Come on guys, you got the putting calories on the menu thing right. Now, let’s try draping the calories across the sub in a geometrically satisfying pattern, the one that fulfills the design destiny intended by your sandwich scientists. Spurn not their legacy.
An Open Letter To Subway [Left-Handed Toons] (Thanks to Ryan!)
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You would think that Subway’s highly trained “sandwich arteests” would naturally want to use the more pleasing arrangement.
Oh, wait. They aren’t highly trained, they’re high school kids and high school drop outs stuck in a McJob at Wrongway.
I think they do that b/c it looks pretty.
Well, personally if I’m getting the same amount of cheese and it’s distributed throughout the sandwich, then I really don’t mind. I prefer some variety in my bites — a little cheese here, a lot of cheese there, and the taste is always a little different and new. If they layer everything into complete homogeneity, then it’s going to taste uber-processed, you know?
I cracked up at reading the words “isosceles cheese” together…
BTW, “isosceles” has two s-es in it.
That letter is great and should be photocopied and handed to the manager of every Subway. I laughed at “Fig 3. – Soul Crushing Disappointment”
To me, one way provides optimal coverage, while the other is more aesthetically pleasing. They are sandwich artists, so hence the tendency to go with the more aesthetically pleasing arrangement.
Isosceles cheese emergency! Activate the Sandwich Scientist Signal!
The overlapping method provides more height – every little bit helps on a sammich.
Oh Lefthandedtoons, I LOLed.
But a sub sandwich has bread that opens — the diagramed method would be prone to cheese slippage.
And shame on anyone that would dis a sandwich shop employee; would love you to identify your first job and your current position.
The “sandwich arteests” (lower case and misspelling intentional to reflect actual competency of Subway employees, with spelling crdit to DBEAHN) are taught not to make your sandwich pretty, just make it fast–no matter that half of the fillings end up on the floor as it is made.
Bring back the Classic Cut and competent employees that speak and understand English and can get all the topping on the sandwich in an even distribution!
Actually, I think it has 3 S’s. Which means, yes, technically it also has 2 S’s (a subset).
I liked the note because of the witty way it was handled. Also, because it used the word “tessellate.”
PS “Isosceles” actually has 3 S’s in it (“now with 50% more S!”). It’s also fun to tell people that “gullible” has 3 L’s and hear them say, no it doesn’t.
@Antediluvian: See, that’s what I get for not re-reading my work before submitting it. Strike the first paragraph, please.
@Hossofcourse: Well, I used to work in a bagel/sandwich shop and I got in trouble for making the sandwiches too inefficiently. I would alternate meat and cheese layers, whereas putting all the cheese together is more efficient, but I don’t think it tastes as good. That particular establishment went out of business six months after I quit, but it had more to do with the owner’s insane business practices than the sandwich perpetration.
@DadCooks: i too miss the ‘u-gouge’ but you have to admit that there were plenty of times they’d cut it too narrow and deep and you be eating only bread on the outsides.
this comic was good, and i’ve noticed this method, but never commented on it. i know i’m paying to eat there, but you can’t expect too much from minimum wage slaves. i choose to let it go.
I can see another advantage to “tessellating the cheese” better meltage during toasting.
Where ever the cheeses overlap, the cheese beneath is shielded from the toaster waves, preventing proper heat distribution and no melting occurs.
Toons, thanks for posting. ROTFLOL (And the follow-up comments are pretty funny also.)
I remember a few yrs back, Subways would dig a trench into their bread (as opposed to just slicing the bread in half). It kept everything from spilling, but everything was jammed into the middle.
I WISH I got 4 slices of cheese on my subway. They put maybe 3 on there. And they don’t overlap, they spread them out as far as possible. And last time I ate subway I threw up.
Fuck you subway, you ruined my life.
P.S. This headline rocks.
Has anyone else noticed that the cheese in figure one is actually an equilateral triangle, not an isosceles? If you can’t identify the triangle correctly, you shouldn’t be telling Subway how to make their tasteless subs.
An equilateral triangle is therefore a special case of an isosceles triangle having not just two, but all three sides and angles equal
C26NYC, different subways tend to do it different ways. Heck, some of the subways up in the evil yankee land – Conneticut, don’t even have the good sauces.
At first I thought this post was ridiculous… then I read the comments.
That being said, in my opinion ASVETIC is onto something. Not only does tessellation allow you to have cheese in different stages of melt, if done properly you have the tips of the triangles hanging out the top of the sangwish, and when those melt you get those little bits of cheese on the outside of the sub.
This is beneficial in two ways: When toasted, those brown up and allow you to have three cheese in three stages of melt- the trifecta of cheesy goodness. Along with that it also tells you that that samich has cheese in it- so when you’re buying for the whole office, you don’t have to go digging into the thing in order to see if its the one with or without cheese. If you’re a cheese aficionado, then you would also be able to tell just what kind of cheese it is.
“Unnecessary dairy overlap” rolf!
Please, let’s not waste time on unnecessary dairy overlap when we should be concentrating on our demand for reintroduction of the old bread cut (u-gouge, classic cut, boat cut, whatever you want to call it). Years later I still have residual anger over the change to the hot dog roll cut. It’s so very clearly inferior.
And please, sandwich artists, when I ask for the old cut don’t get all pissy and act like I’ve asked you to cut off your right arm. It takes a measly 2 seconds more. It won’t kill you.
Actually in the Subway in Cardiff (Wales) they tesselate the cheese correctly. And it always makes me a very happy man.
@Schminteresting: When they get pissy, just ask em to cut off their arm. Customer gets what he wants right?
