Del Monte Dog Treats Are Highly Inappropriate

Or as Alex put it so pithily in an email to us, “These dog treats are shaped like c*cks.” (Now you can’t tell what that word means!)

Who approved this sort of design? And who thought adding little grooves would make it somehow less phallic instead of more? We wonder if the executive who approved this is disliked by his team, and they’re just setting him up for some sort of disciplinary action.

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(Thanks to Alex!)

Comments

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  1. homerjay says:

    Good Lord thats funny. Its not like this is one guy baking dog treats in his garage. This company had a ton of people looking at this thing before the first box was sold right down to the guy that fabricated the mold. Do you mean to tell me not one of those people said “Hey, what are we making here, cocks?

  2. ConsumptionJunkie says:

    It’s supposed to be a “T.” Let’s give Del Monte the benefit of the doubt.

  3. marsneedsrabbits says:

    Luckily, my big goofy dog is not at all discriminating and would be more than happy to eat a bag of c*cks.

  4. howie_in_az says:

    @homerjay: Not everyone has cock on the mind.

  5. M3wThr33 says:

    Hahahah. I totally love that.

  6. Omi says:

    New Tag Needed: Inadvertently Offensive

  7. SaveMeJeebus says:

    “Now everybody get out their cock-n-balls, share baby share!”

  8. jmschn says:

    if Del Monte gets word of this, im sure they will issue a public statement with “seriously” in there…(reference another consumerist article)

  9. BobCoyote says:

    “It’s a… It’s a…. It’s a rocket ship!”

  10. drjayphd says:

    @BobCoyote: What are you, blind? It’s a cock! It’s not a rocket, you sick fuck! It’s a cock! Look. It’s a cock and balls! A dick! Chorizo and the huevos! It’s a big stiffy! It’s a penis! Penis maximus! A willie! A weenie! Mr. Jiggle Daddy! The one-eyed wonder weasel! Don’t you see that? It’s Jimmy and the twins! Rumple Foreskin! He made this! It’s made from dil-dough!

  11. warf0x0r says:

    OMG OMG OMG, with three minutes left to my work day consumerist comes through in the end!!!

    Thanks so much!

  12. The_Truth says:

    @homerjay: They use a mold for biscuits?

    How does that even work? Wouldent it stick to it? I would think they would squeeze it out flat on a converyer and then just cut it no?

  13. You hate your job but you're still working there? says:

    Phallicious!

  14. PølάrβǽЯ says:

    Hey, it’s what most dogs spend all day licking anyway, so you’d think a dog would like it.

  15. 8abhive says:

    Should I consider a post offensive if it caused me to blow coffee on my screen?

    Damn that’s funny.

    @HOWIE_IN_AZ: From a distance, maybe. From the posted pictures I’d wager few people wouldn’t notice the similarity.

  16. jsnorcal says:

    OHMYGAAWWWW That was the best way to end a Monday! Friggin hysterical.

  17. Scuba Steve says:

    The real question is, How do they taste?

    I bet they’re meaty, or at least high in protein.

  18. ct03 says:

    @Scuba Steve: I’m sure the liver-flavored one is delicious.

  19. pestie says:

    Cocktastic!

  20. homerjay says:

    @howie_in_az: I’m not willing to believe that.

  21. eldgog says:

    For the sake of all that is appropriate, I wonder if they come in sausage-flavored

  22. SabrinaFaire says:

    The new treat your dog will love! Michael Vick’s Dicks!

  23. DriverB says:

    I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve never seen one where the balls stick straight out from the side like that.

    Amusing, sure, but for pete’s sake it’s a letter T.

  24. inelegy says:

    OTTER: Mine’s bigger than that.

    MRS. WORMER: I beg your pardon?

    OTTER: My dog treat, it’s bigger.
    Dog treats can be really sensuous, don’t you think?

    MRS. WORMER: No. Dog treats are sensual.
    People are sensuous.

    OTTER: Right. “Sensual.” That’s what I meant.

  25. ct03 says:
  26. 3drage says:

    Brings a whole new meaning to give your dog a bone.

  27. majortom1981 says:

    wow a lot of people have dirty perverted minds. that looks nothing like what you say it is.

  28. mac-phisto says:

    i wonder if del monte would let me borrow that mold. i’ve got an office christmas party coming up & i’ve been working on the perfect gift for my wonderful co-workers.

    i think “T” shaped cookies would portray my feelings perfectly.

  29. ninabi says:

    “T” is for ‘tupid. What were they thinking in the product development department.

  30. overbysara says:

    lol love it

  31. overbysara says:

    oh wait wait… I love whoever had the BALLS to make it. lolololol

  32. jaredharley says:

    And to think I clicked through to the article JUST to read the comments :)

  33. Buran says:

    @ConsumptionJunkie: Yeah really. Do some people sit around LOOKING for reasons to be offended?

