Talking Jesus dolls will make their Walmart debut early next month as part of a spiffy new line of religious action figures. Walmart claims it is responding to the needs of kids who want to ditch their G.I. Joe for a Samson, and will only stock the religious toys in stores where the bible is a best-seller. Walmart has always catered to the family values crowd, but that hasn’t stopped some Christian ministers from questioning Walmart’s faith:
“They’ll carry anything that sells,” says David Croyle, president of FamilyLife, a non-denominational ministry of Campus Crusade for Christ. “This simply signals intelligent buying within Wal-Mart.”For David Socha, CEO of One2believe, it’s a dream come true. “Our goal is to give the faith-based community an alternative to Bratz dolls and Spider-Man,” he says.
The toys are based on biblical stories. For example, there’s a set of 3-inch figures based on Daniel in the lion’s den for about $7. A 12-inch talking Jesus doll is about $15. And 14-inch Samson or Goliath action figures are about $20.
Notably absent from the lineup: Sodom and Gomorra action figures.
Wal-Mart Gets Religious – Toys, That Is [USA Today]
(Photo: one2believe)
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Old Testament Jesus, or New Testament Jesus?
@ironchef: break out the golden calf and you might be on to something.
@Daemon_of_Waffle:
hahaha…
@Eyebrows McGee:
Once again, you have made me laugh so hard I almost shot Diet Coke out of my nose.
@Steel_Pelican: If you cram anything down a kid’s throat, he’ll reject it as soon as he leaves home. Just look at how many atheists come from evangelical backgrounds.
@ironchef: The thing with idols is that they’re only called idols when they come from other faiths. If it’s your own religion, it’s a “relic” or piece of “religious art.”
BTW, Walmart also needs to sell Tom Waits’ Chocolate Jesus around Easter. I bet the irony would be lost on the parents…
@TVarmy: [www.youtube.com] . I gotta cite my sources more.
Oh man, youtube is gonna be so much fun!!!111
Can’t wait for the Darwin vs Jesus fight! =D
I guess it’s a follow up of replacing baseball cards and other trading cards with more religious figures.
If they DON’T release a Zombie Jesus figure, I’m going to be pissed. He was the first of the Undead, honor him, and hand out Braaaaains on easter.
If Jesus doesn’t come with a cross (as in, “comes with everything you see here!”) I’m not interested.
A 12-inch talking Jesus doll is about $15. TALKING? “Math is hard!”
You do realize Sodom and Gomorrah were CITIES, right?
@discounteggroll:
You might be able to find some communist party action figures in the Berkeley campus store.
And how is this news to start with? I had a David and Goliath set about 20 years ago (the Goliath pictured doesn’t look all that different from that one, either). Plus, Robot Chicken ALREADY uses Biblical action figures for stop motion animation.
These things are just plain evil. There are way too many ways to get in trouble with them at work. Having the thor action figure do naughty things to the samson or jesus figures would result in a mandatory trip to HR.
@bohemian:
you bring dolls to work with you?!
Jesus and the Argonauts… One of the best sketches ever.
The meek shall inherit the earth, Argonauts, GET MEEK! *stab, die*
@gibsonic: I would if I had religious action figures. I’d love to reenact a certain episode of south park, I just need to pick up a dreidel and some sharpies.
@Thrust: Masturbates to Images in Playboy Guy? Masturbates to Images in Playgirl Guy totally has him beat, with double the sinergy.
@Steel_Pelican: Husayn and his arch nemesis Yazid would make far better action figures.
I’m so buying them all
Is it just me, or does that picture look gay? Oh, the irony.
Ah evangelicalism, the commercialization and convenient way to follow the teachings of christ.
@gibsonic: Well I wouldnt call them dolls but I have several Spawn and Mcfarlane Military figures on my desk. BTW the Mcfarlane dragons are awesome-o!!
Smart buying from Wal-Mart my ass. Where’s my porn?? I’d certainly buy it, and having at a retail location would equalize the prices of said porno. I could care less if it was made by cheap Chinese labor, that could be a plus
Isn’t Wal-Mart the Anti-Christ?
@Nemesis_Enforcer: They’re not dolls; they’re collectible action figures. Hehe
dolls.
if you are going to bring dolls to work at least let them be the blow-up kind or “real dolls”
What would Jesus buy at Wal-Mart?
What would Jesus like to be placed on in my house?
What would Jesus like to wear today?
@gibsonic: Blow up dolls make for great flotation devices at the beach. The looks you get are priceless. Also fun to fill em with helium (Gently mind you) and parade em around on a string. Even more fun when you use a white string and have it comin outta the vagoo like a tampon. I swear. Lovedolls can be more fun for pranks than smecks.
Like I’m going to let my kids play with a toy Jesus. He’s our Saviour, not “an action figure”. Great way to dilute the message and look foolish (you know, that whole idol thing).
Just wait for the stop action “Last Temptation Of Christ”, with Barbie playing Mary Magdalene.
Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! It’s Jesus vs. Samson in a winner-take-all sabbath smackdown!!!
These toys are too big, not proportionate with most other action figures.
Do the Adam & Eve Family Hut include instructions on committing incest (Mom’s hawt!) in order to populate the planet?
Hope the Biblical Village Set has anatomically correct little girls (and boys!) since God’s all about marrying (and boinking) 12-year-olds.
If two kids stack two Jesuses on top of each other, playing House or blasphamy? Better crush Lil’ Timmy into broken, rent pieces with big rocks until dead just to be on the safe side…
LOVE the Bible. It’s better than a Tarantino flick. With even MORE incest!
Here’s the thing. Unless someone has found some irrefutable proof that does not rely on “faith”, Jesus is no more real than Optimus Prime. If you’re going to worship a blatantly fake idol, choose one with a good religion and strong values… Like Optimus Prime.
and this way it will remain, Till the day when all are one.
@Thrust: OPimus Prime is real! I saw him on the I-5 North by Norwalk. You might think it was just product promotion but I have the faith.
I wonder if the asian kids who build these for $.10 a day will make Jesus oriental?
@gibsonic: I work in “the industry” so I see plenty of real chicks everyday. I dont need one of those creepy real dolls…heck some of the real girls are creepy enough….
This has gotta be sacralidge to someone.
BTW that clench is so mo.
@Thrust: Turn thy cheek argonauts!
I guess Jebus dolls ain’t too absurd, I have a plush Softimus Prime, and he’s my savior.
@gtr225: Robot chicken is the best show ever. Even better than Firefly, Drawn Together, and Heroes.
Moses: God has given me ten commandments to live our lives by…
Some Peasant: Is there anything in there about not forcing your religion on others?
Moses: No!
Peasant: Figures.
water to wine magic kits!! please!!
Thou shalt kick ass!!!