Maxim Fires Peter Hammond, Movie Critic Shill Extraordinaire

As far as we are concerned, the function of a movie critic is to let you know (in as entertaining way), whether or not you should drop your hard earned cash to see a movie in a theater, if you should wait for cable, or if you should run screaming in the opposite direction.

Peter Hammond (formerly of Maxim) does not perform this function. He does not help the consumer make an informed decision. He says whatever will get his name splashed across movie advertising. Even his negative reviews contain ready-made blurbs, and he has been known to alter his wording at the request of studio executives.

Now he has been fired. eFilmCritic collected some of his 88 movie blurbs from 2007. Here are a few we liked:

One to see! (Resurrecting the Champ)
Everyone should see it. (In the Shadow of the Moon)
A must-see movie. (The Number 23)
It’s a must-see movie! (The TV Set)
A must-see film that audiences will love. (The Bucket List)
Do yourself a big favor and put this movie at the top of your must-see list. (Starter for 10)
A movie you must see. (Reign Over Me)
Do not miss this film. (Zodiac)
This is a movie not to be missed (A Mighty Heart)
The can’t miss it, gotta see it feel great comedy of the year. (Dan In Real Life)
A movie that should – and must – be seen. (Trade)
This is one of those rare gems you must not miss. (Control)

A bone-chilling, disturbing thriller. (Trade)
A spellbinding, real-life suspense thriller. (Breach)
A psychological thriller full of great visual style… (Revolver)
A gripping psychological thriller that will have you guessing from start to finish. (Premonition)
A sleek, surprising and surefire thriller that will grab you by the throat. (Fracture)
A fiercely original shocker. (Alpha Dog)
An absolute shocker in every way imaginable. (Hannibal Rising)
A smart, highly entertaining non-stop shocker. (1408)
A true shocker that will shatter your nerves and get you talking. (The Brave One)

Maxim Fires Blurb Whore Peter Hammond [RADAR]
Maxim’s Pete Hammond is a tool [Philmguy]
THE 2007 MICHAEL MEDVED BAG OF DOUCHE MEMORIAL AWARD [eFilmCritic via Philmguy]

PREVIOUSLY: Maxim Film Critic Changes Quote for CBS and Miramax

Comments

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  1. Pancakes?? FRENCH TOAST!! says:

    So was he fired for being a weak critic, or was he fired because Maxim realized that “film critic” was an unnecessary function of their magazine?

  2. Lmam says:

    A lousy reviewer not fit to be published in a magazine about beer and boobs!

    - Me, Here

  3. Curiosity says:

    So he can’t invest in a thesaurus? [thesaurus.reference.com]

    I personally like [www.rottentomatoes.com] or [www.avclub.com], but I suspect there are better resources to tell when you will not waste your time. Suggestions?

  4. Skeptic says:

    “The can’t miss firing of the year!”

    Yea! Reviews should be honest. Quote whores don’t deserve legitimate outlets of their tripe. Perhaps Hammond can find a job quote whoring at the nearly imaginary quote whore rag, Wireless Magazine?

  5. EricaKane says:

    maxim knew exactly what they were getting with this guy. they wanted their name in ads too.

  6. chili_dog says:

    Isn’t telling the reader what to think the sole job of any reviewer?

  7. cmdr.sass says:

    I was hoping to read that he had been fired out of a cannon. This is almost as good.

  8. suburbancowboy says:

    Maxim and the now defunct stuff both have so called reviews with stars and all, for movies that are months from being released, and have not been screened for critics yet.

  9. Skeptic says:

    @curiosity:
    I’d suggest [www.metacritic.com] . It is an aggregation (meta) site that shows you all the major reviews and gives you links to the originals, summaries and individual and averaged scores. The structure helps eliminate the relevance of quote whores.

  10. lincolnparadox says:

    Being a movie reviewer is the second best job ever.

    Many reviewers end up saying the same thing, but honesty is what separates good reviewers from bad reviewers. Every review should state if a movie is worth your time and cash.

    In my opinion, everyone should use a site like rottentomatoes.com or mrqe.com to find a reviewer that has your tastes in film. Maybe you’re high-brow? Maybe you think that Adam Sandler is an artistic genius? These two site can help you find that critic that speaks your language and then return to their reviews for advice.

    First best job ever? Food critic. Hands down.

