Dear Subway, Please Use Your Isosceles Cheese Correctly

Come on guys, you got the putting calories on the menu thing right. Now, let’s try draping the calories across the sub in a geometrically satisfying pattern, the one that fulfills the design destiny intended by your sandwich scientists. Spurn not their legacy.

An Open Letter To Subway [Left-Handed Toons] (Thanks to Ryan!)

Comments

  1. Xerloq says:

    My cheese has always been tessellated. I miss soul-crushing disappointment.

  2. Echodork says:

    My last Subway sub had the cheese resting perpendicular to the bread. Perpendicular! How can I eat under these conditions?

  3. Schminteresting says:

    @TPK: As B pointed out earlier, proof is here: [spine.cx]

    @Echodork: That is utterly ludicrous! When will this insanity end?!

  4. Coder4Life says:

    I just went there twice in the last 30 mins. don’t ask me why. Ordered the wrong sandwich or some crap.

    But the first 2 6 inch sub, they did what the above picture said they normally do. But the 2nd visit, they put the cheese on top of each other, not even next to each other.

    They also put absolutely not lettuce in the VEGGIE sandwiches. Weird they have to be so cheap on things.

  5. mttvrtn says:

    I’m from the UK, and when I moved to the US I chose Subway over true deli-style establishments due to the increased amount of veggies and less meats. I’ve always thought of Subway as the middle-ground in mass market sandwich shops, btwn the ‘no soup for you’ ‘tude at Blimpies and the ‘we can spell Anjou’ sneer at Quiznot. I wish I could have the dilemma of cheese placement at my local Subway, but I moved to a town that — amazingly — doesn’t have one. In fact, the high point of my road trips is stopping at a Subway. As for the classic vs. new cut, I’ve always thought that the folding of the meats in the approved fashion is the single most inefficient step in the sandwich assembly.

  6. jook says:

    @redknight: Really, though, an equilateral triangle is still isosceles, isn’t it? Just like a square is a rectangle.

  7. DF says:

    VA_WHITE: “I also prefer the old cut but never thought to request it. I just stopped eating Subway.” To this day, I still request it, which, unfortunately, becomes a major ordeal more often than not. (Nowadays, after the person has done the “hot dog bun” cut, I just ask them to cut the bread all the way through. Still, though a few seem to understand the concept, most want to then fold the meat over and make the sandwich as if the bread was still cut like a hot dog bun ;-) )


    TPK: “What possible advantage could there be to their “classic” cut? I’m always willing to learn new things, but I am primarily practical, so hard pressed to imagine any real reasons to change my mind.” In addition to the reasons in the link posted above, instead of a real sandwich (bread, meat, condiments, bread) where each bite has everything, the current Subway cut gives you meat folded over and concentrated in the “crease” with toppings on the outer edge. In other words, a bite on one side gives you nothing but bread and meat, whereas a bite on the other gives you a bunch of toppings. (OK, I’m anal about my sandwiches ;-) )


    REDKNIGHT: “the cheese in figure one is actually an equilateral triangle, not an isosceles? If you can’t identify the triangle correctly, you shouldn’t be telling Subway how to make their tasteless subs.” An equilateral triangle *is* an isosceles triangle.

  8. SecurityBubba says:

    Forget about the cheese, I wish they’d carry spinach again! All the of the Subway’s I’ve been to comment that because of the E-Coli outbreak they no longer have spinach on the menu.

    With that reasoning, and way vegetables are grown, its only a matter of time before lettuce, onions, and tomatoes are gone from the Subway menu.

  9. asherchang says:

    Almost seems like an XKCD moment…

  10. it5five says:

    @SecurityBubba:

    There is one subway near me (in the Phoenix-metro area) that still carries spinach. That is the only subway I go to anymore (since I get the Veggie, I have to have spinach). If they drop spinach, I’ll be an exclusive Quiznos type of guy.

  11. bnuk013 says:

    @redknight:
    The post is correct, you are not. Isosceles triangle has only 2 same length sides (half a square) Equilateral is the one with three equal-length sides.

