Retire Early By Suing Google For Anything
You're likely reading The Consumerist in the middle of a workday, so we're guessing you're receptive to new ideas on how to make lots of money fast without actually doing any work. Here's a great way: just make up some reason to sue Google.
For example, last week a 25-year-old Pennsylvanian filed a lawsuit against Google because his social security number spells a scrambled version of "Google" when turned upside down, and consequently his safety is in jeopardy. He's asking for $5 billion in damages. His handwritten complaint also states quite clearly that not only is his right to privacy being violated, but that "Plaintiff and defendant(s) have a responsibility to fight the War on Terrorism."
Or here's another example: sue Google and Yahoo for stealing their names from your grandparents, who hailed from the Gogo and Yao tribes of Tanzania, like someone in Texas did last week.
See? It's easy. Here are some more ideas to help get you started:
- I thought Google was a palindrome but it turns out it isn't (this one smells like class-action).
- Google's ads are not always for products or services I am interested in.
- Google is a euphemism for my genitalia, and therefore has caused me millions of dollars worth of humiliation.
- Google gave me diabetes.
"What's in Google's Name?" [New York Times Bits Blog]
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit. Nam malesuada commodo erat et molestie. Duis pellentesque aliquam bibendum. Suspendisse venenatis lobortis eleifend. Mauris id est sed lectus convallis aliquam.
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Comments:
I'm suing Google because they're the father.
i'm suing google right now. . .AND LOVING IT!
i'm not suing becuase google has vanessa hudgens nude pic on there! *sweet!
wait, nevermind i'm suing because i popped a chub looking at it
I'm suing Google because they have more English web pages indexed than Spanish web pages. That's racist, and is a civil rights violation.
I'm suing Google because I am addicted to online gambling and porn (mostly porn) 'cause if I type porn in the search box, I get links to lots of porn.
I'm suing Google because of GlobalWarmingClimateChangeManBearPig.
The handwritten claim is very similar to ones my previous company used to receive. Usually they were incoherent and rambling, often with inane demands. Most of the time, the BBB, FTC, FCC, CIA, FBI, NSA, President and/or a combination of them were copied on the complaint. The sad thing is that it was usually a sure sign of mental illness. While the Google suit above is laughable, hopefully this will lead to the Plaintiff getting some treatment.
I'm sueing Google because if you rearrange the letters,you get "leg goo".That's not good for chidren to hear.One bajillion dollars should be enough to cover the "emotional damage"
I'm suing because based upon your allegation, Google rearranged as "leg goo" reminds me of Legos, which are toys, which reminds me of Mattel, which had lead in their toys, which scares me.
I tried suing Google, but they googled up some super ice spider ninjas to chase me, googled for some katanas for those ninjas, and googled some top notch lawyers for the ninjas and the swords. And then I googled for an answer and the solution wasn't easy. So have fun with your lawsuits
@jurijuri: Actually, Google was on the Maury Povich show the other day, and they are NOT the father.
How about "because your website has a white background, and I prefer sites with black backgrounds"?
I suing Google because i typed in Klansmen and it brought up a Wikepedia entry about the KKK. I'm not suing Wikipedia or myself however, mainly because we're both broke.
From the document:
"13. Plaintiff and defendant(s) have a responsibility to fight the war on Terrorism
16. Plaintiff and defendant(s) could be subjected to detainment by The UNITED STATES OF AMERICA for suspition or acts and/or assisting in Terrorism or Affiliating with Terrorist Organizations"
Wha? Hahaha.
On a serious note, I hope that this guy gets the help he needs, hopefully he just missed some medication or something. :/
Wow, this guy's been busy, actually. Here are other things that he submitted all on the same day:
I'm suing Google for not telling Vanessa Hudgens that she needs a razor.
If he were from Texas I'd think it was really this guy: [www.mercerforpresident2008.com]
What happens to lawyers who take on these kinds of lawsuits from people who aren't well?
I'm suing Google because I'm thinking of the children.
It's actually very sad. The guy doesn't have a dime to his name (checking acct is overdrafted and closed, and only asset is a snowboard), but he spent $18 on Express Mail to file this. Clearly, he needs help.
I'm going to sue Google because they exposed my innocent eyes to porn when searching for Japanese School Girl Uniforms.
Google is in your fridge eating your food.
Hilarious frivilous lawsuits you say? This other guy is near famous for this stuff... The wikipedia article is good for a laugh.
Suing google is a shit load earlier than that.
All you have to do is throw some of your intellectual property and copyrighted material on the web and wait for google's spiders to find it and download it to their servers, as google downloads the entire internet (cache button under the results). They are hence forth stealing your IP for their own profit.
.
.
You can op out of it via the use of a certain script but that still does not clear google from copyright theft. When you think about it, Google is stealing IP and profiting from it.
My favorite bit is the hand-drawn vertical lines.
@rmz: Wow, thanks for the link. Reading the rest is even better. Did you see the one about: "The "I don't know" defense obviously is a waste of money, time, and puts the lives of Americans and Illegal Aliens at risk of death or serious undress."
Lords knows, I would rather die than be seriously undressed.
Go read the rest of the BRIEF IN SUPPORT re 2 MOTION
I've sued Google, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies, or at least I did when every other newsblog posted this last week.
The real funny thing is that he included every single piece of identifying information he has, from bank accounts to his library card, in his brief, which was subsequently scanned and put online by the clerk's office. I'd be amazed if he doesn't have about 237 new credit cards by now.
See Exhibits A, B, and C. (PDF)
They've redacted the info now, but it was unredacted for quite some time. Lucky him, it was images in a PDF, so Google didn't cache it.
I think perhaps this individual needs help - like all of the others who seem to sue over very obviously un-suable items.
Perhaps someone should remind him that if he's complaining about his SS# turned upside down to spell google, all one has to do is figure out the numbers that represent the letters in google to figure out his SS#.
Except a social security number has 8 digits and google only has 6...hmm.
*edit to note that I mean to type "9 digits" and instead hit 8.
i'm suing google because they use too many colors in their logo
I'm suing google because now every idiot thinks they can do my job, and do it better, and yet still have to come to me because "it's not on the internet."
In Soviet Russia, Google sues you!
@Rectilinear Propagation: If you look at the filings, you can see they're filed pro se, which means without a lawyer.
I'm suing Google because of the subprime implosion.
I'm suing Google because it didn't do my laundry while I'm wasting time on the Inter-webb
I am suing google because they don't have a gphone out yet.
I'm suing because Google killed the radio-star...