Subway's Incorrect Use Of Isosceles Cheese Actually A Vast Conspiracy

Subway’s penchant for not using their triangle cheese correctly is actually part of a diabolical mind-control plan to get you to pay more.

Back in July, Lefthandedtoons drew a cartoon mocking how Subway has triangle cheese, but never arranges it in a rhombus on the sandwich. Instead, Subway invariably lays it in a razorback formation, which the cartoonist felt led to “unnecessary dairy overlap” and “soul-crushing disappointment.”

Amused, a UK subway worker printed out the cartoon at work. His boss was not amused and hung the above sign in the storage room, which reads, “Cheese triangles need to be placed [drawing of razorback formation] -> this will promote the need for customers to desire extra cheese – as it doesn’t cover whole sandwich. Double cheese [picture of double razorback] = 40 p extra!”

Subway: A Method to Their Cheesy Madness [Left-Handed Toons]
PREVIOUSLY: Dear Subway, Please Use Your Isosceles Cheese Correctly

Comments

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  1. homerjay says:

    It will promote the desire for extra cheese for people who want extra cheese. I, for one, don’t want that much cheese.

  2. Yourhero88 says:

    This is diabolical indeed, however asking your average Subway drone to re-arrange your cheese situation usually does the trick, as they are as apathetic to oblige as they are to do it their own way.

  3. TVarmy says:

    Looks like the manager has a sense of humor. I wouldn’t say he’s trying to be an oppressive cheese miser. I think he just wants to make a comeback to the cartoon that got posted in back, and also didn’t want to violate corporate policy.

  4. sly100100 says:

    I used to live right behind subway for almost 6 years. I can honestly say I wouldn’t want there cheese, extra cheese or anything else. My brother also worked there.
    I really hate there subs. And now that we have a quiznos in town, the owner of subway actually had to get a job at COMCAST! to make ends meet!
    I don’t think extra cheese it there biggest problem. It’s the way the subs are made, everything is put in the bottom of the sub and they add so much lettuce and blogs of condiments. It’s not a well made sandwich.
    Every bite should have a taste of all the ingredients not just mayo and lettuce.

  5. Musician78 says:

    This doesn’t surprise me. What does surprise me is that my cynical mind never figured that out.

  6. mrmysterious says:

    Just get the shredded cheese and have it toasted.

  7. campero says:

    Those bloody bastards!!….I knew it!

  8. Zeroist says:

    I asked my younger sister, who works at a Subway, and she says she always arranges the cheese correctly on the subs she makes. There is hope!

  9. RandomHookup says:

    This is just another piece of evidence in what I believe is a vast cheese conspiracy.

  10. mammalpants says:

    What Would Jared Do?

  11. Hanke says:

    Quiznos…they of screw-the-franchisee record?
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    [www.bizben.com]

  12. Hanke says:

    @mammalpants: He wouldn’t order cheese.

  13. mindshadow says:

    @mrmysterious: Actually I’ve started having problems doing that. I went to Subway this Sunday to get a sub. I always get the shredded mixed cheese on my sub because… well, that’s the cheese I want. So I ordered my usual and when I asked for shredded mixed cheese I got the reply “They stopped letting us use the shredded mixed cheese. They say it costs too much.”

    I damned well know that the mixed cheese costs as much as the normal triangles of cheese. Why? My best friend used to work there and did the orders, and I hung around Subway religiously (it was the only place to hang out in my teen years). Plus I bothered to ask the lady if they didn’t still cost the same.

    Point being… cheese conspiracy at Subway. Jared is hoarding all the cheese.

  14. Jaysyn was banned for: http://consumerist.com/5032912/the-subprime-meltdown-will-be-nothing-compared-to-the-prime-meltdown#c7042646 says:

    @sly100100:

    Quizno’s is nasty.

  15. Canadian Impostor says:

    Subway doesn’t taste like anything. If I want a bland sandwich with flavorless vegetables I’ll go there I guess.