  12. BugMeNot2 says:

    I stopped eating there when they changed the meat in their steak n cheese over to meat akin to dog food and took away the consumer’s option to order a steak n cheese without onions and peppers. Onions and peppers are now premixed with the steak…no option to remove them.

  13. Pensador says:

    You, sir, have a very good point.

  14. Spamboy says:

    Perhaps they should change their job titles to “Sandwich Baristas” — that way, they could be unenduringly perky, overly detailed in order expectation, and deliver cheese placement in highly-customized ways.

  15. RunJun says:

    I work at subway and that’s how I place it on the sub. Also about the new steak. At the stores here we separate the peppers and onions from the steak and don’t put them on unless requested.

  16. purechinoy says:

    i hate it when they stack the cheese up (fig.3) i only go to subway when a certain employee is working cause he will make it any way i want.

    for the record…i never like the old way of cutting the bread…there was never enough room for all the meat and condiments.

    Subway…if you are reading this…please brink back PepperJack cheese and the garlic spread!!! (or did they only discontinue that up here in Seattle???)

  17. asherchang says:

    @BugMeNot2: OH MY GOD the old steak and cheese sandwiches were so awesome.

  18. SJActress says:

    “Bring back the Classic Cut and competent employee”

    I worked there during all of that…I went to one a year after I quit, and now they’re Quizno’s stealers–and Quizno’s tastes SO much better!

    FWIW, Subway has it’s own evaluation/quality manager–they actually tell you EXACTLY how many tomatoes/pickles etc. go on a sandwich. You know how many olives you’re supposed to get on a footlong? 4 slices. Yep. 4! Stupid stupid stupid.

    But, I give them credit for being one of the cleanest fast food joints around.

  19. shadowdemon says:

    What I think they should do is make one giant slice of cheese that perfectly matches the shape of the bread being used. This eliminates any coverage problems!

  20. swfan135 says:

    Please, make fun of the company or the product. To insult the employee is just plain mean. I own a Subway, some of the procedures suck but guess what, it is a franchise. You can say I am biased because I own a store, but I know that all of my employees work their asses off to please customers.

  21. SNuck says:

    As a former Sandwich Artist, I believe I can offer some insight on this. The cheese is generally arranged in the ‘dairy overlap’ style to give the sandwich some additional cohesion. When arranged in this style, the cheese pieces will stick to each other, reducing the chance of excess food ‘pull-out’ when the customer does not fully penetrate the food with their bite. Tomatoes are especially susceptible to the ‘pull-out’ phenomenon.

    Of course, it also takes a few more seconds to tessellate the cheese – valuable seconds which a professional sandwich artist can not afford to waste in a busy situation.

    The old cut was incredible. Although I entered Subway at a time when the new cut was being pressed into service, I proudly mastered the old cut, and treated the new with utmost disdain.

    It’s all about gravity. With the old cut, you’d have all the ingredients secured within a trough in the bread, with a nice lid on top to keep it from jumping out. Conversely, the new cut is totally horizontal, leading to unnecessary spillage and angst.

    The reason for the change: Time is money. Mastering the U-Cut took time and patience; and that just doesn’t cut it in the hyper-fast-food age.

  22. suburbancowboy says:

    IMHO, Subway is a complete rip off. On a 12 inch sub, you get 7 or 8 slices of thinly cut cold cuts. The only way this sandwich comes close to filling me up (and I am skinny and don’t eat a ton) is when I have them put on every single vegetable on it. At that point it is like eating a crappy salad on bread with a little bit of meat in it.
    Go to a decent deli and they are going to put triple the amount of meat on it, and it will be Boar’s Head.

    And I liked the classic cut better….
    [spine.cx]

  23. strathmeyer says:

    Anyone know how to get them to put an appropriate amount of condiments on the sub? I have tried, “light”, “one swipe”, “a minimal amount”, and “the smallest amount possible”. Every time, they put way too much on, look at me and say, “Is this good?” and I just laugh and say, “That’s still way too much.” You’d think they’d remember the crazy too-much-condiments guy by now.

