Chinese Fake Harry Potter Is Awesome; Also A Dragon

Officials might consider counterfeit Chinese “translations” of copyrighted work illegal, but we like to think of them as the marketplace’s version of outsider art; it’s like fanfic and Lulu.com got together and opened up a bookstore in Shanghai. The New York Times teases its readers with awesome excerpts from a handful of recent Harry Potter knockoffs, with titles far better than the real ones:

  • Harry Potter and the Chinese Porcelain Doll
  • Harry Potter and the Leopard-Walk-Up-to-Dragon
  • Harry Potter and the Chinese Overseas Students at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Here’s a sample excerpt, which is short but so perfect that it’s almost a koan:

Harry doesn’t know how long it will take to wash the sticky cake off his face.

No word on when these will be made into movies, but maybe if Hollywood will step forward and do its part, then Turkish knock-offs can start appearing in market stalls everywhere.

Memo to the Dept. of Magical Copyright Enforcement [New York Times]

(Photo: lime*monkey)

Comments

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  1. Hawk07 says:

    No Harry Potter and the Poisoned Exports? pass on this deal…

  2. bringafajita says:

    Oh man, I’ve got to get my hands on one of those. The excerpt from the “Overseas Students” book was hilarious.
    In a week I’m sure they’ll find out those books are made with lead paint chips though.

  3. Clobberella says:

    I wonder how Naughty Bubble got his name? If his mother was Big Spinach, then who was his father? Botulism Beef? I must know!!

  4. Trai_Dep says:

    Harry Potter and the Blow-up Doll

    Harry Potter and the Tortured Tibetans

    Harry Potter and the Poisoned Toothpaste

    Harry Potter and the Menace of Everyday Low Prices

    Harry Potter and the Soggy Biscuit

    Harry Potter and the Dying Pets

    Harry Potter and the Corrupt Officials

  5. Trai_Dep says:

    On the bright side, at least it wasn’t Harry doesn’t know how long it will take to wash the sticky liquid off his face. Scourgify! SCOURGIFY!!

  6. bhall03 says:

    I think the Chinese version of Harry Potter was cut short when they executed Voldemort…I mean Zheng Xiaoyu for taking bribes. So much for the Chinese release of book 7.

  7. superlayne says:

    Harry Potter and the Yaoi Fangirls.

    It’s a real book, I swear.

  8. Trai_Dep says:

    Chapter 22 ends prematurely after the Polyjuice Potion was found laced with mislabeled antifreeze. RIP, Harry, Ron & Hermione.

  9. SybilDisobedience says:

    Harry Potter and the Chinese Overseas Students at the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

    …It’s perfect. Nothing more needs be said about this title.

  10. SybilDisobedience says:

    ahem…nothing more NEED be said about it. Sorry.

  11. Trai_Dep says:

    15 points from Hufflepuff!

  12. Jesse in Japan says:

    Who is it that’s writing these things? Do they have sweatshops full of people who majored in literature in college, only to realize that there’s no way to apply a literature degree to any kind of lucrative career?

  13. Tricon says:

    the plot of harry potter and the showdown sounds like an episode of threes company

  14. Chris Walters says:

    @Jesse in Japan: No, no, Jesse, these books are written by fans. The people you’ve described are now called “bloggers.”

  15. theretailguy says:

    My favorite is the timely classic, ‘Harry Potter and the exploding cell phone’.

  16. Benny Gesserit says:

    Toward the end of the series, I suppose:

    Harry Potter and the Midlife Crisis
    Harry Potter and the Half-dressed Trannie
    Harry Potter and the Inconvenient Private Dick
    and finally
    Harry Potter and the Bellicose Divorce Lawyer.

  17. jamar0303 says:

    Ahhh, only in China can fanfic writing become a career of any sort. Not that it’s a bad thing- in my opinion, 7 books isn’t enough- not that these will ever be seen outside China without JK Rowling’s lawyers breathing down the seller’s neck.

  18. beyond says:

    What’s wrong with fans writing their own books about a popular character they enjoy? Our effed up IP laws are effectively ruining everything it is to be a “fan”.

    When will these creative people realize that the creative people extending their works are the ones lining their pockets with green?

  19. alk509 says:

    @beyond: Err… RTFA. These aren’t “fans writing their own books about a popular character they enjoy,” but commercial enterprises illicitly using HP to line their pockets with green.

  20. snowferret says:

    LOLERSKATES!

  21. Asvetic says:

    those illustrations look like the ones off of Thom Yorke’s solo album.

  22. David Millar says:

    These sound hilarious, but I would probably only buy them if the way the books were bound and covered matched the typical US hardcover version. If they’re softcover or in a language I can’t read or are a weird size, I’m too obsessive compulsive to buy them for my collection.