  16. DeeJayQueue says:

    @sly100100: t – h – e – i – r

    Every time I’ve gone into a subway, the service and food has taken a step down hill. When they first came to the area they would add extra meat or cheese if you asked, especially if you didn’t get veggies or anything else on it. Now you’re lucky to get what’s supposed to be on there. The one near my second job consistently holds back on the cheese and I have to constantly remind them that it’s supposed to be 3 triangles, not 2 on the 6″

  17. Canadian Impostor says:

    @DeeJayQueue: I like a lot of pickles on my sandwich, in college a few years ago I went to a Subway and ordered my usual and asked for extra pickles. They put around four pickle slices on an entire foot long sandwich even though I had asked for extra. Then they told me if I wanted more it would be a dollar extra.

    Normally if I ask for extra pickles most places are delighted to pile them on, so I paid the extra dollar because I really just wanted my sandwich, and they put four more pickles on. At that point I decided I wasn’t paying them for anything, so I had them add ten dollars of pickles, then I told them I didn’t want the sandwich and left.

    • ShizaMinelli says:

      They wanted to charge you for pickles? lol…most people are happy to get rid of them (personally I lvoe them, dipped in honey mustard ;)

      I went to a place once (locally owned) that tried to charge me extra for NOT getting lettuce on my sub, something about how they had to add extra meat b/c of there not being lettuce or some such nonsense. I left.

  18. Bye says:

    At least Subway will tell you what is in your sandwich – extra cheese or not.

    Since Quizno’s will not share their ingredient information with the public, I have to assume there’s something very disgusting about their sandwich contents. I liked the taste of their veggie sandwich, but after getting sick after both of my visits, I asked for nutritional/ingredient information. They acted like I was asking for an Iraq troop withdrawal plan.

  19. swalve says:

    What is Subway’s sanctioned method for cheese placement? Because they wouldn’t go to the trouble of making triangle cheese if rectilinear would suffice.

    The up down up down cheese is not visually appealing and smacks of OCD, doesn’t it?

    If corners weren’t visually appealing, hamburger places would have circular cheese.

  20. letoofdune says:

    Quiznos vs. Subway – the evil you don’t know vs. the evil you don’t know.

    Screw it, I’m going with Quiznos. Nothing can be a Turkey, Bacon, and Guac on wheat. Nothing.

  21. bbbici says:

    @Canadian Impostor:

    awesome!

  22. JMH says:

    Nothing to add, really, except that the phrase “isosceles cheese” is funny.

  23. Trai_Dep says:

    Razorback advantage: if you open-face it, squint just so and move the sandwich laterally across your field of vision holding the ‘wich parallel with the ground, it almost looks like a dragon flying past you.

    Okay, I’m still in mourning that J K Rowling finished Book 7.

  24. dethl says:

    Meh, I get provolone at Subway – which come in half-moon slices. Not much arranging you can do there.

    Then again I haven’t been to Subway much after their universal BOGO free coupon expired.

  25. bradanomics says:

    I usually just get provolone….yummier cheese and they don’t jip you.

    To the poster that said that they had asked the cashier if the cheese cost the same:

    The shredded cheese may be a more costly cheese to buy for subway but they still charge the customer the same amount. Therefore, the shredded cheese is still more expensive (cutting down profits) than the less expensive triangles

  26. Red_Eye says:

    Whats worse is if you order double meat. NEVER do it before they have finished the initial laydown of meat. If you do you will most likely get meat plus about 30% more meat, not double. Even requesting it after the initial laydown you need to watch them like a hawk. Same with cheese, if you put 5 slices on and I say double then it should be 10 not 9. Sorry if this is a bit off-topic but people should be aware.

  27. Secularsage says:

    Sounds like an independent owner-operator thing to me. It’s probably one of those suggestions that came up from some penny-pincher somewhere and that got applied by like-minded owners.

    Once again, the Consumerist applies an isolated incident in a franchise (in the UK, even!) to an entire chain.

  28. Dustbunny says:

    @swalve:

    “sanctioned method for cheese placement” — is it just me or does that sounds like something from General Petraeus’ testimony about Iraq :) ?

  29. Cowboys_fan says:

    I believe the triangles are supposed to be equilateral and not isosceles

  30. LionelEHutz says:

    Subway sandwiches suck no matter how the cheese is placed.

  31. joebloe says:

    You can give Subway to me free and I’ll just feed to my dog and maybe he’ll eat it. Togo’s is so much better.

  32. speedwell (propagandist and secular snarkist) says:

    @Cowboys_fan: If you can manage to cut a square piece of cheese in nhalf diagonally and get two equilateral triangles, you have done an end run around the rules of geometry. Congratulations.