  24. JayXJ says:

    @TPK:

    The only sub the old style cut really worked for was the Meatball sub. They wouldn’t try to escape the bread as often as they do with the normal cut.

  25. dantsea says:

    Was this drawing from the same guy who kicked off the Starbucks raspberry syrup hilarity?

  26. ChaosMotor says:

    “The only sub the old style cut really worked for was the Meatball sub.”

    Exactly. The U-gouge held the meatballs in place, and in order. With the hotdog cut, the slip and slide all over, and right out the side. Or they bunch up so that the last 2″ of sandwich has like four meatballs, side by side.

    Whoever said that the hotdog cut corrals the meat towards the back is mistaken or unaware. In a wet sandwich, like the meatball, or chicken parm, the rear bread-wall becomes waterlogged and breaches.

    Quizno’s had this solved by using large, soft meatballs cut into slices. Then, they raised their prices and lowered their quality (typical), moving to crappy, rock-hard, marble-sized meatballs, similar to Subway.

    Of course, anyone ‘in the know’ is aware that the perfect Meatball sandwich has pepperoni, green peppers, onions, mozzarella, and parmesan on it. Why no ‘native’ meatball sandwiches include the crowning glory, the pepperoni, is a mystery. My sandwich mission is to spread the word of this missing piece, the solution to the penultimate meatball question.

  27. chefmatty says:

    You know what Subway’s big problem is? There is no love in their food. Every time we go there, my sandwich looks terrible. The only reason to eat is b/c it is the only healthy alternative.

  28. SandwichArtistAnonymous says:

    I am one of those highly trained “sandwich artists.” We do it that way because corporate tells us to do it that way…if you request that we “tesselate” your cheese, we’d be happy to do it for you.
    As for the old cut being more efficient than the new hinge cut, it’s not true. If the hinge cut is done properly, it is done at a 45 degree angle. This creates “lips” around the outside of the bread that WILL hold your sandwich in place. If your food is falling out, then the sandwich artist you had was an idiot and did the cut wrong….and WAS probably a high school dropout.
    Unfortunately for those who are working there only to get through college, Subway pays jack. I’ve been working there for 2 years and make $6.50 an hour. The only people who will work for that much are high school dropouts. So the next time you’re thinking about giving your local sandwich artist a hard time, think about that. They don’t get paid enough, don’t get paid on commission, and most likely don’t care.
    Have a nice day! Eat fresh complainers!!

    P.S. We carry spinach and pepperjack cheese (Chicago area)….
    and we don’t separate the steak from the meats and veggies…corporate doesn’t allow that…but I always pick the veggies out of the meat if asked….if you ask nicely, most people will do what you want.

  29. SrtaMaestra says:

    I’m a high school teacher. I know a lot of the students who work at subway restaurants. While I love the food and recognize that they’re poorly compensated for their work, I take comfort in the fact that at subway, the sandwich is prepared in front of me and not back in the kitchen where someone would be more likely to spit in it if they didn’t like how I made a special request. I have seen people make a lot of special requests, and the sandwich artists are usually happy to comply–but yes, you need to ask nicely!

  30. shoeshinecs says:

    I work at Subway. It’s a terrible job. We don’t tessellate the cheese, because American cheese, the most common choice, isn’t large enough to cover the entire sub if we did. If you’re anything more substantial than an idiot, you’ll realize laying the cheese that way is still (possibly more substantial) overlapping, with the visual appeal being the only plus.

    Either way, I’m going to start doing all my subs this way, and blame it on corporate when customers complain.

    If people really want us to give a fuck, the first step is to stop talking under your breath as if we can’t hear you. The glass, and the empty space above it, isn’t soundproof. Talk to me.

  31. TheScareCrow says:

    I am an assistant manager at a Subway, and I must say, every time I go to another Subway that isn’t in our particular franchise (we have 3 stores) I am almost always unsatisfied. Employees are often resistant to requests, unfriendly, and very unmotivated. Having worked at Subway for coming close to 3 years now, nearly 2 of those spent as a regular Sandwich Artist (or Line Monkey as I like to call them :p ), I can completely understand why many of them are like that.

