5 Most Butt-Blimping Fast Food Burgers

We took a look at the big three burger joints—McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King to locate the most butt-blimping, ass-widening, delicious-but-probably-not-worth-it fast food burgers we could find from a top national chain.

Here are our criteria:

  • Had to be from a top nationwide burger chain.

  • Had to be on the regular menu.
  • Had to be a burger. No chicken.
Burger Calories Total Fat Sodium Carbs
TRIPLE WHOPPER® Sandwich With Cheese

1230 82 1590 52
BK™ Quad Stacker

1000 68 1800 34
DOUBLE WHOPPER® Sandwich with Cheese

990 64 1520 52
Wendy’s Triple w/Everything and Cheese

980 59 2090 38
Wendy’s Baconator™ 830 51 1920 35

Special Awards:

Most Ominous New Burger: McDonald’s 1/3 Angus Deluxe with Bacon has 860 calories, but isn’t available everywhere yet. When it’s nationwide, it’ll bump the Baconator™ off the top 5.

Some Burgers With Fewer Calories:

A WHOPPER JR.® has 370 calories. You could eat 3 full WHOPPER JR.® sandwiches (bun and toppings and mayo) and it would still be less calories than the TRIPLE WHOPPER® with cheese. A Wendy’s Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger has 310 calories. [ed. note—In the interest of fairness, a friend who recently ate one says that the Baconator™ is significantly more delicious than the 2.6 Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers he could eat for the same calories.]

Best Name for A Butt-Blimping Burger:

Baconator™, duh.

Wendy’s
McDonald’s
BK

(Photo:MortonFox)

Comments

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  1. toddiot says:

    Baconators are only good the first time you eat them.

    Second time, ok.

    Third time… why the hell did I just spend 5 bucks on a hamburger?

  2. RandoX says:

    I’m hungry.

  3. drjayphd says:

    So have you been photocopying your various asses for your expense reports yet, or was this just a look at the numbers?

  4. Charles says:

    I don’t know, I kind of hold the belief nowadays that the unhealthier something is for me to consume, the better it will taste.

  5. Beerad says:

    Please stop saying “Baconator” — my arteries wince instinctively every time I hear/read that “word”.

  6. axiomatic says:

    I find your lack of faith in bacon… unpossible.

  7. jmschn says:

    @drjayphd: LoL love that commercial!

  8. Meg Marco says:

    @Beerad: No.

  9. forgottenpassword says:

    I never quite got why people bought burgers that had double & tripple pattied burgers & the other “way too much meat” type of burgers. I generally buy one or two small cheeseburgers from McD’s or BK every once in a long while. I will however buy a doublesteakburger w/cheese from steak-n-shake because their patties are too thin or a burger from “backyard burgers” because they taste so good despite their burger patties being a bit too thick for my liking.

  10. The Porkchop Express says:

    What happened to that list of the worst foods for you to eat and the fact that the worst burger was from some non-fast food joint?

  11. MickeyMoo says:

    In and Out 4×4 with a side of Animal Fries FTW

  12. B says:

    McDonalds really needs that Angus burger, they’re really falling behind.

  13. gilman says:

    wait the Ultimate Bacon Cheeseburger from Jack in the Box didn’t make the list?

    I’ve been lied to…

  14. DJC says:

    Any info on IN ‘N Out?

  15. wickedpixel says:

    @forgottenpassword: Because the double-cheeseburger is 99¢ while the regular cheeseburger is $1.09 (at least at my McDonald’s anyway..)

  16. algormortis says:

    @MickeyMoo: seconded.
    though i’m more into the 2×4 in my world, but sometimes you just need the 4×4.

    animal fries, however, are an inviolable right.

  17. monkey33 says:

    I love the Baconator, but it really is one of those things that is good just once or twice. I’m surprised its #5, considering just the idea of it seems like a heart attack on a bun.

  18. bohemian says:

    @forgottenpassword: A steak & shake double or triple with chili cheese fries. Toss the bun aside and prepare for the impending fat and carbo induced coma. I can’t eat wheat so that’s what I do when were on the road. The extra meat patty makes up for the lack of bun.