  33. TechnoDestructo says:

    @Jaysyn:

    Those ads with that mangy rat-monkey-hamster-possum thing didn’t help that perception.

  34. BrockBrockman says:

    I only order Subway if this one particular girl is working behind the counter – she has dyed-black hair and a nose ring, and she always hooks me up with a good amount of cheese and meat. It’s pretty rad.

  35. BrockBrockman says:

    @TechnoDestructo: Holy crap! Those rat-monkey commercials were the only reason I ever even ate at Quiznos! I can still hear their sweet song in the back of my mind now…. “we like quiznos subs …. because they are good for us ” …

  36. ludwigk says:

    @bradanomics: Shredded cheese probably costs more because it is harder to portion, and thus the ‘artists’ put too much on.

    My Subway Trick: Never get lettuce. They pile that crap on there and put nothing else on your sandwich. Leave it off, and get cucumbers and spinach instead. Some workers will load up on other ingredients because the sandwich looks so barren without a mountain of lettuce on it.

    The Trick Subway should do: 1 out of every 20 sandwiches, they should ‘accidentally’ make it double meat. Subconsciously, people have a very strong attachment to random reward. People will remember that double meat BMT, and start to crave it, ordering more sandwiches in hopes of getting another double meat (consciously, or subconsciously), or they start ordering double meat, which carries a nice margin for Subway.

  37. Buran says:

    @LionelEHutz: So what’s your favorite sandwich shop? I’m sure someone hates it.

    I don’t get why people feel the need to come in here and say “xxx sucks” almost as much as they blame the victim. Not singling you out here, but … why?

  38. mandarin says:

    Better than overpriced quiznos…

  39. akalish says:

    This has got to be the most hilarious and insane post in the history of consumerist.

  40. doctor_cos wants you to remain calm says:

    So the manager at this Subway is in favor of soul-crushing disappointment?
    That’s sad.

  41. nctrnlboy says:

    Jesus! Is it TOO much to ask for consumers to NOT be manipulated & scammed out of every nickel & dime possible by slimy POS marketeers & the POS businesses who employ them?

    Seems you cant walk out the door without being constantly manipulated in one way or another by some POS trying to squeeze that last penny out of one’s wallet.

    Makes me feel like more of a victum than a consumer making a fair trade/square deal purchase.

  42. drjayphd says:

    @Buran: Yankees suck, Jets suck, Knicks suck.

    Krypton sucks.

  43. Grrrrrrr, now with two buns made of bacon. says:

    First the TSA bans suspicious cheese in carry-on luggage, and now this. I smell a conspiracy and a government coverup (or some kind of nefarious plot by the state of Wisconson).

    For as many times as I’ve had a Subway sandwich (and personally I think they’re delicious), I’ve never stopped the “sandwich artist” in the middle of his or her masterpiece and shouted “STOP!! Oh my god, there’s not enough cheese on my sandwich, please, give me twice as much!”

  44. swalve says:

    @Dustbunny: The guy’s a 4 star general, not Captain Personality. I was watching some of that and decided that Feingold is a prick, and Petraeus is a saint for not going all “you can’t handle the truth” on him.

  45. informer says:

    @Cowboys_fan: Equilateral triangles are by definition also isosceles.

  46. SJActress says:

    @DeeJayQueue:

    Actually, 2 slices IS the correct amount of cheese on a 6″, unless you want to be charged extra.

    I’m not a Subway defender, I just used to work there in high school. :)

  47. Where I live, the Subways tend to use four slices of cheese on a foot-long sandwich, regardless of whether they lay it in the “razorback” or “overlap” formation.

  48. tcm22 says:

    They can put as much cheese as they want on the sandwiches. If you don’t like it, don’t buy the friggin’ sandwich. Too many on this site seem to think that whining about service is a subsitute for voting with your wallet. These places are in business to make money, not go broke kissing customer’s asses. If you want more cheese, buy it.

  49. Trackback says:

    Bush to sell his limited Iraq pullout as plan to unify America, prior to entering the election jaws. Two soldiers who helped author last month’s big Times op-ed killed in Baghdad. Directions provided by Subway manager show isosceles cheese triangles part of sales conspiracy.