  11. jamesdenver says:

    This has to be my favorite movie review of all time.

    [www.nypost.com]

  12. sled_dog says:

    Maybe he REALLY like all those films?

  13. gte879p says:

    This bozo sounds like he’s just a quote whore past his prime.

    My favorite movie reviewer is the filthy critic (www.bigempire.com/filthy/)

    It’s written from the perspective of a crotchety old drunk guy. I find myself agreeing with most of his reviews. Check out his archives to see what the thinks about the movies. It’s always an entertaining read, and he gives you HIS opinion on the movie.

  14. Chese says:

    I enjoy SickBoy’s reviews http://www.sick-boy.com but unfortunately lately it seems he doesnt see as many. He is pretty brutal but its funny.

  15. bunnymen says:

    I fell asleep during Alpha Dog, the “fiercely original shocker”…

  16. hi says:

    it shocked you to sleep!

  17. PaulMorel says:

    @EricaKane: Yep. The more times ANY publication says “-Maxim” after a reference, the more people will think of it as a legitimate publication and not just ‘socially acceptable boobies’.

  18. @curiosity: I often have good luck at the US Catholic Bishops website (USCCB something), where they review movies, and also rate them based on a somewhat different ranking system than the MPAA’s system. I like it for a couple of reasons — first, they TELL you why the rating and are more concerned about things like violence, which bother me (I could give a shit about bare boobs) — a lot of parents use it because they’re more explicit in discussing age-appropriateness. But also because the main reviewer has a super-dry sense of humor that cracks me up. And he’s good at distinguishing brainless-but-fun from just plain brainless.

    They do rate movies “O” — morally offensive, and frequently I’m sure most Americans would disagree with that rating. But I find the review of the movie itself typically to be fair even when the movie is rated “O”; the reviews and ratings are kept fairly separate.

    I use it a lot to find old movies I’ve never heard of when I’m looking for something to rent. Whoever does it has a fantastic mental catalog of classic movies.

  19. LeopardSeal says:

    @cmdr.sass: “You’ll be fired… Out of a cannon… Into the sun.”

  20. topgun says:

    I was bored just reading the list. The good news is that I see a job opening that also gets you into the Maxim parties. Time to polish up the old resume.

  21. Uh oh... Cleveland says:

    Wait, that was a real guy? I thought it was just a bunch of writers under one pseudonym, like Dear Abby or something.

  22. jamesdenver says:

    Actually this site is the definitive answer for movie reviews:

    [capalert.com]

  23. Pop Socket says:

    Sad to see him go. He was an Oscar-tastic disciple of Walter Monheit.

  24. Kishi says:

    @lincolnparadox: I don’t know… Movie critics may only have to suffer for a couple hours at once. Food critics could face much longer lasting pain.

  25. forever_knight says:

    Do not miss this film. (Zodiac)

    Zodiac is a film you shouldn’t miss! rent it today!

  26. revmatty says:

    @lincolnparadox: If as a food critic you are eating with hands down, it’s gonna get messy.

  27. lostalaska says:

    Don’t miss this firing as it is the firing of the year!

  28. faust1200 says:

    A few years ago didn’t they discover that there was a “famous” film critic being quoted in newspapers etc. who didn’t even exist? And I DID see Hannibal Rising and it was a steaming pile of guano to be sure.

  29. Gaambit says:

    Maxim also needs to stop “reviewing” video games months before they even hit the shelves.

  30. neithernor says:

    I liked “Dan in Real Life”…

  31. BuriedCaesar says:

    I’m reminded of Sir Winston Churchill’s quote – “It is better to be making the news than taking it; to be an actor rather than a critic.”

    Anyone can be a critic. About anything. All it takes is a minimal ability to string a few clever words together into a coherent sentence. And sometimes not even that.

  32. xredgambit says:

    Anyone else notice that all his movies were must see or else a shocker?

  33. Flibbetigibbet says:

    “In The Shadow Of The Moon” really is a great documentary.

    All the rest of the movies on the list are crap…

  34. banmojo says:

    Hannibal Rising, the movie, sucked ass. Hannibal Rising, the book, rules, along with the other 3 books in the series. The only way to watch the movies is to watch them FIRST, THEN read the books. I enjoyed Hannibal, but when I read the book afterwards, my joy became complete.