Special Ring Sold Only Online, Wowie Zowie!

Just got this PR spam in my inbox. I can’t wait to not buy this godawful ring. I just love the body copy. I think my favorite part is where they say that the fact the ring is only sold over the internet further enhances its uniqueness.

CODE ROYAL is the first jewel brand worldwide that combines a costly engraved white agate with a rose golden frame (massive) in 18 carat. White is the color of purity and innocence, of the unbroken light and the absolute truth. What accentuates the color white in a more beautiful way than the deeply symbolic agate gemstone?

Since ancient times, people have cherished this gemstone, ascribing protectional power to it. Agate has a reputation of not only giving protection and security, but also of assisting the process of concentrating on the essential and of preventing depressions.

Complementary to this powerful element, rose gold symbolizes the fire of life and love. Its warm shine suits the color of skin.

The “White Collection” by CODE ROYAL offers over 2’500 combinations containing 50 engraving designs and 5 signet ring types. Moreover, the exclusive service meets any individual customer wishes with engraving family crests and initials by expert hand.

Customers can also choose their signet rings of the “White Collection” in alternative materials such as silver 925, yellow gold 585 or palladium white gold.

“White Collection” signet rings are an absolute must-have for men and women in summer 2008.

D E T A I L S

- “White Collection” prices: silver rings from € 229.- ; golden rings from € 769.-

– Silver 925; yellow, rose and white gold in 585 and 750

– Family crests and initials engraved by expert hand

CODE ROYAL PROVIDES MORE THAN 20.000 VARIATIONS

CODE ROYAL unites the timeless craft of the goldsmith with Jet-Set design using materials of the highest quality.

With more than 20,000 possible combinations, every CODE ROYAL signet ring is handpicked and individually made, and is therefore unique.

100% handmade in Germany – Only finest materials such as sterling silver, yellow, rose and white gold (each in 14 and 18 karat) are used for CODE ROYAL. The expensive agate is exclusively used to adorn these jewels. Each signet ring is made by specialists in seven work steps.

CODE ROYAL IS A REVOLUTION – VIA INTERNET ONLY

Another special feature of CODE ROYAL is the way of distribution. The signet sings can only be purchased on the internet under http://www.CODE-ROYAL.com. Customers can easily get a detailed three dimensional impression and compose their own personalized signet sing. Even individual initials engraving can be practically chosen online.

Comments

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  1. Corydon says:

    You mean to tell me they sell junk on the internet? Heavens above, what is the world coming to? Next thing you know someone will say 99% of everything on QVC is crap!

  2. Parting says:

    PR spam… Is it real spam, or some advertisement you got from a company you dealt with before?

    Because, if it’s regular ”mailing list” advertisement, it’s nothing special. Avon, Dell, and several other companied send cheesy ads by e-mail, when you on their list.

    If it’s spam, then it’s probably fraud. There is no way to evaluate if this is real 18k gold from a web page.

  3. bob9 says:

    Let me get this straight…

    You post an article about a ring that anyone who passed third grade would know is a sham, but you won’t post about Honda’s unwillingness to fix a known problem in my Civic?

    Between the countless posts of “insane” amounts of packaging and that, I’m done with consumerist. Maybe we need a consumerist readers blog.

  4. B says:

    @bob9: Maybe you can start your own blog. With slot machines, and hookers.

  5. Pink Puppet says:

    @bob9: You do realize they get a lot of email on a lot of issues, right? And they only post what catches their fancy. You’re not a unique and delicate snowflake, so don’t be surprised when they pass your story up.

    Good luck on launching your new blog though.

  6. Ben Popken says:

    @bob9: Maybe you can visit consumeristforums.com where you can make any kind of post you want.

  7. Rectilinear Propagation says:

    @bob9: [consumerist.proboards88.com]

    General Consumerist or Consumer Alert

  8. ThinkerToys says:

    I am voting for ‘Protectional’ as the badvertising word of the year.

  9. 92BuickLeSabre says:

    Rose gold’s “warm shine suits the color of skin”?

    What color is that exactly?

    Or am I just underestimating the awesomeness of rose gold’s warm shine?

  10. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    Genuine white agate? Wow. What next, genuine granite? I actually buy a lot of semiprecious gemstones, but I turn my nose up at common, plain agate.

    And gold 585 is nothing more than 14 karat, or 58.5% gold.

  11. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    @92BuickLeSabre: It’s a gold alloy made pink by copper.

  12. weakdome says:

    Trojan and Durex are going to start selling Protectional devices, I hear

  13. PinkBox says:

    Ew… you just gave them free advertising.

  14. Me - now with more humidity says:

    White agate!? I have a goldmine in my driveway!!!!!

  15. Erskine says:

    @bob9: “Bye, bye, Bob!”

  16. demonradio says:

    What are you talking about? Those rings are sweet. I’m buying one for me and one for my husband. We’re gonna look bitchin’, and you’re gonna look like a tool for not buying one. Fools. All of you!

  17. Shannon says:

    what a crock of sh*t.

  18. coaster.n3rd says:

    WTH?

    Consumerist is starting to act like the local news media. Bob9 makes a valid point.

  19. babaki says:

    i dont get it. whats the big deal? its an advertisement.

  20. Christovir says:

    I like how using the phrase “has a reputation for” is basically a free license to say whatever you want about a product with no responsibility.