I’ve ALWAYS thought this whenever I’ve gotten a sandwich with cheese there. Glad to know I’m not the only nitpicky one.
Btw, most amusing post of 2007.
@Schminteresting: What is this U-Gouge you speak of? I’m not familiar with this classic cut technique and wouldn’t be surprised if the sub artisans around here do either.
The U-gouge or classic cut is the way Subaway USED to cut thier bread (and was clearly superior to the current method). They would take the bread, and make a short, diagonal cut down one side and then the other, giving the two pieces of bread an interlcoking “v” shape when viewed from head-on. It required a certain amount of practice, as you could easily identify new employees by the destruction they caused your sandwich.
@anatak: I don’t trust a sandwich I can’t fit in my mouth.
I never noticed the isosceles cheese. That’s actually really, really cool. I wish Boar’s Head would sell cheese blocks to the deli like that. I rarely buy a sandwich, but I do appreciate a well-made one, and I’d like to use the technology at my disposal. BTW, I can’t just slice the deli cheese in half. It’s a non-square rectangle, so the only way to get an isosceles is to cut off perfectly good cheese into odd strips to make a square.
@Hossofcourse:
My first and current job was and is working tech support for AT&T Homezone.
Much better than working at a sandwich shop, I’d say.
@GreatMoose: Thanks. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that, but it does sound way too complicated for the local artisans to replicate. I’m surprised when they’re able to keep all the ingredients in the sandwich.
@Asvetic: This website explains all:
[spine.cx]
If you asked for tessellated cheese AND the old cut would they just hurl the sandwich at you in disgust or would they acquiesce and make it the way you want?
FTR, I also prefer the old cut but never thought to request it. I just stopped eating Subway.
@VA_White: I think if you asked for tessellated cheese they wouldn’t know what you were talking about. High school education doesn’t teach you that much.
Several claims here that the classic cut is “clearly” superior, but no backing data or reasoning.
I always thought the classic cut was the stupidest thing since sliced bread (literally!) And here is why: you can’t put the bread back together after the top is cut out that way and the insides are stuffed with filling. You end up with an inverted piece of triangle shaped bread just awkwardly flopping around on the top of the filling. This is not a sandwich, it’s a hunk of bread with filling on the top. It’s hard to eat, and unevenly distributed. It’s almost an open faced sandwich, which is not really a sandwich at all. I was very happy when they stopped doing it and I didn’t have to ask for a normal cut any more.
What possible advantage could there be to their “classic” cut? I’m always willing to learn new things, but I am primarily practical, so hard pressed to imagine any real reasons to change my mind.
Hahahaha. I can’t beleive you actually posted this (with a link to my livejournal no doubt).
Unnecessary Dairy Overlap would make a SWEET name for a band (as the site says). I can hear the chants of “UDO” now.
a tip for all you sub eaters:
If the restaurant is busy, or there are 3 or more employees behind the counter, order double cheese. They rarely, if ever, charge you for it. Especially if it’s a busy lunch hour. The sub gets meated, cheesed and toasted by one person, dressed by another, and sold by yet another at the till. It’s a very flimsy chain of communication where (usually) only the kind of sub makes it to the end. Anecdotally, this works about 9 out of 10 times.
“The consumers are starving!”
“Then let them eat cheese!”
When you eat a classic cut, the filling doesn’t slide out the side when you bite. With a hot dog cut, you have to hold the guts in with your hand to keep the lettuce and stuff from getting squished out when you bite it. When compressed, the contents take the path of least resistance which is out the open side.
With a classic cut, there is no place for the contents to go. The path of least resistance is farther down the tube of bread and not into your lap.
@Antediluvian: Oops… What I meant to say was that it needed an additional ‘s.’ Originally they had it spelled “isoceles.”
@TPK: Glad to see I’m not the only one who disliked the old cut
@MobileMilitia: If you want it cut differently, why not ask it to be? I’m not blaming you, just making a suggestion.
@VA_White:
Interesting. I eat my sandwich from the “open side” to the back toward the closed “hinged” side, so the filling is forced back against the closed hinge, where it stops. If the bread were cut completely in two pieces I could see your point, it could squish out the back.
Anything else?
@timmus:
Actually you are not getting the same cheese. Think about it, by doing it the way they are right now, they are able to save a slice of cheese.
Since there is plenty of space that is just left empty..
I know subway is suppsoe to be healthy, but who wants to eat it w/out the cheese coommm’on
You attack the sandwich from the long side? Doesn’t the filling get on your cheeks when you bite into that way? Like biting the middle of a triangle sandwich instead nibbling off the corners first leaves peanut butter on your cheeks.
I have only ever seen people bite from the end, hot dog style.
Never liked subway.
The only sub place that has the one coldcut meat I eat is Safeway (Not actually part of their primo meats, have to ask for it from the Deli).
Problem with safeway subs is the staff. There’s no consistancy on anything. Some will let me use the meat from the deli, some won’t (in which case I don’t buy a sub). Some put condiments on both halves of the bun, some don’t. Some absolutely mutilate the bun when cutting, others have a brain. Sometimes I get a lot of meat, last time she gave me almost none. Usually I am given six to eight slices of cheese on a 12″, at times they’ve put as little as two slices.
I always ask for 4 slices of cheese at my local subway (on a 6 inch) and ask for two slices on the top and two slices on the bottom. I’m a fan of a cheese lining to keep the bread from getting soggy. My local Subway always accomodates my request with a smile.
@VA_White:
Well I do eat it from the end, but first bite on the “open” side, second bite on the “hinge” side. Forces the filling in, rather than out.