Walmart Shareholder's Meeting: Less Discussion, More J. Lo.
Jennifer Lopez was the main attraction at Walmart's 4 hour long "shareholder's meeting", along with American Idol winner Jordin Sparks and comedian Sinbad. Less important? The shareholders. Walmart allotted 3 minutes to each of the resolutions shareholders had put forward. Why was such little time available for shareholders to discuss the company they own? "Time-constraints!" Walmart had to make room for the following:
• A performance by Sinbad, in which he joked that Walmart associates should beat other people's children while wearing fake name tags.
• The aforementioned Jennifer Lopez and Jordin Sparks.
• Chris Gardner, the guy whom the Will Smith movie The Pursuit of Happyness is based on, congratulating Walmart on its commitment to "promote diversity."
• Associate Awards: a guy who saved someone from a burning car, a guy who talked another guy into dropping his gun, and a Sudanese fellow whose parents had just perished in Darfur and who "now regards Wal-Mart as his family."
•A Salute to International Walmart: "Canadians dressed as ice hockey players, a Brit decked out as a Beefeater and some Argentinians doing a tango. That went on for a good 20 minutes."
All that self-congratulation only left 3 minutes for each shareholder speech...but hey, at least they got a free J. Lo concert. Doesn't she look pretty?—MEGHANN MARCO
Wal-Mart's orgy of corporate self-satisfaction [Guardian]
(Photo: Reuters)
Attention, Walmart shoppers! This ad is for you! Woo hoo!
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Comments:
This. Is. Disgusting.
If I were a Wal-mart shareholder, I'd immediately sell all my stock and go invest in Target. What a ridiculous waste of money. Sheesh, couldn't they have at least tried to book 'current' celebrities??
>>'a Brit decked out as a Beefeater'
You mean like a bottle of gin? Or something more sinister...
Dear Wal-Mart share holders,
We are hear today to celebrate our differences by participating in flaming stereotypes. We bring you Canada, eh? All Canadians love hockey. After all, they must have some way of working off all that maple syrup.
Ah, Britainia, We know you alky's love your gin (or beef, whatever beef eater they are referring to.) Please keep the fish and chips from staining the carpet. Tally ho.
And now for our listening share holders, we invite you to become one with your non-listening counter parts by voluntarily stabbing our your ear drums. No, you say? Well then, herrrrre's J. Lo.
Yea we thought so, the knives are under your seat.
..wait, some of you still hear us? Here is Jordan Sparks!
Seriously people, under the chairs. No? Alright, we didn't want to do this. . .
Please put your hands together for Siiinnnnnbad!
*thump*
3 minutes is way too much time. Each of those shareholder resolutions was DOA anyway, so the 3 minutes allocated to each spiel was about 2.9 minutes more than it deserved.
Annual meetings are a complete waste of time, they serve only to let people whose opinions don't actually matter pretend like they do.
God bless corporate Monliths who like to spend our money on useless things. Rather get an extra nickel on my dividend then this crap. Then again, how else could J-Lo afford her summer home in the Hamptons
"... he joked that Walmart associates should beat other people's children while wearing fake name tags."
I can forgive all the other crap for this one amazing statement. LOL
can we get a rebroadcast on mtv?
I absolutely love the foreign press. I really wish American news outlets would use the word "orgy" (obviously used here in the more classical sense) more often...it's such an accurate word for this display!
"...and a Sudanese fellow whose parents had just perished in Darfur and who 'now regards Wal-Mart as his family.'" That is sooooo depressing. It sounds like it could be the premise of some (purposefully) cringe-inducing indie black comedy, like Coming to America crossed with One Hour Photo or The Good Girl.
J-Lo does look pretty though. Those are some complicated pants she is wearing.
Dear Associate,
You have been chosen to receive an award at our annual shareholder's meeting.
Here are your travel arrangements:
- Greyhound bus leaving at 6 am, arrives 3 pm next day. The bus will stop at a Wal-Mart supercenter where you can have dinner using your employee discount.
- Sleep on the bus.
- Take city bus #205 to the convention center. Save the bus receipt for reimbursement.
- For the rest of your stay, you will be sleeping in the camping display area at the Wal-Mart across from the convention center.
- You will be paid at your full pay rate for the entire length of the meeting, even during the entertainment!
- After the meeting you can share the left food while assisting the cleanup crew, this time will be credited to your volunteer hours.
See you there!
Ya know, I actually caved in and went to a movie theater the other weekend and before the previews they had an advertisement to "hold your board meetings/business meetings at the theater." They suggested having a, "Meeting and a Movie..."
And I thought to myself...wow...apparently when you reach the executive corporate level, you don't even have to maintain the pretense of working anymore.
A performance by Sinbad, in which he joked that Walmart associates should beat other people's children while wearing fake name tags.
I'm so... torn. On the one hand, Sinbad epitomizes the crappy, washed-up 80's-era "comedian" who never said anything funny in his entire career. On the other hand, this is the best idea I've ever heard.
@Shadowman615: @Ray Wert Jr: Beefeater is a coloquial term for the yeoman warders, ceremonial guards of the Tower of London who wear funny uniforms.
@Ray Wert Jr: Beefeater is a coloquial term for a Yeoman Warder, a ceremonial guard at the Tower of London. They wear funny uniforms.
(Try posting this stuff earlier, sorry if I accidentally double-post.)
This sounds like a ridiculous waste of shareholder time and money. Yes Walmart can celebrate its success, but 3 minutes for each shareholder speech? The company is owned by the shareholders (NOT the officers), shouldn't it be the opposite? (3 minute performances the rest of the time to shareholders?
I'd be pissed.
• Associate Awards: a guy who saved someone from a burning car, a guy who talked another guy into dropping his gun, and a Sudanese fellow whose parents had just perished in Darfur and who "now regards Wal-Mart as his family."
I also find it amusing that people constantly recieve/want awards for doing absolutely nothing except being the example of tragedy. My dog died the other day, where's my plaque?
I followed your link to Wikipedia and discovered the yeoman warders have an 'undress uniform'! That makes my head explode.
Once again, people shoot first and ask questions later when it comes to Wal-Mart. I attended the meeting and 3 minutes was more than enough for most of the proposals. One gentleman suggested that WMT stop spending money on advertising and buy copies of Ayn Rand's The Fountainhead for every American. One blamed Wal-Mart's woes on the NY Liberal elite. Of the others, half criticized Wal-Mart for paying too much attention to special interests and the environment, while the other half criticized Wal-Mart for not paying enough attention to special interests and the environment. These people wereabsolute nuts, and even giving them 3 minutes was more than they deserved.
And as far as spending all that money on the meeting, remember that this is more of an employee rally/recognition ceremony than a regular shareholder meeting. They just make it public as opposed to most other companies.
As a former big box retailer drone, I heartily support Sinbad's child beating initiative.