  34. Trai_Dep says:

    I’m eagerly awaiting the New, Improved Del Monte Dog Cocks – err, C*cks – Now with white frosted tips!

    On a happier note, at least desperate Southern adolescent males will be able to properly train their pets without the wasteful usage of peanut butter or chocolate syrup. Although, do you really want Fido to think it’s expected that he chew proferred morsels to masticated bits?

  35. Trai_Dep says:

    A nice, We-Are-The-World touch on Del Monte’s part. Not just generic pink-flesh color, but the colors of ALL the five continents. That warms the cockles of my heart!

  36. ninjatales says:

    I like how they made the treats in different colors to emphasize diversity to our happy pets.

  37. Darren W. says:

    A little late to join in the game, but… “Now lassie, I know you wanted a MILK bone, but until the ratings go back up, you’re going to have to settle for the OTHER kind”

  38. Parting says:

    It’s not like the dog cares… My dog would swallow everything that he could get, including apples, expired yogurts, and ANY brand of crackers. As long as it’s edible, no normal dog cares how it looks.

    ***behold for new and improved crackers in the form of boobs***

  39. adehus says:

    Huh huh… cock tees.

  40. BeFrugalNotCheap says:

    @chouchou:
    Oh yeah? I’m still reeling over the fact that my dog eats turds from the cat litter box as well as a block of moldy cheese accidentally dropped on the floor AND laps up water from the toilet. Just thinking about it now makes my stomach feel queas….Hold on a sec. *gag*

  41. Jasoco says:

    Awesome, a Death to Smoochy reference.

  42. chuckago says:

    I have a weiner dog, and he just loves them!

  43. b612markt says:

    Wonderful…

  44. bombaxstar says:

    =D!

  45. navstar says:

    I heard dog snacks are the last thing you want to feed your dog — true?

  46. Trai_Dep says:

    Navstar – second to the last thing you’d want to feed your pooch… While, yes, dogs’ mouths are clean, their teeth are sharp.

  47. yg17 says:

    My dog LOVES those treats. She also attempted what appeared to be a BJ on our neighbor’s dog until I pulled her away. Coincidence?

  48. RvLeshrac says:

    Not sure how this is ‘news.’

    Next up: Cucumbers look like penises. The farmers should know better, and cultivate them into less obscene shapes.

    Are we not going to give up until all products are sold as bland grey formless shapes?

  49. VidaLondres says:

    @BobCoyote: That. Exactly that.

  50. rbb says:

    With apologies to Freud – Sometimes a dog treat is just a dog treat.

    Get your minds out of the gutter people! ;^)

  51. Anonymous says:

    and thank you consumerist for protecting us; we might have inadvertently bought dog treats in the shape of a *gasp* T!

  52. Skiffer says:

    Ya know what?

    The letter T is shaped like a cock too, ya frickin’ moron

  53. itsgene says:

    These particular treats have been around for decades. I can only assume that people have noticed this before, and I have to say bravo to the makers for not succumbing to political correctness and taking them off the market. Sometimes things are just funny, dammit, and we don’t need prudes and the easily-offended to take away our amusements.

  54. olegna says:

    Whose balls splay out to the sides like that?

  55. wesrubix says:

    It’s a T. T is for treat, perverts.

  56. MariSama44 says:

    Its a T. I dont think I’ve ever seen a penis where the balls grow directly out from the base of the shaft to either side and stand up straight. I mean, I find potty humor funny every once and a while but damn, guys. I’ve gotten so sick of it lately. This is like an episode of Bevis and Butthead. Why does everything have to be sexualized?

    Butthead: *picks up a box of dogtreats* Uhhhhuhuh, hey…hey Bevis, look.
    Bevis: Hehhehheh…heh, what?
    Butthead: These dog treats look like a bunch of dicks…uhhhhhuhuhuh…huhhuhuh!
    Bevis: Heh! Heh! YEAH, THEY DO! Ehehehehehhh!

  57. royal72 says:

    dogs get horny too… you guys need to use google to it’s full potential.

  58. rmontcal says:

    @wesrubix: Right – like all of us haven’t spent the entire day over at fleshbot.

  59. onesong says:

    hahaha, um, ew? i feed these to my ratdog, and even my filthy mind managed to not catch the similarity. way to be pornier than i am, consumerist.

  60. Voyou_Charmant says:

    I dont know what the big deal is. Some people’s dogs just like to eat lots of tiny dicks.

  61. mexifelio says:

    omg this is so funny, can’t stop showing it to everyone!!

  62. shadow735 says:

    Whats next Tea bagging treats?

  63. Crrusher says:

    dogs love wangs, what’s the big deal?

  64. Why does the AC/DC song, “Giving the Dog a Bone” keep popping in my head?

  65. jonworld says:

    What are you talking about…they look like T’s to me. I don’t see it. (: