You look very scary this morning. Here is a candy post for you.

Wired has a user-submitted list of the top gross-out candies now available for sale wherever gross-out candies are sold. Readers can submit candies and vote the least appealing ones to the top of the list. Our favorite seems to be everyone else’s favorite, too: the bandages with edible candy scabs—although the slimy gummi octopus candy also looks pretty revolting.

If you need advice on what candy will most impress the kids, Courant has created a chart that ranks traditional Halloween handouts according to New York Mag’s “approval matrix”—high- and lowbrow, brilliant and despicable. (Don’t even think of giving out candy corn or single-serve Lifesaver mints.)

The News-Gazette in Illinois has a sort of catch-all article about candy (hey, that sounds familiar!) that includes some advice on where to find vegan and organic alternativesartisansweets.com—and how to trade in post-Halloween candy wrappers for a free YoCrunch yogurt:

To transition kids out of candy cravings after the holiday, YoCrunch is encouraging parents to send in candy wrappers to get a coupon good for any YoCrunch product.

The wrappers – one submission per household – should be sent by Nov. 14 to: Janet Kim, YoCrunch, 9507 Santa Monica Blvd., Suite 300, Beverly Hills CA 90210.

“Creepiest, Craziest Halloween Candies” [Wired]
“Candy Land: What Treats Kids Most Like To Get” [Courant]
“A ghoulish guide to all things sweet” [News-Gazette.com]

Comments

Edit Your Comment

  1. For whatever reason my mom hands out hot chocolate packets every year. Shockingly, her house has only been egged once.

  2. brew400 says:

    i had one aunt that handed out oatmeal or grits, and another who handed out full sized 3 musketeers…. which was the most popular

  3. Dead Wrestlers Society says:

    @Spaceman Bill Leah: hot chocolate? Wow that’s a new one on me.

    @brew400: grits? Ha! I’m guessing she’s a fellow southerner.

    One year, a guy in my neighborhood gave out wax packs of baseball cards, which was awesome. My parents usually bought these peanut butter candies which came in either a black or orange wrapper. They always made you super thirsty after you ate one. I hated them. They now give out really good stuff, of course, since I no longer live there.

  4. Sytteg says:

    Yuck, how is a waxy chocolate substance named Hersheys in the brilliant highbrow category? I’d rather have the Heath than the Hersheys, although sadly I’ve never seen a bag of Skors. Skors are so much better than Heath.

  5. bonzombiekitty says:

    Why are halloween peeps on the list? They don’t physically look gross. So I guess they taste gross?

  6. middy says:

    You know what I hate? Those damn orange “marshmallow” peanut-shaped things. Just the sight of one makes my gorge rise.

  7. swalve says:

    @Sytteg: Oh, your chocolate snobbery makes me wet with anticipation…

  8. bbbici says:

    I think apples are a great handout.

    I got a small ham once as a kid, that was a total score.

  9. stpauliegirl says:

    Sweet, nice to see I’m on the high side of the candy matrix by handing out Kit-Kats, Nestle Crunches, and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I only give out stuff that I like because there’s always leftovers.

    Grossest candy ever: Harry Potter’s Every Flavor Beans. It freaks the crap out of me that I could possibly grab a booger- or worm-flavored candy, so I avoid those things altogether.

  10. @public enemy #1: She was convinced that after an evening of trick or treating in blustery New England, kids would want to go home to a nice cup of hot chocolate when in fact, they want to go home to a bag full of full size candy bars. Now that I am older, I told her she should also include nips of Bailey’s with the packets to give out to the parents who are probably the ones who could use a little “warming up” after towing around their monsters all night.

  11. rbb says:

    For those wary of Chinese produced food products, make sure to read your candy wrappers tonight. A lot of the gummi type novelty candies (e.g., SpongeBob Crabby Patties) are produced in China.

  12. TheSeeker says:

    @bonzombiekitty:

    “Why are halloween peeps on the list? They don’t physically look gross.”

    I just saw on the news last night that Peeps, are for the first time, being made in China. Enough said.

  13. ichiban1081 says:

    When my grandmother ran out of candy we would hand out Mcdonalds coupon books. My uncle owns some Mcdonalds in NJ and we always have tons of them. We always used to get the same “HUH THIS ISNT CANDY” reaction. Then you tell them ITS A WHOLE BOOKLET FOR FREE MCDONALDS FOOD, like cookies, sundaes, happy meals, etc. They all went crazy and my uncle never cared because we live in long island and he said its not his store that get hit LOL.

  14. INconsumer says:

    necco candy discs are by far the nastiest candy ever created- along with spice jelly beans.

  15. Starfury says:

    When I was a kid (many years ago) there were two houses you would go to first.

    1. The Mother’s cookie guy. He gave out full size packs of cookies.
    2. The Ghiradelli guy. Gave out full size chocolate bars.

    There were also a few houses you skipped because the old people there were mean or had crappy candy.

  16. Womblebug says:

    @INconsumer: I like both of those. I’ll eat yours.

    I’m giving out mini Play Dohs this year, along with Skittles. We’ll see how that goes, but I know if I was a kid I’d like to get the Play Doh.

  17. INconsumer says:

    what ever happened to wax candy? anyone else remember the wax teeth/lips? that was the best!

  18. INconsumer says:

    if anyone mails me some wax teeth i’ll mail them back $5. no joke. e-mail: chadh@mycnac.com. but its got to be the good stuff (old skool style).

  19. INconsumer says:

    @INconsumer: of course i meant email me if you have some, then we’ll negotiate

  20. clementine says:

    Before all the scares about poisoned Halloween candy came about (thanks to the Pasadena Texas parent who tried to poison their own child in the late 70’s), we used to get homemade popcorn balls and caramel apples along with the usual candy. Was my mom the only mom on the block who used to take a 10% ‘agent’s fee” for walking us around. Of course, since neither my brother or I were good at fractions, this was always a generous ten percent of each of our hauls.

  21. clementine says:

    For more on the razors in candy and other poisonings of the treats, read The Culture of Fear: Why Americans Are Afraid of the Wrong Things (Paperback)
    by Barry Glassner (Author). The two big cases that scared America were both perpetuated by parents who were trying to kill their own children.

  22. scarletvirtue says:

    @public enemy #1: I remember when I was a little kid, the police officers would hand out football cards to the kids on Halloween. If we saw a cruiser, we’d just go up to the car – or they’d be outside of the car – to get the cards! Good times…

    @middy: The circus peanuts? That’s the worst candy ever!

  23. INconsumer says:

    @scarletvirtue: hmm how funny because i like circus peanuts……i’ll trade you for my necco wafers?

  24. Dick.Blake says:

    This year I bought the stuff that I like; Reese’s assortment and Crunch bars. That way when I only have two groups of kids show up all night, I won’t get stuck with a bunch of those black/orange toffy things, sweet tarts or anything else that might come in a 5 lb bag of Halloween candy from Big Lots.

    I remember all the stuff that DIDN’T get eaten when I was a kid, so I never buy that stuff. It’s wasteful.

    I think I’m the only person who likes candy corn… or maybe those candy corn flavored pumpkin things. Our next door neighbors always had it, but they’re in their 90s now so you know they always gave out the old school stuff like that and the circus peanuts (those fluffy orange peanut things) and candy apples.

    My mom used to make goodie bags too. She’d put one of every type of candy she bought that year in a little paper bag… the kind party favors go in. Each kid would get one and every kid would get the same thing so no bickering over who got more of what kind of candy. She raised two kids…. she knew what was up.

  25. scarletvirtue says:

    @INconsumer: Sounds good to me. :)

  26. INconsumer says:

    that reminds me of going to school the next day to trade candy with all of my friends. anyone else?

  27. JayXJ says:

    @Spaceman Bill Leah: Now that idea is brilliant. I’ve thought of setting up a coffee maker and some styrofoam cups for the parents. I know after an hour or two out with the kids I could sure use it.

  28. Bunnymuffin says:

    @CLEMENTINE: Back in the day we used to get fresh donuts, sugar cookies and hot apple cider from the mayor’s bakery, until the police chief falsely accused him of imbezzlment and ruined his life.

    @Dick.Blake: Candy Corn is my Halloween drug of choice, so I’m right there with you. Several years ago a co-worker got me hooked on mixing candy corn with Planter’s cocktail peanuts. That is some addicting stuff, I’m in the doghouse this year for refusing to have it in the house because it causes control issues.

    @JAPP71: Our route always starts by the Starbucks so we can carry our Venti hand warmers with us and at the halfway point is the little family store that always has the coffee pots going full blast that night.

  29. qitaana says:

    When I was young, my dad would take us trick-or-treating. We had our bags for candy, he had a shot glass. Of course, he’d only proffer the shot glass at houses of friends where he knew what the reaction would be. I seem to recall he was given a bit of something at more than one household.

  30. LAGirl says:

    @INconsumer: i’ll see your necco wafers and raise you one sheet of paper dots!

  31. BigNutty says:

    My favorite house growing up as a kid was one that gave away cold hard CASH.

    The lady every year would say she forgot to buy candy to hand out so out came the rolls of quarters.

  32. Perseus says:

    The house I had to hit every year was “The root beer lady” She made it, was always dressed up as a witch and had it in a big black cauldron on the porch full of dry ice. You only got one little dixie cup worth, it was still worth it (You got some candy with it also) It was always a busy stop (Rather surprising consider this was not longer than 10 years ago and how paranoid parents can get)

  33. groupie says:

    Great matrix. The only candy I got tonight was Smarties and Now&Laters. Both were disgusting.