    I will say, though, that my owner, manager, and myself attempt to make the working environment as pleasant for the employee as possible. In addition to this, we heavily enforce exceptional customer service. Being rude to a customer is met with zero tolerance, and we teach all our employees to do their best to acomondate all customer requests.

    You want more vegetables? You got it. You want it only lightly toasted? Sure thing. Want it burned to a crisp? We can do that. Tessellated cheese? No problem. I even make sure that all employees know how to cut the old way just in case someone asks.

    On behalf of the employees, though, all have to say is, please be nice to them. They are seriously put through hell half the time and showing a little respect can go a long way to making your experience at a Subway, or any restaurant for that matter, much much better.

  32. pigeonpenelope says:

    i love this cartoon!

    why would we care about aesthetically pleasing cheese when its closed in a sandwich.

    damnit now i’m hungry for subway.

  33. justfriendsx3 says:

    After reading all of this nonsense, i had to post something in reply to help let everyone know the truth behind subway…

    I am one of these so called “Sandwich Artists” and have been for 2 years. Personally, i think its offensive to ridicule anyones job. I happen to take my job very seriously and as many other subway employees have already stated, we’d be more than happy to make your sandwich the way you want it. So how can any of you say that subway employees are incompetent high school kids with nothing but a job. We work hard for what we do making minimum wage and maybe seven dollars in tips per night. Some nights when we are especially busy, we may not leave until after 11:00 o’clock. Subway is a very stressful job. Most people don’t think that a subway employee has too much to worry about. Let’s see any of you make 90 subs an hour and still manage to prepare more than enough bread and food while keeping your lobby and unit looking filled, clean, and fresh!!

    At my subway in East Freetown, MA, the most important thing we focus on is customer satisfaction (next comes cleanliness). That means that no matter what the customer asks for, regardless of how picky they may be, we smile and say “Sure, no problem.” and then we do it.

    As for the cheese, it’s already been said. Ask, you don’t even really have to do it nicely (but it helps make us a little happier if you’re polite) and we’ll gladly place the cheese in any pattern that you wish.
    AND the cheese doesn’t cover the entire sub if it’s tesselated, just pay the .20 or .40 cents extra (depending on if its a six inch or a footlong) and get double cheese. Problem solved. Laid out side by side (the way I happen to do it), it does look nicer and make the sandwich look fuller since its all we can do to keep from hearing all the shit from quiznos about how they’re “so much better than wrongway” when my first job was at a quiznos and it was utterly disgusting. You pay twice as much for frozen bread (that’s only available in white or wheat) and a sub that’s always toasted. Fuck Quiznos, go bash on DeAngelo’s and leave Subway alone.

    Then there’s the steak. At our subway, it comes with the onions and peppers on the side. But FYI, ask the sandwich artist to put the fresh cuteonions and green peppers on your sub BEFORE you toast it or have them heat it up with the meat. It tastes MUCH BETTER than the prebagged soggy onions and peppers you would have had mixed with your steak.

    We also have the spinach and garlic spread. Just ask because you may not see it out in the unit but we have it right behind us in the front coolers!

    As for what you get on your sandwich in regards to the amount of meat and veggies, we have a formula to follow. Take it up with coprerate because it’s not our fault we can only put a certain number of slices. BTW it’s only three olives on a six inch, six on a footlong. and its supposed to be that way for almost all of the other veggies, too. But we always put more than that on your sub. We look at it as if we were making our own sub. We make it the best we can.

    The old cut was crap. Biggest waste of bread and it make the sub look completely flat. If you want a pocket, then that’s fine, but we make subs.

    Subway is an art. There’s a lot that goes into making and preparing your subs. Please be nice to us and we’ll be nice to you. Don’t diss our jobs and don’t waste your time complaining about petty things like cheese and olives.

    Thanks.