    For example, according to the wiki article on agate: “In many traditions agate is believed to cure the stings of scorpions and the bites of snakes, soothe the mind, prevent contagion, still thunder and lightning, promote eloquence, secure the favour of the powerful, and bring victory over enemies”

    All this from a semi-semi-precious stone!!!!! They should start including these things in first aid kits!

  21. topgun says:

    @babaki:
    Really. I so agree.

  22. Underpants Gnome says:

    @Christovir: This ring will cure snakebites!?!!? Is it made out of pure Kinoki foot pads?

  23. bohemian says:

    Both the creative team and the copywriter failed. It makes me want to get out a red pen and a highlighter.

  24. BlondeGrlz says:

    After I read the first paragraph I though “Code Royal” was some sort of Arian Nation jewelry retailer.
    White is the color of purity and innocence, of the unbroken light and the absolute truth.

  25. BlondeGrlz says:

    @bohemian: I think their creative team and copywriter are probably the same person. And he works on a ten year old Gateway from his mother’s basement.

  26. Sherryness says:

    I love agate, just because it reminds me of Shakespeare: “She is the fairies’ midwife: and she comes in a shape no bigger than the agate-stone on forefinger of an alderman…” But I still don’t like that ring. :(

  27. 92BuickLeSabre says:

    @speedwell: Not my skin!

  28. kris in seattle says:

    Too tacky even for me.

  29. Cialis Cooper says:

    I’ll take three.

  30. dandd says:

    “Made in Germany” = Engineered and built with over 200 pieces , where normally two should suffice. (Yeah, I’m looking at you VW)

    BTW – Looks like a ring from one of “those” mall kiosks.

  31. morganlh85 says:

    Ugly AND expensive!

  32. ptkdude says:

    This really makes me think of those BS “Choose the Right” rings, necklaces, tshirts, condoms, etc.

  33. lpranal says:

    @NameGoesHere:I would never, ever consider consumerist free advertising. The cost is your company’s reputation.

  34. Myron says:

    Not just anyone can wear Code Royal jewelry. First you have to pass an ethnic purity test and a ritual spanking.

  35. dandd says:

    @ptkdude: Are those something like the WWJD bracelets?

  36. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    @blondegrlz: Aryan, not Arian. Aryans are the group of people (not necessarily a race) that are theorized to be the speakers of the language we now call Indo-European (in English). Arians (as opposed to Trinitarians) believe that Jesus Christ was a created being and in no sense contiguous with the Father and Holy Spirit.

    You always wanted to know that, I can see it in your eyes. :P

  37. BlondeGrlz says:

    @speedwell: oops, my spelling mistake has cost me one history lesson! at least you read my post though, it seems no one does that around here.

  38. DeltaPurser says:

    @92BuickLeSabre: I think you are :-) Seriously, though… Somebody buys me this crap and they are out the door!

  39. TechnoDestructo says:

    Those are some pretty nasty-looking rings. Like you could use 4 of them to spell out 4 letter words in people’s flesh.

  40. bob9 says:

    @Ben Popken:

    No thanks Ben, I’ve realized the agenda, the same day I submitted my issue was the same day you had posted GM’s losses for 07 which clearly has no effect on the consumer .

  41. clevershark says:

    @B: as a matter of fact, forget the slot machines and the blog!

  42. diamondmaster1 says:

    Most of you won’t know this, but neither of those rings currently exist–those are computer 3d renderings off of one of the jewelry-specific CAD programs like Matrix or Artcam Jewelry. (This is true also for many ‘photographs’ of finished jewelry in print media, too.)

    Thanks to CNC milling capabilities, Code Royal probably only needs to know which basic aspects do you want in the design, input it into the program and voila!–instant ring for delivery with no carrying costs of finished inventory, just the raw stock materials needed.

  43. bornconsumer says:

    @bob9
    agree wholeheartedly. this site has jumped the shark.

  44. Ailu says:

    @bob9

    Hey, I hear ya! But ya know, it was only inevitable. Any time a company has great success and there is Big Money to be made, the Greedy will not sit idly by while watching others become rich. They must and will rise up and seize control – esp. when the previous schemes they bilked profits from are now tanking. And they will choke out the opposition! It has happened to every affluent company on the planet. Microsoft, Google, Best Buy… *cough* umerist.

  45. dimensionaltrend says:

    I heard that these repels tigers… well you don’t see any tigers around here, do you?

  46. ptkdude says:

    @dandd: You’re on the right track. I love the WWJD bumper stickers on cars parked all crooked. It should read HWJP.

  47. Angryrider says:

    Bah! Every issue of National Geographic I read has an advertisement for the “best watch in the world.” Claiming for the price of less than $100 I can get a watch that never needs winding or charging.

  48. mthrndr says:

    This is the perfect accoutrement to my member’s only jacket.

  49. radio1 says:

    Wait a sec, here…

    Has everyone missed this quote:
    “White is the color of purity and innocence, of the unbroken light and the absolute truth.”

    This copy has got to be from an overseas vendor, no one in their right mind (in USA) would extol the virtues of ‘white’ to a product unless they were leaving their local Klan revival…

  50. Spooty says:

    @dandd: Looks like the other guy never clearly answered this. I’d never heard of “Choose the Right”, but Wikipedia has a page on it. Turns out it’s a Mormon (LDS) thing.