    Most of our local fast food drive through places had such horrible quality control I quit eating them before I had to change my eating habits anyway. But I have to admit that picture is making me hungry.

  19. Asvetic says:

    @drjayphd: Whoa Chee Momma!

  20. cindel says:

    I prefer the Big Bacon Classic.

    Baconator….umm no.

  21. mr.Man says:

    If included, Carl’s Jr.’s would dominate this list. They pioneered inducing obesity in one sitting.

    Breakfast Burger, anyone?

  22. porktree says:

    Ok, what happened to the Hardees burgers. I know for a fact that the new philly cheesesteak burger ways in at over 1450 calories. And I’m pretty certain that the monster thickburger is 1400+, and the double bacon cheese thickburger tips the scales at 1300. Hardies should have at least the top 3, if not all of the top 5 spots. Mmmmm, bacon.

  23. Buran says:

    @Beerad: Then what are we supposed to use to refer to something? Am I supposed to stop calling a Volkswagen a Volkswagen?

  24. DrGirlfriend says:

    1230 calories and 82 grams of fat. That boggles my mind.

  25. forgottenpassword says:

    @wickedpixel:

    Yeah, but IMO its too much meat. Too much meat overpowers the taste of the rest of the burger (buns,pickels,ketchup, mustard & cheese is what I typically get).

    @bohemian: I HATE steak-n-shake’s rock-hard toothpick fries. They dont even offer a decent alternative in frie-form. Pisses me off to no end because I NEED a fried potato product to go with my burger. I have to grudgenly get hashbrown patties to comphensate as I dont like onion rings.

  26. @Meg Marco: I gotta wonder, do you eat the Baconator?

  27. jpmoney says:

    @porktree: (and @Gilman)

    Jack in the Box and Hardees aren’t completely national to my knowledge, hence them not being here.

    If they were however, I can’t imagine them being left off. The new JitB melt looks really good in a heart-attack-inducing way.

  28. The Porkchop Express says:

    @forgottenpassword: that’s why you have to double the rest of the ingredients as well.

  29. e-gadgetjunkie says:

    @porktree: Hardee’s isn’t nationwide. Out in the west, it’s Carl Jr’s. However, I believe they have pretty much identical menus.

  30. forgottenpassword says:

    @Lo-Pan: And then you have a sandwich that is just too big :( (unless you are just eating it by itself with no side items… I need my fried potato product with my burger)

  31. DrGirlfriend says:

    My mind has been boggled some more – there is stuff out there that’s more than 1230 calories…[www.menshealth.com]

  32. TechnoDestructo says:

    Frankly I’m surprised none of them are higher-calorie.

  33. ptkdude says:

    There’s a place here in Atlanta (The Vortex) which has some of the best burgers in town. While they’ve had the “Coronary Bypass” for years (1/2 pound sirloin patty topped with three slices of American cheese, four slices of bacon and a fried egg, with a side of mayo), the newest edition is a the “Double Bypass Burger” which is the same as a the CB but with two grilled chesses sandwiches replacing the buns.

  34. lockdog says:

    I was surprised to see that Hardee’s is not quite the nationwide chain I thought it was. For its part, the philly steak and cheese thickburger is seriously good. Fast food is at best a once a month or less treat, so when I do it I tend to go all out. Today actually was one of those days. My wife and I celebrated having a day off together and a sleeping two year old by knocking back almost a dozen white castles with cheese a piece. I’ll pay for it at the Y tonight though! (BTW a white castle with cheese clocks in at 170 calories a piece, and I know of no one who eats any less than four).

  35. MickeyMoo says:

    OMG:[www.boingboing.net]

    Outback: Aussie Cheese Fries with Ranch Dressing
    2,900 calories
    182 g fat
    240 g carbs

    it’s a freakin appetizer

  36. The Porkchop Express says:

    @MickeyMoo: that was the list I was talkin’ about earlier in this post.

    I found it again but the burger was from Carl’s Jr. and there was a Ruby Tuesday burger too (it was turkey)

  37. jdjonsson says:

    Looks like a simple formula. The more meat patties, the worse it is for you.

  38. Angryrider says:

    Bluk! Man I get sick thinking about a triple whopper!
    Yum.. Whopper Jrs, better than a soddin’ cheeseburger at McDonald’s.

  39. Franklin Comes Alive! says:

    On the topic of In-N-Out, anyone have the nutritional info on the 100×100?

    [supersizedmeals.com]

  40. RBecho says:

    Carl’s Juniors and Hardee’s are the same company / brand. Just depends on what part of the country you are in.

  41. Franklin Comes Alive! says:

    @DrGirlfriend: That site is nauseating.

  42. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    @RBecho: Don’t have either in Houston. It would take me a minimum of four hours to drive to either one. On the other hand, the Whataburger nearest my house makes excellent burgers. As a vegetarian, though, I will never know that succulent pleasure. (Unless I cheat like a trailer trash groom the night before his wedding…)

  43. MissPeacock says:

    There’s a joke about big meat in here somewhere, but I can’t seem to come up with it.

  44. jstonemo says:

    More meat the better. The salad on top of Whoppers belongs in a bowl on the side with some ranch dressing. Really, if I wanted a salad, I would go to a salad bar. It’s a burger for pete’s sake, give me meat!

  45. Shannon says:

    ew. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

  46. Imakeholesinu says:

    No Hardees/Carl’s Jr. burgers made the list huh? Interesting.

  47. ClayS says:

    @jstonemo:
    I’m with you; give me the meat and hold the vegetables. I’m not from California. The Triple Whopper is calling me.

  48. Snowblind says:

    Amatures! Island burgers has this nifty item:

    CALORIES 1450

    The hawaiian burger. Oh and one minor program note:

    (NUTRITION FACTS DO NOT INCLUDE BACON).

  49. Optimistic Prime says:

    To me this just proves the whopper does have more taste than McD’s! I knew it all along, but there you go! I wonder where the Hardee’s Philly Cheesesteak on a Burger is on the list. That has got to be worth a crapload of calories because it’s just so damned yummy!

  50. m4ximusprim3 says:

    @MissPeacock: My big meat comes up all the time.

    glad I could help.

  51. MickeyMoo says:

    @Snowblind: No bacon? But it’s nature’s candy….

  52. Half Beast says:

    I abide by the Mix-a-lot doctrine, so a little butt-blimping ain’t bad every now and then.

  53. tozmervo says:

    Hardees/Carl’s Jr are the number four chain in the country, and by far would dominate this list of burgers. Like, you would have to have an entirely new category – “Heart exploding” burgers.

  54. Trai_Dep says:

    Yeah, Carl’s Junior should belong on the list (or a list) since they go out of their way to make the most gawdawful, over-the-top, gooey-with-liquifed-crap burgers of them all. Ate one once with a group of friends (sigh, their choice) and it was revolting to my taste. Bland. And was queasy for hours afterwards. I really don’t fit their demographic, it appears.

    I don’t mind occasional binging, but prefer, y’know, good tasting food. Not the artificial crap they serve at these places…

  55. the_wiggle says:

    @gilman: yeah, how did my fave sandwich miss the list?

  56. the_wiggle says:

    @ptkdude: holy cholesterol! that sounds damned good actually. . . .

  57. Applekid ┬──┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ) says:

    @ptkdude: Ha ha, I miss the Vortex. And so does my cardiologist since I’m no longer putting his kids through college.

  58. tz says:

    This seems more than a bit wrong. I would like to know how the normal, single burgers, fries, whatever compare.

    BECAUSE Wendy’s has a triple, (as does BK) it counts higher.

    If I want three burgers, I’ll order three.

    But how does the BigMac compare with the whopper? There is no double or triple BigMac.

    Nor KFC triple chicken sandwiches, wraps. But they have buckets.

  59. Mmmm, a perfect compliment to the 2900 calorie Outback fries. Add a 64 ounce Coca-Cola and make it a (last) meal!

  60. emotaku says:

    @MickeyMoo: I don’t know what animal fries are, but do want.

