more information?
CLIENT: well really I dont want to say too much at this point its a sensitive topic
CLIENT: I am just wondering if what I am asking would be possible
Kelly: an what is your company name?
CLIENT: I have been instructed not to give that out untill I know if you guys can help
Kelly: by consumerit?
Kelly: consumerist.com
CLIENT: I have bever heard of them
CLIENT: never*
CLIENT: who is that?
Kelly: yeah sure…
CLIENT: well if you are going to take that tone
CLIENT: I am afraid I will have to take my buisness else where
CLIENT: thank you
dang they’re on to us boys
Wow, yeah, I would definitely send those “cease and desist” letters to the FBI and the cops!
Can we has complaintremover remover? Anyone?
And here I thought the Google was self-righting, that the sites at the top of the list were the most visited, not the most referred to….
noquarter: That would have been the plan, but you’d better be ready to roll with it, because they’re in high alert right now.
@Deadeyereborn: So they’re real then?
Oh boy haha
@picshereplz:
people have been promoting their own webpages for years. there’s nothing malicious about it, unless you’re trying to slander someone.
@noquarter: You win the best ‘effed up idea award. I thought mine was good, but your idea is fantastic. I complement you for your wonderfully twisted idea, I only wish I had thought of it first.
I love how the “Kelly” types like a five year-old.
“Kelly: for that you ahve tu discuss with my manager”
Very professional.
I dare someone to suggest to them that their site is a “defamatory” or “Negative link” and would like them to remove themselves or send a cease and desist to themselves because they are taking away from their favorite sites.
(As you can see I’m too chicken to do it myself. XD)
I think reading their reaction from that would be hilarious.
scoobydoo: Turns out it was Bill. You almost won.
I asked Jamie if she was thinking about getting a real job, she didn’t take too kindly though.
@xerent:
WE DOENT TAEK TEH PUBEZ!!!
That was hilarious. Invisible Bike! LMAO!
Apparently Complaint Remover’s tactics include threatening violence.
“dangerous cat behavior”!!
I read this ten mins ago and I’m still laughing…you guys slay me
As of today the chat is hit or miss. I think they’re auto disconnecting the chat if they see you’re being referred from consumerist. Anyways Kelly has a different picture now.
@MrEvil:
I’d have to say human, looking at the spelling errors and mistyping…unless they program a bot to do that, to make it seem more human.
These people are SERIOUSLY nasty; see the death threats…
That’s sort of impressive though they’re willing to stalk and murder people and sit in jail to protect their clients, when their clients didn’t ask them to. Sort of like gee, I just wanted that “Slap_mc sux in bed” pushed down the index is all…