If you need to blow things up on July 4th, please be careful. Light fireworks on a hard surface and keep a bucket of water nearby. Use a lighting stick, not your hands to light the fireworks – handless consumers have a tough time giving thumbs down to poor customer service. Particularly important: “If you don’t understand [fireworks] or aren’t sure how to use them, ask the firework experts before you leave the store.”

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  1. Crazytree says:

    Unsafe pyrotechnics is ever American’s birthright.

    That’s what our Founding Fathers fought and died for.

  2. banned says:

    That’s good advice except here in Canada, we celebrate July 1 so you may be too late for us!
    Happy Canada Day!

  3. Dustbunny says:

    There’s a sign on Fred Meyer’s fireworks display that says “Please don’t set off fireworks in store”. It’s sad that they feel the need to have a sign telling people that : P

    OTOH, spectacular fireworks misadventure = potential Darwin award.

  4. yg17 says:

    I wish the TSA would let fireworks on planes so I could blow shit up Wednesday night. I have to leave the fireworks at home for this vacation :(

  5. lizzybee says:

    I wish people would obey the “no fireworks” laws. I’ve been jumping at the sounds of firecrackers going off at 2AM for the last week. I live in a “no fireworks” county…

  6. Crazytree says:

    funny enough… I was in Barcelona for the Summer Equinox… Feast of San Juan… it sounded like the Normandy Invasion… made the 4th of July seem like a senior citizen’s home activity.

  7. Shouldn’t things like safety precautions be common sense?

    If some idiot has not realized this, assuming he was not born just yesterday, then he deserve to get his fingers blown off.


    [www.tian.cc]

  8. joopiter says:

    Fireworks expert. Yeah, that’s funny. I don’t think they employ a fireworks expert at the dollar store down the street from me where the idiots who live in my neighborhood stock up on their pyrotechnics.

  9. acambras says:

    “If you don’t understand [fireworks] or aren’t sure how to use them, ask the firework experts before you leave the store.”

    Ya know, I’m thinking that if you don’t understand or know how to use fireworks, you should probably leave them alone altogether.

  10. FunPaul says:

    Another rule: How about we don’t light off fireworks around the houses if it hasn’t rained in about a month.

  11. RandomHookup says:

    Always have an alternative method of lighting your fireworks available, such as a Dell laptop.

  12. nucleotide says:

    @FunPaul: Tell that to my hoodlum neighbors. I have never been able to go on vacation over the 4th since moving to Oakland for fear my house will burn down. These assholes shoot off professional fireworks. Sometimes sideways down the street. Someday they’re gonna burn the neighborhood down.

  13. savvy9999 says:

    Bah. Bunch of worry-warts on Consumerist today. My youth is filled with loving memories of blowing up everything under the sun with M-80s, 1/4 sticks of dynamite, cherry bombs, Roman candle battles in the street, and the like. Nobody ever hurt once.

    That is, if you don’t count the little sting from holding an incher in your fingers when it pops. And maybe some singed arm hair from holding bottle rockets too long. And OK, that one kid did have to go to hospital for a cut on his face when we blew up that old commode. That was a solid day. [/wipe tear from eye]

    Anyways, the golden rule is: If it’s bigger than your pinky finger, you probably shouldn’t hold it in your hand. Otherwise, light it and run.

  14. RulesLawyer says:

    “ask the firework experts before you leave the store”

    You don’t get good fireworks from the store, silly. You get them out of a wooden shack or the back of a trailer on the indian reservation.

  15. brianary says:

    Our overly maternal local government has outlawed all fireworks.

    We are also required to wear bike helmets, even adults, even on bike trails.

    What a bunch of cowards we’ve become.

  16. markwm says:

    Bah, not like you can buy the stuff that’s worth all the warnings, anyway. Government regulations limit the amount of powder allowed in consumer-grade fireworks, and since our state passed a law saying you have to be licensed to purchase 1.3G (‘class B’) fireworks, it’s hard to get the fun stuff.

  17. synergy says:

    @savvy9999: Amen.

  18. AcidReign says:

    .
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    &nbsp &nbsp For the first time in 25 years, I’m going without fireworks this fourth. It hasn’t rained here for 6 weeks, and everything is just too dry. I’ll miss the smoke, flashes and bangs, but I’m not setting my trees on fire. Heck, even the lawn remnants would go up like straw.

    &nbsp &nbsp Little fireworks CAN hurt, BTW. I did a LOT of stupid things with them when I was younger!

    &nbsp &nbsp I had a fingernail blown completely off by a little Black Cat firecracker. That was WEEKS of pain, right there!

    &nbsp &nbsp I also once had a pack of bottle rockets stuck in my front pants pocket, and a hot coal fell down in there and set the whole pack off. If nothing else, I sure looked like an idiot running around screaming, streaming black smoke, and swatting at my crotch! That incident ruined a pair of shorts, and I had five or so dime-sized blisters on my thigh.

    &nbsp &nbsp My last fiasco, several years ago was setting off an Excalibur artillery shell upside down in the tube (printed directions were wrong). It caused a massive explosion at ground-zero, and we got showered with molten plastic at 20 feet back. Two blisters from that one…