  61. yoyomother says:

    @forgottenpassword: “I never quite got why people bought burgers that had double & tripple pattied burgers & the other “way too much meat” type of burgers. I generally buy one or two…” meaning “I never understand why people don’t do things my way. I’m clearly a superior being to all others, and my methods of living life far surpass others’ methods.”
    @sshat.

  62. TechnoDestructo says:

    @Grrrrrrrrr:

    64 ounce milkshake.

  63. uricmu says:

    What about Red Robin?

  64. SayAhh says:

    @DJC: The BK TRIPLE WHOPPER® Sandwich With Cheese has 1.8 times the calories of a In-N-Out Double-Double®
    [www.in-n-out.com]

    @Franklin Comes Alive!: Extrapolating the data, the 100×100 should have, by my crude and unscientific (and probably inaccurate) calculation:
    calories = 19290
    Total fat(g)= 1413
    Sodium(mg) = 44560
    Carb(g) = 39 + (99 times # carbs per slice of cheese)

    Apparently, I came pretty close on, at least on my caloric calculation: [www.boingboing.net] says it has 19490 calories

  65. youwantedahero says:

    @uricmu: Red Robin is also not national.

  66. algormortis says:

    I remember being kind of depressed that an in-n-out cheeseburger (animal style, no extra spread, chopped chiles, grilled onions plz)/fries/diet coke combo was well under 1000 calories, because it felt like way more sin than that, and that most fast food blew away the caloric intake

    That said, i spent one semester at UCSB, ate in-n-out every other day, and lost 30 pounds that semester. And it’s not like UCSB on-campus food is that bad or light either.I did walk and run a lot (the Santa Barbara MTD can kiss my grits, thx…) but still it was the first inkling that dropping McBKBellHutFriedDonalds was probably good for me.

    It’s not the calories so much as the other crap in the burgers and the hydrogenated nonsense. In-n-Out was un-hydrogenated years before it was cool, and their buns don’t have the insidious HFCS.

    Before i start sounding like a plant, though, Dick’s Drive-In here in Seattle is just as good and just as cheap, and Wendy’s is pretty tasty, too

  67. the lesser of two weevils says:

    @B: I read that as “McDonalds really needs that Anus burger”
    That sufficiently killed off any craving I had for burgers after reading this thread.

  68. bdgbill says:

    Rabbit Food!

    On a recent visit to California I had a Double Six Dollar Burger from Carls Junior (A major chain out there). The Double Six has 1520 calories. I nearly fell asleep in the car after eating it.

  69. rustyni says:

    Oooh In N Out. How I miss you California……

  70. Musician78 says:

    I have at least one Baconator a week. I’ve lost 40 pounds doing it. *Thanks Atkins*

  71. bnorton says:

    This post is useless. You could take a BK burger a wendy’s burger and a McDonalds burger and stack them all together and it wouldnt compare to 1 Double half pound angus from Hardee’s/Carl’s

  72. Morton Fox says:

    We need a Fuddruckers 1-lb burger for comparison.

  73. DXDawg says:

    @ptkdude:

    Vortex tots and cheese dip FTW!

  74. kellyd says:

    I’m beginning to wonder if this is the healthy-eater-ist blog instead of consumerist. Of course tastier food has more calories. You could eat rice cakes and find a really low-cal alternative.

  75. RvLeshrac says:

    @Lo-Pan:

    Worst foods you can eat are the Hamdog (Go Atlanta!) and the Quadruple Bypass Burger (Heart Attack Grill).

    @Morton Fox:

    A Quadruple Bypass Burger is 2lbs.

    Served with a heaping helping of Flatliner Fries (fried in pure, all-natural lard).

  76. RvLeshrac says:

    @RvLeshrac:

    Forgot to mention the Pabst for refreshment and the Lucky Strikes for dessert (on the menu, no less).

  77. Coder4Life says:

    what about the rest of the meal? don’t people normally get a large fry and drink. top that off to like 1600 calories. close to the 2000 youa re suppose to eat in the whole day.

    Also that has more fat thatn you are to consume in a entire day.

    This is just SICK… It shoudl be illegal to sell a product that has more fat, colories in 1 entree then what your daily requirements are.